Disclaimer:  This isn't mine.  If it was, Book 5 would have been out years ago, and there would be plenty of revenge for the meek and downtrodden.

When last we left, our hero (or is he an anti-hero now?) had just sent Snape a letter describing the death of his uncle at his own hands.  (No, Voldemort still has the heart, Snape doesn't.)  

Emphasis, written word, voices in Harry's head, words in the past.

Chapter 8: In the Shadow of Death

            They've committed a murder! And it's not like taking a trolley ride together where they can get off at different stops. They're stuck with each other and they've got to ride all the way to the end of the line and it's a one-way trip, and the last stop is the cemetery.

                        Wilder, Chandler and Keyes (Double Indemnity)

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            Harry drew a dagger from its sheath as he sat in his bedroom.  An empty page sat before him, and he couldn't think of what to write… but he knew he had to.  She had to be dead to him before the cards fell where they may.  Or it would hurt.

            'Pain is a guide, Silver.  Pain can teach you many things.  It prevents you from running headlong into danger; it can even knock some sense into that semi-thick teenage skull of yours.'

            'Father, my skull is no thicker than yours is.'

            He examined the gleaming blade and smiled.  It was like him. 

            Harry, you killed someone with this dagger. 

            Severe, silver, cold, and heartless, the perfect weapon. 

            Murderer.

             Forged by the hottest fires of hell… even though Azkaban was cold, it had been hell on this world. 

            Traitor. 

            And like Sisyphus, his tasks seemed never-ending.  He pressed the dagger to his forearm, watching the now silver blood well in the cut, and he smiled.  It was neither deep nor exceptionally long, and was closer to the elbow than his wrist. 

            One of the snakes hissed to the others and uncurled from where it lay on the bed, to slither down and out the door.  Paladin, meanwhile, hissed at him from the floor, and he picked the serpent up.  "What is it, Paladin?"

            "Why are you doing this, Master?" the snake hissed, with a note of concern in his voice, as the snake made to taste the blood.

            "I'm not going to die from it.  It doesn't matter."

            The snake was confused.  "Why do you sit here, without reading?"

            Harry sighed.  "I'm just thinking, I guess.  I don't want to, but I can't help it.  There's this girl… and I thought I had forgotten her.  I need to forget her, and I can never have her.  But she hasn't forgotten me," he said, quietly.  "I want to tell her than anything we had is over, but I don't know how."

            Sighing, he pressed a towel to his wrist and picked up his quill.  A blotch of black ink fell to the page, and he gritted his teeth before starting.

            "Granger.

            "I only hope by now that you have not blabbed my appearance at the school to the entirety of Gryffindor Tower.  Severus will only give this to you if he hasn't Obliviated you, which I hope he has. 

            "Memories are a tricky thing.  I've been taught they change your view on the world.  But mine doesn't need to be changed.  I've finally found something to believe in.

            "I never… believed in a higher power, Granger.  What kind of god would take away the only thing I had and send me to live with those muggles?  Abused, hated, used.  Believe in Dumbledore?  The man is a world class manipulator, and failed to protect me when I needed him the most.  He lied to me at every turn, telling me what he wanted me to hear to keep me under his control, even though I am more powerful than he is.  I never had faith in our world… not after seeing how easily they turn on the famous in the face of change.  Believe in myself?  Not a chance.  I failed to protect myself from the Dursleys, then the Ministry, then Azkaban.  And how could I ever believe in love, when I had never found it. 

            "The truth is, I'm glad I never told you how I felt when I actually thought I loved you.  It would make this so much the harder.  I can't love you.  Not any more.

            "Granger, in all likelihood, I will not survive this war.  Either I will be killed by the Aurors, or I will be killed by Voldemort's absence from my life.  He is my guardian and protector, and he has never willingly hurt me since Azkaban. 

            "The world needs change, and I will bring it from chaos into order. 

            "Forget about the boy you knew.  He's dead now.  The shell that remains is not yours.  And it never was."

            He signed it with a flourish and sealed the envelope to hand to Snape the next time he saw the man, as Voldemort knocked on the door. 

