Disclaimer is in the first chapter. I don't own them, except for the idea of the Silver Serpent, and I don't make any money from this. That's why I need a job.
I apologize for the delay in posting this. Please read the Authors Note at the bottom and forgive me.
This chapter should prove that it's R for a reason. If you can't stand gore, skip it.
Chapter 7: Cry 'Havoc'
"And Cæsar's spirit, ranging for revenge, With Até by his side come hot from hell, Shall in these confines with a monarch's voice Cry Havoc and let slip the dogs of war; That this foul deed shall smell above the earth With carrion men, groaning for burial…" Julius Cæsar, Act 3, Scene 1
"Miss Granger, what brings you to my office at this time of night?" the now genial wizard asked from his desk.
Remus and Sirius stood in the corner, with Remus obviously trying to calm the other wizard.
"Actually, our guest did not bother with the invisibility charm on the way out," Snape explained. "He ran into Granger, which means that she had far too many questions, and I believe she is in need of direction regarding these books," he said, handing the book to the Headmaster.
"These are to locate Harry?" Hermione flinched even though Snape's voice was absent his usual venom.
"Yes, Headmaster."
He nodded, then sighed, his blue eyes devoid of their usual twinkle. "Miss Granger, what I am about to tell you must not leave this room. I asked the Silver Serpent here tonight to discuss his alliance with Voldemort. We had an argument and he left in a fit of rage."
Her jaw dropped. "Why?"
"You must be more precise as to what you are asking, Miss Granger," he replied. "Do you wish to know why I asked him here or why we had an argument?"
"Why did you feel you should bring him here?" she asked incredulously.
"I knew him before his alliance with Voldemort, and I had hoped to reach him and return him to the side of good."
"Albus, an interesting side note. He appears to be in love with Granger," Snape interjected.
Sirius looked like he was about to cry. "He is. He told me so once," he whispered.
"Wait, Sirius, you know him too?"
Sirius looked to Albus for the right words to say.
"The reason why I must forbid you to use these books to find Harry is the same as the reason that Sirius knows the Silver Serpent," he replied gently. "The Silver Serpent is the pseudonym of a 16 year old boy that Voldemort rescued from Azkaban. He was sent there without trial, and was adopted by Voldemort as a son, because he was an orphan."
She looked like a 500-ton atom bomb had been dropped on her. For a few moments, the girl's mouth opened and closed without sound, and then she ran her fingers through her shoulder-length hair. "You're trying to tell me that my best friend Harry Potter is not only in love with me, but went to Azkaban and is now the most feared of all the Death Eaters?" she shouted, her voice escalating with each word.
Severus pretended to clear his ears. "Thank Merlin for silencing charms. Otherwise, the entire castle would know about Potter."
"Yes, Miss Granger. He was accused of murder and Fudge sent him to prison for nearly 6 months," Remus replied. "Believe me, I know it's him."
Tears began to fall down her cheeks. "But he's… he's so cold and callous… and cruel to everyone. I mean, he ordered those people killed like they were animals!"
"I'm sorry, Hermione," Sirius said, taking the girl into his arms, because his godson couldn't or wouldn't embrace either of them.
"He never told me," she whimpered, between sobs.
"I know. He told me that he didn't know how to tell you without messing up his friendship with Ron, and the possibility that Ron and you would end up together was too great. He loves you, but Ron was a brother to him, and he couldn't stand to end up losing you both because of that. He wasn't certain that you loved him in that way, either," he said, rubbing her back.
"Miss Granger, you realize why we must ask you to keep this a secret until we can figure out what to do with regard to Voldemort and Harry."
She nodded, saying nothing.
"Would you like me to return the books, or would you like to do so yourself, Miss Granger?" the Headmaster asked, standing up again.
"I'll take them back, since Madame Pince didn't know that I had them," she admitted, through hiccups.
"Miss Granger, take as much time as you need to calm yourself before returning to your Common Room."
She nodded and picked up the books to return them to the Library.
After the door closed again, Albus turned to Snape. "What do you think we should do about this, Severus?"
