Walking Alone
It was wonderful! Seventh Year, and here I sat, in the train compartment with my two best (and only) friends since First Year. We were on our way to Hogwarts, for our final year. Our final year, sounds kind of funny, doesn't it? It sounds like we're already adults. Seventh Year was going to be fabulous. I had kept a diary of all the oaths and promises the three of us had made for each other over the years. For example:
'October 12th: Third Year-- I,( Ronald Weasley, Hermione Granger, and Harry Potter) promise that I will sit down for at least twenty minutes every visit to Hogsmeade and have a butter beer with a bushy haired girl with a lot of books and/or a certain boy who lived who happens to have a lightning scar on his head and another certain boy with bright red hair and a lack of dedication to homework.'
Pretty stupid? No, we'd kept that one, except for that one time when Harry had detention with Umbridge. But, the next visit we'd made up for it by drinking for forty minutes. There were a whole slew of them. But there was one certain one that I'd been looking forward to since the end of first year. Harry, Ron and I had snuck into the Seventh Year Graduation and sat behind the seats of the parents and watched the entire thing. We'd watch students walk in pairs down that aisle as the announcer said their names.
'June 13th: First Year-- I, (Ronald Weasley, Hermione Granger, and Harry Potter) promise that we will walk down the aisle on our Seventh Year graduation six years from today together, as a triplet. I solemnly swear that if I break this promise I will be crushing the dreams of a bushy haired girl with a lot of books, a lightning headed boy who lived, and a red headed boy overly obsessed with Quidditch. '
'I, Albus Dumbledore, as Hogwarts Headmaster, give permission to Hermione Granger, Ronald Weasley and Harry Potter to walk down as the first triplet during the Seventh Year Graduation.'
That one was especially special because we'd gotten permission from Dumbledore. I never told Harry and Ron, but I don't even really care about being Head Girl, as long as they keep that promise. I can't even imagine what it'd feel like, walking as a triplet down that aisle. But, I know that every time I'd gotten in trouble for them, every time I'd done their homework, it'd all come together and be worth in those few minutes that were ours, those few minutes that we walked down together. I'd walk in the middle, with Harry on my left and Ron on my right.
"Hermione? Something wrong?" Ron asked.
"What?" I asked, dazed. "Oh, no. I'm fine."
May I admit something? I admit that I do find Ronald Weasley somewhat attractive. Somewhat, note that word, if you will. Think I'm lying, do you? Well, for your information he can be a very infuriating person. You can't imagine how many rows we've had over the years. But, there is certainly more to him then red hair and the Gryffindor Keeper. He's really sweet, when he wants to be. Well, maybe I do have a crush on him. Well, it's Seventh Year, what the hell? I love him!
I'm head over heels, falling over myself in love with Ron Weasley!
That sounded a bit funny right there. Right. Well, about Harry. He's great, but he's more like a brother, really. He's really handsome and all, but I don't like him like that. He's a shoulder to cry on, he's a protector of the innocent. He's Harry Potter. Did you expect any less?
"Looked a bit dead there, for a minute." Harry laughed.
"Right." I said, not knowing how to respond to that. "Where'd Ron go?" I asked, suddenly aware that he'd suddenly disappeared.
"Oh, he went to change." I looked at Harry and he was in his Robes, too.
I, of course, was still in my muggle clothes. I guess that's what you get for letting your mind wander.
Ron appeared in the doorway, giving me a serious look, yet he looked like he was about to laugh. Harry and I raised our eyebrows at him, as he looked like a living oximoron, if there ever was one.
"You should change change into your robes." He said, in a high, girlish voice, which was quite amusing, since Ron's voice was quite deep and it resulted in squeaking. "I expect we'll be arriving soon. And by the way, you've got dirt, right here." He brushed the side of his nose.
I didn't know what was going on, so instinctively, I put my hand on my nose, feeling for dirt. Harry was on the floor bawling with laughter and I glared at him, not knowing what was just so funny. Ron was leaning on the doorframe, his face resembling a tomato with red hair.
"What's so funny?" I demanded.
"Nothing, nothing." Ron said, regaining his breath. He let himself fall onto the seat, next to me, while Harry sat back down opposite of us.
Harry looked at me, and then looked at Ron and then immediatly started to laugh again, holding his stomach. Ron looked to the ceiling and his face turned red again. He was trying not to laugh.
"What is so funny?" I asked, angry this time.
"Nothing, 'Mione. Just..." He started to laugh like Harry, tears pouring out of his eyes.
"I'm going to change." I said, stepping over Harry and out of the compartment. As I walked down the hallway, I swear I heard Harry say something that sounded vaguely familiar.
"Are you sure that's a real spell?" His voice was imitating Ron's high girlish voice. "Well, it's not very good, is it?"
They started to howl again. I rolled my eyes. There was a line at the changing station, I shouldn't have waited so long. I let my mind wonder once again and found myself thinking about when I first met Ron and Harry. Then, it hit me. They were imitating me! I felt angry at first, and then, I started to laugh. I started to laugh so hard that tears came out of my eyes, just like Harry and Ron. The other girls looked at me curiously, and I just kept laughing.
Let them think what they want.
~-~-~-~-
"Come here." I said to both of them. I linked my arm with Harry's and then with Ron's. We stood just outside the castle. The gigantic doors loomed over us ominously.
"What is it?" Ron asked.
"Let's go into Seventh Year, together." I said, smiling.
"Right. Togehter." Harry repetaed smiling.
"So, shall we go in?" Ron asked.
"Together." I said.
And then, all three of us, stepped into Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry at the same time. Our shoes, all different sizes, set foot into an unknown territory, a new threshold. Together, we were prepared to face everything, from a three headed dog to a Lord Voldemort himself. I don't know what it was, but the second that we were inside the warm castle, I felt this exhilerating feeling. It was all of the years of walking through this castle coming together.
"Well, that was interesting!" Harry said, taking his elbow out of mine.
For a few solid seconds, Ron and I stood there, arms linked. I thought Ron would be red, and I thought he would make somethingn of it, if you know what I mean. Because, I sure as hell, was embarrassed out of my mind. I felt awkward, but I'm not sure if he did.
"Right, so--" I started.
He practically ripped his arm out of mine and ran off into the other direction. He met up with none other then Lavender Brown. It was then his face turned red. I know it sounds stupid, selfish and childish, but I wanted him to blush for me. Lavender smiled broadly as she looked up at him.
"Ron!" She said, hugging him.
Did I miss something? Did I die for a few months while this happened? When had Lavender and Ron ever been friends? I hardly remembered him talking to her, and here she was, hugging him like he was her best friend! Something inside me dropped and I felt hurt.
"Harry, look at that!" I said to Harry, who was looking somewhere else. Maybe he wasn't listening, but I needed to take my anger out on someone. "When did he and Lavender--"
"Ginny!" Harry exclaimed.
I turned my head to see Harry embracing Ginny. She looked like the happiest girl on earth at that moment. Well, at least I still had my dignity. Well, not really. I shook my head.
"Ron, oh Ron!" Lavender was saying. "I was wondering, would you like to go out with me this year?"
WHAT? Did I hear right? Did Lavender Brown just ask Ron Weasley to go out with her this year? And, even more ironic, did a girl just ask a boy to go out with her? Had I missed a chapter here? Had I skipped a lesson in puberty?
"Sure, Lav." Ron said.
Now he had a nickname for her? A nickname? They've been going out for three seconds and he has a nickname for her? It took me four years to get a nickname from him! Ugh! I felt like crying, but I was determined to make this Seventh Year the best I ever had. Ron and Lavender clasped hands and began walking up to the Common Room. Ginny and Harry followed suit, not yet holding hands.
They left me standing there alone, feeling dopey. Wasn't there something called the Great Feast we were supposed to attend? You know, that thing that we had at the beginning of every year when we ate and watched the little First Years get sorted? And more importantly, was I not here anymore? Did I suddenly not matter? Did six years of doing their homework for them suddenly not pay off?
But, you know what? It's okay! I mean, sure the boy I fell in love with has just walked out on me and sure, my big brother just left me standing alone in the middle of an emtpy hallway where I could be killed by the stampede of First Years, but it's okay! I mean, as long as that promise is kept at the end of the year, it's alright. Sure, I feel like a rejected thing that was hit by a truck, but it's okay!
I mean, they were bound to get girlfriends. Right?
~-~-~-~-
Nothing ruins a breakfast better then two snogging couples in plain view. My head was propped on my palm and I stared at Ron and Lavender, kissing like there was no tomorrow. And, what was worse was Harry and Ginny on my right, awkwardly whispering cute comments, like 'Your so pretty' or 'I love your dark hair.'
Lavender broke away from Ron's face and looked at me, glaring at the two of them. She smiled at me and sighed.
"Do you mind, Hermione? It's kind of hard to kiss while your being stared at?"
I felt the tears. I was not about to cry for a stupid boy that cares more for a girl he met a few months ago then a girl that loved him because of his red hair, because of his stupidity, because of his ignorance.
But, I think I'm an agreeable person.
"Actually, I do mind. You try eating breakfast when your watching two people kiss."
Well, not that agreeable.
"Maybe you could move, Hermione?" Ron suggested, getting that dopey grin of his.
Move? Move?! Did Ron Weasley ask me to move? I think not! This was my seat since First Year. This was my spot, and I'll be damned if I'll move because of his love life. I was supposed to be his love life. Well, I'd have liked to be, actually. But, you know what? I have proof, I have written proof!
'November 2nd: First Year-- I (Ronald Weasley, Hermione Granger, and Harry Potter) swear on the name of Gryffindor that I will always sit at the fourth table at the Gryffindor tables and in the same seats from this day forth. I also promise that if a certain bushy haired girl with a lot of books starts to lecture me, I have the right to flick mashed potatoes into her hair. I also understand that if a red haired person with a lack of attention span rambles on about Quidditch, that the same rights apply.'
