Author's Notes: Yeah, it's been a while since I last updated. But I've been busy again! What with discovering my own obvious stupidity and all (view the LJ). Actually, I promised my cousin I would help her build a web site and she decided a few days ago to take me up on my promise. I have an awful habit of not being able to break a promise. So I built it for her, but of course I mooched something out of it. It isn't done yet, in fact the only section which was put up was the Lord of the Rings section but the other stuff will be set up eventually. It just might mean you won't hear from me for a while. Anyway, that site (inside the HP section) is going to be the future home of the "Ask the Twins" and "Ask Oliver" columns (yes, I finally did something about it!) so you can go there if you're still interested in the long dead used-to-be-posted-here-when-it-was-legal column. For now you can look at pictures, read comments, sign the guestbook and make my cousin happy, and take a look at the "Ask a Hobbit" section under "Lord of the Rings." Yes, I have more columns, this time with the hobbits. So, make ME HAPPY and go submit questions/letters for that (details on the site). So, here's the next chapter. Short, I know, but the next part was long and didn't fit nicely in the same chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters, places, or things, nor am I the owner/creator of the gags seen in the movie "Monty Python and the Holy Grail". I own nothing! Sue me and you'll get just that. I also don't own Simba or Mufasa from the "Lion King", which is, as I may add, the greatest Disney movie EVER!!!

Harry Potter and the Quest for the Golden Snitch

Chapter Four: We're Going on a Quest!

Now that Harry had gathered up his court of knights they could all set out for Hogwarts castle where there would be much drinking, eating, and song. Harry was particularly looking forward to this, as he hadn't had anything to eat for nearly three chapters and those coconuts the pages were carrying were beginning to look tantalizing. He was barely listening as Percy explained to him how sheep bladders could be used to prevent earthquakes.

The sun was just beginning to set in a fanciful display of crimsons and oranges when Oliver spotted something just beyond them in the distance. Everyone stopped to look in the direction he was pointing. Beyond sat a magnificent castle, whose towers and turrets rose high into the sky. The rays of sunlight from a fading day shone down upon the castle in holy reverence and dramatic effect.

"Hogwarts," breathed Harry, relieved at finally being home.

"Hogwarts," echoed Oliver and Ron.

"It's only a model," muttered Colin. He was quickly hushed by Harry. The knights were all staring at their king, confused. Harry smiled nervously and dismissed Colin's comment as nothing.

"Knights!" he announced. "I bid you welcome to your new home! Let us ride... to Hogwarts!"

And so they did ride to Hogwarts, where inside the Great Hall a lavish banquet was awaiting the knights. A vast number of people were gathered here, laughing, feasting, dancing through a poorly choreographed dance sequence and singing great ballads about the Knights of the Triangular table. The halls rung with the sound of wailing and song; lyrics about feasting on jams and spam, pushing prams, and the decoration of shiny sequined vests. Suddenly, our narration changed and once again the reader was looking upon Harry and his knights who had suddenly stopped riding towards the castle.

"No," said Harry, shaking his head. "On second thought, let's not go to Hogwarts. It's a silly place." The knights nodded and they turned around, riding off to who-knows-where.

Harry had no idea where he was leading his knights. He rather hoped that some sort of peasant or unearthly being would happen by and charge him with a quest. After all, what was the point in being the leader of a group of "famous" knights if they didn't have any deed to complete in order to earn their fame? What sort of stories would be written about him and his lordship if he didn't do anything to get attention? Semi-killing the Dark Lord by doing nothing wasn't something heroic, it was no more than illogical twisted luck! Harry wanted to do something to be remembered for which he could actually remember doing!

Seeing as this story would go nowhere if something didn't happen, the knights were soon bathed in a mysterious glow emanating from the heavens above. From the air came the melodious ringing of trumpets and a heavenly choir. The knights' pages grew frightened and whinnied while bashing their coconuts nervously. The knights fell to their knees as one (Neville tripping more than kneeling) as a mysterious figure appeared through the clouds.

"Simba..." boomed the voice. The knights looked up into the face of a mysteriously talking lion.

Harry blinked. "Who the devil are you?"

The lion stared back at him. "You're not Simba!"

"Of course I'm not—"

"Hey, push over there, you wretched two dimensional drawing!" boomed a second voice. The head of the lion faded to be replaced with that of a man. He was dressed in gold and scarlet robes of the finest silk. As the knights looked on, the omnipotent figure took a moment to regain his composure and look important. Eventually, he spoke. "Potter! Harry Potter!"

"Erm... that's me..." answered Harry, nervously, beginning to rise to his feet.

Percy reached out and yanked Harry back down by the hem of his kingly robes. "Grovel, Potter, that's Gryffindor!"

Harry, surprised, looked back up into the face of Godric Gryffindor, his house's founder. Gryffindor's gaze was fixed on Percy. He looked annoyed.

"Oh don't listen to that owl-eyed prat," rumbled Gryffindor. "Stop grovelling and stand up! I can't stand people groveling! I built a bloody school and I didn't even do it by myself! What sort of an infamous task is that?"

Harry, apologizing, got to his feet with the rest of the knights. "Hey, wait a moment... where are the other three founders?"

"What? We don't go everywhere together!" replied Gryffindor, sounding annoyed. "We have our own separate lives, you know! That's why we never bother talking to any of you in most of these fics! You all stick us together like we're a bunch of conjoined quadruplets. Well we're not!!!"

"Sorry, sir," apologized Harry again.

"Oh forget it," sighed Gryffindor, dismissing the notion. "Me blabbering on like this is just a waste of time and web site bandwidth. So let me get to the point." He cleared is throat and spoke in a more ominous tone. "Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived, your Knights of the Triangular Table shall have them a task to make them an example in these dark Hufflepuff-infested times."

"Oh, like a quest, you mean?" asked Harry. "What a good idea!"

"Of course it's a good idea," boomed Gryffindor. "I came up with it." At these words another light began to shine amongst the clouds, revealing the shape of a small, golden ball.

"Behold, Harry, this is—"

"It's a Snitch!" exclaimed Oliver excitedly. "A Golden Snitch!"

"Do not interrupt me!!!" thundered Gryffindor, glaring at Oliver. He fell silent, bowing his head meekly. "Anyway, as Mr. Obvious pointed out there, this is a Snitch. But not just any Snitch, Harry, this is the most sacred of Snitches. It is... golden and holy." There were several "oooh"s and "ahhhh"s from the knights. "It is your task, King Harry, to retrieve and keep this Golden Snitch. That is your purpose, Harry..." The music began to fade along with the image of Gryffindor. "The Quest for the Golden Snitch..."

Harry turned to look at the knights. Oliver was in tears of happiness. A Snitch! Percy looked bored and disappointed at his lot in life. Ron and Neville were eager to get moving.

"It's a blessing, Harry!" exclaimed Ron. "A blessing from Gryffindor!"

Harry grinned. Finally, something to allow him a proper claim to fame! Signaling to the knights, they once again "mounted" their "horses" and rode off to begin their search for the most golden of Snitches.

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There, end of chapter. Now, while I go off to be stupid and Tookish as is the daily lot of my life, you can review!