April 1, 2002
I'm sorry it took so long to get back to you. An old friend came to the school and I spent some time catching up with him. Hank McCoy has to be the gentlest, most empathetic man I have ever met. We do not talk nearly often enough, and we have a lot to talk about. Hank is researching mutations as I do, although he has much more time for it than I do.
Dinner was wonderful. Hank came over to where I was, sitting alone, and asked if I would join him. I said yes and when we sat down at the little table in the corner I saw Scott sitting at a table with some of the boys, probably talking about schoolwork. It was pleasant to be with Hank again. It seems that Hank is going to stay at the Mansion for a while. "With the increasingly hostile attitude towards Mutants, I have found it harder and harder to maintain the safety of my Lab. Charles said that I can stay as long as I want. He said you and I could share the Lab. If you don't mind, Jean, of course." I smiled and told him it was quite all right. I really am looking forward to working with him again.
With Hank staying here, I might even be able to finish some of my earlier experiments regarding what makes a mutation, and if there is any to way to manipulate the genes to change the mutation. Hank is interested in ways to control the mutation that is already present, such as creating a psychological "on-off" switch in the mind, so that Marie for instance, could turn her mutation on and off at will. Wouldn't she love that! I feel very protective of her lately. I wonder if she would let Hank work with her...
Hank and I work very well together. If I open a telepathic channel, we don't have to talk at all. I don't really like talking when I'm working. Unfortunately, Hank doesn't like telepathy. Never did, really. I find it amazing that we are such good friends when he dislikes my power so much. Hank is such a good friend to me. He picked up on my unhappiness right away. He asked if I felt all right and I had to tell him yes. I mean, how could I tell him that I had begun to feel held back by Charles and Scott or that I had felt my powers expanding for the first time in a long time? Oh, a knock at the door. I'd better answer it.
***
It was Hank. "Jean, something is wrong. May I come in?" "Of course, Hank. Come in and sit down. Is it one of the students? Is it Kurt?" He sat down and sighed. "No Jean, it is you. You seem so quiet these days. And even my letters from you aren't the discovery filled cheer that you used to send me. I miss you, Jean. What happened?"
She walked around the room, wringing her hands. "I don't know Hank. I just don't know. My powers have."
When Hank heard the words, "my powers" he leaned forward in his seat and his brow furrowed. "Jean, if your powers have been changing why didn't you do anything? Why didn't you talk to the Professor, or Scott?"
She turned to face him. "Because none of them would understand! That is unreasonable, maybe, but I don't think it would get the best reception from them. They all like having Little Jean Grey stay at home because she isn't powerful enough to make a difference. Besides, someone needs to patch them all up when they get home!"
Hank shook his head. "Jean, how can you say that? You know how much they love you. You're exaggerating, my dear." He smiled. "Now, come with the nice doctor. We are going to the Lab so I can try to map this expansion. Because I sincerely doubt that you've been doing it by yourself." She sighed. It had been inevitable after all. She looked longingly at her diary. Well, maybe later.
*** 11:30 That took long enough. I wonder if I take that long to chart people. Anyway, Hank was very puzzled by what he found. Hank's analysis shows that my mutation hasn't been changing. My body has been changing. He talked to me about it and it seems that I have logged a great deal of time in the Danger Room lately. I guess I don't want to feel so useless anymore. I feel like deadweight on the Team. There is a very real reason why I don't go on as many missions. I'm not as powerful. I mean, come on. Scott blasts things with his eyes, Ororo controls the weather and I? I move things with my mind. Very badly, I might add. So, who wants that kind of person on the Team? Even Marie would be more useful than Little Jean Grey. That is how I think of myself. Little Jean Grey. Isn't it sad? I just went way off topic. Back to what Hank found.