"I am uncertain. The influence she seemed to have over him could push him farther, because he believes himself incapable of ever being able to possess her, or bring him back because of his love for her overcoming all others. It depends on the emotional state I find him in when I return to Riddle Manor in a few minutes. By the way, the reason Harry was in such a rush was because Voldemort likes for Harry to share the evening meal with him, and Harry was almost late. Had Voldemort found out that Harry was here, even as a favor to me, he might have been tortured or killed," he said, rubbing the bridge of his nose.
"Be careful, Severus."
"I always am, Albus."
He found Harry later that evening, after the boy had finished dinner with his father. "Milord, how are you?"
Harry laughed hollowly, before casting a silencing charm around the library. "You mean aside from the fact that I couldn't stop thinking about Hermione all during dinner, and almost said her name twice in front of Lord Voldemort?" he said, removing his coat, and pulling a book down from the shelves in the library. "That would have been good, to blurt out the name of a Muggleborn witch from my old life in the middle of dinner with the head of the Death Eaters, who are notorious for their preference of purebloods."
"What do you read, milord?"
"Another book that Lord Voldemort would no doubt find contraband, were it not that Shakespeare was a wizard. The collected sonnets. Maybe I should be reading Julius Caesar instead. I could use a good 'blood-and-guts' story, and preferably everyone will die." Harry's silver eyes gleamed in the candle light. "After all, that much of literature is truth. Everybody gets stabbed in the back someday… sometimes by your own heart."
"Milord, Hermione knows of your identity and your affection for her. She returns it," Snape said gently.
Harry set the book down on a couch and collapsed beside it. "She knows."
"Yes, milord, she does. And she wept when she discovered the depth of your love, because she felt the same way," Snape said, kneeling before him. "Milord, you must breathe."
Harry dejectedly lay his head against the back of the couch and closed his eyes, face toward the ceiling. "I can't… Severus, I loved her, and I would have done anything for her, but I cannot leave my father." Tears fell down his face, leaving silver pools on his black sleeveless shirt. "I cannot turn back to the ideals that I held in my former years, Severus. I cannot believe that the world is all light and goodness when I have seen the corruption of indifferent men, and the failure of good ideas because no one implements them. I trusted him, Severus. I trusted Dumbledore and his incompetent lackeys to look after me, and where did it end me up? A one way ticket to Azkaban, no waiting. And before that, I had a lifetime of slavery to greedy, stupid, arrogant Muggles! How could I possibly want to protect people like them?"
Snape was quiet for a moment, then whispered. "And yet you have not killed them yet. You possess the power, the motive…"
Harry's eyes opened again. "Are you saying that I am a coward? That I lack resolve, Severus?" he demanded sharply.
"No… merely pointing out that in your quest for revenge… no Muggles have suffered."
"Yet," Harry retorted with deadly calm.
Snape tried a different angle. "You have not even killed a wizard yet."
"Again there is that word. 'Yet.' As in, 'the world has not come to an end, yet.' You assume much, Severus. Ask me what my Lord told me at the evening meal," he replied softly. "Go ahead. Ask me."
"What did he tell you?"
"That the first time he would ask me to execute a man would soon come. And it would not be one of these mindless servants. It would be the man who ruined my life. And I am to kill him in plain sight… for all the world to see, Severus. I cannot say that fact doesn't give me a small amount of pleasure. I can't wait to see the life drain from his body… to see that expression of abject fear and horror that he visited upon me. I don't even want to kill him magically. I want to slit his throat and watch him have the time to beg for mercy, but be unable to speak. I want to strangle him in my bare hands… to have to wash the blood from them. And do you know why?" Harry asked harshly.
"Because Azkaban also stole your mercy."
The teen nodded and got to his feet, carrying the book back to the shelf. "It's strange, you know? I can remember everything that happened to me as a child. And now I can see what happened to me as though it was in a Pensieve. I can remember meeting Hagrid, coming to Hogwarts, making friends with Ron and Hermione… I can even remember watching Cedric die for the first time. I even remember how it felt the first time I believed that someone loved me." He set it down, and selected another of Shakespeare's works. "Live a thousand years, I shall not find myself so apt to die.' Severus. I do not fear death. It would be a blessing. And were it not that my Lord has forbidden self-injury, I would have killed myself long ago. Thanks to my father, I know neither fear nor passion except in the shedding of blood. I can remember exactly how it felt to love, and to be loved. And yet I cannot. I am incapable of loving that Mudblood anymore. And yet… I cannot kill her."