I clenched the book in my lap. I could've thrown this book in his face, made him feel guilty and beg for forgiveness. But, I will repeat, that I, Hermione Granger, am an agreeable person.
"I think I'll go the library." I said, shooting him a dirty look.
"Mm hm..." Ron said. "Lavender? Have you heard of the Chudley Cannons, awesome team, they are. Did you know that they've never been defeated?"
I smiled. I put my hand in my mashed potatoes and picked up a small bit. Harry looked at me curiously. I flicked my wrist and then the mashed potatoes were on Ron's face, complimenting his red hair. I grinned malignantly.
"Oi! What the hell was that for?" He asked.
"I had every right to." I flashed him an innocent grin and walked away.
"What the hell was that for?" Ron asked Harry.
"I have no idea. Been acting a bit funny lately, hasn't she?"
"I'll say." Ron said.
~-~-~-~-
Ah, Hogsmeade! The first trip would mean salvation from the world of homework, not that I didn't like homework. I mean, who would want to stay at Hogwarts when they could go to Hogsmeade?
"Hermione, I'm running short on time. Could you finish this essay for me?" Ron asked me.
"No." I said coldly.
"C'mon Hermione! Please! I'm begging you!"
You should be beggin for forgiveness, not for me to do your homework, I thought.
"What have you been doing these past three days?" I asked him.
"Well, Lav and I have been kind of busy."
Busy? Does he call laying around with her in his arms whispering sweet nothings in her ears 'busy'? Ugh!
"I bet you've been." I said, with fake compassion.
"Uh huh. See, I've been teaching her how to ride a broom and--"
Ride a broom? Did I hear that?
'February 2nd: 5th Year-- I, (Ronald Weasley and Harry Potter) solemnly swear that one day we will take a busy haired girl with a lot of books against her will and tie her to a broom. After which, we will fly her to the moon and back. If she may object, I have every right to take her against her will.'
"And she's been doing really good. I think she might get on the Quidditch Team this year." He said, laughing.
"Oh, that's wonderful. Think she could fit a brain under that mess of blonde hair?" I asked him coldly.
"Hey, what's wrong with you?" Ron asked.
"I am not your slave, Ron." I said, trying to keep calm.
"I never said you were."
"Then," I said, getting up. "get your bird brained girlfriend to do your homework."
~-~-~-~-
'I, (Ronald Weasley, Hermione Granger and Harry Potter) solemnly swear that as long as we go to Hogsmeade, we shall travel as a triplet in the carriage. Due to a certain Bushy Haired girl's small rear end I will be able to fit. If I shall break this code, then I have the right to be pelted with rotten chocolate frogs.'
Yeah, right. We stood outside of Hogwarts. And by 'we' I mean, Lavender, Ron, Harry, Ginny and me. It was a bit miserable really. The clouds were choking the sky making the day fit my mood: angry. I was angry that Ron and Harry had to drag their girlfriends around wherever they went. Ridiculous!
"Right. So, carriage for three?" our usual Carriage Driver smiled down at the three of us.
"Actually--" Ron started.
"Actually I'm riding alone." I said, a little to coldly.
The Stagecoach Driver looked at me, then at Ron and Harry. He nodded and smiled.
"Suits me fine, Little Missy."
"Hermione, are you sure, you want to go alone." Ron said, grabbing my arm.
Suddenly, I was so angry. I wanted to kill him, and his stupid girlfriend, 'Lav'. It just made me so mad! Boys are so materialistic! All they care about are beautiful shiny hair (which Lavender and Ginny have) and figures slim to the point of anerexia (which Lavender and Ginny have) and flawless faces without (which Lavender and Ginny have). Well, excuse me! I'm sorry I wasn't born to be a perfect flawless angel like those two! I'm sorry I'm not pretty enough to be accepted by my two best friends, who happen to be male.
"Get off of me." I scowled, climbing into the Stagecoach and slamming the door in his face.
~-~-~-
"We're here, Little Missy." The Stagecoach driver said, tapping on my window.
I must've dozed off. Sleep is the best cure for anger, you know. Well, believe it or not, I was feeling guilty. I mean, I just yelled at Ron out of the blue. Not that that wasn't ordinary, but he didn't even do anything. Well, except take my heart throw it around a bit and then stomp on it and throw it out his window, he didn't do anything. And, let's not forget the fact that he never told me about his relationship with Lavender Brown. But, I'm an agreeable person. I really am. When I feel like it.
"Listen, Ron." I said, walking up to him and Lavender emerging from their stagecoach.
He took her dainty hand and helped her down as she giggled insanely. What did she have to laugh at anyways?
"What is it, Hermione? Want to flick more food at me?"
I bit back the urge to slap him. "No, actually, I wanted to apologize."
"For the mashed potatoes?"
"That and I yelled at you for no reason." I said, glueing a fake smile on my face.
"Right. Okay, then." He said.
"So, we're okay?"
"Yeah, sure Hermione." He said, grinning.
I didn't want to be okay. I didn't. I really really didn't. I wanted him to be mad at me. I wanted him to fight with me again and i wanted to make up afterwards with a stupid compromise and laughter.
But, I'm an agreeable person.
"Well, see you later Hermione!" He said walking off.
"Don't forget about our butterbeers!" I said after him. I don't think he heard.
And sighing, I walked away, alone, towards Hogsmeade.
~-~-~-
I sat at our usual table, sipping a butterbeer, slowly. Where were they? Where the bloody hell were they? This was our regular time, our regular place, where were they? They need to be here. They have to. I was about to go out and find them, but decided against it. If they were going to keep that promise, they'd have to do it without reminding.
I finished my butterbeer and put the glass aside and put my head down on the table. It gave me a headache just to think about being stood up. I felt the tears of betrayal coming on, but I pushed them back. I wasn't about to cry for those two betraying little bastards.
"Hermione?" I lifted my head up to see Harry and Ron. I smiled broadly.
"Hey!" I said.
"It's time to go." Ron said, sounding annoyed.
"Oh." I said, trying to hide my disappointment. "Okay."
They walked away, with me trailing behind. I felt stupid, I felt small, I felt insignificant. It was strange, I was supposed to be the level-headed one. And yet, all these stupid emotions kept coming on. I didn't want to feel hurt, I didn't want to feel angry, but for some reason I did.
"Neville said he'd ride with you." Ron said. "So you wouldn't have to go alone."
"Oh." I said distantly.
We didn't speak for a long time.
~-~-~-~-~-
February! It was the month of Valentines, Sweethearts and romance. Fortunately, I didn't have any of the three, and I was glad. I'd decided that I'd had enough romance to last me years. With Ginny and Harry constantly smiling at each other and Lavender and Ron kissing all the time, I'd decided that I never wanted to be in love. It was disgusting, purely disgusting. It caused a lack of judgement, a lack of discipline and it causes more adrenaline to pump unnecssarily.
In a way, love was like a drug. To tell you the truth, I'd rather smoke pot then be in love right now. I'm not an asexual being, you know. I still find boys attractive, I just don't want to fall in love with them. I'd built a shell around myself, distancing myself from others. I didn't want to get hurt. And while I was in my circular shell, no one could touch me. I didn't want anything to do with anyone, except of course Harry and Ron.
Who, by coincidence, didn't want anything to do with me.
"Lavender, your so beautiful." Ron said, smiling and kissing her again.
I rolled my eyes and tried to take notes. Flitwick was in the middle of explaining a new kind of charming spell. It was quite interesting, really. You could charm someone to obey your every whim. Hm, I'd like to do that to Lavender Brown. I'd like to command her to jump off of a cliff.
"Ron, I love your hair." She whispered, running her hands through it.
"Will you two get a room?" I hissed back at them.
"Just to let you know Hermione." Ron said, leaning forward to whisper in my ear. "This is a room."
AH! I'll kill him! I'll kill him, I swear I will! That stupid, betraying, red headed, clumsy, dim-witted, sexist, elf hating, idiotic, stupid, not even good-looking, gaunty, humorous, handsome...little...
UGH! I couldn't believe I was still in love with him!
~-~-~-
Well, you ask, who does a girl who's best friends were currenty occupied in kissing go to express her anger? Hagrid, that's who. Hagrid would listen, he'd give me advice. Of course, it wasn't very good advice, but it still helped to have someone who'd listen.
"I don't get it, Hagrid." I said to him. "I keep reading these things over and over, I keep trying to find some loophole in what we wrote. But, there isn't! It's there, boldfaced!"
"Well, I'm sure Harry and Ron'll come around. For yer sake, I hope." He said. "Maybe you should try ter get new friends. You know, until Harry and Ron get passed this little phase of thers."
"But, Hagrid!" I moaned. "I can't! I won't! I mean, it's Seventh Year and--"
"Seventh Year? Blimey, you kids grow up fast!" He laughed.
I sighed. I wanted to go to Harry and Ron. There Quidditch Game was about to start.
"Why don't you make yer way to the Quidditch Pitch." Hagrid said. "I'll catch up ter you."
"Yeah. Okay." I said distantly.
~-~-~-~-
I sat, with a bored expression on my face, beside Ginny and Lavender. I was okay with Ginny, smiling at Harry as he smiled back, but Lavender! She sat there, making a commotion. She waved her arms around, trying to gain attention from Ron, and from all of the other people.
"Ron! Sweetie! Oh, good luck, Sweetheart!"
I wanted to puke. I truly did. But, part of me wanted to be the one yelling out to him. Of course, I wouldn't call him 'Sweetie'. What is wrong with her? She sounds like an old woman encouraging her grandson. I must've looked angry (which I was) because Ginny was looking at me funny.