He found that my mutation has been affected by the changes in my body. My muscles get stronger, and my telepathic abilities increase. I get more agile, my telekinetic range widens. It all has to do with control, we believe. This could be very important to Hank's control research. If the changes in your body affect your mutation the possibilities could be endless. I guess I didn't notice but lately my clothes fit looser. I lost some weight recently, I guess. Hank was very excited. "The possibilities are astounding! Of course, it may only be the nature of your mutation but at least we now have positive proof that changes in one's body affect one's mutation!"
I had to smile. "Hank. Look at yourself." I say. "Well, yes but that is just.well.me." I laughed. "Hank, if you put on a ounce of muscle then your strength goes up by about two pounds! You can't say with a straight face that changes in your body don't affect your mutation." He shook his head. "But Jean, that is my mutation. That and the fur." I nodded. "I know that. But the proof is there, regardless of the mutation." "True."
I love working with Hank. He always knows when to push the point and when to back off. Well, not back off. Just stop talking. The evidence speaks for itself. Talk too much and you take credibility away from the evidence and yourself. I think Hank lives by that saying. That and, "Make love not war." Not literally but with a codename like "Beast" one would expect him to be some kind of a great fighter, right? But Hank refuses to even go on a mission. If he joined the X-Men I would probably be able to go on more missions, with Hank waiting behind with Charles. And with the newfound strengths in my powers they might even want me to come.
Well, Scott will never want me to come. He tries to protect me too much. But Logan would trust me to do the job assigned to me. Where did that come from? I should go to sleep. I have a long day tomorrow and I probably won't get a chance to write in here. I really love this diary. It feels good not to have to mouth off just to be heard. Marie actually asked me if I liked it today. I told I adored it and thank you. She seemed very pleased. She blushed and said it was nothing. I am going to use this as a kind of scrapbook as well.
Oh, someone is at the door. You know what? I think I might turn Logan's old room into a kind of study for myself. You know, move my laptop and my papers. Scott doesn't mind them but I want some space for myself know. And if Hank and I are going to start working on this control issue together then we really need our own space. I'll move it tomorrow. Now I'm going to shower and go to bed. Goodnight.
I'm sorry it took so long to get back to you. An old friend came to the school and I spent some time catching up with him. Hank McCoy has to be the gentlest, most empathetic man I have ever met. We do not talk nearly often enough, and we have a lot to talk about. Hank is researching mutations as I do, although he has much more time for it than I do.
Dinner was wonderful. Hank came over to where I was, sitting alone, and asked if I would join him. I said yes and when we sat down at the little table in the corner I saw Scott sitting at a table with some of the boys, probably talking about schoolwork. It was pleasant to be with Hank again. It seems that Hank is going to stay at the Mansion for a while. "With the increasingly hostile attitude towards Mutants, I have found it harder and harder to maintain the safety of my Lab. Charles said that I can stay as long as I want. He said you and I could share the Lab. If you don't mind, Jean, of course." I smiled and told him it was quite all right. I really am looking forward to working with him again.
With Hank staying here, I might even be able to finish some of my earlier experiments regarding what makes a mutation, and if there is any to way to manipulate the genes to change the mutation. Hank is interested in ways to control the mutation that is already present, such as creating a psychological "on-off" switch in the mind, so that Marie for instance, could turn her mutation on and off at will. Wouldn't she love that! I feel very protective of her lately. I wonder if she would let Hank work with her...
Hank and I work very well together. If I open a telepathic channel, we don't have to talk at all. I don't really like talking when I'm working. Unfortunately, Hank doesn't like telepathy. Never did, really. I find it amazing that we are such good friends when he dislikes my power so much. Hank is such a good friend to me. He picked up on my unhappiness right away. He asked if I felt all right and I had to tell him yes. I mean, how could I tell him that I had begun to feel held back by Charles and Scott or that I had felt my powers expanding for the first time in a long time? Oh, a knock at the door. I'd better answer it.
