The Road Less Traveled
SPOILERS - None. SUMMARY - Same as the other chapters, PG-13 DISCLAIMER - They own it all - the WB and Amy Sherman-Palladino
A/N: Yes, Smile, I completely agree that the last chapter was a little boring - just filler - but you're right, real life is pretty much like that last chapter! I promise to throw some more 'meat' to the story -- starting with some of Jess's journal in this one!
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Chapter Twenty-Three
"Well, buddy, don't bother packing your bags, because I talked the editor into letting you research and write a story on Washington D.C. - kind of an insider's view of the city and surrounding areas. You think you can handle it?" he said and I could hear the smile in his voice.
"Geez, Bill, I don't know, it sounds like a really tough assignment, going out to different restaurants every night with my wife, being able to sleep in my own bed, huh. I think I'm up to the challenge!" I laughed.
"Glad to hear it. I'll send you an outline of what we're generally looking for as well as some contacts and places we'd like you to check out. I'll need the story in two weeks, sound good?"
I felt like I was doing internal cartwheels. "Yeah, it sounds great," I answered. "Thanks Bill, I mean it," I said sincerely.
"Anything for you, buddy. Now get back to work!" he said with a phony gruff voice that sounded a little too much like Luke for me.
"Yeah, yeah," I laughed and the phone went dead. He was a great guy. I bet he had to beg our editor for this location. Especially since travel stories about D.C. have been done to death. I'll have to find a different angle to make it different. Maybe Rory and I can brainstorm some ideas when she gets home. Damn, how great is that, to be able to do that. When Rory gets home. She's going to be so happy to hear that I'm going to be home for the next two weeks. I can't wait to tell her. I checked my watch. 4:30.
I went and grabbed a beer out of the fridge and unpacked a few more boxes, collapsing them as I went along. I stuffed them into the closet, not sure of what to do with them. I folded up my green duffle bag and stuffed it in the garbage can. The memories that the bag brought back.though I had used it to get to Stars Hollow in the first place, I had also used it when I left her - twice. It's better to just get rid of it altogether.
I went in the kitchen and started to write in my journal. As it got later, I alternatively started to make dinner, writing in my journal between tasks. Rory came home around 6:45 and dinner was just about ready.
"Lucy, I'm home!" she called out.
"Kitchen, Ricky!" I called back, stirring the tomato sauce. "Hi honey, how was your day at the office?" I turned and smiled. She dropped her purse and briefcase on the table and came over to me, wrapping her arms around my neck.
"Hell, as usual. But everything is fine, now that I'm home," she said as I wrapped my arms around her waist and drew her close for a long, slow kiss. She let out a moan and I deepened the kiss even more, running my hands up her back, all thoughts about dinner leaving my mind. And then the kitchen timer went off and we both broke apart by the sound of it. I laughed as I turned off the timer and Rory looked at me oddly.
"Do you remember the first time we were alone together after the dance marathon? We were in the apartment and you were babbling about warming up or getting closer and we were just about to kiss and Luke burst into the room?" she started to laugh at the thought. "Luke yelled at me how we looked like 'schrapnel' when he interrupted us - what just happened reminded me of it, that is SO funny!"
"Yeah, I remember. I was so scared, but I knew that I wanted to be with you. Hey, you'll have to put that in your journal," she said gently stroking the side of my face with her hand.
"I already wrote about it, so I guess that's why it's fresh in my mind."
"Really? Can I read it?" she asked.
"Sure, you can read it after dinner," I said walking over to the stove.
"I'm going to change out of my work clothes," she ran upstairs to change. I finished making dinner. I put the plates together and set them on the table and Rory came into the kitchen in shorts and a tank top, looking at the pile of steaming pasta like she hadn't eaten in days. I pulled the bottle of wine out of the fridge and poured two glasses for us.
"Are we celebrating something?" she asked with raised eyebrows as she dug her fork into the spaghetti.