"What?" I asked, a little to harsh.
"You've been acting a bit weird lately." She said. "Ron's noticed, Harry too. You're always in the library. You never hang out with us anymore."
How could I? Do you have any idea how hard it is to stare at the boy you love snog some other girl that you thought was your friend? Do you have the faintest idea what its like to listen to their ramblings on how each other's lips taste? I swear, I will never eat another fruit as long as I live!
"She's right." Lavender commented airily. "Is it because you don't have a boyfriend?"
"No." I said quickly. "I don't want to have a boyfriend. It's a bunch of nonsense if you ask me!" I said, turning away from them.
"We could set you up with someone!" She suggested. "What about Neville Longbottom? Maybe Dean would--"
"Shut your mouth!" I commanded.
"Calm down, Hermione." Ginny said, smiling. That smile, I'll kill her for having those perfect teeth.
The anger kept raging inside me, like a never ending storm.
"I don't have to." I said. It sounded childish, it sounded immature, but maybe that's what it was supposed to sound like.
Lavender giggled. "I'm sure Neville will go out with you, Hermione. Then it would be even."
"I don't want Neville." I said angrily. "I want--" I stopped myself just before I said it. I had almost said it.
"Who?" Ginny asked, giggling.
"I want to be alone!" I yelled at them. I was sure that a good number of people that had now looked at me. Those stupid people, they didn't understand what it was like. They didn't know what it was like to be me.
I stormed away from the crowd and back to the tower, with Lavender and Ginny yelling after me.
Let them yell.
~-~-~-~-
I sat in Ron's usual armchair, leafing through Hogwarts, A History. I had practically memorized this book. I wasn't actually reading. It was more of me glaring into the words, wishing I could set them on fire. I felt so angry, and then, the anger was melting into sorrow. I wanted my two best friends back! I didn't want to be the fifth wheel anymore! I wanted to be three wheels on a trycicle!
"Hermione?" Ron was standing above me, next to Harry. They were still in their Quidditch Robes.
"What happened out there?" Harry asked.
"Nothing." I mumbled, pretending to go back to my book.
Ron took the book from me and flipped it over. "You might want to put it right side up if your going to read it." He threw the book in the floor and smiled.
"What's wrong?" Harry asked. "Because, you know, you can tell us."
I was silent. Ron smiled even bigger and laughed. "She's mad because she doesn't have a boyfriend. Feeling left out, do you Hermione?"
He'd said it. He'd said it awfully loud, too.
I felt my face go red. I stood up, looking up at Ron's tall figure.
"I most certainly am not!" I said.
"Yes, you are!" Ron laughed.
"Am not!"
"Are too!"
"Am not!"
"Are too!"
"Look, I'm not going to stand here and aruge with you like a child." I said calmly.
"Alright Hermione. It's understandable that you'd be jealous of us boys because we have girlfriends." He laughed.
"It's not that!"
"Then what is it?"
"It's just, that," I paused. "You and Harry! You've changed!"
"No we haven't!" Harry spoke up.
"Yes you have!" I said, the tears coming again.
"Hermione, it's not our fault you choose to socialize with books rather then people!"
"I don't choose to!" I hissed.
"Then why do you?"
"Because--" I stopped. I can't tell him. Not in front of all these people. "Because you drive me mad!"
"Me? I'm not the one flicking mashed potatoes at people!"
"Well, I'm not the little anti-social book worm who can't seem to socialize like a normal person. If it weren't for me and Harry you wouldn't have any friends! No one else can stand you! And, frankly, Hermione Granger, I can't stand you either!"
I was hurt. It hurt for someone to say that. No one could stand me... No one would... No one cared... And those words just seemd to etch into my mind. And from that moment, I knew that I would never forget them. I tried not to show that it hurt, but I guess I did a lousy job, because the next thing I knew Ron was looking guilty.
"Hermione, I didn't mean it..." He stuttered, reaching out his hand.
I turned away. I'll never let him touch me again. I'll never let anyone touch me again. They've all broken so many promises, crushed so many dreams. I can't take it.
"Hermione, are you alright?" Harry asked.
"Yeah." I said, my voice cracking. "Listen..." I said quietly. "I'm sorry." I shrugged.
Why I apologized, I don't know. To this day, I don't know what I was thinking when I told them I was sorry.
"I guess, I've been feeling a bit irritable." I murmured.
I don't want to be agreeable anymore. I want to be stubborn now. I want to be sad now. I want to be Hermione now. But, I couldn't. I couldn't ever go back to Hermione. Hermione was dead, gone. And what was left, was just an empty shell of her.
Ron looked shocked that I had apologized. "Hey, are you sure your okay?" He asked.
"Yeah!" I said, giving him a weak smile. "I think, I think I'll go to bed now."
"Oh, okay. Good night, Hermione." Harry said.
I walked away, my legs feeling so heavy. My heart just wasn't there anymore. I felt the pain, and I felt my vision blur. I felt myself trip, and I felt myself get up. But it was like I was watching myself. It was like I was watching a long, long dream. And then, when I went into the Girl's Dormitory, the tears were there. They spilled out of my eyes when I wasn't looking. And then, I rushed to my bed, and I buried my face in my pillow. And I cried my heart out.
"Hermione..." Ginny said, sitting down on my bed. "Hermione, what's wrong?"
I didn't answer. My mouth hurt. My teeth hurt. Every bone in my damn body hurt. Every memory I ever had brung back pain and misery. I didn't want to remember. I didn't want to be.
I cried myself to sleep that night.
~-~-~-
I wanted to walk down that aisle as a threesome. I still wanted to be the first one. And, that promise kept me alive. I was so sure that everything would come together in those few minutes. I was sure that everything I had suffered, it'd all be worth it.
"Hermione? Are you sure your okay?" Ron asked me at breakfast.
"Yeah, I'm okay." I said. Lavender had gone to gossip with Parvati.
"Lavender said you were crying yesterday." He said quietly.
"Oh, that was nothing." I said, shrugging it off and smiling. "I was just a little moody, that's all."
"Sure?" Harry asked.
"Yeah, I'm sure." I said. Smiling hurt my mouth.
~-~-~-~-
Two weeks before graduation. I was exuberent! Everything seemed to be coming together. I found Harry and Ron in the common room, no Ginny, no Lavender. It was rare, and I knew that this was our only time to be a tricycle again. I Sat myself down on the couch, in between them. I put my arms around both of them and laughed.
"Something wrong, Hermione? Ron asked, looking at me strangely.
"Do you know what's in two weeks?" I asked, sighing.
"Yeah, Graduation." Harry laughed.
"Lavender already said yes to me. She said she'd be my escort."
"Yeah, Ginny too." Harry said.
I got up from that couch faster then my brain could think of moving. I stared down at both of them in disbelief, and in horror. They, what did they say? I didn't hear that, did I? I didn't, I just simply didn't.
"But, what about me?" I asked them.
"I overheard Neville." Ron said. "He said--"
"I don't want Neville!" I said. "Don't you remember? In First Year, we slipped into the Seventh Year Graduation?"
"Oh, yeah!" Ron said, laughing. "Good times, weren't they, Harry?"
Harry nodded, laughing.
"No, that's not the point! Don't you remember? We made a pact! We made a promise right then and there! Don't you remember?" I moaned desperately.
Ron looked at me for a few seconds and shrugged. "Couldn't have been very important. After all, we were only in First Year."
And then suddenly, everything broke. That joy of that promise that I had carried around with me for Seven Years seemed to blow away. That feeling of protection, security and trust, it just seemed to shatter like cheap glass. I didn't even bother to hold on to the tears. I backed away from them, like they were monsters. They were. They were monsters.
"Hermione?" They both stood up and started to walk towards me.
"What's wrong with you?" Ron asked.
It wasn't important. I wasn't important. Nobody could stand me. Nobody, not even them. I was unwanted, hated, unloved. I shook my head and kept backing up. I suddenly found it hard to breathe. My throat was clogged with tears. Didn't I mean anything? Wasn't I their friend? Was I just something to do their homework? How could I have been so stupid? No one would ever want to be friends with an ugly, bossy, know-it-all, unless she did their homework.
"Get away from me." I heard myself say. "Just, get away!" I ran out of the Common Room just as Lavender and Ginny were coming in.
~-~-~-
I ran all the way to the top floor, where Dumbledore's office was. I panted and panted, my chest was throbbing with a dull, repeating pain. I could hear the spiral staircase lowering and Dumbeldore emerged.
"Miss Granger." He smiled at me, and then frowned, when he saw my expression. "Is something wrong?"
"Sir, do you remember when you gave Harry, Ron and I permission to walk down that aisle together at Graduation?" I asked him, regaining my breath.
"Why, yes. I admit, I haven't seen a greater friendship then you three's since Sirius and James." He laughed slightly.
"Sir, I'd like you to give me permission for something." I said slowly, the tears threatning my eyes again.
"What is it?"
"I want permission," I stopped, the pain still throbbing. "to walk down that aisle...alone."
~-~-~-~
The next thing I knew I was in my Transfiguration Professor's classroom. I asked her if I could know the Superlative's for Gryffindor Seventh Years. She nodded and smiled at me, taking out a piece of parchment and reading off it.
"Most promising couple, Lavender Brown and Ronald Weasley." That hurt. "Most studious, Hermione Granger. Most troublesome, Harry Potter, Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger. Most lasting friendship, Hermione Granger, Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley."
"Professor," I said quietly. "I was wondering, could you exclude me from 'Most Troublesome' and 'Lasting Friendship'?" I asked.
"Is something wrong, Miss Granger?" She asked.
"No, ma'am. Nothing."
