Trust 2
Depression leaves. The void it leaves comes as a great surprise to some though. Yuki watched the girl make his coffee, but his mind wasn't really following her. His thoughts ran through memories of Shuichi.
He started with the first attraction he'd felt. In the park, the energy and excitement, the very life in Shuichi had both drawn him and woke in him the life he'd thought long dead. That first insult had been directed both to the pink haired energy youth and the youth that lingered in the shadows of his own heart. It hadn't been about Shuichi having talent. In truth, he suspected if the boy had had no talent, that the moment would never have happened between them. That zap of attraction, protection, and insult would not have snapped between them if Shuichi had been untalented.
The moment turned in his memory making more facets. He'd shown writing to someone in a park once. Idly, he picked up a coffee stir stick and pulled his sunglasses down over his eyes. That moment in the park, that had been a new start.
Of course, it could have all faded away, gone back to the smothering misery he'd had before, if Shuichi had not practically killed himself in front of his car. Yuki wondered if he'd ever have another rainy night and not think about Shuichi, arms out, rain-wet hair in his face. That moment in the park though, it was the start of the remembering
How fast old defenses and pain flared, burned through his numb soul, and turned to ashes under the fire that was Shuichi's love. Pain had been a constant companion, but Shuichi had forced his way into that place in Yuki's heart, forced out the hurt, but not without a fight from the hurt. Some woman, blond, nicely built smiled at him then, though she recognized him maybe, and he turned away, picking up a mint from the counter, held it up to the clerk and she nodded, that she'd charge him for it. Shuichi liked mint kisses.
When he'd told Shuichi that he didn't want him because of poor sex skills, he'd though it true at the time. Didn't sex just coil around the soul sometimes though? He rolled the mint on his tongue. Shuichi made him want, desire, woke his body as well as his memories, made everything messy and too real, clumsy and as he pressed the mint to the top of his mouth, too sweet.
The therapist, his doctor, wanted him to give Shuichi his real name, to move away from having his lover call him by the name of his teacher, of the man he'd killed and hated himself for killing for years. Standing in the coffee shop, he found it hard to imagine writing a character who would have his lover call him by the name of a man who had sold him for just enough American money to buy a couple of cheap American wine. How clear things could get in the light of Shuichi's fire. Pink fire.
"Yuki-san," the girl said, stressing it as if it were the second time she'd said it.
"Ne?" He asked, handing her a couple of notes that paid the bill and then some. "Arigatou."
The coffee tasted harsh on his tongue. The light reflecting off the windows of the Nittle Grasper Records building seemed harsh as well, but he embraced it. He was done with shoving both Shuichi and his own heart away. Eiri. Coffee in hand, he pulled his sleeve back and looked at his watch. Half an hour until he could pick up Shuichi without getting his lover in trouble.
Traffic seemed light so he crossed, long steps and a cocky mood, maybe from the sunlight now hitting the back of his neck. The automatic doors opened and he moved without hesitation into Shuichi's and Tohma's domain. Tohma. The need to see his sister's brother took him quite by surprise. It wasn't much of a surprise to find Tohma in the elevator when the doors opened.
"Eiri-san," the his blond relative said, a look of concern, anxity on his face, growing quickly into alarm and Eiri opened his arms and took him into a hug. "Eiri?"
"Tohma," Eiri said. "Thank you."
"Eiri," Tohma said, real concern in his voice now. "Is everything alright?"
"Yes," he answered in English, a language that had so many meanings layered on it for him. "Yes, everything is fine. I'm here to pick up Shuichi. I'm taking him to the coast."
Tohma leaned back a little, his hands taking hold of Eiri's shoulders, eyes searching his face. "Where have you been? What's happened?"
Eiri smiled, taking his sunglasses off. He wasn't ready to be as easy and open with Tohma as his brother-in-law might have liked, but he didn't feel like running either. "A little more time, Tohma. Lunch when I get back?"
"Yes, of course, Eiri-san," Tohma said in that soft voice of his and Eiri wondered what it would be like to hear Tohma sing.
"I have things to say to you, but when I come back."
"Yes, yes, of course. It is so nice to see you so changed, Eiri-san." Tohma tilted his head and smiled.
Such beautiful eyes, Eiri thought, if the world had been different. "When I come back, Tohma-san."
He blinked again. "When you come back. Take Shindou then." He said, as if rather bemused by the change in his friend, confused by it almost, as if the void left by Eiri's departed misery left him without really knowing what to do as well. "Things have changed?"
Eiri shrugged, but there was that bit of smile at the edge of his lips as he took his sunglasses all the way off. If he said something about pink fire to the Tohma, his friend would think him mad perhaps. "When I come back."
Tohma turned and watched Eiri get in the elevator and Eiri watched him as the doors closed.
Somehow he thought it was the happily ever after now, at least in this moment. Stories never went far enough. They never showed what to do after the horror, after the tears. People were just supposed to know how to live, how to breath, how to take the ones they loved in their arms. Nervous now for some reason he didn't take time to explain, he straightened his hair in the chrome of the elevator.
This time when the elevator doors opened it was Shuichi that launched through them. "YUKI! Yuki! I'm so happy to see you!"
He had no time to see what his singer wore or anything else before the ball of pink fire, of vital life energy had him pressed back against the elevator wall, arms around his neck, lips to lips. Shuichi's tongue slipped into his mouth, his fingers into his hair. The doors closed behind him and blindly Eiri reached for the emergency stop button. Maybe he couldn't wait till they got to the coast.