"I talked to Bill today," I started. Her bright expression faded and she set her fork down.
"Oh. So he told you where he's sending you, then?" she said glumly, reaching for her wine, which I assumed was to brace herself against my answer.
"Yeah, he told me," I said, averting my eyes, trying to look upset. Rory looked at me with irritation on her face and I had to try hard not to smile. "Well, he seems to think that there haven't been enough articles written about D.C., believe it or not," I said casually, waiting for her reaction.
"D.C.? As in Washington, D.C.? Oh my GOD! You're kidding me!!" she said with excitement, jumping out of her seat and rushing over to throw her arms around me. "This is so great! Oh, I love Bill! How long will you be home?" she gushed between kisses.
"At least two weeks," I smiled at her and pulled her onto my lap.
"Oh! This is so great, definitely cause for celebration!" she squealed.
"Okay, first we eat," I said, motioning over to the seat across the table. "This is so great," she kissed me and went back over to her plate of food. We ate our dinner and Rory insisted on doing the dishes since I did all the shopping and cooking.
When we had finished cleaning up, we went into the living room and sat down on the couch. I turned on the TV and she adjusted herself so she was leaning against the arm of the couch with her feet on my lap. I opened my journal and flipped back a number of pages until I found the passage we had spoken about and pointed to it. "Here, this is where that day starts," I said and she settled in and started reading. I glanced over to her now and then and watched as she was engrossed in the recollection. I could almost tell what section of the entry she was reading by her facial expressions.
The Day After the Dance Marathon
It was the day after the dance marathon and I was exhausted. I had broken up with Shane that night after Rory and I confessed our feelings for each other on the bridge. I was only using Shane to make Rory jealous, and to my relief she knew that I was already in love with someone else and didn't care if we broke up or not.
I got dressed quickly, thinking that if I went downstairs I might see Rory before she left for school. I was nervous. Why the hell was I so nervous? I saw her every day. We talked every day. But today was different. Today maybe she would no longer be the girl I couldn't have, today might be the day she becomes my girlfriend. That is, unless she changed her mind. Maybe she decided to go back to Dean. I went downstairs and there she was, right in front of me. I was a little shocked that she was right there sitting at the counter. She was so beautiful. She blushed furiously and I fought to do the same. I could only manage to say 'hi' to her and her mother, who I decided that I must make nice with if I was going to have any chance with Rory. I was even nice to Luke. You could cut the tension in the diner with a knife. Then I babbled something about having to go to school and she said the same and I awkwardly left.
Hell, I ran out of there. I was scared. This was not a good thing. I think Lorelai and Luke were both a little shocked that I was being a total idiot. But Rory had that effect on me. I went to school and daydreamed most of the day, watching the clock until I could get back to the diner and see Rory. I needed to touch her. I felt like I was holding my breath all day, waiting to touch her.
At 2:15 the bell finally rang and I bolted out of school and back to the diner, surprising Luke. I went into the storeroom to get something and when I walked back in she was sitting on the stool and Luke was talking to her. Luke made a big deal about making me aware that she was there, so I knew that Lorelai must have told him about us. I knew that I wouldn't be able to talk to her unless we were alone, so I made up something about going upstairs to look at a book. She caught on to what I was doing - she was always able to do that - and agreed to go upstairs. Once we got up there, though, my nerves went haywire. I was scared to death. Why was this so hard? I wanted to kiss her, I wanted to hold her hand, I wanted to put my arms around her. But all I could do was nervously fidget and pace. And Rory wasn't doing much better. I offered her a soda, but she nervously refused. I admitted to her that I felt like a moron and she said she did too. So we agreed that we should regroup. I said we should get within a foot of each other. I couldn't even say the word 'kiss' to her, that's how nervous I was. But as we got closer, our hands met and intertwined, the touch burning into my skin. I never wanted to let go of her. I stared into her eyes, and my breathing felt ragged, almost non-existent. I looked at her lips and wanted to feel them on mine. She leaned in to me as I leaned in towards her. Our lips brushed up against each other, with the promise of so much more. Suddenly, Luke burst into the apartment, the door swinging wildly. We both jumped, breaking all contact with each other. Damn that Luke. I can remember the amount of times he did that to Rory and me, just barging in. I had only felt the lightest touch of her lips on mine. I longed for her and it was unrequited. Her embarrassment of being caught by Luke was obvious as she ran out of the apartment and down the stairs. We talked on the phone later, avoiding discussing what had happened. We agreed to meet the following evening after her trip to Yale with her mother and grandparents. Somewhere where we can be alone.
