Title: Xander the Sperm Donor (3/?)
Author: Cyclone
Feedback: Please be gentle.
Distribution: Gimme credit and a link.
Rating: Definitely R, probably NC-17 later on.
Spoilers: Up to The Gift. Everything afterwards will be ignored.
Disclaimer: The characters depicted herein belong to the almighty Joss. I'm just borrowing them for a while.
Summary: Tara and Willow want a baby, and they know exactly who they want the father to be. Too bad they neglected to inform him...
Author's Note: Contains W/T, W/X, T/X, and mature situations. Reader discretion is advised.
* * *
"I never knew he was such a good kisser."
"Who?" Willow asked her girlfriend. "Xander?" Tara nodded, and Willow's jaw dropped, "You _kissed_ him? I thought the plan was to take it slowly for now."
Tara blushed, "I-I know. I-I didn't exactly p-plan it, W-Willow. It just... sorta... happened... a-and I just kinda went with it."
"Way to go," the redhead grinned at her girlfriend. "How'd he react?"
"I'd say... it was positive," she said with a small smile. Her smile faded after a moment, "But I think I scared him off. Maybe w-we should just tell him."
"Are you kidding?" Willow asked. "We'd freak him out if we did."
"We're doing a pretty good job of freaking him out right now, even without telling him," Tara reminded her.
* * *
Xander stepped into No Man's Land.
Well, not literally. Special permission allowed men to set foot on this hallowed ground known as U.C. Sunnydale's women's dorms... permission he did not have.
But though he did not have permission, he _did_ have _a_ mission.
And a darn good disguise, if he did say so himself.
He wore a knee-length dark blue skirt and a bulky plaid blouse over black tights and a padded bra, along with a touch of lipstick, eyeliner, and blush. The wire-framed glasses and stuffed backpack completed the image of a shy new student.
A shy new _female_ student.
He stepped hesitantly down the hall toward the dorm Tara and Willow shared, but to his relief, no one gave him a second glance.
That is, no one gave him a second glance until one Japanese girl smiled at him and gave him a friendly wave. Not recognizing her, he hazarded a return wave. Maybe she was just being polite.
"Hello," the Japanese girl walked up and smiled. She had a slight accent, but otherwise, her English was textbook-perfect. "My name is Midori. I am an exchange student from Osaka."
"Hi," Xander replied in a high falsetto. "I'm Xa-Xena." *Oh, _brilliant_ move, Harris!*
But apparently -- and much to "Xena's" relief -- Midori had yet to encounter the tales of the famous fictional warrior princess. She bowed, "It is a pleasure to meet you, Xena. It is obvious you are new here. Maybe I can help you?"
He shook his head, "N-no. Thanks."
Xander breathed a sigh of relief when Midori departed. *Close one!*
He continued to walk as nonchalantly as he could down the hall. *Almost there...* he thought as something resembling relief flooded through him.
"Hey, baby."
He froze, and almost against his will, his head turned toward the voice.
Xander supposed the guy leaning against the wall and eyeing him was what most women considered attractive. He was tall, blond, and blue-eyed, and he had the look of a football player.
Rather uncharitably, Xander imagined Hitler would love to put this guy on a recruiting poster.
The football player winked at him and said, "Where you headed, pretty lady?"
*Oh, my God...* Xander thought, horrified as he realized that this _guy_ was _hitting_ on him! He glowered at the other young man and said in his falsetto, "None of your business."
Xander tried to continue on his way, but the other guy blocked his path. "Aw, come on, sweet cheeks, you can tell me. My name's Brad. What's yours?"
"Um, uh..." Xander stuttered, but a familiar voice called out from behind him.
"Do not bother her, Brad, or should I tell Melanie that you were -- what is the word? -- 'fishing?'"
Brad scowled past Xander's shoulder and stalked off. Xander turned and smiled at Midori, "Th-thank you."
"You are welcome. Brad is a jerk and a... a..." she searched for the right word and finally settled on one in her native language, "...a hentai. You should avoid him."
"I will. Thanks again," Xander said, fighting the urge to turn tail and run. Every second he spent here was a second he could be caught.
Xander finally made it to Tara and Willow's dorm, unlocking it with the key he kept handy in case of Slaying emergencies, and slipped inside. He sagged against the door and sighed in relief.
"Now," he wondered aloud, "what the hell does that thing mean by a 'personal item'? Just how personal does it have to be?"
He really, _really_ didn't want to have to do this again... and he realized that the only sure way what he got was personal enough would be to make it as personal as possible...
His gaze drifted toward the laundry basket.