            "Come in."
            Voldemort looked pissed.  "Alexander just came to me with an interesting story.  Your version?" he asked, picking up the bloody knife.

            "Nothing, father.  It's just… pain brings clarity.  I needed to think.  I mean, it's not everyday you kill someone you despise.  I needed to remember what he gave to me," he whispered, fingering the cut.

            Voldemort was shocked.  "And what did he bring to you?"

            "Bruises.  Scars.  Scorn.  Humiliation.  Poverty, hunger, and pain."  And he taught me to trust no one, no matter what their name was, unless you knew their heart.  Harry laughed.  "And still I stuck by him, doing the 'right thing'.  It only got worse when I went to Hogwarts.  He was the first to know I was a wizard who hated me.  I learned about the hatred and fear from Muggles through him.  And that blood doesn't make family any closer."

            The pain was not quite excruciating, but it sent delicious waves up, just under his Dark Mark. 

            "We must all remember our motivation, my child.  However, self-mutilation is not what I had in mind."

            Harry sighed.  "It will heal either on its own or with a simple healing charm.  It will be fine, father."

            "Silver, I needed to speak to you on something completely different, but I fear you are not ready to perform what I would request.  I had wanted to discuss the Rites of Succession.  In case one of us was to die, we would live on in the other.  But I can't ask you to do this if you have to remind yourself of your devotion to our cause," he said, brushing Harry's hair from his face.  He then sighed.  "Come.  We have work to do if we are to plan for the attack on Diagon Alley this coming month."

            Harry nodded, not knowing exactly what Voldemort had wanted, or what he had saved himself from.  What he did know is that he needed his knife back.

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            "This meeting of the Order of the Phoenix will come to order," Remus commanded, quieting the membership.

            "Thank you, Remus," Albus said.  "I have called you here tonight to discuss the war and its conclusion."

            Snape shifted in his seat and smirked.  "War is an optimistic term.  This is a mopping up action, Headmaster," he muttered, drawing stares and glares from the rest of the membership.

            "Snape, be quiet unless you have something positive to say, or you will be wearing your ribcage as a hat."

            "Well, I found your beloved Potter, Molly," he replied, turning his gaze to her.

            "Thank Merlin," Arthur breathed.  "Where is he?"

            "I thought you said you wanted the positive news?  Ribcage for a hat and all that," he muttered, shifting in his chair again.  It was too soft for his tastes.

            "Snape!"

            "Right.  He lives in the Riddle House now.  He is Voldemort's lieutenant and heir," he said darkly.

            Jaws dropped around the table, and Albus rubbed his forehead.  "Severus, that was something that need not be shared with the General Assembly."

            "Really, I think it concerns all of us.  You see, he is preparing himself for death.  And while I don't think that suicide is what he will settle on, he believes that in either this attack or the next that he will be captured and killed by the Aurors.  He even gave me a note to give to Granger to break it off, and prevent her from mourning him."

            Sirius put his head in his hands.  "I don't know whether to kick his ass for breaking her heart or shake his hand for his pragmatism."

            "I would recommend doing neither.  He doesn't care what happens to her any more, nor any of you," Snape replied quietly.

            "And he cares about you?"
            The Potions Master calmly glared at Remus.  "I'm the only one he trusts.  And even that bond is tenuous, because he knows that I still have to report to this august body.  He did however give me permission to Veritaserum him to get information so that he doesn't betray Voldemort directly.  And it is from him that our best information comes.  I asked him what his father told him recently and he said, 'He brought out a map of the British Isles and a series of chess pieces.  It's his favorite metaphor for life, and we play it at least 3 times a week.  Anyway, I managed to find out that he only intends to make two more strikes.  The first is on Diagon Alley and the Ministry Headquarters there, and the second is here, at Hogwarts.'"

            There were whispers among the Order members. 

            "How do we know he's not just lying to us?" Arthur Weasley asked.

            "Because Voldemort has had me instruct the boy with the use of the Unforgivable Curses, and I know that as Voldemort's lieutenant, he will lead the attack on the Ministry Headquarters.  And given that Potter's path of revenge started sometime last night, I would not be incredibly surprised to see him kill Cornelius Fudge next," Snape said.