"Well, it is your choice if you wish to be that superlative or not." She said. She took her quill and slashed through both my names.
~-~-~-~
I imagined that Graduation Morning would be a holy time for me, a morning to remember everything that had ever happened to me. I thought it'd be a morning that I'd look in the mirror and see a successful young woman. And when I did look in the mirror, I saw a successful young woman, crying. And then, I wondered was she crying? She was Head Girl, she was intelligent, she had a bright future.
I touched the glass. Life was more then good grades and cleverness. Life was having friendships, cherishing them and treasuring them. I had only learned that lesson too late. And then, I blamed myself. I blamed myself for not telling Ron how I felt, I blamed myself for everything. And then, I cried.
It was a different sort of crying. It was more of a lost crying, then a sad one. I sucked it all up, and didn't bother to wipe my tears. It was all right. It's going to be alright.
And then, I walked down to the Common Room and saw everyone else in their Graduation Robes. And then, every bittersweet memory came back to me. Every time I had talked to them, it all returned. Lavender and Ron were talking in the corner and Ginny was sobbing over how Harry was going to graduate. Ginny had been advanced to Seventh Year, during mid-terms.
No one was there to cry for me. My parents had died the previous year, and no one was there for me. I was alone. I had no one. But, I smiled. I don't know why I smiled. And then, the Common Room started to empty until Ron and Harry and I were left. Lavender and Ginny had gone earlier to greet their families.
I, however, sat on the stone steps, wondering what was going to happen to me. I had refused all of my N.E.W.T's. I had thought that my parents could suport me while I found a muggle job to work. And then, they left. I was alone.
"Hermione..." Ron said, sitting beside me. "About the other day..."
"What about it?" I asked, looking away.
"What was it about?" Harry asked.
"Nothing. It was just me, you know, saying goodbye to my two best friends."
"We won't leave you, even after Hogwarts. We'll keep in touch, we'll write." Ron said.
"Right." Harry said awkwardly.
I sighed. I was suddenly so tired. The thing I wanted most, right then and there was to lay my head on the cold stone and sleep. I wanted to forget everything. I wanted to start over. I wanted to start at day one again.
I got up and started to walk away.
"Hermione--" Ron grabbed my arm.
"There's something your not telling us." Harry said. "Hermione, we love you. You know that."
I smiled weakly. "You two." I muttered, throwing my arms around both of them.
~-~-~-~-
I stood behind Harry, Ginny, Ron and Lavender. I had no escort. I had no one to touch, I had no one to hold on to. It was too much, the burden of the promise that was never kept tugged at me, breaking my heart. But, I held back those tears. I didn't want to worry Ron and Harry, especially today.
It was going to be alright.
"Lavender Brown and Ronald Weasley." The Announcer said.
I saw them walk away, down the aisle. There was a burst of applause. And suddenly, I would have done anything to have been Lavender Brown. I sighed and bit my tongue. I can't cry. I can't cry. I have to be strong, I told myself.
"Harry Potter and Virginia Weasley."
And then, I was staring into the Great Hall. I saw all the faces of the proud parents and relatives, and none were mine. The only applause I would get were that of the polite people I didn't know. The tears just kept biting at my eyes.
"Hermione Granger."
My name, it sounded so lonely. And then I stepped onto that long, lonely walk. I have never ever had a time in my life that I'd felt so lonely. Never. I closed my eyes and for the smallest second, I felt Harry and Ron swing their arms into mine and walk with me. And then I opened my eyes and it was over. I walked over to my assigned seat, as Valdictorian.
I walked alone.
~-~-~-~-
"There will be a banquet after this celebration." The Announcer said. "But as we set up, we will ask that you please step into the Entrance Hall."
There was a flood of students and parents rushing out of the doors. But, I just sat there. There was no one to congratulate me. There was no one to put their arms around me and yell "Good job, Hermione! We're so proud!" I wanted to cry. And the tears, they wouldn't hold any more.
I never wanted to be Valedictorian! I never wanted to be Head Girl! The only think I wanted was to be the first triplet in the hitory of Hogwarts to walk down that aisle. That was the only dream I wanted. That was the only dream I had! I wiped my eyes and ran out, into the Entrance Hall. I saw Mrs. Weasley congratulating Ron and Ginny.
Well, what would you expect with my luck? She saw me.
"Hermione! Hermione, dear!" She said, waving.
I felt someone pull my arm over to her voice. When I looked up it was Fred (or was it George?), laughing wildly.
"Here's Hermione!" He said.
Damn. I started to run away. I can't be with them, it hurts to much.
"Hermione, come back!" Ginny yelled.
"Don't spoil the fun, Hermione!" George (or Fred?) said, pulling me back. "Don't you have a speech to make as the Valedictorian."
"Let go of me!" I yelled, turning my face away from them. The tears won't stop falling. I wanted them to stop. But, I guess, all the times I held them in, they had saved up, and now they were coming out.
"Valedictorian!" Mrs. Weasley exclaimed. "Your parents must be so proud."
My parents? My parents? Yes, where are my parents? Oh, yes, I forgot, they abandoned me. They left me with nothing. They left me with no money, and no future. Would they be proud? Who knows!
I walked away calmly, and this time it was Ron who grabbed my arm. He whirled me around and looked shocked when he looked at my face. He looked into my ugly, cursed face and he was shocked. Do you know why? Because Hermione is gone. Hermione was a happy, smart girl, with friends and parents and reams. But, me? I'm just an empty shell. I'm an empty shell with nothing but broken dreams inside of me.
"Hermione, I think this is a bit much for not having a boyfriend."
And I couldn't control it. My hand, it went up by itself. It slapped Ron. And every emotion I ever had, disappeared. He touched his cheek for a moment, and then I felt ashamed. I felt so embarrassed.
And I ran.
~-~-~-~-
I was in the Quidditch Pitch. There was a roll of thunder in the distance.
"Shutup!" I yelled at it.
And then, more thunder came and then a spark of lightning. If I was lucky, I'd get hit by it. But, Hermione was lucky. And I'm just...
The rain fell. It drizzled for a few minutes and then came down, pouring on me and my new robes. It pelted my head and my hair. My hair came down and became soaked. I sank to my knees and cried.
"I didn't mean anything to them!" I yelled at nothing. "I was just something to do their homework! I never had any friends! No one could stand me!"
The thunder grew louder. I lay down on the wet grass and sobbed. Nothing mattered anymore. Nothing.
~-~-~-~-
"What's wrong with her?" Harry asked at the banquet.
"I'm worried about her." Ron said, sighing.
Ginny sat, reading a book, her eyes wide with shock. She flipped the pages and stopped at one particular one.
"Ginny, it's a bit late for studying, don't you think?" Ron asked her.
"What is it?" Harry asked.
Ron took it from Ginny and started to read it. His eyes opened wide and he let Harry read along with him. Every promise they had ever made. Every oath that they wanted to keep, was all recorded. And, on each page, there were smudged words. Almost as if, tears had fallen on the words. Ron leafed through the book, not even reading anymore. He went all the way to the back, to the last promise.
"Oh..." Ron said quietly as he read it.
"Damn. How could we--I mean, how--"
~-~-~-
I had my trunk in the compartment. I thought I'd want to bond with it before I sold all of my stuff. I was broke as a dog and I didn't have a penny to my name. I figured that if I sold all my stuff from school, I'd at least have something to eat for a few weeks.
The door opened and Ron and Harry walked in, almost timidly. I smiled weakly at them as they sat down.
"Hermione, listen, we found your book..." Ron said, handing me our book of promises.
"No, you can keep it." I said. "It doesn't matter anymore."
"Hermione, yes it does!" Protested Harry. "Why didn't you say anything? Why didn't you stop us when we got escorts?"
"Harry." I said quietly. "If you really wanted to keep that promise, you would have."
"Hermione, we are so sorry. If there was one thing we could do over it'd be that." Ron offered.
"No, I'm sorry." I said. "Sorry for wasting your time."
"Hermione, is there any way we could make it up to you?" Harry asked.
"No, I'm okay." I said, my lip quivering. "Its just, you two, you've mean the world to me. And I always assumed..."
"Assumed what?" Ron asked.
"Assumed that I meant something to you."
"But, Hermione, you do! We couldn't have done anything without you." Harry said.
I curled up into a ball and looked out the window distantly.
"Are you two becoming Aurors?" I asked.
"Yeah." Ron said. "What about you?"
"I threw my N.E.W.T's away." I said.
"What? Why?" Harry asked, surprised.
I shrugged. "I guess I'll just have to wait tables at the Leaky Cauldron for a while."
"Hermione..." Ron said.
"And sell all my things." I said.
~-~-~-~-
We stood on the platform. Lupin was there to pick up Harry, since he didn't have to live with his Aunt and Uncle. Mrs. Weasley was there for Ron and Ginny. Ron and Harry stood close to me, not knowing what to say. I didn't think I did either.
And for the first time since I can remember, I let my emotions take over.
I sobbed.
I sank to my knees, just crying. My dreams were gone, I didn't have a future. I'd spent Seven Years of my life building on a dream that was never there. Ron and Harry were holding me, but all I felt was this numbness. I guess, I'd felt pain for so long that everything had just gone numb.
"Hermione, we're so sorry." Ron said, now crying himself.
Harry wasn't saying anything, just letting the tears fall. They were crying for me. I stopped crying and smiled at them.
"I love you with all of my heart." I said, hugging both of them.
And that was the last time we were all together.
I smiled weakly and they smiled back. I'll never forget their faces, as long as I live.
"Goodbye." I said softly.
It was funny, they say goodbye is the hardest word, but for me, it was simple. It was just something I had to say. I think, what leads up to goodbye is harder then saying it.
I turned around and walked down the long aisle towards outside.