Depression leaves. The void it leaves comes as a great surprise to some though. Yuki watched the girl make his coffee, but his mind wasn't really following her. His thoughts ran through memories of Shuichi.
He started with the first attraction he'd felt. In the park, the energy and excitement, the very life in Shuichi had both drawn him and woke in him the life he'd thought long dead. That first insult had been directed both to the pink haired energy youth and the youth that lingered in the shadows of his own heart. It hadn't been about Shuichi having talent. In truth, he suspected if the boy had had no talent, that the moment would never have happened between them. That zap of attraction, protection, and insult would not have snapped between them if Shuichi had been untalented.
The moment turned in his memory making more facets. He'd shown writing to someone in a park once. Idly, he picked up a coffee stir stick and pulled his sunglasses down over his eyes. That moment in the park, that had been a new start.
Of course, it could have all faded away, gone back to the smothering misery he'd had before, if Shuichi had not practically killed himself in front of his car. Yuki wondered if he'd ever have another rainy night and not think about Shuichi, arms out, rain-wet hair in his face. That moment in the park though, it was the start of the remembering
How fast old defenses and pain flared, burned through his numb soul, and turned to ashes under the fire that was Shuichi's love. Pain had been a constant companion, but Shuichi had forced his way into that place in Yuki's heart, forced out the hurt, but not without a fight from the hurt. Some woman, blond, nicely built smiled at him then, though she recognized him maybe, and he turned away, picking up a mint from the counter, held it up to the clerk and she nodded, that she'd charge him for it. Shuichi liked mint kisses.
When he'd told Shuichi that he didn't want him because of poor sex skills, he'd though it true at the time. Didn't sex just coil around the soul sometimes though? He rolled the mint on his tongue. Shuichi made him want, desire, woke his body as well as his memories, made everything messy and too real, clumsy and as he pressed the mint to the top of his mouth, too sweet.
The therapist, his doctor, wanted him to give Shuichi his real name, to move away from having his lover call him by the name of his teacher, of the man he'd killed and hated himself for killing for years. Standing in the coffee shop, he found it hard to imagine writing a character who would have his lover call him by the name of a man who had sold him for just enough American money to buy a couple of cheap American wine. How clear things could get in the light of Shuichi's fire. Pink fire.
"Yuki-san," the girl said, stressing it as if it were the second time she'd said it.
"Ne?" He asked, handing her a couple of notes that paid the bill and then some. "Arigatou."
The coffee tasted harsh on his tongue. The light reflecting off the windows of the Nittle Grasper Records building seemed harsh as well, but he embraced it. He was done with shoving both Shuichi and his own heart away. Eiri. Coffee in hand, he pulled his sleeve back and looked at his watch. Half an hour until he could pick up Shuichi without getting his lover in trouble.
Traffic seemed light so he crossed, long steps and a cocky mood, maybe from the sunlight now hitting the back of his neck. The automatic doors opened and he moved without hesitation into Shuichi's and Tohma's domain. Tohma. The need to see his sister's brother took him quite by surprise. It wasn't much of a surprise to find Tohma in the elevator when the doors opened.
"Eiri-san," the his blond relative said, a look of concern, anxity on his face, growing quickly into alarm and Eiri opened his arms and took him into a hug. "Eiri?"
"Tohma," Eiri said. "Thank you."
"Eiri," Tohma said, real concern in his voice now. "Is everything alright?"
"Yes," he answered in English, a language that had so many meanings layered on it for him. "Yes, everything is fine. I'm here to pick up Shuichi. I'm taking him to the coast."
Tohma leaned back a little, his hands taking hold of Eiri's shoulders, eyes searching his face. "Where have you been? What's happened?"
Eiri smiled, taking his sunglasses off. He wasn't ready to be as easy and open with Tohma as his brother-in-law might have liked, but he didn't feel like running either. "A little more time, Tohma. Lunch when I get back?"
"Yes, of course, Eiri-san," Tohma said in that soft voice of his and Eiri wondered what it would be like to hear Tohma sing.
"I have things to say to you, but when I come back."
"Yes, yes, of course. It is so nice to see you so changed, Eiri-san." Tohma tilted his head and smiled.
Such beautiful eyes, Eiri thought, if the world had been different. "When I come back, Tohma-san."
He blinked again. "When you come back. Take Shindou then." He said, as if rather bemused by the change in his friend, confused by it almost, as if the void left by Eiri's departed misery left him without really knowing what to do as well. "Things have changed?"
Eiri shrugged, but there was that bit of smile at the edge of his lips as he took his sunglasses all the way off. If he said something about pink fire to the Tohma, his friend would think him mad perhaps. "When I come back."
Tohma turned and watched Eiri get in the elevator and Eiri watched him as the doors closed.
Somehow he thought it was the happily ever after now, at least in this moment. Stories never went far enough. They never showed what to do after the horror, after the tears. People were just supposed to know how to live, how to breath, how to take the ones they loved in their arms. Nervous now for some reason he didn't take time to explain, he straightened his hair in the chrome of the elevator.
This time when the elevator doors opened it was Shuichi that launched through them. "YUKI! Yuki! I'm so happy to see you!"
He had no time to see what his singer wore or anything else before the ball of pink fire, of vital life energy had him pressed back against the elevator wall, arms around his neck, lips to lips. Shuichi's tongue slipped into his mouth, his fingers into his hair. The doors closed behind him and blindly Eiri reached for the emergency stop button. Maybe he couldn't wait till they got to the coast.