Snape watched as Harry crossed to the window and placed his fingers interlocked on top of his black hair.
"Would you believe that I am likewise incapable of loving my godfather? I can love no one but Voldemort. Nothing but his will. And besides him, you are the only one I can trust. I couldn't even find solace unless he wished it. He even severed the link that we had, knowing how bad it pained me. And he wishes me to kill Fudge. I don't care. I want it. And yet some very annoying piece of shit voice somewhere is nagging me that I should care and I shouldn't want it. Why can't I shut that damn voice up?"
Severus smiled and laughed quietly. "I'm sorry. I have yet to discover that as well, milord."
"I should have guessed."
"I wouldn't believe you still human if you didn't retain that voice. It got a bit quieter in Azkaban, didn't it?"
Harry shrugged. "Many things did."
There was silence as the stern Potions Master searched for something to say.
Harry stood, caressing the burnt flesh that marked his left arm. "I often wonder why you stay with me, Severus," he whispered breathlessly. "I have done nothing worth your devotion. I never have."
Snape got to his feet. "And I have?"
"You've saved my life time and time again. The broom…"
He smiled. "And many others. But I cannot repay the number of times you have protected me, Potter. Even now you do so."
Harry walked to Severus, and pulled up the older man's sleeve, placing his hand on the Mark. "I think that this is some kind of penance for you… repaying a debt of the heart you feel you could never live with. You feel that I made a mistake… and wish to help me see the 'error of my ways'. Am I at least partially correct?"
Snape stiffened. "Yes, I believe you are."
Harry sighed. "I see. So it is not loyalty to me that binds you to my side… just an overdeveloped sense of loyalty to my birth father and Dumbledore." Quietly he walked towards the library door to return to his bedroom for the night.
"Harry… that's not it at all," Snape said, stumbling over the words.
Harry turned, his silver eyes blazing in the half-light. "Then what is it, Severus? Tell me, because I don't understand. I cannot love you, nor anyone. I cannot truly trust you, nor anyone, and I have no desire to help Dumbledore in his attempt to overthrow this cause," he hissed. "I believe in my father's ideals and I hate the Ministry. I want to watch the entire place burn, and I will kill as many of them as I want until the blood runs in the streets!"
Snape allowed silence to fall, but before Harry could leave again, he stepped closer to whisper to him. "Because when it is all over, you must live with what the others have done. And there is the very real possibility that neither of us will live past the final battle. The Aurors will do anything to kill you, and neither side trusts me, save a few people. When I leave this room, I will be taunted and watched by both sides. I will not survive this. I know. The Aurors would kill me without a second chance. Once my usefulness to your father runs out, I would be killed… probably at your hand. And even if Dumbledore managed to keep me alive, in a safe-house somewhere, there is no guarantee that my life will be worth living. So tell me again that I am doing this for anyone but the two of us, and you will be mistaken. I do it because I know what it is like to be alone. I do it because I see in you what I hate in myself. I have sworn to stand by your side even unto death, and I will do that, Potter. For one, I would rather die than live a coward for the rest of my days. That is the difference. Gryffindors may be brave, but Slytherins survive with their dignity or they don't survive at all. In the end, it's all we have in the face of this world. Our names. I am Severus Eamonn Snape, and I shall never beg for mercy, or break my word. Do you understand?"
Harry looked away, until Snape grabbed his chin and angled his eyes so that they met.
"Harry, I have a life debt to your father, that much is true. I have a debt of honor to Dumbledore. However, I have sworn my life to Voldemort. It is not my own as long as he remains alive. I am pulled in so many directions at once, and I do not even control my own destiny. Do you have any idea how that feels, or are you so blinded by this damned Mark that you are incapable of feeling such?"
"You know what that place is like, Severus! How it strips everything from you," Harry spat, wrenching his face away.
"Then stop using Azkaban as a crutch," Snape murmured gently. "You have lost. You may very well have lost everything, but only if you give up what you want because it pains you so."
Harry flinched.
Realization dawned on Snape's face as he visibly took a step back. "You can't stand to be happy, can you? You never could. And now… you have the perfect excuse for letting out all of the abuse and neglect that everyone in your life has visited upon you. You are a Death Eater, and it is all about revenge."
