Why I'm writing this fic, I don't know. I don't even know if I'm gonna post it when it's finished. It's all Ryou/Bakura. Don't know why, just felt like it. You guys want me to continue, then PLEASE review. If I post it, that is.

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Reading was always one of Ryou's favorite pastimes. Even before he met Bakura, or even Yugi for that matter, he would read at least one book a day. His father wanted him to read so that he could become smart enough to go to some stupid college in Europe. The college his father went to, and his father's father. And his father's father's father. And so on, all the way back to the first year the college started. Ryou was never aloud to think about any college but that one. And he never did. Why should he? His father would never accept him going to any other college, not even Ivy League. So why should he dream?

Ryou's father pushed him hard. He never allowed anything but straight A+ for anything. If he ever got anything wrong on a test or homework, it meant hours of studying the same question and others like it until he could do the same problem in a heartbeat. Ryou couldn't stand it. It was either A+ or Death.

Not only did his father push him hard, but he was never around to help him. He was on business trips non-stop and never even liked to spend time with Ryou. Not ever. Not even before Ryou's mother died.

Ryou's mother died when he was six years old. When she was on her deathbed, she asked for Ryou. His father never let her see him. He cried for a few days until his father reprimanded him. Severely. He told Ryou to get tough, never cry, and to never show what he was feeling. "Feelings are a weakness." he had told his son. From that day forward, Ryou had never shed a tear. Not even at his own mother's funeral.

You would think his life was hard enough. Apparently, to the Gods, it wasn't.

When he turned fourteen, he received the millennium ring from his father. That night, he held it, examined it, and put it around his neck. The spirit of Bakura appeared.

Bakura never liked Ryou. From the minute he saw him, the second his eyes first gazed upon his 'hikari', Ryou became the symbol of weakness in his yami's mind. The pathetic, emotional, sensitive side. He didn't even give Ryou a chance to show anything about himself. He was automatically weak.

And as if that wasn't bad enough, Ryou soon felt himself attracted to this five-thousand year old tomb-robber. Every time he was told he was weak, he believed it. Every time he was told he was pathetic, he believed it. Every time Bakura prayed to Ra for another, stronger hikari, he prayed right along with him. Because if that was what Bakura wanted, he could have it. As long as he was happy, Ryou could care less. In fact, thinking of all the people he had just thought about, he realized that none of them cared about what he thought. Including Bakura.

The thought made him angry enough to kill.

"RYOU!! Get your pathetic ass out here NOW!"

Speak of the devil...

Ryou put down his book and headed into the living room. He was met with the sight of Bakura. In an extremely bad mood.

"Yes, Bakura?" Ryou asked politely.

"Where the HELL are the sodas???" Bakura asked Ryou, enraged.

"You drank them last night." stupid answer.

"Then, if I had the decency to drink all of them, I think YOU should have the decency to get me more. So go take your pathetic ass out the door and get me more!!"

Ryou had no choice in the matter. It was either get him more sodas, or get beat to the ground by someone he truly cared about. He grabbed his coat and walked out the door.



Ryou thought about Bakura all the way to the local beer distributor, and all the way back. Still thinking about him, Ryou barely noticed the footsteps he heard behind him. However, he did suddenly snap out of his reverie when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He whipped around to face his assailant. A masked man stood behind him, and suddenly pushed him into an alleyway. The man pressed a knife to his throat.

"Start screaming, OR fighting back, and your dead. Understand?"

The man didn't wait for an answer. He tore the clothes from Ryou's body and pressed him against the wall.

Pain suddenly flamed within him as the strange man thrust into him. Hard. Without lubrication. Ryou could barely understand what was happening to him. He knew there was blood. He felt his legs and feet coated with it. It was all pain. Nothing else to comprehend. The man thrust into him again and again, each time muffling Ryou's screams with his hand. The pain was brutal, and Ryou couldn't help but wonder if he would live to see Bakura again.

Finally, the man had finished. He threw Ryou to the ground, and he whimpered with pain.

"You're pathetic, you know that?" the man asked, as he walked away, leaving Ryou on the ground.

Yeah. I'm pathetic. That's what everyone always says. He thought. Shaking, he got to his feet. He put his clothes back on and started home, leaving the soda bottles behind.

I'm pathetic. I'm weak. I'm stupid, naive. I'm nothing but a sniveling little child. I'm not even fit enough to go to that stupid college. Not even strong enough to hide my emotions.

Not even brave enough to tell Bakura how I feel.

He hated himself more than ever. Why couldn't he just... stop? Just stop feeling everything around him. Stop living in the shadow of an A+ and a dead mother.

And the feelings he had for a man he could never have.

Suddenly, the words his father had spoken over nine years ago floated through his head.

"Feelings are a weakness."

He was tired of being weak. And if his feelings made him weak, then he wouldn't have any. No more feelings. No more sadness. No more anger. No more fear.

No more unrequited love.

He would show them all.

He was going to be tough.



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TBC!!! Well, what do you think? Are you glad I posted it? Want more? This is my first angsty piece so I need people to tell me what they think.