*They're gonna thank me when this is over,* he reminded himself, clinging to that thought as he reached into the laundry basket.
He goggled at the crotchless sheer blue silk panties he found himself holding, and his eyes widened even further when he read the "Tara M." embroidered on the waistband.
He quickly stuffed that in his backpack -- no time to get distracted now -- and found a quarter-cup black lace bra that also sent shivers down his spine... and this one was labeled "W.R."
*That should be personal enough,* he thought, his face beet red.
He ducked out of the dorm and looked around the hallway, hoping feverishly that Tara and Willow wouldn't catch him.
"Xena, why were you in that dorm?"
He jumped and squeaked, "M-Midori! Don't do that!"
"Gomen... I mean, sorry," she said, bowing her head. "But... what were you doing in there?" she asked curiously.
"N-nothing," he said. She frowned and looked at him, then prodded his backpack, where the corner of Tara's panties hung out. *Oh, shit.*
She frowned and poked him in the "breast," and since said breast was made entirely of toilet paper, it gave easily. Midori's eyes widened in realization, and her jaw dropped, "HENTAI!"
He dashed out, ducking the hail of books and other school paraphernalia Midori sent flying his way.
Xander didn't stop running until he was in one of Sunnydale's many graveyards. Breathing hard and leaning against a large oak tree, he muttered, "Quite an arm there. Maybe she's the next Slayer."
He began trudging home and sagged in relief when he finally entered the house.
"Xander? Why are you wearing a skirt?"
"Skirt, Dawnie?" Xander repeated dumbly, slightly panicked. "I-it's not a skirt. It's, uh, a kilt. I'm celebrating my Scottish heritage."
"Uh huh," Dawn said, nodding skeptically. "Riiight." *_What_ Scottish heritage?* she thought sarcastically.
* * *
Xander yawned. He had cast the spell last night, and he could only hope it worked as advertised. He still had work today, though, so he needed an early start and a large breakfast.
However, when he tried to get up, he found his arms pinned to the bed on either side of him.
He blinked sleepily at to his left, where he saw a very familiar shock of fiery red hair, and he was suddenly very, very wide awake. He turned to his right and saw a cascade of blonde hair framing Tara's face.
*Emergency! Elevate panic level to Defcon Four!*
"Oh, God," he muttered. "I'm gonna die."
* * *
Author's Postscript:
Bwahahahaha!
Author: Cyclone
Feedback: Please be gentle.
Distribution: Gimme credit and a link.
Rating: Definitely R, probably NC-17 later on.
Spoilers: Up to The Gift. Everything afterwards will be ignored.
Disclaimer: The characters depicted herein belong to the almighty Joss. I'm just borrowing them for a while.
Summary: Tara and Willow want a baby, and they know exactly who they want the father to be. Too bad they neglected to inform him...
Author's Note: Contains W/T, W/X, T/X, and mature situations. Reader discretion is advised.
* * *
"I never knew he was such a good kisser."
"Who?" Willow asked her girlfriend. "Xander?" Tara nodded, and Willow's jaw dropped, "You _kissed_ him? I thought the plan was to take it slowly for now."
Tara blushed, "I-I know. I-I didn't exactly p-plan it, W-Willow. It just... sorta... happened... a-and I just kinda went with it."
"Way to go," the redhead grinned at her girlfriend. "How'd he react?"
"I'd say... it was positive," she said with a small smile. Her smile faded after a moment, "But I think I scared him off. Maybe w-we should just tell him."
"Are you kidding?" Willow asked. "We'd freak him out if we did."
"We're doing a pretty good job of freaking him out right now, even without telling him," Tara reminded her.
* * *
Xander stepped into No Man's Land.
Well, not literally. Special permission allowed men to set foot on this hallowed ground known as U.C. Sunnydale's women's dorms... permission he did not have.
But though he did not have permission, he _did_ have _a_ mission.
And a darn good disguise, if he did say so himself.
He wore a knee-length dark blue skirt and a bulky plaid blouse over black tights and a padded bra, along with a touch of lipstick, eyeliner, and blush. The wire-framed glasses and stuffed backpack completed the image of a shy new student.
A shy new _female_ student.
He stepped hesitantly down the hall toward the dorm Tara and Willow shared, but to his relief, no one gave him a second glance.
That is, no one gave him a second glance until one Japanese girl smiled at him and gave him a friendly wave. Not recognizing her, he hazarded a return wave. Maybe she was just being polite.
"Hello," the Japanese girl walked up and smiled. She had a slight accent, but otherwise, her English was textbook-perfect. "My name is Midori. I am an exchange student from Osaka."
