Author's Notes: IT'S GONE!!! I DON'T BELIEVE IT!!! MY GREGOR PICTURE IS GONE!!! THE SITE'S DOWN!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I SHOULD HAVE SAVED IT WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE!!! *coughs* Ahem, yes... well, it's gone. Who is Gregor? *sighs* My future husband... he's so adorable... and funny! *grins* I'm hopeless, aren't I? Ahem, well... anyway, I finished chapter three... which surprisingly didn't take me long to write. Except for the beginning; for some reason I found it hard to start the chapter, but once I got going, it was fine. But still... I wish I had my Gregor pic... :(

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters, places, or things, nor am I the owner/creator of the gags seen in the movie "Monty Python and the Holy Grail". I own nothing! Sue me and you'll get just that.

Harry Potter and the Quest for the Golden Snitch

Chapter Three: Enter Sir Percival

A fair distance away in a not-so-unrelated part of the forest sat a village. It was a quaint village where the inhabitants generally kept to themselves. No one minded the outside world as the outside world really didn't care about this particular village. Today was different though. An angry mob stormed through to the centre of the village, dragging along a bushy haired brunette, dressed in your average clothing of jeans and a shirt. Her expensive Nikes stood out, probably being the cleanest thing present.

If you hadn't guessed already, this young girl being dragged by the angry mob was Hermione Granger, dressed up for some soon-to-be-revealed reason. Cheering and yelling, the mob brought her over to a tall, lanky, and bespectacled man. Dressed in professional looking robes, Percy Weasley stood outside a very eccentric looking hut, deeply involved with some sort of experiment. He had just tied a coconut to the leg of a swallow and was letting it go to see if it would fly when the screaming of the mob caught his attention.

"We found a muggle!" cried one of the villagers. "May we burn her?"

"A muggle! A muggle!" echoed the gathered crowd.

Percy ogled at Hermione, surprised. "Hermione?!"

"Do something, Percy!" she pleaded.

"I can't, sorry," he apologized sincerely. "I'd love to but it seems the author is bent on you burning at the stake... cruel bitch." Out of nowhere, an omnipotent invisible force slapped Percy across the face, sending his horn rimmed glasses askew. Percy rubbed his cheek, glaring upwards. "Well... I guess I could use some sort of twisted logic to try and get you out of this." He cleared is throat and looked out at the mob. "How do you know she's a muggle?"

"She looks like one!" yelled the village amongst many nods of agreement and yet, more senseless screaming. They pushed Hermione forwards towards Percy. He looked her over from head to toe.

"I'm not a muggle!" she protested. "You're all just jealous of my magical abilities!"

"But you're dressed as one," admitted Percy feebly.

"They dressed me up like this!" Hermione pointed an accusing finger at the gathered wizards and witches. Immediately, cries of protest and denial flew up. "And these aren't even my clothes! See?" She showed Percy a tag on her shirt which said, "Property of Lavender Brown."

Percy looked up at the crowd for an explanation. "Well?"

"Well, that is my shirt," admitted Lavender from somewhere in the crowd.

"The shirt?" Percy pressed.

"And the shoes," added Parvarti Patil. "But she is a muggle!"

"A muggle!" cried the crowd. "Let's burn her!!"

"Did you dress her up like this?" Hermione looked at Percy. He seemed to be taking some time comprehending things.

"Um..." Lavender shifted on the spot uncomfortably. "Yes... no... a bit... yes... she does owns a compooper!"

"Why do you think she is a muggle?" asked Percy.

"Just look at her parents!" shrilled Parvarti. "They're dentists!"

"What's that got to do with anything?" asked Percy.

"Erm... nothing really," admitted Parvarti. "But we should burn her anyway!" The crowd echoed its eager agreement.

"Quiet! Quiet!" ordered Percy. "There are ways of telling if she is a muggle."

Harry and Colin entered the scene just then, wondering just what was going on. Harry saw the crowd of angry wizards and witches jeering at Hermione, and was about to step in and help her if it hadn't been for the voice in his head, promising him that if he strayed off the plot line, a certain author would make him die a horrible death. After careful consideration, he decided to stay put.

The crowd meanwhile was enraptured with Percy. "There are? Tell us! What are they, Weasley?"

Percy shifted uncomfortably. He could just ask Hermione to perform a spell. That would show them! But then there would be even less purpose to this part of the story. So he decided to come up with something else. "Tell me... what do you do with muggles?"