Harry smirked to try and hide the vacant expression in his eyes. "It's amazing what happens when a seemingly good person is pushed to far, isn't it? There's such freedom when you stop caring about everything. The obedience mark doesn't hold me as much as he thinks. It's a wicked tattoo though. But in truth, I have only two things left to lose. My mind is one, and the other is my life."
Snape started to protest, but Harry cut him off.
"You should return to Hogwarts before you are further missed. Good night, Severus."
"And what of Miss Granger?"
Harry stiffened. "She must not believe that I love her… or my death will finish her. I leave it to your discretion. She was the only one who was ever kind to me… I do not wish her fate to be so cruel." With that, the teen walked from the room, his footsteps echoing down the hall as the silence charm on the room evaporated.
Snape sighed and walked in the opposite direction. Harry was right. Snape needed to return to the school, but he detested leaving Harry in this place. I shouldn't have pushed. None of us should have. And now the rest of the world will feel the pain of our mistakes. But how much of his old life is truly gone… and how much is he hiding from the rest of the world. My life exists only because of his mercy.
Harry walked through the hallway to his rooms, only to find Avery waiting for him. "Joseph. What is it?"
"Lord Voldemort requires your presence in the dungeons, milord," was the simple response.
Harry stiffened. Surely Lord Voldemort had not heard what Severus had told Harry earlier. "But of course. I live only to serve his will, Joseph. Lead the way."
The older Death Eater nodded and led Harry down the stairs and away from the living quarters. The dungeons were fairly new, and had been magically created in the time since Voldemort's rebirth. Harry kept his hand within reaching distance of his wand with every step, just in case. He hadn't really betrayed Voldemort, but he was allowing a spy to continue reporting on their efforts to destroy the Ministry. Surely that wasn't something that a loyal Death Eater would do.
Joseph nodded to Lucius Malfoy and MacNair who were waiting outside. They bowed to Harry and allowed him to enter, to see a waiting Voldemort and a fat muggle trussed like a Christmas turkey.
Harry's blood boiled. "Good evening, Milord."
"My dear boy. Look who I have managed to find for you," Voldemort said, placing his hand on Harry's shoulder and walking to stand behind him. He stroked Harry's cheek as Harry's silver eyes burned into the muggle.
"Vernon," Harry spat.
Voldemort nodded and turned Harry around. "I have never asked you to kill anyone or anything yet. Not even at your Marking, when others have had to kill Muggles, were you forced to. Therefore I ask that you kill this one… and show them that you are no different than they," he said, bending over to whisper in Harry's ear.
Silver met crimson and Harry nodded tightly. "I've been waiting for this, father."
Voldemort smiled and withdrew a dagger from his robes and handed it to Harry by the hilt. "Excellent. You may proceed."
Harry took the dagger and looked at it for a moment. It was elegant and held a serpent twisting around the handle. It had a serrated edge and the other side was a clean sweeping blade. "Exquisite. Thank you." He walked to Vernon and wrenched the gag from his mouth. "My dear Uncle Vernon. Do you even recognize your dear indentured servant?"
"P-Potter…" he stammered as he caught the glint of the blade.
"At least you remember your executioner. You see these men here? They are freaks. Just… like… me," he said, jabbing with each word. "You see… What if I told you, Vernon, that there were more of us than you realize. That Muggles were all a result of Squibs… that's people born with no magical ability to magical parents. You are the worthless ones. The freaks. And it is our job to protect people like me from abusive, arrogant bastards like you. You beat me. You hated me. And you loved that idiotic fat, bullying boy of yours. You tried to beat the magic out of me? It failed. And now I am even more powerful than before." Wandlessly, he shoved Vernon against the wall, causing a smug grin to come up on Voldemort's face.
