Suddenly I hear a low voice drumming in my head, "Lana"

Please stop shouting

I feel someone lightly moving me and hear the same soft voice, "Wake up Lana." I roll over while I push away the person's hand. "Please Nell…
I'm sleeping."

The person starts laughing and I realize it's not a woman's voice and it's not Nell who's sitting next to me. I roll back over and squint my eyes,

What are you doing here?

I find Clark sitting on the edge of the bed, smiling slightly at me. "Clark…" I say in a scratchy voice as I slowly lift my body into a sitting position.

"Hey…good morning." Clark's voice is unsure.

"Good?" I start to shake my head, "No…nothing about this morning is good." I put a hand up to my forehead. "My head feels like someone's been slamming it with a sledge hammer all night."

"Here…" Clark says as he hands me a glass of water and two Advil. "…this should help a little."

"Thanks…" I say as I toss the Advil in my mouth and swallow it down with the water. As I bring the glass down I finally take in my surroundings.

Wait a minute…

As my eyes wander, I slowly say "This isn't my room."

Wow you're quick…

Clark starts laughing, "Yeah you weren't really in the best condition to go home last night. So I asked if you wanted to stay here and you said....well actually it was more of a grunt, which I'm still not sure if it was a yes or -"

"Oh my God…Nell is going to kill me" I shout as I try to quickly get up from the bed, but become extremely dizzy, and fall back into my previous seated position.

"Yeah…you might want to take it easy." Clark says cautiously as I bring my hand to my face. I shut my eyes as a wave of nausea flushes through me.

Please room…stop spinning

"Um…Well don't worry about Nell." Clark says reassuringly.

"No Clark believe me…I have to worry and I have to call her." I say attempting to move again, but Clark lightly pushes me back. "Don't worry we already did."

" 'We'…already did what?" I say, becoming nervous.

"My dad called her this morning and…took care of it." Clark replies matter of factly.

"What did he tell her?" I say shocked.

Clark starts laughing, "I have no idea, but he said it wasn't a problem."

I look down as my eyes widen, "Wow…tell your dad thank you." I look up at him, "…I guess your parents are pretty cool about that kind of stuff huh?"

He turns his head slightly, "Actually they're not…" I look at him confused as he continues, "…this morning I told them about last night…and everything that happened. And after a lot of arguing, they realized they had to help." Both our faces fall.

Oh God last night. The parts that I do remember make my stomach drop. Not because I'm mad at him, I'm actually not mad at all. More than anything I'm embarrassed. Embarrassed by what I can and can not remember from last night.

Suddenly I start to say something just as Clark does, "Clark I- ,
"Look Lana." I glance down as we both start laughing and Clark says, "You go first." I look at him for a moment and see that his face becomes nervous. I don't even know where to begin. There's so much to say, so much to talk about.

"Well I…I just want to apologize for last night…." Clark's face shoots up and he quickly interjects, "Lana please don't be sorry for last night…" I look at him, feeling embarrassed, as he continues "…I mean it wasn't exactly a normal situation."

" Yeah, I know that…" my eyes widen, "…believe me." I laugh slightly, but continue more seriously. "To be honest, the way I acted last night…how I reacted, it wasn't really about you…I mean yes part of it was, but it wasn't completely about you, and me getting mad…well it wasn't fair."

Clark looks at me puzzled, "What do you mean?"

I don't even really know what I mean. For the first time I'm talking without thinking about every word I say.

"Last night you opened this…this Pandora's Box of emotions." I stop to see if Clarks following. To see if I'm even following. I see that he is and I just start saying whatever comes to me. "You see I don't talk about their…death…"

I can't believe it still hurts so much. That by just saying the words all of the pain still comes back to me.

" I don't talk about…it…that much." I feel my bottom lip starting to quiver.

Don't cry…don't cry.

"Actually…I never talk about it. I don't let myself because it's just too hard..." One single tear drops down my cheek and falls on my hand. I look down at that one small puddle sitting perfectly on my thumb. Suddenly, I don't even know where this is coming from. These feelings, these words. More tears begin to surface in my eyes, but I keep talking. "And so last night, when you brought it up…it was one of the first times I've even talked slightly about it in a long time." I stop and see him looking at me sadly.

Maybe I should stop…before I reveal too much.

I take my hand and wipe my eyes.

What am I talking about? I don't even know what there is to reveal. No…I have to keep going. I have to keep talking.

