~Hey! Nice to see you all again. I am having a fun time with this story.
How are you guys enjoying it? I've decided to continue the story and make
this chapter nice and long. ^_^ Hope that makes you happy! Anyway, here is
chapter three.~
"To keep thinking of only one person is something only a sick heart can do."
My heart is sick without you.
Why are you crying? Is your heart sick too?
I'm not crying for myself. I'm crying for someone else.
I hurt other people- because- I am lonely.
Sick Heart Chapter Three: Protect Them
"That's not why my heart is sick."
Subaru stared at the little boy. What was going on? This boy was forced into his parent's line of work, forced to lock up his emotions- and he was sad for another reason? What could it be? And WHY was this boy so strangely familiar?
"Listen," Subaru began, "it certainly seems that you have it pretty tough. I'm sorry, at least I get to help people in my job, and at least I don't have to hide my emotions. At least I wont get hurt."
"No!" The boy suddenly yelled, causing Subaru to jump back in surprise. "No! I know it's bad. I know my fate; I know the work is bad. I know I won't have any feelings. I know I'll have to hide them! But that's not the point. I won't be able to tell the person I love that I love them. Just like my mother won't say if she loves me or not. I hate her for it! But I guess I still love her at the same time-I don't know."
The boy gazed off into the distance, apparently looking for something that just wasn't there. "I know all the rest, but I don't want to treat the person I love like an object, and I don't want to be unfeeling! That's the way my mother treats me, like I'm just a stick or a pebble. She doesn't care-and I want to care. I don't want to hurt the people I love."
Subaru knew that there was something very wrong with this situation. A ten-year-old boy, speaking of mature love? That was strange, almost wrong! This boy didn't, couldn't, know what love was. **When I was that age, did I know what love was?** Subaru thought. **I knew that I loved my sister, but that was about it.**
Then, a dark thought enshrouded Subaru's mind. **Have I ever been in love? I'm not sure I even have. How can I reprimand this boy for speaking of something that even I do not completely understand? Maybe I never will fall in love** Subaru brought his hand up to his mouth, nervously fidgeting. **I'm alone.**
Then, the boy did something amazing. "I'm- I'm sorry," the boy began, looking up at Subaru again. "I didn't mean to yell. But sometimes, I'm so angry, so lonely, that I hurt other people."
Subaru felt as though someone was clutching onto his heart. His breathing increased rapidly. What Subaru had just realized had hit him hard. He/ had/ never/ loved. **I have never loved**. A tear slid down Subaru's cheek. Perhaps he was not capable of love. **I have never loved. Sure I love my sister, but that is not the same. It's more friendship than love. What's wrong with me? I'm filled up with so much sadness that there is no room for anything else**.
The boy looked up at Subaru, perplexed by the older boy's sudden change in manner. Subaru swayed, and everything began to grow darker and darker.
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*__*_*_*_*_*_*__*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*__**
Subaru awoke to two hawk-like eyes staring down at him. They seemed a little worried.
"Hello," the boy said to Subaru who blinked his eyes sleepily.
"What happened?"
"You fell asleep," the boy answered, smiling. "You fainted, actually."
Subaru sat up quickly, a bit flustered. **Why did I fall asleep? And WHY am I so nervous around this boy? I just can't put my finger on it.**
"Well, thanks for listening to me. I feel a bit better now, and sorry about the yelling," the boy trailed off, uncertainly. Subaru noticed that the boy was a lot calmer now. Maybe all he needed was to let out his anger. He had so much anger in him! Subaru would never have guessed that such a small boy could contain such an overpowering emotion.
Subaru was not sure what to do now. He almost wanted to get up and leave. But another part of him made him stay. Subaru felt that he should give the boy some parting words of advice. Subaru would have loved to have someone to confide in when he was a child. Sure, Hokuto had always been around to cheer him up, but she often didn't take things very seriously. She was always making jokes about him and a certain yellow-eyed man- one that was very kind and funny and handsome-**Whoa! Where are my thoughts taking me? I'm supposed to be helping this kid!**Subaru thought, blushing.
Subaru gazed past the boy, his eyes wandering. "Well, you have a very mature outlook on your situation." Subaru wasn't sure what else he could tell this boy. "Just- try not to be too sad about your fate. Maybe you will have a chance to help people. Does your future job involve helping people?" Subaru finished, unsure of himself.
"Oh yah," the boy began, leering, "it suuure does," the boy finished, smirking mysteriously.