"Hi," Xander replied in a high falsetto. "I'm Xa-Xena." *Oh, _brilliant_ move, Harris!*
But apparently -- and much to "Xena's" relief -- Midori had yet to encounter the tales of the famous fictional warrior princess. She bowed, "It is a pleasure to meet you, Xena. It is obvious you are new here. Maybe I can help you?"
He shook his head, "N-no. Thanks."
Xander breathed a sigh of relief when Midori departed. *Close one!*
He continued to walk as nonchalantly as he could down the hall. *Almost there...* he thought as something resembling relief flooded through him.
"Hey, baby."
He froze, and almost against his will, his head turned toward the voice.
Xander supposed the guy leaning against the wall and eyeing him was what most women considered attractive. He was tall, blond, and blue-eyed, and he had the look of a football player.
Rather uncharitably, Xander imagined Hitler would love to put this guy on a recruiting poster.
The football player winked at him and said, "Where you headed, pretty lady?"
*Oh, my God...* Xander thought, horrified as he realized that this _guy_ was _hitting_ on him! He glowered at the other young man and said in his falsetto, "None of your business."
Xander tried to continue on his way, but the other guy blocked his path. "Aw, come on, sweet cheeks, you can tell me. My name's Brad. What's yours?"
"Um, uh..." Xander stuttered, but a familiar voice called out from behind him.
"Do not bother her, Brad, or should I tell Melanie that you were -- what is the word? -- 'fishing?'"
Brad scowled past Xander's shoulder and stalked off. Xander turned and smiled at Midori, "Th-thank you."
"You are welcome. Brad is a jerk and a... a..." she searched for the right word and finally settled on one in her native language, "...a hentai. You should avoid him."
"I will. Thanks again," Xander said, fighting the urge to turn tail and run. Every second he spent here was a second he could be caught.
Xander finally made it to Tara and Willow's dorm, unlocking it with the key he kept handy in case of Slaying emergencies, and slipped inside. He sagged against the door and sighed in relief.
"Now," he wondered aloud, "what the hell does that thing mean by a 'personal item'? Just how personal does it have to be?"
He really, _really_ didn't want to have to do this again... and he realized that the only sure way what he got was personal enough would be to make it as personal as possible...
His gaze drifted toward the laundry basket.
*They're gonna thank me when this is over,* he reminded himself, clinging to that thought as he reached into the laundry basket.
He goggled at the crotchless sheer blue silk panties he found himself holding, and his eyes widened even further when he read the "Tara M." embroidered on the waistband.
He quickly stuffed that in his backpack -- no time to get distracted now -- and found a quarter-cup black lace bra that also sent shivers down his spine... and this one was labeled "W.R."
*That should be personal enough,* he thought, his face beet red.
He ducked out of the dorm and looked around the hallway, hoping feverishly that Tara and Willow wouldn't catch him.
"Xena, why were you in that dorm?"
He jumped and squeaked, "M-Midori! Don't do that!"
"Gomen... I mean, sorry," she said, bowing her head. "But... what were you doing in there?" she asked curiously.
"N-nothing," he said. She frowned and looked at him, then prodded his backpack, where the corner of Tara's panties hung out. *Oh, shit.*
She frowned and poked him in the "breast," and since said breast was made entirely of toilet paper, it gave easily. Midori's eyes widened in realization, and her jaw dropped, "HENTAI!"
He dashed out, ducking the hail of books and other school paraphernalia Midori sent flying his way.
Xander didn't stop running until he was in one of Sunnydale's many graveyards. Breathing hard and leaning against a large oak tree, he muttered, "Quite an arm there. Maybe she's the next Slayer."
He began trudging home and sagged in relief when he finally entered the house.
"Xander? Why are you wearing a skirt?"
"Skirt, Dawnie?" Xander repeated dumbly, slightly panicked. "I-it's not a skirt. It's, uh, a kilt. I'm celebrating my Scottish heritage."
"Uh huh," Dawn said, nodding skeptically. "Riiight." *_What_ Scottish heritage?* she thought sarcastically.
* * *
Xander yawned. He had cast the spell last night, and he could only hope it worked as advertised. He still had work today, though, so he needed an early start and a large breakfast.
However, when he tried to get up, he found his arms pinned to the bed on either side of him.
He blinked sleepily at to his left, where he saw a very familiar shock of fiery red hair, and he was suddenly very, very wide awake. He turned to his right and saw a cascade of blonde hair framing Tara's face.
*Emergency! Elevate panic level to Defcon Four!*
"Oh, God," he muttered. "I'm gonna die."
* * *
Author's Postscript:
Bwahahahaha!