Harry walked closer, bracing his left arm across the wider man's chest and whispered. "You see, Vernon, you were never merciful. You made my life miserable. But I am willing to be merciful." He could hear his heart pounding in his ears as he paused. "You see, I am going to rescue you from a lifetime of Petunia's terrible cooking and whiny complaining. From heart attacks and high cholesterol, and a boring dead-end job at some stupid drill factory. I am going to put you out of your misery." With that, he drew the blade across Vernon's throat, allowing the scarlet blood to flow out over his hands. Midway across, he put a little more pressure, destroying the windpipe and nicking both carotid arteries. "Because you meet your end here. Surrounded by magic, but killed the way you wanted it… the Muggle way. No one here will mourn your loss… hell, Petunia will only ever know you vanished, except if someone sends your body home. And we may not even do that. Another missing person, another mystery. I think your world will sleep safe even with your death. But not for long. We are coming for your kind. And don't worry. Dudley and Petunia will be in my hands before long," he hissed fiercely.
Blood spurted onto the floor, spattered the wall with every heartbeat of the massive Muggle bulk and coated Harry's hand and face.
"His heart, my serpent."
Harry nodded and placed his left hand over the man's heart, stopping it. "You're dying, but not dead yet."
"Give it to me," Voldemort hissed in Parseltongue.
Harry bowed his head and drew the knife back, slicing through the man's chest, wandlessly cracking his sternum. He sliced through the blood vessels and muscle holding the heart in place and lifted it up, handing it to his adopted father as the Muggle died.
Voldemort's eyes narrowed at the Muggle. "So he did have a heart after all. Hmm. Thank you, my son. Avery, MacNair, burn the body and place the ashes in the trash. Lucius, come with me. Goodnight, Silver."
Harry nodded and walked back up to his room, ignoring the blood on his hands and face. He calmly walked to his desk.
Severus was just settling down for the night when a sharp tapping could be heard from his window. A raven entered the room as he opened the sash and he took the envelope before it flew away, back into the night.
He unrolled it, and read it quietly, before striding to his fireplace and calling Albus.
The elder mage blinked sleepy eyes at the Potions Master. "What is it?"
Snape swallowed. "It's a letter from Harry. 'You were so sure of my heart. Tonight I slit Vernon's throat, then carved out his own, at Voldemort's request. The Muggles will get what is coming to them. Make no mistake, and do not doubt me or my resolve again.'"
--00--
Sorry for the delay, all, but my computer got reformatted the first week in May. That's right. Everything got shot to hell, including some fanfics that didn't exist anywhere else. I suppose it's a good thing that I didn't really like them to begin with, but it still hurts. Yup, don't worry… it's none of the ones that I have posted. But… yeah, it still sucks.
I also have been turning my attention towards getting a job. I hate being financially dependent upon my parents… and I'm only 20. Isn't that sad? And this city has one of the lowest unemployment rates in the nation! Just my crappy ass luck.
Last weekend, I went to A-Kon, in Dallas and helped sell T-shirts. If you are in the Dallas-Fort Worth area around June of next year and are a fan of anime, I would highly recommend going. It will be in the Adam's Mark Hotel, in Downtown Dallas. Tons of fun although people are a bit weird. Although… I finally learned what a 'glomp' was. Took me long enough. I will probably end up going again, even though my best friend had to talk me into going home. My parents were ecstatic.
Oh yeah, one more thing on this little rant before you all must review. Roommates suck. I have three of them, I want them all to die and leave me alone. But murder is so damned inconvenient. *Shrugs* Thanks and have a great day!
Thanks to all of my reviewers.
To the ones who think Dumbledore is a manipulative bastard ( wait, isn't that everybody who reads this fic?): Usagi Serenity Yui Cosmos, VB, litine, Maria, Little Bit, RaistlinofMetallica, HPIceAngel, Lexi-formerly Katy999, asellus, amy, Anne Phoenix, xikum, angelhitomi, npetrenko, reanne080, Dark-past, luke-6622427, MostEvilKitten, frizzy, BH49349, Fleur, Cho Chang, Myst4Drgn, tammy
Oh yeah, and to all who ask. Given the fact that this is a Dark and Despairing!Harry, who can't even love his godfather any longer… there will be implied but not displayed pairings in this fic. Hermione loves Harry, but he's incapable of reciprocation. Severus loves Harry as a son, but all Harry can do is look out for him. It's nice to have friends at the top. For reasonably good HP/SS slash, read Written in the Stars. I swear… it's good.
From the BETA: Written in the Stars is good, but depressing.. Do you write any where the people all LIVE? Joking, joking.