I walked alone.
It was wonderful! Seventh Year, and here I sat, in the train compartment with my two best (and only) friends since First Year. We were on our way to Hogwarts, for our final year. Our final year, sounds kind of funny, doesn't it? It sounds like we're already adults. Seventh Year was going to be fabulous. I had kept a diary of all the oaths and promises the three of us had made for each other over the years. For example:
'October 12th: Third Year-- I,( Ronald Weasley, Hermione Granger, and Harry Potter) promise that I will sit down for at least twenty minutes every visit to Hogsmeade and have a butter beer with a bushy haired girl with a lot of books and/or a certain boy who lived who happens to have a lightning scar on his head and another certain boy with bright red hair and a lack of dedication to homework.'
Pretty stupid? No, we'd kept that one, except for that one time when Harry had detention with Umbridge. But, the next visit we'd made up for it by drinking for forty minutes. There were a whole slew of them. But there was one certain one that I'd been looking forward to since the end of first year. Harry, Ron and I had snuck into the Seventh Year Graduation and sat behind the seats of the parents and watched the entire thing. We'd watch students walk in pairs down that aisle as the announcer said their names.
'June 13th: First Year-- I, (Ronald Weasley, Hermione Granger, and Harry Potter) promise that we will walk down the aisle on our Seventh Year graduation six years from today together, as a triplet. I solemnly swear that if I break this promise I will be crushing the dreams of a bushy haired girl with a lot of books, a lightning headed boy who lived, and a red headed boy overly obsessed with Quidditch. '
'I, Albus Dumbledore, as Hogwarts Headmaster, give permission to Hermione Granger, Ronald Weasley and Harry Potter to walk down as the first triplet during the Seventh Year Graduation.'
That one was especially special because we'd gotten permission from Dumbledore. I never told Harry and Ron, but I don't even really care about being Head Girl, as long as they keep that promise. I can't even imagine what it'd feel like, walking as a triplet down that aisle. But, I know that every time I'd gotten in trouble for them, every time I'd done their homework, it'd all come together and be worth in those few minutes that were ours, those few minutes that we walked down together. I'd walk in the middle, with Harry on my left and Ron on my right.
"Hermione? Something wrong?" Ron asked.
"What?" I asked, dazed. "Oh, no. I'm fine."
May I admit something? I admit that I do find Ronald Weasley somewhat attractive. Somewhat, note that word, if you will. Think I'm lying, do you? Well, for your information he can be a very infuriating person. You can't imagine how many rows we've had over the years. But, there is certainly more to him then red hair and the Gryffindor Keeper. He's really sweet, when he wants to be. Well, maybe I do have a crush on him. Well, it's Seventh Year, what the hell? I love him!
I'm head over heels, falling over myself in love with Ron Weasley!
That sounded a bit funny right there. Right. Well, about Harry. He's great, but he's more like a brother, really. He's really handsome and all, but I don't like him like that. He's a shoulder to cry on, he's a protector of the innocent. He's Harry Potter. Did you expect any less?
"Looked a bit dead there, for a minute." Harry laughed.
"Right." I said, not knowing how to respond to that. "Where'd Ron go?" I asked, suddenly aware that he'd suddenly disappeared.
"Oh, he went to change." I looked at Harry and he was in his Robes, too.
I, of course, was still in my muggle clothes. I guess that's what you get for letting your mind wander.
Ron appeared in the doorway, giving me a serious look, yet he looked like he was about to laugh. Harry and I raised our eyebrows at him, as he looked like a living oximoron, if there ever was one.
"You should change change into your robes." He said, in a high, girlish voice, which was quite amusing, since Ron's voice was quite deep and it resulted in squeaking. "I expect we'll be arriving soon. And by the way, you've got dirt, right here." He brushed the side of his nose.
I didn't know what was going on, so instinctively, I put my hand on my nose, feeling for dirt. Harry was on the floor bawling with laughter and I glared at him, not knowing what was just so funny. Ron was leaning on the doorframe, his face resembling a tomato with red hair.
"What's so funny?" I demanded.
"Nothing, nothing." Ron said, regaining his breath. He let himself fall onto the seat, next to me, while Harry sat back down opposite of us.
Harry looked at me, and then looked at Ron and then immediatly started to laugh again, holding his stomach. Ron looked to the ceiling and his face turned red again. He was trying not to laugh.
"What is so funny?" I asked, angry this time.
"Nothing, 'Mione. Just..." He started to laugh like Harry, tears pouring out of his eyes.
"I'm going to change." I said, stepping over Harry and out of the compartment. As I walked down the hallway, I swear I heard Harry say something that sounded vaguely familiar.
"Are you sure that's a real spell?" His voice was imitating Ron's high girlish voice. "Well, it's not very good, is it?"
They started to howl again. I rolled my eyes. There was a line at the changing station, I shouldn't have waited so long. I let my mind wonder once again and found myself thinking about when I first met Ron and Harry. Then, it hit me. They were imitating me! I felt angry at first, and then, I started to laugh. I started to laugh so hard that tears came out of my eyes, just like Harry and Ron. The other girls looked at me curiously, and I just kept laughing.
Let them think what they want.
~-~-~-~-
"Come here." I said to both of them. I linked my arm with Harry's and then with Ron's. We stood just outside the castle. The gigantic doors loomed over us ominously.
"What is it?" Ron asked.
"Let's go into Seventh Year, together." I said, smiling.
"Right. Togehter." Harry repetaed smiling.
"So, shall we go in?" Ron asked.
"Together." I said.
And then, all three of us, stepped into Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry at the same time. Our shoes, all different sizes, set foot into an unknown territory, a new threshold. Together, we were prepared to face everything, from a three headed dog to a Lord Voldemort himself. I don't know what it was, but the second that we were inside the warm castle, I felt this exhilerating feeling. It was all of the years of walking through this castle coming together.
"Well, that was interesting!" Harry said, taking his elbow out of mine.
For a few solid seconds, Ron and I stood there, arms linked. I thought Ron would be red, and I thought he would make somethingn of it, if you know what I mean. Because, I sure as hell, was embarrassed out of my mind. I felt awkward, but I'm not sure if he did.
"Right, so--" I started.
He practically ripped his arm out of mine and ran off into the other direction. He met up with none other then Lavender Brown. It was then his face turned red. I know it sounds stupid, selfish and childish, but I wanted him to blush for me. Lavender smiled broadly as she looked up at him.
"Ron!" She said, hugging him.
Did I miss something? Did I die for a few months while this happened? When had Lavender and Ron ever been friends? I hardly remembered him talking to her, and here she was, hugging him like he was her best friend! Something inside me dropped and I felt hurt.
"Harry, look at that!" I said to Harry, who was looking somewhere else. Maybe he wasn't listening, but I needed to take my anger out on someone. "When did he and Lavender--"
"Ginny!" Harry exclaimed.
I turned my head to see Harry embracing Ginny. She looked like the happiest girl on earth at that moment. Well, at least I still had my dignity. Well, not really. I shook my head.
"Ron, oh Ron!" Lavender was saying. "I was wondering, would you like to go out with me this year?"
WHAT? Did I hear right? Did Lavender Brown just ask Ron Weasley to go out with her this year? And, even more ironic, did a girl just ask a boy to go out with her? Had I missed a chapter here? Had I skipped a lesson in puberty?
"Sure, Lav." Ron said.
Now he had a nickname for her? A nickname? They've been going out for three seconds and he has a nickname for her? It took me four years to get a nickname from him! Ugh! I felt like crying, but I was determined to make this Seventh Year the best I ever had. Ron and Lavender clasped hands and began walking up to the Common Room. Ginny and Harry followed suit, not yet holding hands.
They left me standing there alone, feeling dopey. Wasn't there something called the Great Feast we were supposed to attend? You know, that thing that we had at the beginning of every year when we ate and watched the little First Years get sorted? And more importantly, was I not here anymore? Did I suddenly not matter? Did six years of doing their homework for them suddenly not pay off?
But, you know what? It's okay! I mean, sure the boy I fell in love with has just walked out on me and sure, my big brother just left me standing alone in the middle of an emtpy hallway where I could be killed by the stampede of First Years, but it's okay! I mean, as long as that promise is kept at the end of the year, it's alright. Sure, I feel like a rejected thing that was hit by a truck, but it's okay!
I mean, they were bound to get girlfriends. Right?
~-~-~-~-
Nothing ruins a breakfast better then two snogging couples in plain view. My head was propped on my palm and I stared at Ron and Lavender, kissing like there was no tomorrow. And, what was worse was Harry and Ginny on my right, awkwardly whispering cute comments, like 'Your so pretty' or 'I love your dark hair.'
Lavender broke away from Ron's face and looked at me, glaring at the two of them. She smiled at me and sighed.
"Do you mind, Hermione? It's kind of hard to kiss while your being stared at?"
I felt the tears. I was not about to cry for a stupid boy that cares more for a girl he met a few months ago then a girl that loved him because of his red hair, because of his stupidity, because of his ignorance.
But, I think I'm an agreeable person.
"Actually, I do mind. You try eating breakfast when your watching two people kiss."
Well, not that agreeable.
"Maybe you could move, Hermione?" Ron suggested, getting that dopey grin of his.
Move? Move?! Did Ron Weasley ask me to move? I think not! This was my seat since First Year. This was my spot, and I'll be damned if I'll move because of his love life. I was supposed to be his love life. Well, I'd have liked to be, actually. But, you know what? I have proof, I have written proof!
'November 2nd: First Year-- I (Ronald Weasley, Hermione Granger, and Harry Potter) swear on the name of Gryffindor that I will always sit at the fourth table at the Gryffindor tables and in the same seats from this day forth. I also promise that if a certain bushy haired girl with a lot of books starts to lecture me, I have the right to flick mashed potatoes into her hair. I also understand that if a red haired person with a lack of attention span rambles on about Quidditch, that the same rights apply.'