            "Who did he kill?" Remus asked.

            "That bloody Muggle Potter was forced to live with.  He didn't even use magic at all." 

            There was brief silence as no one truly believed Snape's words.

            "So how are we supposed to defend the Ministry?"

            Snape crossed his arms as everyone looked at him.  "What?  You think that I know?" he snapped.

            "Severus," Dumbledore said softly.  "You have often provided the solution before."

            "Well, this time, I'm bloody well out of ideas.  Potter has told me nothing, and Voldemort won't tell me unless I am called to assist.  The only reason he hasn't killed me is because Potter has convinced Voldemort that I might be useful.  At any rate, in order to prevent the plans from leaking, Voldemort tells no one until they gather to Apparate to the battle.  He has learned from previous failures.  I would have mere seconds to get you the battle plans, and it would no doubt be too late.  You'll have to come up with a plan on your own."

            Albus steepled his fingers and sighed.  "He has not asked Harry to perform the Rites yet?"

            "No.  As I told you last time, Voldemort is most optimistic in his outlook on the war, and may believe that the Rites are unnecessary at this time," Snape replied, pedantically.

            "The Rites?" Mundungus Fletcher echoed.

            "A ritual that ensures should Voldemort die and Harry live, that Voldemort's power would be transferred to Harry," Albus replied.

            "Not just his power, Albus.  His consciousness would merge with Potter's too.  He would in essence rise as the next Dark Lord, within perhaps 5 minutes of his death.  He would become a fusion of Tom Riddle, Voldemort, Harry Potter and the Silver Serpent.  And he would hold the power of both Gryffindor and Slytherin," he explained.  "I don't believe after this prolonged war that you could stop the wizard who would rise.  A final solution.  If he can't win in his present incarnation, he wants you to lose to the combined powers of the Founders."

            There was silence in the Order's rooms.  Bill was the first to speak.  "If he does this, we're dead."

            Snape smirked.  "How very defeatist of you, Weasley.  Don't worry.  I'm not entirely certain that Harry would allow it.  He is still rather independent, and will greatly dislike any attempt to bind his power further."

            "And how exactly would you know this, Severus?"

            The Potions Master glared at McGonagall.  "Because not a one of you ever seemed to know him at all.  And neither did I while he was my student here.  That was to my detriment.  But as for the rest of you, you don't know who he is any more.  He has lost all his family and his focus, and he chose the darkness because it's more comfortable… easier.  But how many of you actually knew him as Harry, not Harry Potter?  Every single one of you knew his reputation, but how many of you knew why he had motivation to kill his uncle?"

            Snape scoffed at the blank stares.  "Potter's uncle abused him, mentally and physically.  Potter never had a normal life because we condemned him to their rather inadequate care.  Then, you, as a world, tossed your cares and responsibilities onto his shoulders from the second he came to this school at age 11.  Me?  I saw a boy who wasn't worthy of all of it, and he actually thanked me for my honesty and treating him like a normal student.  I never expected anything from him, and now I'm the only person he trusts.  So never ask me how I know Potter better than you do.  Because I just do."  With that, the Potions Master stormed out of the room and leaned back against the wall pinching the bridge of his previously broken nose.  He whispered into the night as his arm began to sear.  "But even I didn't know him at all."

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            Well, that's it for this chapter.  I hope you guys enjoy it and review.  Yup, I decided to forge on ahead without paying any attention to Book 5.  Why?  Because she didn't kill off one of the most favorite characters, she killed off mine!  And he shows up in this story and the sequel… and possibly the sequel to the sequel.  (What am I talking about?  He is in the next two stories in this arc.  I've already written part of it.)

            Um… yeah, so nothing in fifth year has happened.  This picks up after GOF, because Harry is blamed for the death of two Aurors in Dumbledore's camp… killed off so that Fudge could keep it quiet.

            Anyways, I wanted to get this out before I got sidetracked by other things… we'll see how long it will be before I can post again.  But we are nearing the end of the story… maybe one or two more chapters… and you're going to hate the last chapter before the epilogue.  I'm just telling you, you will.