She met me at the gas station, where I was contemplating having a cigarette while I waited for her. Maybe it would calm me down a little. Then she appeared, and all I could see was her blue eyes and her lips begging to be kissed. She asked me if I was going to smoke the cigarette or mind-meld with it, and I laughed at her Star Trek reference. I took her hands in mine and we kissed, for the first time as boyfriend and girlfriend. I fell for her all over again, this time harder than I ever thought I could. She was everything to me. I had never felt so loved, so needed, so wanted by another person in my life. I wanted her, I wanted her so much it hurt.
She pulled away from me, telling me she had to go. My heart sank but I put up a good front. I held her face in my hands, my emotions pouring out of me more than I wanted them to. I regained my composure and leaned back against the gas pump and said 'beat it' in a mocking manner. She said she'd talk to me tomorrow and ran off.
I stood there for a long time, looking after where she had gone. I smoked my cigarette. I fended off the urge to cry or scream. Instead, I stood there paralyzed in self-doubt. I wasn't good enough for her. I knew it, hell, I'm sure the whole town knew it. I wasn't good enough for her. It just kept repeating over and over in my mind. I was going to loose her. I was unsure of what to do. Maybe I'm overanalyzing everything. I'm so scared of doing something wrong, of messing this up. I only knew that I had to do whatever I could to make her love me, to make her love me as much as I loved her.
"I went to see Dean that night," Rory admitted quietly to me, her eyes drifting from the journal to mine.
I wasn't sure how to react. "I thought so," I answered, averting her stare by looking at the tv. I closed my eyes. It hurt to hear that she went to him when I was feeling so vulnerable.
"I wanted to tell him that I was sorry for what I had put him through. I told him I didn't want him to hate me, I was confused. I wanted to be with you so badly, but I felt like things weren't finished with me and Dean," she explained.
"Yeah," I answered. She sat up, tucking her legs under her, Indian style and she rested her hand on my arm.
"Oh Jess, I never meant to hurt you," she said quietly.
I turned so we were facing each other and took her hands in mine and looked at her warmly. "Rory, it's okay. Things just needed to happen in their own time. It was crazy for me to rush you, we were moving at different speeds back then. I knew that I moved in kind of fast and that you were still getting over him.you still had issues with him, I just." I couldn't seem to finish my thought. She leaned in and kissed me.
"Shh. I love you," she quieted me with a kiss.
"So I guess you can see how cathartic this whole thing is going to be now, huh? I think we'll learn more about how we feel than most couples ever do, you know?" I smiled. "Some of it might be painful, but I think that it will also make our relationship stronger. I'm not writing these feelings down to hurt you or make you feel guilty or anything like that, I want you to know. I'm just being honest, and putting into words all the things that were going through my head at that time. I was so much more closed off back then, I'm sure that even if you asked, I wouldn't have volunteered that information to you," I explained. "But I think we should talk about it, now, I've finally gotten to a place where I feel like I can open up, although it's only to you."
"You're so sweet. You were so different back then, much more mysterious," she smiled.
"And now?" I teased.
"You're like.um.an open book?" she laughed.
"Come here," I ordered and we lay on the couch together, watching tv.
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End of Chapter 23
Next Chapter - Guess who finds Jess?