I clenched the book in my lap. I could've thrown this book in his face, made him feel guilty and beg for forgiveness. But, I will repeat, that I, Hermione Granger, am an agreeable person.
"I think I'll go the library." I said, shooting him a dirty look.
"Mm hm..." Ron said. "Lavender? Have you heard of the Chudley Cannons, awesome team, they are. Did you know that they've never been defeated?"
I smiled. I put my hand in my mashed potatoes and picked up a small bit. Harry looked at me curiously. I flicked my wrist and then the mashed potatoes were on Ron's face, complimenting his red hair. I grinned malignantly.
"Oi! What the hell was that for?" He asked.
"I had every right to." I flashed him an innocent grin and walked away.
"What the hell was that for?" Ron asked Harry.
"I have no idea. Been acting a bit funny lately, hasn't she?"
"I'll say." Ron said.
~-~-~-~-
Ah, Hogsmeade! The first trip would mean salvation from the world of homework, not that I didn't like homework. I mean, who would want to stay at Hogwarts when they could go to Hogsmeade?
"Hermione, I'm running short on time. Could you finish this essay for me?" Ron asked me.
"No." I said coldly.
"C'mon Hermione! Please! I'm begging you!"
You should be beggin for forgiveness, not for me to do your homework, I thought.
"What have you been doing these past three days?" I asked him.
"Well, Lav and I have been kind of busy."
Busy? Does he call laying around with her in his arms whispering sweet nothings in her ears 'busy'? Ugh!
"I bet you've been." I said, with fake compassion.
"Uh huh. See, I've been teaching her how to ride a broom and--"
Ride a broom? Did I hear that?
'February 2nd: 5th Year-- I, (Ronald Weasley and Harry Potter) solemnly swear that one day we will take a busy haired girl with a lot of books against her will and tie her to a broom. After which, we will fly her to the moon and back. If she may object, I have every right to take her against her will.'
"And she's been doing really good. I think she might get on the Quidditch Team this year." He said, laughing.
"Oh, that's wonderful. Think she could fit a brain under that mess of blonde hair?" I asked him coldly.
"Hey, what's wrong with you?" Ron asked.
"I am not your slave, Ron." I said, trying to keep calm.
"I never said you were."
"Then," I said, getting up. "get your bird brained girlfriend to do your homework."
~-~-~-~-
'I, (Ronald Weasley, Hermione Granger and Harry Potter) solemnly swear that as long as we go to Hogsmeade, we shall travel as a triplet in the carriage. Due to a certain Bushy Haired girl's small rear end I will be able to fit. If I shall break this code, then I have the right to be pelted with rotten chocolate frogs.'
Yeah, right. We stood outside of Hogwarts. And by 'we' I mean, Lavender, Ron, Harry, Ginny and me. It was a bit miserable really. The clouds were choking the sky making the day fit my mood: angry. I was angry that Ron and Harry had to drag their girlfriends around wherever they went. Ridiculous!
"Right. So, carriage for three?" our usual Carriage Driver smiled down at the three of us.
"Actually--" Ron started.
"Actually I'm riding alone." I said, a little to coldly.
The Stagecoach Driver looked at me, then at Ron and Harry. He nodded and smiled.
"Suits me fine, Little Missy."
"Hermione, are you sure, you want to go alone." Ron said, grabbing my arm.
Suddenly, I was so angry. I wanted to kill him, and his stupid girlfriend, 'Lav'. It just made me so mad! Boys are so materialistic! All they care about are beautiful shiny hair (which Lavender and Ginny have) and figures slim to the point of anerexia (which Lavender and Ginny have) and flawless faces without (which Lavender and Ginny have). Well, excuse me! I'm sorry I wasn't born to be a perfect flawless angel like those two! I'm sorry I'm not pretty enough to be accepted by my two best friends, who happen to be male.
"Get off of me." I scowled, climbing into the Stagecoach and slamming the door in his face.
~-~-~-
"We're here, Little Missy." The Stagecoach driver said, tapping on my window.
I must've dozed off. Sleep is the best cure for anger, you know. Well, believe it or not, I was feeling guilty. I mean, I just yelled at Ron out of the blue. Not that that wasn't ordinary, but he didn't even do anything. Well, except take my heart throw it around a bit and then stomp on it and throw it out his window, he didn't do anything. And, let's not forget the fact that he never told me about his relationship with Lavender Brown. But, I'm an agreeable person. I really am. When I feel like it.
"Listen, Ron." I said, walking up to him and Lavender emerging from their stagecoach.
He took her dainty hand and helped her down as she giggled insanely. What did she have to laugh at anyways?
"What is it, Hermione? Want to flick more food at me?"
I bit back the urge to slap him. "No, actually, I wanted to apologize."
"For the mashed potatoes?"
"That and I yelled at you for no reason." I said, glueing a fake smile on my face.
"Right. Okay, then." He said.
"So, we're okay?"
"Yeah, sure Hermione." He said, grinning.
I didn't want to be okay. I didn't. I really really didn't. I wanted him to be mad at me. I wanted him to fight with me again and i wanted to make up afterwards with a stupid compromise and laughter.
But, I'm an agreeable person.
"Well, see you later Hermione!" He said walking off.
"Don't forget about our butterbeers!" I said after him. I don't think he heard.
And sighing, I walked away, alone, towards Hogsmeade.
~-~-~-
I sat at our usual table, sipping a butterbeer, slowly. Where were they? Where the bloody hell were they? This was our regular time, our regular place, where were they? They need to be here. They have to. I was about to go out and find them, but decided against it. If they were going to keep that promise, they'd have to do it without reminding.
I finished my butterbeer and put the glass aside and put my head down on the table. It gave me a headache just to think about being stood up. I felt the tears of betrayal coming on, but I pushed them back. I wasn't about to cry for those two betraying little bastards.
"Hermione?" I lifted my head up to see Harry and Ron. I smiled broadly.
"Hey!" I said.
"It's time to go." Ron said, sounding annoyed.
"Oh." I said, trying to hide my disappointment. "Okay."
They walked away, with me trailing behind. I felt stupid, I felt small, I felt insignificant. It was strange, I was supposed to be the level-headed one. And yet, all these stupid emotions kept coming on. I didn't want to feel hurt, I didn't want to feel angry, but for some reason I did.
"Neville said he'd ride with you." Ron said. "So you wouldn't have to go alone."
"Oh." I said distantly.
We didn't speak for a long time.
~-~-~-~-~-
February! It was the month of Valentines, Sweethearts and romance. Fortunately, I didn't have any of the three, and I was glad. I'd decided that I'd had enough romance to last me years. With Ginny and Harry constantly smiling at each other and Lavender and Ron kissing all the time, I'd decided that I never wanted to be in love. It was disgusting, purely disgusting. It caused a lack of judgement, a lack of discipline and it causes more adrenaline to pump unnecssarily.
In a way, love was like a drug. To tell you the truth, I'd rather smoke pot then be in love right now. I'm not an asexual being, you know. I still find boys attractive, I just don't want to fall in love with them. I'd built a shell around myself, distancing myself from others. I didn't want to get hurt. And while I was in my circular shell, no one could touch me. I didn't want anything to do with anyone, except of course Harry and Ron.
Who, by coincidence, didn't want anything to do with me.
"Lavender, your so beautiful." Ron said, smiling and kissing her again.
I rolled my eyes and tried to take notes. Flitwick was in the middle of explaining a new kind of charming spell. It was quite interesting, really. You could charm someone to obey your every whim. Hm, I'd like to do that to Lavender Brown. I'd like to command her to jump off of a cliff.
"Ron, I love your hair." She whispered, running her hands through it.
"Will you two get a room?" I hissed back at them.
"Just to let you know Hermione." Ron said, leaning forward to whisper in my ear. "This is a room."
AH! I'll kill him! I'll kill him, I swear I will! That stupid, betraying, red headed, clumsy, dim-witted, sexist, elf hating, idiotic, stupid, not even good-looking, gaunty, humorous, handsome...little...
UGH! I couldn't believe I was still in love with him!
~-~-~-
Well, you ask, who does a girl who's best friends were currenty occupied in kissing go to express her anger? Hagrid, that's who. Hagrid would listen, he'd give me advice. Of course, it wasn't very good advice, but it still helped to have someone who'd listen.
"I don't get it, Hagrid." I said to him. "I keep reading these things over and over, I keep trying to find some loophole in what we wrote. But, there isn't! It's there, boldfaced!"
"Well, I'm sure Harry and Ron'll come around. For yer sake, I hope." He said. "Maybe you should try ter get new friends. You know, until Harry and Ron get passed this little phase of thers."
"But, Hagrid!" I moaned. "I can't! I won't! I mean, it's Seventh Year and--"
"Seventh Year? Blimey, you kids grow up fast!" He laughed.
I sighed. I wanted to go to Harry and Ron. There Quidditch Game was about to start.
"Why don't you make yer way to the Quidditch Pitch." Hagrid said. "I'll catch up ter you."
"Yeah. Okay." I said distantly.
~-~-~-~-
I sat, with a bored expression on my face, beside Ginny and Lavender. I was okay with Ginny, smiling at Harry as he smiled back, but Lavender! She sat there, making a commotion. She waved her arms around, trying to gain attention from Ron, and from all of the other people.
"Ron! Sweetie! Oh, good luck, Sweetheart!"
I wanted to puke. I truly did. But, part of me wanted to be the one yelling out to him. Of course, I wouldn't call him 'Sweetie'. What is wrong with her? She sounds like an old woman encouraging her grandson. I must've looked angry (which I was) because Ginny was looking at me funny.