            None of the current stories except for Finale will follow Book 5, because they were thought up and finished long before she got off her ass and published it.

            One of my favorite things about Book 5 is this, though.  Someone actually grew a backbone. (in a sing-song voice)  About DAMN TIME!!!!  What do you think about the person in question?

WARNING, AUTHOR'S RANT AHEAD

            So anyways, I hate roommates, and want to become a hermit.  This brings the total number of times that my roommates have lied to me bald-faced to 3, and I am sick of it.  They had told me that they had a friend coming in and they wanted me out for that.

Bullshit, I saw them advertising for a new roommate.  May they have their hearts cut out with a silver dagger and rot in Muggle hell.

And now, the Thankses (man I sound like Gollum)

MostEvilKitten- yes… I like it too.  Meow.

RaistlinofMetallica- Thanks, and read the above Author's Rant.  It got worse… and I'm going mad.  If I get stuck in this apartment with them for any longer, I'll need fucking meds.  But thanks for the support.

Leena- Thanks for reviewing, I know you don't do it often… makes me feel special.  You're right… I liked killing Vernon off, and the guy deserved it.  The question is if you want me to kill off Petunia… as she was Harry's only other living relative, and therefore abandoned him more than Vernon did.  Let me know, I'll be online.

HPIceAngel- Dankeschoen.  You think it's fun to read, try writing it!  It's very cathartic, and it means that I haven't punched anything solid in months.  I mean, you get to explore your dark side through someone else's, what could be more fun?

luke-6622427- Thanks.  I love your praise and it did motivate me to get this chappie out faster.

Cr1Ms0n^D3v1L-  It didn't disappear, it just… went to Bermuda for a holiday while I stressed out about exams and my mom in the Hospital.  It's back now… but it forgot to buy me a gift.  (Damn uppity world-traveling story… forgetting its author, who stabs at a new fic with her fountain pen.)

Anne Phoenix- hm… Your idea of seeing the light would be what then?  Just for my memory, who's side are you on?  Redeemed!Harry or UltimateDarkness!Harry?  Nice maniacal laugh though.  Mine always end up coming from the shadows as I stalk people and plan their demise, so it can't be very loud. 

Mrriddler- Thanks for the review!  (*fans herself to try and quash the ego-boost she is feeling*)  I love people who offer what they love about the story… and I totally agree that some people who write ffn do go for the cheesy endings, but I try not to end every chapter with someone falling asleep… although it has happened.  Not a master of the cliffies, but I try.  Anyways, I wrote this scene about 2 hours before I sent it to the beta… so it was random inspiration based on wanting to kill my roommates.  However, I do hope I have convinced you to return for this next part.

Kateri-  True.  I'm not exactly certain that Harry does want to be saved.  It's safer for him in the darkness, as he's known pain, fear and anger all his life.  Don't worry… Sev's not going anywhere soon.

Usagi Serenity Yui Cosmos- Hm… Barcelona.  *Coughs, that sounds vaguely like 'You Suck!!!'*  Dude, it's been two years since I've been to Europe, and I miss it already.  Don't know how I survived 19 years without it.  Never got to Spain, myself, but that's okay.  I have time.  Thanks for the review, and let me know more about the fic you mentioned… I love that pairing and would love to read it.

Slim- Thanks.  Here it is.

Selua- Thanks.  Here it is.

Myrddin Ambrosius- Thanks for your review.  I'm inclined to agree with you somewhat, but when you consider that in my eyes, Fudge has way too much power, I'm not sure what kind of difference that would make.  Except that someone more intelligent and driven would be in charge.  But as for revenge?  Oh yes, vengeance is Harry's saith the author.  I love Evil!Harry too. 

Black Dragon- Thanks.  He's gonna have fun, and angst and pain before this story arc is over, but you'll see.

Snape coolgirl-  Thanks for the review.  Well, you'll see where the fic is going when I end it, I guess. 

Oh, and by the way, feel free to im me or email me.  My yahoo group is the easiest way to find me… you can send messages directly to me from there.  And I'm often online.