SPOILERS - None. SUMMARY - Same as the other chapters, PG-13 DISCLAIMER - They own it all - the WB and Amy Sherman-Palladino
A/N: Yes, Smile, I completely agree that the last chapter was a little boring - just filler - but you're right, real life is pretty much like that last chapter! I promise to throw some more 'meat' to the story -- starting with some of Jess's journal in this one!
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Chapter Twenty-Three
"Well, buddy, don't bother packing your bags, because I talked the editor into letting you research and write a story on Washington D.C. - kind of an insider's view of the city and surrounding areas. You think you can handle it?" he said and I could hear the smile in his voice.
"Geez, Bill, I don't know, it sounds like a really tough assignment, going out to different restaurants every night with my wife, being able to sleep in my own bed, huh. I think I'm up to the challenge!" I laughed.
"Glad to hear it. I'll send you an outline of what we're generally looking for as well as some contacts and places we'd like you to check out. I'll need the story in two weeks, sound good?"
I felt like I was doing internal cartwheels. "Yeah, it sounds great," I answered. "Thanks Bill, I mean it," I said sincerely.
"Anything for you, buddy. Now get back to work!" he said with a phony gruff voice that sounded a little too much like Luke for me.
"Yeah, yeah," I laughed and the phone went dead. He was a great guy. I bet he had to beg our editor for this location. Especially since travel stories about D.C. have been done to death. I'll have to find a different angle to make it different. Maybe Rory and I can brainstorm some ideas when she gets home. Damn, how great is that, to be able to do that. When Rory gets home. She's going to be so happy to hear that I'm going to be home for the next two weeks. I can't wait to tell her. I checked my watch. 4:30.
I went and grabbed a beer out of the fridge and unpacked a few more boxes, collapsing them as I went along. I stuffed them into the closet, not sure of what to do with them. I folded up my green duffle bag and stuffed it in the garbage can. The memories that the bag brought back.though I had used it to get to Stars Hollow in the first place, I had also used it when I left her - twice. It's better to just get rid of it altogether.
I went in the kitchen and started to write in my journal. As it got later, I alternatively started to make dinner, writing in my journal between tasks. Rory came home around 6:45 and dinner was just about ready.
"Lucy, I'm home!" she called out.
"Kitchen, Ricky!" I called back, stirring the tomato sauce. "Hi honey, how was your day at the office?" I turned and smiled. She dropped her purse and briefcase on the table and came over to me, wrapping her arms around my neck.
"Hell, as usual. But everything is fine, now that I'm home," she said as I wrapped my arms around her waist and drew her close for a long, slow kiss. She let out a moan and I deepened the kiss even more, running my hands up her back, all thoughts about dinner leaving my mind. And then the kitchen timer went off and we both broke apart by the sound of it. I laughed as I turned off the timer and Rory looked at me oddly.
"Do you remember the first time we were alone together after the dance marathon? We were in the apartment and you were babbling about warming up or getting closer and we were just about to kiss and Luke burst into the room?" she started to laugh at the thought. "Luke yelled at me how we looked like 'schrapnel' when he interrupted us - what just happened reminded me of it, that is SO funny!"
"Yeah, I remember. I was so scared, but I knew that I wanted to be with you. Hey, you'll have to put that in your journal," she said gently stroking the side of my face with her hand.
"I already wrote about it, so I guess that's why it's fresh in my mind."
"Really? Can I read it?" she asked.
"Sure, you can read it after dinner," I said walking over to the stove.
"I'm going to change out of my work clothes," she ran upstairs to change. I finished making dinner. I put the plates together and set them on the table and Rory came into the kitchen in shorts and a tank top, looking at the pile of steaming pasta like she hadn't eaten in days. I pulled the bottle of wine out of the fridge and poured two glasses for us.
"Are we celebrating something?" she asked with raised eyebrows as she dug her fork into the spaghetti.