Subaru looked taken aback. The boy that was helpless and crying just under an hour ago was now speaking to him sarcastically? **Maybe it's mood swings** Subaru thought, ignoring the fact that most people begin to experience mood swings at around the age of thirteen. An odd feeling came over Subaru as he looked at the now mocking face of the young boy. Almost as if Subaru was looking at how this boy could change-who this boy could become. Subaru shivered, and chose to ignore the boy's last statement.
"I feel pain knowing your fate." Subaru said, steadily. "It is always hard when you are forced to do something you do not want to do. You certainly have an eye for things, you seem to understand where you are going and what you must do."
The boy's demeanor now changed again. His eyes dropped, and his shoulders began to hunch slightly. He now looked solemnly at Subaru. "Yah, by mother always tells me that. She says I have an eye for things. She's a bit weird though. She's always staring at my eyes, with a sort of sad look.'
Subaru stared. Subaru wasn't sure what to think about him! He was so volatile! He seemed to run on emotions alone. Subaru wasn't sure how this boy would ever be able to "hide" his emotions. But Subaru wasn't angry or annoyed with this boy. On the contrary, he felt sorry for the fact that he had to turn to rude words and yelling in order to deal with his feelings. **He must have a pretty hard life**Subaru thought. **How can I help him?** Subaru racked his brains. Maybe, just maybe, if Subaru could show that helping others is also a way of helping yourself. Maybe that would help the boy.
"Listen," Subaru said, a sudden feeling of care washing over him. "I know your fate is hard, but you must be strong! Even if you can't openly show your care for people, you can at least protect them. At least you can make sure that no one else hurts them." Subaru thought about his sister Hokuto and about his-his friend? No. Family friend? That wasn't quite right either. Subaru couldn't decide. Whenever he though about Seishirou, he wasn't sure what to think. **Well, whenever I think about the two people I care about the most, I know that I would do anything to protect them. If either Seishirou or Hokuto left me, I would be absolutely lost.**
"Protect the people you care about," Subaru said, lifting the boy's chin up, smiling at him sweetly. "That all you can do, and in your case, I'm sure that will be enough."
The boy looked back up at him.
~Hey! Well, that was interesting. Never fear, it's not done yet! There is still a bit more to go. Did you notice any of the fun foreshadowing? And by the way, the mysterious smirking was for you, Fuuko-chan! Thanks for reviewing! ^_^ Ja! -Oreus
"To keep thinking of only one person is something only a sick heart can do."
My heart is sick without you.
Why are you crying? Is your heart sick too?
I'm not crying for myself. I'm crying for someone else.
I hurt other people- because- I am lonely.
Sick Heart Chapter Three: Protect Them
"That's not why my heart is sick."
Subaru stared at the little boy. What was going on? This boy was forced into his parent's line of work, forced to lock up his emotions- and he was sad for another reason? What could it be? And WHY was this boy so strangely familiar?
"Listen," Subaru began, "it certainly seems that you have it pretty tough. I'm sorry, at least I get to help people in my job, and at least I don't have to hide my emotions. At least I wont get hurt."
"No!" The boy suddenly yelled, causing Subaru to jump back in surprise. "No! I know it's bad. I know my fate; I know the work is bad. I know I won't have any feelings. I know I'll have to hide them! But that's not the point. I won't be able to tell the person I love that I love them. Just like my mother won't say if she loves me or not. I hate her for it! But I guess I still love her at the same time-I don't know."
The boy gazed off into the distance, apparently looking for something that just wasn't there. "I know all the rest, but I don't want to treat the person I love like an object, and I don't want to be unfeeling! That's the way my mother treats me, like I'm just a stick or a pebble. She doesn't care-and I want to care. I don't want to hurt the people I love."
Subaru knew that there was something very wrong with this situation. A ten-year-old boy, speaking of mature love? That was strange, almost wrong! This boy didn't, couldn't, know what love was. **When I was that age, did I know what love was?** Subaru thought. **I knew that I loved my sister, but that was about it.**
Then, a dark thought enshrouded Subaru's mind. **Have I ever been in love? I'm not sure I even have. How can I reprimand this boy for speaking of something that even I do not completely understand? Maybe I never will fall in love** Subaru brought his hand up to his mouth, nervously fidgeting. **I'm alone.**
Then, the boy did something amazing. "I'm- I'm sorry," the boy began, looking up at Subaru again. "I didn't mean to yell. But sometimes, I'm so angry, so lonely, that I hurt other people."