"When someone close to you dies…it's hard no matter what the cause is. And you get this…" I move my hands slightly and my face becomes pained, "…there's this… emptiness inside you. You're shocked and confused and upset all at once." I stop and try to gather what I'm saying. "But when someone close to you dies and there are no answers. When there is no…" My voice becomes louder but it's still shaky, "When there is no other driver. When there is no person who…" I harshly wipe away another tear, "who pulled the trigger …when there's no reason why or no person to blame. You feel all of those emotions but times ten. You're confused but don't know why. You're angry but you don't know who at." I look up at the ceiling, as if the drops that are now flowing from eyes will stop.

"But somehow, you get through it. Somehow days turn into months, and somehow life returns back to normal. But the emptiness never leaves you. And…you never let go of that anger. It stays with you. In some ways, it keeps you going. And in the back of your mind, you're always searching. Searching for that something, that someone who…" I bite my lip to keep it from quivering, and close my eyes, "…took them away from you. Took away the people you loved, who loved you." I slowly open my eyes, and try to focus, through the tears, at him, " The person who took away not only their life…but took yours as well." I feel him take my hand, and I instinctively grab onto it tightly. Suddenly everything makes perfect sense. I see everything so clearly.

"And last night, I thought I found it. Suddenly I had an answer." I stop as I can feel myself gaining back some composure. "I didn't care if it was right or not. I didn't care if it was unfair, because I had somewhere to channel the anger. I finally could point my finger and direct all of the confusion, sadness. All of it. Suddenly I could shout out someone. Suddenly I could feel something that made sense. And unfortunately…" I look down at my hands, "… you were that person…you were my escape." I start laughing slightly and I don't even know why.

"I realize now, it's not you're fault. Of course it's not, I mean…God to lay all of that on you, I'm really sor-"

"Please don't. Don't be sorry. You shouldn't apologize for anything you just said." I lift my face quickly to find Clark looking at me seriously. Suddenly I feel lighter, like this weight has been thrown off my shoulders. Suddenly I don't feel held down, or burdened. And I realize that while Clark had something to do with how I felt last night, he was only a small part of it.

I've been holding in these…these feelings for so long. For too long. And last night I'd finally let it go. I finally let myself feel them. I let myself feel their death. I allowed myself to be sad. And more importantly allowed myself to be mad. To get angry. Where I directed it was wrong, but feeling it wasn't at all. I'm allowed to be upset that they died. I'm allowed to think it's unfair. I'm allowed to cry, and even sometimes shout.

Suddenly I feel released. Finally I feel like…I don't know….like I can live again.

We sit there in silence for what seems an eternity, letting everything sink in but neither one of us seems to mind.

Finally I break the silence, "So…" I let out a tiny laugh, as I put one hand up to my eyes and wipe away the last remaining tears. "…tell me how embarrassing was I last night?"

Clark's face forms a small smile, "Well…" he drags it out and I say impatiently, "just tell me…be honest."

Clark starts laughing, "Well to say you were the life of the party would be an understatement…"

"Oh God…" And once again the embarrassment, and not to mention hang over, comes rushing back to me.

"But don't worry, after the 8th tequila shot, 3rd ice luge, and one keg stand you weren't really capable of much besides breathing. So we came back here, and you were in bed before 12" He begins laughing.

Just the mention of liquor makes my mouth instantaneously water…

"Shut up….I didn't do all that?" I say in genuine disbelief.

I remember doing a few more shots…but everything else? I don't even know what an ice luge looks like, or what a keg stand is.

"Fine don't believe me, but you'll be eating your words once the Polaroid's surface." He starts laughing harder.

"Pictures! You took pictures! Oh crap" I look down and suddenly feel panicked and Clark quickly interjects, "Don't worry, I'm only kidding, well just about the pictures."

That's one relief…

I stop laughing and look at him seriously, "So…what were you going to say" His face becomes confused, and I continue, "…you know…before?"

"Oh…" He pauses and looks like he's thinking about something, "…I was just going to tell you I know how to make your hangover almost disappear completely."

I can tell he wasn't going to say that. And I'm happy that he decided not to say whatever it was. I don't want to think about anything serious right now. For once, I don't want to think about anything and evrything.

I smile and reply, "Oh yeah…and how's that?"

"By coming to breakfast with me." He says as a confidant smile comes across his face.

"Well I'd love to…" I start laughing as he stands up and offers me his hand. As I take it and he helps me up, I remember what he told me. I can't believe I didn't even remember it until now.

Clark is an alien. My God…Clark is an alien. For some reason, I'm calm. As we walk out of his room, I'm not afraid, or scared. For once in my life, I'm excited. I'm excited to find out more about Clark. I'm excited for every minute to come because I know that each one is going to be different then the last. Each day is going to be new. So much has happened, and I know that everything is going to change.

And for once, I can't wait.