"I talked to Bill today," I started. Her bright expression faded and she set her fork down.
"Oh. So he told you where he's sending you, then?" she said glumly, reaching for her wine, which I assumed was to brace herself against my answer.
"Yeah, he told me," I said, averting my eyes, trying to look upset. Rory looked at me with irritation on her face and I had to try hard not to smile. "Well, he seems to think that there haven't been enough articles written about D.C., believe it or not," I said casually, waiting for her reaction.
"D.C.? As in Washington, D.C.? Oh my GOD! You're kidding me!!" she said with excitement, jumping out of her seat and rushing over to throw her arms around me. "This is so great! Oh, I love Bill! How long will you be home?" she gushed between kisses.
"At least two weeks," I smiled at her and pulled her onto my lap.
"Oh! This is so great, definitely cause for celebration!" she squealed.
"Okay, first we eat," I said, motioning over to the seat across the table. "This is so great," she kissed me and went back over to her plate of food. We ate our dinner and Rory insisted on doing the dishes since I did all the shopping and cooking.
When we had finished cleaning up, we went into the living room and sat down on the couch. I turned on the TV and she adjusted herself so she was leaning against the arm of the couch with her feet on my lap. I opened my journal and flipped back a number of pages until I found the passage we had spoken about and pointed to it. "Here, this is where that day starts," I said and she settled in and started reading. I glanced over to her now and then and watched as she was engrossed in the recollection. I could almost tell what section of the entry she was reading by her facial expressions.
The Day After the Dance Marathon
It was the day after the dance marathon and I was exhausted. I had broken up with Shane that night after Rory and I confessed our feelings for each other on the bridge. I was only using Shane to make Rory jealous, and to my relief she knew that I was already in love with someone else and didn't care if we broke up or not.
I got dressed quickly, thinking that if I went downstairs I might see Rory before she left for school. I was nervous. Why the hell was I so nervous? I saw her every day. We talked every day. But today was different. Today maybe she would no longer be the girl I couldn't have, today might be the day she becomes my girlfriend. That is, unless she changed her mind. Maybe she decided to go back to Dean. I went downstairs and there she was, right in front of me. I was a little shocked that she was right there sitting at the counter. She was so beautiful. She blushed furiously and I fought to do the same. I could only manage to say 'hi' to her and her mother, who I decided that I must make nice with if I was going to have any chance with Rory. I was even nice to Luke. You could cut the tension in the diner with a knife. Then I babbled something about having to go to school and she said the same and I awkwardly left.
Hell, I ran out of there. I was scared. This was not a good thing. I think Lorelai and Luke were both a little shocked that I was being a total idiot. But Rory had that effect on me. I went to school and daydreamed most of the day, watching the clock until I could get back to the diner and see Rory. I needed to touch her. I felt like I was holding my breath all day, waiting to touch her.
At 2:15 the bell finally rang and I bolted out of school and back to the diner, surprising Luke. I went into the storeroom to get something and when I walked back in she was sitting on the stool and Luke was talking to her. Luke made a big deal about making me aware that she was there, so I knew that Lorelai must have told him about us. I knew that I wouldn't be able to talk to her unless we were alone, so I made up something about going upstairs to look at a book. She caught on to what I was doing - she was always able to do that - and agreed to go upstairs. Once we got up there, though, my nerves went haywire. I was scared to death. Why was this so hard? I wanted to kiss her, I wanted to hold her hand, I wanted to put my arms around her. But all I could do was nervously fidget and pace. And Rory wasn't doing much better. I offered her a soda, but she nervously refused. I admitted to her that I felt like a moron and she said she did too. So we agreed that we should regroup. I said we should get within a foot of each other. I couldn't even say the word 'kiss' to her, that's how nervous I was. But as we got closer, our hands met and intertwined, the touch burning into my skin. I never wanted to let go of her. I stared into her eyes, and my breathing felt ragged, almost non-existent. I looked at her lips and wanted to feel them on mine. She leaned in to me as I leaned in towards her. Our lips brushed up against each other, with the promise of so much more. Suddenly, Luke burst into the apartment, the door swinging wildly. We both jumped, breaking all contact with each other. Damn that Luke. I can remember the amount of times he did that to Rory and me, just barging in. I had only felt the lightest touch of her lips on mine. I longed for her and it was unrequited. Her embarrassment of being caught by Luke was obvious as she ran out of the apartment and down the stairs. We talked on the phone later, avoiding discussing what had happened. We agreed to meet the following evening after her trip to Yale with her mother and grandparents. Somewhere where we can be alone.