"What?" I asked, a little to harsh.
"You've been acting a bit weird lately." She said. "Ron's noticed, Harry too. You're always in the library. You never hang out with us anymore."
How could I? Do you have any idea how hard it is to stare at the boy you love snog some other girl that you thought was your friend? Do you have the faintest idea what its like to listen to their ramblings on how each other's lips taste? I swear, I will never eat another fruit as long as I live!
"She's right." Lavender commented airily. "Is it because you don't have a boyfriend?"
"No." I said quickly. "I don't want to have a boyfriend. It's a bunch of nonsense if you ask me!" I said, turning away from them.
"We could set you up with someone!" She suggested. "What about Neville Longbottom? Maybe Dean would--"
"Shut your mouth!" I commanded.
"Calm down, Hermione." Ginny said, smiling. That smile, I'll kill her for having those perfect teeth.
The anger kept raging inside me, like a never ending storm.
"I don't have to." I said. It sounded childish, it sounded immature, but maybe that's what it was supposed to sound like.
Lavender giggled. "I'm sure Neville will go out with you, Hermione. Then it would be even."
"I don't want Neville." I said angrily. "I want--" I stopped myself just before I said it. I had almost said it.
"Who?" Ginny asked, giggling.
"I want to be alone!" I yelled at them. I was sure that a good number of people that had now looked at me. Those stupid people, they didn't understand what it was like. They didn't know what it was like to be me.
I stormed away from the crowd and back to the tower, with Lavender and Ginny yelling after me.
Let them yell.
~-~-~-~-
I sat in Ron's usual armchair, leafing through Hogwarts, A History. I had practically memorized this book. I wasn't actually reading. It was more of me glaring into the words, wishing I could set them on fire. I felt so angry, and then, the anger was melting into sorrow. I wanted my two best friends back! I didn't want to be the fifth wheel anymore! I wanted to be three wheels on a trycicle!
"Hermione?" Ron was standing above me, next to Harry. They were still in their Quidditch Robes.
"What happened out there?" Harry asked.
"Nothing." I mumbled, pretending to go back to my book.
Ron took the book from me and flipped it over. "You might want to put it right side up if your going to read it." He threw the book in the floor and smiled.
"What's wrong?" Harry asked. "Because, you know, you can tell us."
I was silent. Ron smiled even bigger and laughed. "She's mad because she doesn't have a boyfriend. Feeling left out, do you Hermione?"
He'd said it. He'd said it awfully loud, too.
I felt my face go red. I stood up, looking up at Ron's tall figure.
"I most certainly am not!" I said.
"Yes, you are!" Ron laughed.
"Am not!"
"Are too!"
"Am not!"
"Are too!"
"Look, I'm not going to stand here and aruge with you like a child." I said calmly.
"Alright Hermione. It's understandable that you'd be jealous of us boys because we have girlfriends." He laughed.
"It's not that!"
"Then what is it?"
"It's just, that," I paused. "You and Harry! You've changed!"
"No we haven't!" Harry spoke up.
"Yes you have!" I said, the tears coming again.
"Hermione, it's not our fault you choose to socialize with books rather then people!"
"I don't choose to!" I hissed.
"Then why do you?"
"Because--" I stopped. I can't tell him. Not in front of all these people. "Because you drive me mad!"
"Me? I'm not the one flicking mashed potatoes at people!"
"Well, I'm not the little anti-social book worm who can't seem to socialize like a normal person. If it weren't for me and Harry you wouldn't have any friends! No one else can stand you! And, frankly, Hermione Granger, I can't stand you either!"
I was hurt. It hurt for someone to say that. No one could stand me... No one would... No one cared... And those words just seemd to etch into my mind. And from that moment, I knew that I would never forget them. I tried not to show that it hurt, but I guess I did a lousy job, because the next thing I knew Ron was looking guilty.
"Hermione, I didn't mean it..." He stuttered, reaching out his hand.
I turned away. I'll never let him touch me again. I'll never let anyone touch me again. They've all broken so many promises, crushed so many dreams. I can't take it.
"Hermione, are you alright?" Harry asked.
"Yeah." I said, my voice cracking. "Listen..." I said quietly. "I'm sorry." I shrugged.
Why I apologized, I don't know. To this day, I don't know what I was thinking when I told them I was sorry.
"I guess, I've been feeling a bit irritable." I murmured.
I don't want to be agreeable anymore. I want to be stubborn now. I want to be sad now. I want to be Hermione now. But, I couldn't. I couldn't ever go back to Hermione. Hermione was dead, gone. And what was left, was just an empty shell of her.
Ron looked shocked that I had apologized. "Hey, are you sure your okay?" He asked.
"Yeah!" I said, giving him a weak smile. "I think, I think I'll go to bed now."
"Oh, okay. Good night, Hermione." Harry said.
I walked away, my legs feeling so heavy. My heart just wasn't there anymore. I felt the pain, and I felt my vision blur. I felt myself trip, and I felt myself get up. But it was like I was watching myself. It was like I was watching a long, long dream. And then, when I went into the Girl's Dormitory, the tears were there. They spilled out of my eyes when I wasn't looking. And then, I rushed to my bed, and I buried my face in my pillow. And I cried my heart out.
"Hermione..." Ginny said, sitting down on my bed. "Hermione, what's wrong?"
I didn't answer. My mouth hurt. My teeth hurt. Every bone in my damn body hurt. Every memory I ever had brung back pain and misery. I didn't want to remember. I didn't want to be.
I cried myself to sleep that night.
~-~-~-
I wanted to walk down that aisle as a threesome. I still wanted to be the first one. And, that promise kept me alive. I was so sure that everything would come together in those few minutes. I was sure that everything I had suffered, it'd all be worth it.
"Hermione? Are you sure your okay?" Ron asked me at breakfast.
"Yeah, I'm okay." I said. Lavender had gone to gossip with Parvati.
"Lavender said you were crying yesterday." He said quietly.
"Oh, that was nothing." I said, shrugging it off and smiling. "I was just a little moody, that's all."
"Sure?" Harry asked.
"Yeah, I'm sure." I said. Smiling hurt my mouth.
~-~-~-~-
Two weeks before graduation. I was exuberent! Everything seemed to be coming together. I found Harry and Ron in the common room, no Ginny, no Lavender. It was rare, and I knew that this was our only time to be a tricycle again. I Sat myself down on the couch, in between them. I put my arms around both of them and laughed.
"Something wrong, Hermione? Ron asked, looking at me strangely.
"Do you know what's in two weeks?" I asked, sighing.
"Yeah, Graduation." Harry laughed.
"Lavender already said yes to me. She said she'd be my escort."
"Yeah, Ginny too." Harry said.
I got up from that couch faster then my brain could think of moving. I stared down at both of them in disbelief, and in horror. They, what did they say? I didn't hear that, did I? I didn't, I just simply didn't.
"But, what about me?" I asked them.
"I overheard Neville." Ron said. "He said--"
"I don't want Neville!" I said. "Don't you remember? In First Year, we slipped into the Seventh Year Graduation?"
"Oh, yeah!" Ron said, laughing. "Good times, weren't they, Harry?"
Harry nodded, laughing.
"No, that's not the point! Don't you remember? We made a pact! We made a promise right then and there! Don't you remember?" I moaned desperately.
Ron looked at me for a few seconds and shrugged. "Couldn't have been very important. After all, we were only in First Year."
And then suddenly, everything broke. That joy of that promise that I had carried around with me for Seven Years seemed to blow away. That feeling of protection, security and trust, it just seemed to shatter like cheap glass. I didn't even bother to hold on to the tears. I backed away from them, like they were monsters. They were. They were monsters.
"Hermione?" They both stood up and started to walk towards me.
"What's wrong with you?" Ron asked.
It wasn't important. I wasn't important. Nobody could stand me. Nobody, not even them. I was unwanted, hated, unloved. I shook my head and kept backing up. I suddenly found it hard to breathe. My throat was clogged with tears. Didn't I mean anything? Wasn't I their friend? Was I just something to do their homework? How could I have been so stupid? No one would ever want to be friends with an ugly, bossy, know-it-all, unless she did their homework.
"Get away from me." I heard myself say. "Just, get away!" I ran out of the Common Room just as Lavender and Ginny were coming in.
~-~-~-
I ran all the way to the top floor, where Dumbledore's office was. I panted and panted, my chest was throbbing with a dull, repeating pain. I could hear the spiral staircase lowering and Dumbeldore emerged.
"Miss Granger." He smiled at me, and then frowned, when he saw my expression. "Is something wrong?"
"Sir, do you remember when you gave Harry, Ron and I permission to walk down that aisle together at Graduation?" I asked him, regaining my breath.
"Why, yes. I admit, I haven't seen a greater friendship then you three's since Sirius and James." He laughed slightly.
"Sir, I'd like you to give me permission for something." I said slowly, the tears threatning my eyes again.
"What is it?"
"I want permission," I stopped, the pain still throbbing. "to walk down that aisle...alone."
~-~-~-~
The next thing I knew I was in my Transfiguration Professor's classroom. I asked her if I could know the Superlative's for Gryffindor Seventh Years. She nodded and smiled at me, taking out a piece of parchment and reading off it.
"Most promising couple, Lavender Brown and Ronald Weasley." That hurt. "Most studious, Hermione Granger. Most troublesome, Harry Potter, Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger. Most lasting friendship, Hermione Granger, Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley."
"Professor," I said quietly. "I was wondering, could you exclude me from 'Most Troublesome' and 'Lasting Friendship'?" I asked.
"Is something wrong, Miss Granger?" She asked.
"No, ma'am. Nothing."
