A/N: Sorry for taking such a long time. I've been seriously busy. Thanks to all who reviewed (I think that has got to be the most reviewing I've gotten for a single chapter before). To address your specific comments:
Leanne8582: I had a hard time coming up with a title and actually thought of the episode title Lie to Me ironically. I really liked the title, but then you figure this story has nada to do with people wanting to be vampires, so no real connection plotwise.
Devildog25: I understand where you are coming from. I like Xander. Heck, I LOVE Xander (my fav ships after B/A involve Xander, so you'd think there's something clicking in my brain). I understand that the Lie needed to be told. That's what this chapter addresses. It gave the cooling-down period you stated, and probably saved the world. The Willow blow up was kind of just unreleased tension. This whole episode she'd been quite high-strung, and I figured it was time for her to snap. I think that she had been trying too hard to be tranquil after going all evil, and suppressing it all just made her blow. The spell, however, is something I think Xander had no control over (remember the resolved face?) and, even though it started her downward spiral, Willow probably doesn't connect it to him lying.
Don't worry about big words; my vocabulary is not exactly the crème de la crème, to insert a random cliché in. As for a non-original plot, well, hey, the characters aren't even mine in the first place, so you know my creativity is lacking. And Xander is not going to leave town. I would never let Buffy touch a hair on his body. So, instead, she can cry and go emotional.
And as for being a B/Aer after all these years and writing about this, I've only been a Buffy fan since season 5 reruns. Anything else I saw on T.V./DVDS recently and this episode ("Selfless") tied in with it well.
Buffy Fan: He is going to tell her he lied about Willow's message, not tell her that Willow cast Angel's soul back into him (I think that was what you were getting at). I don't quite understand what you mean by Xander being right and Angel not being "dead", because I believe I stated nothing about killing Angel. If this was about the lie being the right thing to do, I also get that as I stated before.
Final thanks to Keysuna, Eliza Rosenberg, AnGeL GiRl and da for their reviews as well.
Additional Author's Note: This chapter is a bit B/Xish, but only because back in season two Xander still cared about Buffy, IMHO. However, in our current timeline, this only serves as a friendship/bonding time.
Disclaimer: Still own nothing. I was thinking of bribing Joss with a bright, shiny nickel, but then realized I didn't have a nickel, so negotiations are ongoing.
Chapter Two: Buffy
Buffy sat. And thought. And ate ice cream. And listened to Dawn snore. And basically sat still in the shock of everything that had happened with Anya. Anya, who started out as an enemy, turned into one of her best friend's lovers, and then reverted back to her true nature. Anya, who killed. Anya, who Buffy set out to kill. Anya, who traded in her best friend for what was right, and would've sacrificed herself if D'Hoffryn had let her. Buffy laughed. The original Anya would never have done that. Xander had really touched her.
Buffy sniffled, taking in another scoop of ice cream. She had never been a big ice cream fanatic, but sometimes, when she was really down, fudge mint cookie dough ice cream was the only way to make her smile. She didn't know why; it just had a comforting effect on her like the comfort of a lover long forgotten. She ate another scoop.
She had seen Xander's face. He'd been trembling with fear: fear that Buffy would actually kill Anya, fear that Anya would kill Buffy, fear that he would lose the woman he had once wanted to spend his life with. Buffy knew his pain, but needed to be that hard Slayer once more, not just for his sake, but for hers. She knew that if she thought about it too much, she wouldn't have the guts. She couldn't send another friend to the torment of Hell.
She blinked back the tears, remembering the look on Angel's face. Confused, completely trusting in her, loving her. And what did she do? Stab him in the heart. If only she could've saved him, held him off a bit longer….but what was the use? She couldn't change the past any more than change her destiny.
The doorbell rang, and Buffy wiped the tears forming in her eyes, putting down the ice cream. She got to the door, reluctantly opening it. "Xander." She gave him a light smile. "Come in. You want a drink or something?"
Xander looked at her apprehensively, closing the door behind him. "Um, that's okay, Buff. I'm good." He noticed her red eyes and his expression softened. "Are you okay?"
Buffy half-smiled. "Yeah, I'm okay. What about you? What is Alexander Harris doing here at this hour?"
The nervousness flitted over his eyes again. "Buffy, do you promise not to hurt me if I tell you what I came to tell you?"
"Xander, you're scaring me." Buffy reached out, touching his arm. "What's going on? Of course I won't hurt you. I wouldn't ever hurt you. Just tell me what's going on."
"You might want to sit down," he said, motioning to the couch. She sat down uneasily. Oh god, what was wrong? Was it Anya? Despite her attempt to kill the vengeance demon, she could never wish pain on someone so close to her unless absolutely necessary.
