April 7th
I took a walk with Charles today. He was being very quiet and I asked him why.
Me: You're so quiet today, Charles.
Charles: I've been thinking about my children. Me: Are you worried about Hank moving in? Is everything alright? Charles: It isn't Hank I'm concerned about. He is fitting into the Mansion very well, aside from some of the younger children following him. It is more my older children who have me worried.
Me: Did Marie tell you about her summer clothing? She was very excited when I told her she could wear shorts again.
Charles: Dear Jean, when will you grow out of your need to try and distract everyone else from you? It is not Marie, or Hank, or even Logan who worries me today. It is you, my oldest daughter.
Me: Me? Why am I worrying you?
Charles: Because you deny who you truly are. The hellion who used her mind to throw a paperweight at my head the first time I met her is quite different from the quiet woman walking beside me now. I sometimes worry that the hellion has gone for good.
Me: I don't know what to say, Charles. I always thought you were happy with who I've become.
Charles: You are a very cautious young woman. You think before you speak, you measure each move in your life as carefully as if you were playing chess, you are calm, collected, and considerate. You are a wonderful teacher and the students love you. But I wonder if you are truly happy with your life.
Me: I'm very happy here, Charles. I love the children and the school. I love you.
Charles: As I love you. But what of living? I met you when you were scared, cornered by sensations and thoughts that you'd never felt before. You were violent, abrasive, and thoroughly unmanageable. Very different, indeed, from the woman who does not raise her voice in a fight when her lover is being insulting.
Me: You heard that?
Charles: I'm surprised the whole mansion didn't hear it. He was being rather loud. Marie practically ran upstairs and slugged him for insulting Logan and yourself.
Me: "Slugged him"? I've never heard you say that before.
Charles: It's been a long time since I've had to. But the sentiment is clear. Marie, a girl of 16 years, was ready to fight for you. Why weren't you ready to fight for yourself?
Me: I fight all the time, Charles. Once in a while it's nice to rest.
Charles: I understand. In fact, I feel remarkably the same way.
Me: I used to feel so safe and secure with Scott, as if he could protect me against anything, including himself. But now? I'm not so sure.
Charles: Then perhaps it is time for a change of room?
At that I grinned and the hellion in me jumped up. Yes! It shrieked. Yes, yes, yes! We'll show him! "Thank you, Charles. I'll see what I can do." We finished our walk in companionable silence, me pondering what I told him, and he pondering what I didn't tell him.
I took a walk with Charles today. He was being very quiet and I asked him why.
Me: You're so quiet today, Charles.
Charles: I've been thinking about my children. Me: Are you worried about Hank moving in? Is everything alright? Charles: It isn't Hank I'm concerned about. He is fitting into the Mansion very well, aside from some of the younger children following him. It is more my older children who have me worried.
Me: Did Marie tell you about her summer clothing? She was very excited when I told her she could wear shorts again.
Charles: Dear Jean, when will you grow out of your need to try and distract everyone else from you? It is not Marie, or Hank, or even Logan who worries me today. It is you, my oldest daughter.
Me: Me? Why am I worrying you?
Charles: Because you deny who you truly are. The hellion who used her mind to throw a paperweight at my head the first time I met her is quite different from the quiet woman walking beside me now. I sometimes worry that the hellion has gone for good.
Me: I don't know what to say, Charles. I always thought you were happy with who I've become.
Charles: You are a very cautious young woman. You think before you speak, you measure each move in your life as carefully as if you were playing chess, you are calm, collected, and considerate. You are a wonderful teacher and the students love you. But I wonder if you are truly happy with your life.
Me: I'm very happy here, Charles. I love the children and the school. I love you.
Charles: As I love you. But what of living? I met you when you were scared, cornered by sensations and thoughts that you'd never felt before. You were violent, abrasive, and thoroughly unmanageable. Very different, indeed, from the woman who does not raise her voice in a fight when her lover is being insulting.
Me: You heard that?
Charles: I'm surprised the whole mansion didn't hear it. He was being rather loud. Marie practically ran upstairs and slugged him for insulting Logan and yourself.
Me: "Slugged him"? I've never heard you say that before.
Charles: It's been a long time since I've had to. But the sentiment is clear. Marie, a girl of 16 years, was ready to fight for you. Why weren't you ready to fight for yourself?
Me: I fight all the time, Charles. Once in a while it's nice to rest.
Charles: I understand. In fact, I feel remarkably the same way.
Me: I used to feel so safe and secure with Scott, as if he could protect me against anything, including himself. But now? I'm not so sure.
Charles: Then perhaps it is time for a change of room?
At that I grinned and the hellion in me jumped up. Yes! It shrieked. Yes, yes, yes! We'll show him! "Thank you, Charles. I'll see what I can do." We finished our walk in companionable silence, me pondering what I told him, and he pondering what I didn't tell him.