"Well, it is your choice if you wish to be that superlative or not." She said. She took her quill and slashed through both my names.
~-~-~-~
I imagined that Graduation Morning would be a holy time for me, a morning to remember everything that had ever happened to me. I thought it'd be a morning that I'd look in the mirror and see a successful young woman. And when I did look in the mirror, I saw a successful young woman, crying. And then, I wondered was she crying? She was Head Girl, she was intelligent, she had a bright future.
I touched the glass. Life was more then good grades and cleverness. Life was having friendships, cherishing them and treasuring them. I had only learned that lesson too late. And then, I blamed myself. I blamed myself for not telling Ron how I felt, I blamed myself for everything. And then, I cried.
It was a different sort of crying. It was more of a lost crying, then a sad one. I sucked it all up, and didn't bother to wipe my tears. It was all right. It's going to be alright.
And then, I walked down to the Common Room and saw everyone else in their Graduation Robes. And then, every bittersweet memory came back to me. Every time I had talked to them, it all returned. Lavender and Ron were talking in the corner and Ginny was sobbing over how Harry was going to graduate. Ginny had been advanced to Seventh Year, during mid-terms.
No one was there to cry for me. My parents had died the previous year, and no one was there for me. I was alone. I had no one. But, I smiled. I don't know why I smiled. And then, the Common Room started to empty until Ron and Harry and I were left. Lavender and Ginny had gone earlier to greet their families.
I, however, sat on the stone steps, wondering what was going to happen to me. I had refused all of my N.E.W.T's. I had thought that my parents could suport me while I found a muggle job to work. And then, they left. I was alone.
"Hermione..." Ron said, sitting beside me. "About the other day..."
"What about it?" I asked, looking away.
"What was it about?" Harry asked.
"Nothing. It was just me, you know, saying goodbye to my two best friends."
"We won't leave you, even after Hogwarts. We'll keep in touch, we'll write." Ron said.
"Right." Harry said awkwardly.
I sighed. I was suddenly so tired. The thing I wanted most, right then and there was to lay my head on the cold stone and sleep. I wanted to forget everything. I wanted to start over. I wanted to start at day one again.
I got up and started to walk away.
"Hermione--" Ron grabbed my arm.
"There's something your not telling us." Harry said. "Hermione, we love you. You know that."
I smiled weakly. "You two." I muttered, throwing my arms around both of them.
~-~-~-~-
I stood behind Harry, Ginny, Ron and Lavender. I had no escort. I had no one to touch, I had no one to hold on to. It was too much, the burden of the promise that was never kept tugged at me, breaking my heart. But, I held back those tears. I didn't want to worry Ron and Harry, especially today.
It was going to be alright.
"Lavender Brown and Ronald Weasley." The Announcer said.
I saw them walk away, down the aisle. There was a burst of applause. And suddenly, I would have done anything to have been Lavender Brown. I sighed and bit my tongue. I can't cry. I can't cry. I have to be strong, I told myself.
"Harry Potter and Virginia Weasley."
And then, I was staring into the Great Hall. I saw all the faces of the proud parents and relatives, and none were mine. The only applause I would get were that of the polite people I didn't know. The tears just kept biting at my eyes.
"Hermione Granger."
My name, it sounded so lonely. And then I stepped onto that long, lonely walk. I have never ever had a time in my life that I'd felt so lonely. Never. I closed my eyes and for the smallest second, I felt Harry and Ron swing their arms into mine and walk with me. And then I opened my eyes and it was over. I walked over to my assigned seat, as Valdictorian.
I walked alone.
~-~-~-~-
"There will be a banquet after this celebration." The Announcer said. "But as we set up, we will ask that you please step into the Entrance Hall."
There was a flood of students and parents rushing out of the doors. But, I just sat there. There was no one to congratulate me. There was no one to put their arms around me and yell "Good job, Hermione! We're so proud!" I wanted to cry. And the tears, they wouldn't hold any more.
I never wanted to be Valedictorian! I never wanted to be Head Girl! The only think I wanted was to be the first triplet in the hitory of Hogwarts to walk down that aisle. That was the only dream I wanted. That was the only dream I had! I wiped my eyes and ran out, into the Entrance Hall. I saw Mrs. Weasley congratulating Ron and Ginny.
Well, what would you expect with my luck? She saw me.
"Hermione! Hermione, dear!" She said, waving.
I felt someone pull my arm over to her voice. When I looked up it was Fred (or was it George?), laughing wildly.
"Here's Hermione!" He said.
Damn. I started to run away. I can't be with them, it hurts to much.
"Hermione, come back!" Ginny yelled.
"Don't spoil the fun, Hermione!" George (or Fred?) said, pulling me back. "Don't you have a speech to make as the Valedictorian."
"Let go of me!" I yelled, turning my face away from them. The tears won't stop falling. I wanted them to stop. But, I guess, all the times I held them in, they had saved up, and now they were coming out.
"Valedictorian!" Mrs. Weasley exclaimed. "Your parents must be so proud."
My parents? My parents? Yes, where are my parents? Oh, yes, I forgot, they abandoned me. They left me with nothing. They left me with no money, and no future. Would they be proud? Who knows!
I walked away calmly, and this time it was Ron who grabbed my arm. He whirled me around and looked shocked when he looked at my face. He looked into my ugly, cursed face and he was shocked. Do you know why? Because Hermione is gone. Hermione was a happy, smart girl, with friends and parents and reams. But, me? I'm just an empty shell. I'm an empty shell with nothing but broken dreams inside of me.
"Hermione, I think this is a bit much for not having a boyfriend."
And I couldn't control it. My hand, it went up by itself. It slapped Ron. And every emotion I ever had, disappeared. He touched his cheek for a moment, and then I felt ashamed. I felt so embarrassed.
And I ran.
~-~-~-~-
I was in the Quidditch Pitch. There was a roll of thunder in the distance.
"Shutup!" I yelled at it.
And then, more thunder came and then a spark of lightning. If I was lucky, I'd get hit by it. But, Hermione was lucky. And I'm just...
The rain fell. It drizzled for a few minutes and then came down, pouring on me and my new robes. It pelted my head and my hair. My hair came down and became soaked. I sank to my knees and cried.
"I didn't mean anything to them!" I yelled at nothing. "I was just something to do their homework! I never had any friends! No one could stand me!"
The thunder grew louder. I lay down on the wet grass and sobbed. Nothing mattered anymore. Nothing.
~-~-~-~-
"What's wrong with her?" Harry asked at the banquet.
"I'm worried about her." Ron said, sighing.
Ginny sat, reading a book, her eyes wide with shock. She flipped the pages and stopped at one particular one.
"Ginny, it's a bit late for studying, don't you think?" Ron asked her.
"What is it?" Harry asked.
Ron took it from Ginny and started to read it. His eyes opened wide and he let Harry read along with him. Every promise they had ever made. Every oath that they wanted to keep, was all recorded. And, on each page, there were smudged words. Almost as if, tears had fallen on the words. Ron leafed through the book, not even reading anymore. He went all the way to the back, to the last promise.
"Oh..." Ron said quietly as he read it.
"Damn. How could we--I mean, how--"
~-~-~-
I had my trunk in the compartment. I thought I'd want to bond with it before I sold all of my stuff. I was broke as a dog and I didn't have a penny to my name. I figured that if I sold all my stuff from school, I'd at least have something to eat for a few weeks.
The door opened and Ron and Harry walked in, almost timidly. I smiled weakly at them as they sat down.
"Hermione, listen, we found your book..." Ron said, handing me our book of promises.
"No, you can keep it." I said. "It doesn't matter anymore."
"Hermione, yes it does!" Protested Harry. "Why didn't you say anything? Why didn't you stop us when we got escorts?"
"Harry." I said quietly. "If you really wanted to keep that promise, you would have."
"Hermione, we are so sorry. If there was one thing we could do over it'd be that." Ron offered.
"No, I'm sorry." I said. "Sorry for wasting your time."
"Hermione, is there any way we could make it up to you?" Harry asked.
"No, I'm okay." I said, my lip quivering. "Its just, you two, you've mean the world to me. And I always assumed..."
"Assumed what?" Ron asked.
"Assumed that I meant something to you."
"But, Hermione, you do! We couldn't have done anything without you." Harry said.
I curled up into a ball and looked out the window distantly.
"Are you two becoming Aurors?" I asked.
"Yeah." Ron said. "What about you?"
"I threw my N.E.W.T's away." I said.
"What? Why?" Harry asked, surprised.
I shrugged. "I guess I'll just have to wait tables at the Leaky Cauldron for a while."
"Hermione..." Ron said.
"And sell all my things." I said.
~-~-~-~-
We stood on the platform. Lupin was there to pick up Harry, since he didn't have to live with his Aunt and Uncle. Mrs. Weasley was there for Ron and Ginny. Ron and Harry stood close to me, not knowing what to say. I didn't think I did either.
And for the first time since I can remember, I let my emotions take over.
I sobbed.
I sank to my knees, just crying. My dreams were gone, I didn't have a future. I'd spent Seven Years of my life building on a dream that was never there. Ron and Harry were holding me, but all I felt was this numbness. I guess, I'd felt pain for so long that everything had just gone numb.
"Hermione, we're so sorry." Ron said, now crying himself.
Harry wasn't saying anything, just letting the tears fall. They were crying for me. I stopped crying and smiled at them.
"I love you with all of my heart." I said, hugging both of them.
And that was the last time we were all together.
I smiled weakly and they smiled back. I'll never forget their faces, as long as I live.
"Goodbye." I said softly.
It was funny, they say goodbye is the hardest word, but for me, it was simple. It was just something I had to say. I think, what leads up to goodbye is harder then saying it.
I turned around and walked down the long aisle towards outside.
I walked alone.