***
It was Hank. "Jean, something is wrong. May I come in?" "Of course, Hank. Come in and sit down. Is it one of the students? Is it Kurt?" He sat down and sighed. "No Jean, it is you. You seem so quiet these days. And even my letters from you aren't the discovery filled cheer that you used to send me. I miss you, Jean. What happened?"
She walked around the room, wringing her hands. "I don't know Hank. I just don't know. My powers have."
When Hank heard the words, "my powers" he leaned forward in his seat and his brow furrowed. "Jean, if your powers have been changing why didn't you do anything? Why didn't you talk to the Professor, or Scott?"
She turned to face him. "Because none of them would understand! That is unreasonable, maybe, but I don't think it would get the best reception from them. They all like having Little Jean Grey stay at home because she isn't powerful enough to make a difference. Besides, someone needs to patch them all up when they get home!"
Hank shook his head. "Jean, how can you say that? You know how much they love you. You're exaggerating, my dear." He smiled. "Now, come with the nice doctor. We are going to the Lab so I can try to map this expansion. Because I sincerely doubt that you've been doing it by yourself." She sighed. It had been inevitable after all. She looked longingly at her diary. Well, maybe later.
*** 11:30 That took long enough. I wonder if I take that long to chart people. Anyway, Hank was very puzzled by what he found. Hank's analysis shows that my mutation hasn't been changing. My body has been changing. He talked to me about it and it seems that I have logged a great deal of time in the Danger Room lately. I guess I don't want to feel so useless anymore. I feel like deadweight on the Team. There is a very real reason why I don't go on as many missions. I'm not as powerful. I mean, come on. Scott blasts things with his eyes, Ororo controls the weather and I? I move things with my mind. Very badly, I might add. So, who wants that kind of person on the Team? Even Marie would be more useful than Little Jean Grey. That is how I think of myself. Little Jean Grey. Isn't it sad? I just went way off topic. Back to what Hank found.
He found that my mutation has been affected by the changes in my body. My muscles get stronger, and my telepathic abilities increase. I get more agile, my telekinetic range widens. It all has to do with control, we believe. This could be very important to Hank's control research. If the changes in your body affect your mutation the possibilities could be endless. I guess I didn't notice but lately my clothes fit looser. I lost some weight recently, I guess. Hank was very excited. "The possibilities are astounding! Of course, it may only be the nature of your mutation but at least we now have positive proof that changes in one's body affect one's mutation!"
I had to smile. "Hank. Look at yourself." I say. "Well, yes but that is just.well.me." I laughed. "Hank, if you put on a ounce of muscle then your strength goes up by about two pounds! You can't say with a straight face that changes in your body don't affect your mutation." He shook his head. "But Jean, that is my mutation. That and the fur." I nodded. "I know that. But the proof is there, regardless of the mutation." "True."
I love working with Hank. He always knows when to push the point and when to back off. Well, not back off. Just stop talking. The evidence speaks for itself. Talk too much and you take credibility away from the evidence and yourself. I think Hank lives by that saying. That and, "Make love not war." Not literally but with a codename like "Beast" one would expect him to be some kind of a great fighter, right? But Hank refuses to even go on a mission. If he joined the X-Men I would probably be able to go on more missions, with Hank waiting behind with Charles. And with the newfound strengths in my powers they might even want me to come.
Well, Scott will never want me to come. He tries to protect me too much. But Logan would trust me to do the job assigned to me. Where did that come from? I should go to sleep. I have a long day tomorrow and I probably won't get a chance to write in here. I really love this diary. It feels good not to have to mouth off just to be heard. Marie actually asked me if I liked it today. I told I adored it and thank you. She seemed very pleased. She blushed and said it was nothing. I am going to use this as a kind of scrapbook as well.
Oh, someone is at the door. You know what? I think I might turn Logan's old room into a kind of study for myself. You know, move my laptop and my papers. Scott doesn't mind them but I want some space for myself know. And if Hank and I are going to start working on this control issue together then we really need our own space. I'll move it tomorrow. Now I'm going to shower and go to bed. Goodnight.