Xander paced, finally deciding where to start. "You know a few years ago in high school, when Angel went all evil on us?"
Buffy nodded. How could she ever forget?
"Well, do you remember when you went to rescue Giles and kill Angel because of that apocalypse Acathla thing?" At her nod, he continued. "Do you remember when I told you Willow said to kick his ass?"
"Xander, is there a point to this?" Buffy looked at him straight in the eye. "Just spit out whatever you're trying to say."
"She didn't." His voice was barely a whisper.
"She didn't what?" Buffy sat up, finally at attention. "She didn't what, Xander?"
"She didn't tell me that. She told me to tell you that…" Xander took a deep breath. "She told me to tell you that she was going to restore his soul."
Silence. Buffy looked at him in shock. "What?" She shook her head, looking back at him with angry tears. "Y-You knew? You knew she was going to restore his soul and you didn't have the decency to tell me?!" She stood up. "God, Xander. I know you hated him, but I never thought you actually hated me enough to do that. See his soul drift back into him, feel him kiss me"—Buffy started crying—"and stabbing him in the heart. Brutally." She couldn't hold back the tears. "Oh god. I could have prevented it. I could've spent my summer with him instead of in nowhere town U.S.A. I could've spent some more time with my mom. I could've…I could've…Oh god." She fell back into the couch, unable to stop her tears.
Xander watched her rise and collapse, her mind wanting to lash out at him, but her body trembling with shock and pain. He wanted to reach out, stop her from being hurt, but then he realized that HE had caused all this. He lied, he wanted Angel dead and gone. And he'd pay the consequences. Only he had thought that he could outrun the consequences. Hadn't he for six years? But they had finally caught up with him.
"Buffy, I'm sorry, I-I was just really angry at the time and—"
"And what? And telling me that my boyfriend was going to make a cameo before I sent him to Hell wasn't a good thing to know? Willow was going to give me greatest gift anyone could've ever given me and you had the nerve not to tell me? I loved him, Xander. Maybe you never got that through your jealously thick head." She was alternating between rage and tears, but her Slayer strength, not only physical, but mental, began to pull through with the anger. "You never let me win, do you? You say you're my friend, and then you insult me and my choices. I'd've thought you'd've grown up, Xander Harris."
Xander's eyes flashed, but he held his tongue. The last thing he needed to do was get irrational. "Do you want to know why I didn't tell you?" he said softly, trying to steady his voice enough so he wasn't screaming. "Sure I hated Angel, but that wasn't the only reason. I was still in love with you."
That certainly got her attention. Her tears stopped and her body froze. "What?"
"I was in love with you. I think you were the only one who didn't realize it. I'm sure Cordy knew I wasn't completely dedicated to her. Hell, even Angelus knew it. When I saw you outside the mansion, I knew you well enough that if you had a chance to be with Angel again…well, first I knew that I didn't have a chance in hell with you. The second thing I knew was that if you lost him, knowing you could have had him, you'd be so broken up that I wouldn't have a chance in hell with you. So, yeah, me being selfish Xander. Letting love cloud my judgment. But can I ask you this, Buff: could you have fought Angelus and save the world without letting the possibility of Angel coming back cloud your judgment?"
She stared at him faintly, barely registering his words. Everything in the last five minutes had complicated her life. Angel…Angelus. Before, it had just been a fluke that Angel's soul had been restored. She couldn't have helped it. But honestly, if she had known, could she have saved the world? She could have concentrated her effort on Angel instead of his minions…she could have fought harder, longer….no. Xander was right. She hated to admit it, but he was right. She couldn't have saved Angel. She probably would have screwed up the mission trying to concentrate too hard on Angelus, leaving an opening for attack. But how could she really know that?
"Xander, while I can't say it wouldn't have clouded my judgment, it was my choice to make. Mine. Not yours." She took a deep breath, calming her voice and tears. She shook her head. "I don't know what to say right now, but just leave me alone to think. You owe me that."
She led him to the door, sniffling away her tears. Just as he was about to leave, he touched her arm. "Are we still friends?" he asked softly, afraid of her answer.
She closed her eyes, any rational thought not even daring to form in her brain. "Give me time." She blinked the tears back. "Good night, Xander."
The door shut loudly and she looked at it blankly, not thinking, not fully cognizant of what just happened. Suddenly, the memory of everything hit her sharply again and she sharply inhaled. Then the tears came again and she fell back against the wall, crying. "Oh god," she whispered. "Angel."
Will Buffy forgive Xander? Stay tuned for the next chapter!