Subaru felt as though someone was clutching onto his heart. His breathing increased rapidly. What Subaru had just realized had hit him hard. He/ had/ never/ loved. **I have never loved**. A tear slid down Subaru's cheek. Perhaps he was not capable of love. **I have never loved. Sure I love my sister, but that is not the same. It's more friendship than love. What's wrong with me? I'm filled up with so much sadness that there is no room for anything else**.
The boy looked up at Subaru, perplexed by the older boy's sudden change in manner. Subaru swayed, and everything began to grow darker and darker.
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*__*_*_*_*_*_*__*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*__**
Subaru awoke to two hawk-like eyes staring down at him. They seemed a little worried.
"Hello," the boy said to Subaru who blinked his eyes sleepily.
"What happened?"
"You fell asleep," the boy answered, smiling. "You fainted, actually."
Subaru sat up quickly, a bit flustered. **Why did I fall asleep? And WHY am I so nervous around this boy? I just can't put my finger on it.**
"Well, thanks for listening to me. I feel a bit better now, and sorry about the yelling," the boy trailed off, uncertainly. Subaru noticed that the boy was a lot calmer now. Maybe all he needed was to let out his anger. He had so much anger in him! Subaru would never have guessed that such a small boy could contain such an overpowering emotion.
Subaru was not sure what to do now. He almost wanted to get up and leave. But another part of him made him stay. Subaru felt that he should give the boy some parting words of advice. Subaru would have loved to have someone to confide in when he was a child. Sure, Hokuto had always been around to cheer him up, but she often didn't take things very seriously. She was always making jokes about him and a certain yellow-eyed man- one that was very kind and funny and handsome-**Whoa! Where are my thoughts taking me? I'm supposed to be helping this kid!**Subaru thought, blushing.
Subaru gazed past the boy, his eyes wandering. "Well, you have a very mature outlook on your situation." Subaru wasn't sure what else he could tell this boy. "Just- try not to be too sad about your fate. Maybe you will have a chance to help people. Does your future job involve helping people?" Subaru finished, unsure of himself.
"Oh yah," the boy began, leering, "it suuure does," the boy finished, smirking mysteriously.
Subaru looked taken aback. The boy that was helpless and crying just under an hour ago was now speaking to him sarcastically? **Maybe it's mood swings** Subaru thought, ignoring the fact that most people begin to experience mood swings at around the age of thirteen. An odd feeling came over Subaru as he looked at the now mocking face of the young boy. Almost as if Subaru was looking at how this boy could change-who this boy could become. Subaru shivered, and chose to ignore the boy's last statement.
"I feel pain knowing your fate." Subaru said, steadily. "It is always hard when you are forced to do something you do not want to do. You certainly have an eye for things, you seem to understand where you are going and what you must do."
The boy's demeanor now changed again. His eyes dropped, and his shoulders began to hunch slightly. He now looked solemnly at Subaru. "Yah, by mother always tells me that. She says I have an eye for things. She's a bit weird though. She's always staring at my eyes, with a sort of sad look.'
Subaru stared. Subaru wasn't sure what to think about him! He was so volatile! He seemed to run on emotions alone. Subaru wasn't sure how this boy would ever be able to "hide" his emotions. But Subaru wasn't angry or annoyed with this boy. On the contrary, he felt sorry for the fact that he had to turn to rude words and yelling in order to deal with his feelings. **He must have a pretty hard life**Subaru thought. **How can I help him?** Subaru racked his brains. Maybe, just maybe, if Subaru could show that helping others is also a way of helping yourself. Maybe that would help the boy.
"Listen," Subaru said, a sudden feeling of care washing over him. "I know your fate is hard, but you must be strong! Even if you can't openly show your care for people, you can at least protect them. At least you can make sure that no one else hurts them." Subaru thought about his sister Hokuto and about his-his friend? No. Family friend? That wasn't quite right either. Subaru couldn't decide. Whenever he though about Seishirou, he wasn't sure what to think. **Well, whenever I think about the two people I care about the most, I know that I would do anything to protect them. If either Seishirou or Hokuto left me, I would be absolutely lost.**
"Protect the people you care about," Subaru said, lifting the boy's chin up, smiling at him sweetly. "That all you can do, and in your case, I'm sure that will be enough."
The boy looked back up at him.
~Hey! Well, that was interesting. Never fear, it's not done yet! There is still a bit more to go. Did you notice any of the fun foreshadowing? And by the way, the mysterious smirking was for you, Fuuko-chan! Thanks for reviewing! ^_^ Ja! -Oreus