"Burn them!" screamed the crowd.

That wasn't the answer Percy had been looking for but he'd have to go with it. "And what do you burn besides muggles?"

"More muggles!!"

"...Wood...?" supplied someone.

"So then why do we burn muggles?" asked Percy.

Lavender thought hard. "Because...they're... made of wood?"

Percy smiled. "Good!" The crowd smiled and murmured, all agreeing upon the brilliance of that statement. Hermione rolled her eyes at Percy, but he continued anyway. "So how can we tell if she is made of wood?"

"Build a bridge out of her!" yelled out someone. Hermione stared incredulously.

"Ah... but can you not also make bridges out of stone?" Percy smirked.

"Ah... yes… of course..." agreed the villagers.

"Does wood sink in water?" asked Percy.

For a moment, the villagers discussed amongst themselves whether or not the insane Gryffindor Quidditch captain could swim until it suddenly dawned on them that Percy had meant the sort of stuff trees were made out of.

"No, it floats!" answered Parvarti.

"Let's tie weights on her and throw her into the pond!" suggested Lavender, to screams and cheers of agreement.

Percy took one look at Hermione's terrified face and tried to get the crowd under control again. "Wait! Wait! Tell me, what also floats in water?"

"Bread!"

"Apples!"

"Very small rocks!"

"Muggles!"

"We know that already!"

"I couldn't think of anything else!"

"A duck." Everyone turned to look at Harry for a moment. Percy grinned, relieved someone around him wasn't an idiot... or so he thought.

"Exactly," said Percy. "So logically..."

"If she weighs the same as a duck..." began Lavender, "she's made of wood. And so that would make her... a muggle!"

"Someone conjure up a duck!" cried Parvarti. Someone in the crowd said something and with a quack, a duck appeared. "Here's a duck, Percy!"

Percy sighed. This wasn't how he had planned this at all. He shook his head. "You just don't—" The crowd glared at him. Percy grinned nervously. He didn't want a mutiny in his village. "We'll use my largest scales..."

He led the villagers over towards some oddly shaped and poorly built scale. They pushed Hermione into one of the pans and placed the duck in the other. Percy grinned with some slight satisfaction. He had built this ingenious scale himself and knew there was no way Hermione could weigh the same as a duck.

The supports were removed and the scale swung a bit. However, Hermione and the duck came out as being perfectly equal. Percy stared at the scene, dumbfounded, as the jeering villagers whooped in triumph and dragged Hermione off. Percy was too involved with the quirky scale to hear any of the death threats Hermione screamed at him.

Harry took the opportunity to go over to Percy. He waited for the taller man to turn around but Percy kept staring at the scales and muttering to himself. Harry cleared is throat and still Percy muttered over the scale. Harry tapped Percy on the shoulder. Percy whirled around, annoyed.

"What, Potter!?" Percy took in Harry's attire. "What are you supposed to be?"

"I am Harry, King of the magical community!" replied Harry majestically.

Percy stared at Harry, thinking. This was stupid. How ever did he sink to this level? Harry? King?! Percy shrugged; he may as well go along with it. He got down on his knees. "My liege."

Harry grinned at Colin before turning back to Percy. "Good sir knight, will you come with me to Hogwarts, and join our number at the Triangular Table?"

"My liege, I am honoured!"

Harry stepped towards the kneeling Percy, his sword drawn. "What is your name?"

"Percy, you twi—I mean, my liege."

"Then I dub you," Harry announced proudly, "Sir Percival, Knight of the Triangular Table!"

Finally, after much searching, Harry had found his first knight. The wise Sir Percy was the first wizard to join Harry's court but other illustrious names were soon to follow. Sir Oliver the Brave... Sir Ronald the Pure... and Sir Neville the Not-quite-so-brave-as-Sir-Oliver who had nearly fought the flobberworm of Fangorn... who had almost eaten a Canary Cream... and who personally wet himself every time Professor Snape glanced in his direction... and the aptly named, Sir Written-out-of-this-fic.

Together they formed a band of hapless knights whose names and deeds were to be retold throughout the centuries (or at least until Miss Rowling finished the seventh book)... the Knights of the Triangular Table.

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Well, that's the end of chapter three... now it's sort of beginning to really come along. Even better, while I was making the notes, MY GREGOR PICTURE CAME BACK!!! Review! *goes off to drool*