Last time on 7th Hea . . . NO!!!!!!!!!
Um . . .oh, yeah! Henry returned to camp, and finally, somebody beat the crap out of Herring! However, everyone, especially Henry, is now in for an unpleasant surprise . . .
**************************
Herring shook Margaret loose and managed to walk over to his desk chair. Frank knelt down, grabbed Herring's hat, and gave it to him, with Herring snatching it out of his hands and jamming it on his head.
The general marched in, trying to hide the tears that were constantly coming into his eyes and threatening to spill over any second.
Just sit back, stare at the hole in your ceiling, and imagine the general's shock at seeing Henry as soon as he walked into the office.
. . .Are you imagining it?
Good.
"C-Colonel Blake?"
A child-like grin spread across Henry's face. You know the kind, when a kid has an exciting secret that they want to share badly and chances are will?
"Good evening, General Hammond. Long time, no see."
Hammond, a big, strong general, nearly fainted.
He caught himself just in time. "I thought you were dead, Colonel! Captain Douglas phoned me this morning with the news, and . . .good lord."
"A-hem!"
Everyone turned to look at Herring. He had apparently recovered from the fight, and the look in his eyes was enough to start another ice age. His right index finger was pointing menacingly at Henry.
"Lieutenant Colonel Blake is not, I repeat NOT, to resume command. I'm in charge of the 4077th now, General, and no one is going to take that away from me!"
General Hammond said, "May I remind you, Colonel, that I have authority over you, and that you obey my every order?"
"Not anymore!"
With that, Herring reached for his belt and whipped out a pistol. "I'm fully prepared to kill, if things come to that, General. No snot-nosed, incompetent moron is going to take control away from Colonel Gus Herring!"
Hawkeye sniggered uncontrollably. "GUS? Can someone say barf?"
Unfortunately, Herring heard that, and almost without thinking turned the gun on Hawk and fired. Hawkeye fell to the floor, blood pouring from his abdomen.
"Captain Pierce!" cried Radar, quite forgetting his fear. He dropped to his knees beside Hawkeye, and was about to help him up when Herring fired another shot, this time as a warning. "Get up, O'Reilly! Leave him there, the world will be better off without that smart-aleck!"
He now turned the gun back to Henry and Hammond. Frank and Margaret managed to slip unnoticed out the door. "Now . . .now, look here, Colonel," Henry said, voice shaking, "I have developed a small fear of guns, and if you could be a pal, maybe put that away, we'd all feel a lot better." Hammond and Radar backed Henry up with overly enthusiastic nods.
Herring pursed his lips. He carefully put the pistol on safety, and slowly lowered it. Henry, Hammond, and Radar could relax slightly.
"Fine, I won't shoot anymore. On two conditions, however."
"Yes?" prompted Hammond.
"You make me permanent commander and demote Blake to captain."
Henry's jaw dropped. "Ya gotta be kidding me, Herring! Tell me you're joking!"
The pistol was brought out again, and Henry clammed up. "General, your choice. Either meet my demands, or play a little game I like to call 'Hide And Shoot'."
Hammond turned the matter over in his head for what seemed to the other men, minus Hawkeye, forever, and came to an unfortunate conclusion.
"All right, Herring, all right. Henry, over here."
Heart sinking, Henry walked over to Hammond's side, moving like a sleepwalker. Henry wished that he was sleepwalking and that this whole evening was just a terrible dream. Pinching himself shattered that wish.
(A/N-I don't know how a demotion goes. My dad is only PROmoted.)
A few minutes later, Lieutenant Colonel Henry Blake was officially Captain Henry Blake. Herring smiled. "All right, now Captain Pierce may be attended to."
With Colonel Gus Herring now in full command, the M*A*S*H 4077th was sure to go to hell in a hand basket.
Um . . .oh, yeah! Henry returned to camp, and finally, somebody beat the crap out of Herring! However, everyone, especially Henry, is now in for an unpleasant surprise . . .
**************************
Herring shook Margaret loose and managed to walk over to his desk chair. Frank knelt down, grabbed Herring's hat, and gave it to him, with Herring snatching it out of his hands and jamming it on his head.
The general marched in, trying to hide the tears that were constantly coming into his eyes and threatening to spill over any second.
Just sit back, stare at the hole in your ceiling, and imagine the general's shock at seeing Henry as soon as he walked into the office.
. . .Are you imagining it?
Good.
"C-Colonel Blake?"
A child-like grin spread across Henry's face. You know the kind, when a kid has an exciting secret that they want to share badly and chances are will?
"Good evening, General Hammond. Long time, no see."
Hammond, a big, strong general, nearly fainted.
He caught himself just in time. "I thought you were dead, Colonel! Captain Douglas phoned me this morning with the news, and . . .good lord."
"A-hem!"
Everyone turned to look at Herring. He had apparently recovered from the fight, and the look in his eyes was enough to start another ice age. His right index finger was pointing menacingly at Henry.
"Lieutenant Colonel Blake is not, I repeat NOT, to resume command. I'm in charge of the 4077th now, General, and no one is going to take that away from me!"
General Hammond said, "May I remind you, Colonel, that I have authority over you, and that you obey my every order?"
"Not anymore!"
With that, Herring reached for his belt and whipped out a pistol. "I'm fully prepared to kill, if things come to that, General. No snot-nosed, incompetent moron is going to take control away from Colonel Gus Herring!"
Hawkeye sniggered uncontrollably. "GUS? Can someone say barf?"
Unfortunately, Herring heard that, and almost without thinking turned the gun on Hawk and fired. Hawkeye fell to the floor, blood pouring from his abdomen.
"Captain Pierce!" cried Radar, quite forgetting his fear. He dropped to his knees beside Hawkeye, and was about to help him up when Herring fired another shot, this time as a warning. "Get up, O'Reilly! Leave him there, the world will be better off without that smart-aleck!"
He now turned the gun back to Henry and Hammond. Frank and Margaret managed to slip unnoticed out the door. "Now . . .now, look here, Colonel," Henry said, voice shaking, "I have developed a small fear of guns, and if you could be a pal, maybe put that away, we'd all feel a lot better." Hammond and Radar backed Henry up with overly enthusiastic nods.
Herring pursed his lips. He carefully put the pistol on safety, and slowly lowered it. Henry, Hammond, and Radar could relax slightly.
"Fine, I won't shoot anymore. On two conditions, however."
"Yes?" prompted Hammond.
"You make me permanent commander and demote Blake to captain."
Henry's jaw dropped. "Ya gotta be kidding me, Herring! Tell me you're joking!"
The pistol was brought out again, and Henry clammed up. "General, your choice. Either meet my demands, or play a little game I like to call 'Hide And Shoot'."
Hammond turned the matter over in his head for what seemed to the other men, minus Hawkeye, forever, and came to an unfortunate conclusion.
"All right, Herring, all right. Henry, over here."
Heart sinking, Henry walked over to Hammond's side, moving like a sleepwalker. Henry wished that he was sleepwalking and that this whole evening was just a terrible dream. Pinching himself shattered that wish.
(A/N-I don't know how a demotion goes. My dad is only PROmoted.)
A few minutes later, Lieutenant Colonel Henry Blake was officially Captain Henry Blake. Herring smiled. "All right, now Captain Pierce may be attended to."
With Colonel Gus Herring now in full command, the M*A*S*H 4077th was sure to go to hell in a hand basket.