She met me at the gas station, where I was contemplating having a cigarette while I waited for her. Maybe it would calm me down a little. Then she appeared, and all I could see was her blue eyes and her lips begging to be kissed. She asked me if I was going to smoke the cigarette or mind-meld with it, and I laughed at her Star Trek reference. I took her hands in mine and we kissed, for the first time as boyfriend and girlfriend. I fell for her all over again, this time harder than I ever thought I could. She was everything to me. I had never felt so loved, so needed, so wanted by another person in my life. I wanted her, I wanted her so much it hurt.
She pulled away from me, telling me she had to go. My heart sank but I put up a good front. I held her face in my hands, my emotions pouring out of me more than I wanted them to. I regained my composure and leaned back against the gas pump and said 'beat it' in a mocking manner. She said she'd talk to me tomorrow and ran off.
I stood there for a long time, looking after where she had gone. I smoked my cigarette. I fended off the urge to cry or scream. Instead, I stood there paralyzed in self-doubt. I wasn't good enough for her. I knew it, hell, I'm sure the whole town knew it. I wasn't good enough for her. It just kept repeating over and over in my mind. I was going to loose her. I was unsure of what to do. Maybe I'm overanalyzing everything. I'm so scared of doing something wrong, of messing this up. I only knew that I had to do whatever I could to make her love me, to make her love me as much as I loved her.
"I went to see Dean that night," Rory admitted quietly to me, her eyes drifting from the journal to mine.
I wasn't sure how to react. "I thought so," I answered, averting her stare by looking at the tv. I closed my eyes. It hurt to hear that she went to him when I was feeling so vulnerable.
"I wanted to tell him that I was sorry for what I had put him through. I told him I didn't want him to hate me, I was confused. I wanted to be with you so badly, but I felt like things weren't finished with me and Dean," she explained.
"Yeah," I answered. She sat up, tucking her legs under her, Indian style and she rested her hand on my arm.
"Oh Jess, I never meant to hurt you," she said quietly.
I turned so we were facing each other and took her hands in mine and looked at her warmly. "Rory, it's okay. Things just needed to happen in their own time. It was crazy for me to rush you, we were moving at different speeds back then. I knew that I moved in kind of fast and that you were still getting over him.you still had issues with him, I just." I couldn't seem to finish my thought. She leaned in and kissed me.
"Shh. I love you," she quieted me with a kiss.
"So I guess you can see how cathartic this whole thing is going to be now, huh? I think we'll learn more about how we feel than most couples ever do, you know?" I smiled. "Some of it might be painful, but I think that it will also make our relationship stronger. I'm not writing these feelings down to hurt you or make you feel guilty or anything like that, I want you to know. I'm just being honest, and putting into words all the things that were going through my head at that time. I was so much more closed off back then, I'm sure that even if you asked, I wouldn't have volunteered that information to you," I explained. "But I think we should talk about it, now, I've finally gotten to a place where I feel like I can open up, although it's only to you."
"You're so sweet. You were so different back then, much more mysterious," she smiled.
"And now?" I teased.
"You're like.um.an open book?" she laughed.
"Come here," I ordered and we lay on the couch together, watching tv.
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End of Chapter 23
Next Chapter - Guess who finds Jess?