"The Wind"
Disclaimer: The characters in this story are not owned by me. The situations are mine, however.
Author's Notes: Again, written this summer and based on preliminary spoilers. Those spoilers are now, obviously, void.
[Open to Luke's. RORY walks through the front door; LORELAI is sitting at a table by the window. RORY goes over and joins her]
LORELAI: Hey.
RORY: Hey.
LORELAI: Wow.
RORY: What?
LORELAI: You're not wearing plaid.
RORY: I do occasionally take it off.
LORELAI: I thought it was like your 'NSync shirt. I can barely get that thing off you to put through the laundry.
RORY: Yes, well, I was beginning to stink, so I took it off.
LORELAI: And let me tell you, I am glad for that. Where's your backpack?
RORY: At home.
LORELAI: I thought we were going to have to get it surgically removed.
RORY: Luckily, no. Because that would cost a lot.
LORELAI: And it might be painful. So, what's with the lack of plaid and back wear?
RORY: I finished my Franklin article, and I only have three pages left of my AP Euro Lit essay that's due Monday, so I thought I'd give it a rest.
LORELAI: Good.
RORY: Good?
LORELAI: Yeah. I was getting tired of having to search for you through all your papers. I mean, I would hear your voice replying, but all I would see would be paper and textbooks and highlighters.
RORY: Perhaps you were talking to the books.
LORELAI: But they were answering me.
RORY: That's my point.
LORELAI: Mean girl.
RORY: Yes, well.
LORELAI: You look different.
RORY: Fly ball into left field...
LORELAI: No, you look different. I'm trying to peg it.
RORY: Maybe it's the lack of plaid.
LORELAI: No. [She sips her coffee] Anything interesting happening lately?
RORY: If there were, I would have told you.
LORELAI: Well, we haven't gotten to talk much lately.
RORY: Well, what do you want to know?
LORELAI: You tell me.
RORY: Okay. Paris is so relieved that I have my article done that she's actually being civil in our Physics group. Brad is back, and he got stuck with Paris as a lab partner, which sucks for him. Um...Louise and Madeline are trying to get Paris to instate a fashion column in the Franklin. That's it.
LORELAI: That's all school stuff.
RORY: You're implying that my life is more than that.
LORELAI: What about...people?
RORY: See, that whole rant about school? That included many people.
LORELAI: Other people.
RORY: Like Lane?
LORELAI: Kind of.
RORY: Well, she hasn't told Mrs. Kim about Clyde yet.
LORELAI: Ah. So...anything else? [She pauses meaningfully]
RORY: Mom, there's something you want to know. Just come out and say it.
LORELAI: Rory-
[JESS comes over. He looks briefly at RORY; she meets his eye for a second, then attempts nonchalance]
JESS: You want anything?
LORELAI: Cheeseburgers.
JESS: And tea?
LORELAI: Ha. Funny.
JESS: Fries?
LORELAI: Duh.
JESS: Okay then. [He glances at RORY one more time and leaves]
LORELAI: Now-
RORY: Hey, wait.
LORELAI: What?
RORY: Did you make up with Grandpa yet? Because we have to go to dinner there tomorrow night.
LORELAI: Let's turn the conversation back to you now.
RORY: I told you all my interesting stuff. Mom, come on.
LORELAI: I'm just trying to digest this still, okay?
RORY: Can you make up and digest?
LORELAI: That would that a lot of coordination. Remember what happened in yoga?
RORY: That wasn't a lack of coordination, per se.
LORELAI: Um, I fell over.
RORY: A lack of balance, therefore.
LORELAI: Well, I can't make up and digest. It would throw my balance off.
RORY: That's only assuming one weighs more than the other.
LORELAI: The making up weighs about two times more than the digesting.
RORY: Mom...
LORELAI: I'm working on it.
RORY: I don't want to sit through one of those dinners.
LORELAI: "Those" dinners?
RORY: You know. Where Grandma tries to fill space that is usually occupied by you babbling, and Grandpa will hardly say one word to anyone.
LORELAI: I happen to enjoy those dinners.
RORY: You do not.
LORELAI: How do you know?
RORY: There's nothing to mock.
LORELAI: The food.
RORY: Nope.
LORELAI: [Sighs] I'll get on it.
RORY: Good.
[She sneaks a look at JESS; he sees her looking at him and smiles. She bites her lip and turns back to LORELAI, who has seen the whole thing. LORELAI frowns and looks out the window]
[Opening credits]
[First commercial break]
[Cut to LORELAI at the inn. She's in the kitchen with SOOKIE, coffee in hand]
SOOKIE: You look tired.
LORELAI: I'm not tired.
SOOKIE: You've drunk three more cups of coffee than average.
LORELAI: I'm thirsty.
SOOKIE: Nope, this is avoidance.
LORELAI: Excuse me?
SOOKIE: When you're upset about something, your coffee ingestion falters. When you're sad, it goes down, when you're avoiding something stressful, it goes up.
LORELAI: Wow.
SOOKIE: I'm thinking of writing a thesis on it.
LORELAI: The next Pavlov.
SOOKIE: So?
LORELAI: I don't know. I still haven't made up with my dad.
SOOKIE: Oh.
LORELAI: Yeah. And Rory is trying to force me to.
SOOKIE: She has a-
LORELAI: I need an ear, not a Furby.
SOOKIE: Got it.
LORELAI: And...
SOOKIE: There's an and! I knew this was way too much coffee!
LORELAI: I think Rory and Jess are dating.
SOOKIE: What?
LORELAI: Yeah. I mean, after that kiss at your wedding-
SOOKIE: Kiss?
LORELAI: They kissed at your wedding.
SOOKIE: And she broke up with Dean.
LORELAI: And then Jess got a girlfriend.
SOOKIE: And he broke up with her.
LORELAI: And then I found them on the porch, kissing.
SOOKIE: And you didn't say anything?
LORELAI: I was waiting for her to say something to me.
SOOKIE: That did not work well when Dean was new.
LORELAI: But, we made an agreement.
SOOKIE: You abused your half of the Grandfather agreement.
LORELAI: But Rory never abuses her half of agreements.
SOOKIE: Think she's afraid to tell you?
LORELAI: I told her I was fine with the Jess thing if she would only tell me.
SOOKIE: Why don't you ask her about it?
LORELAI: I've tried.
SOOKIE: Tried?
LORELAI: I hinted.
SOOKIE: Maybe you need to throw it at her. Not hint.
LORELAI: Probably. I just...I don't want this to...resemble anything having to do with my parents and my upbringing. I don't want her to be scared to tell me things, and I don't want to force them out of her.
SOOKIE: Well...
LORELAI: Ugh.
SOOKIE: More coffee?
LORELAI: Definitely.
SOOKIE: I knew there was an and.
LORELAI: So, how's everything at home? Applied to be on "The Newlywed Game" yet?
SOOKIE: Jackson is still insisting on growing the produce inside. [giggles] But the good thing is, I have carrots at my fingertips.
LORELAI: Just what I've always dreamed of.
SOOKIE: And I'm slowly training him to load the dishwasher. My initial diagram wasn't detailed enough. And I've also added some hypotheticals, like, what if there's two big pots, several salad plates, and a ton of glasses, but no special baking ware.
LORELAI: I myself have often wondered what to do in such a situation.
SOOKIE: [Looks over to LORELAI and frowns] You finished that cup already?
LORELAI: [Holds out her cup] There's an and.
[Cut to RORY and JESS at the bridge, kissing. JESS pulls away, and RORY smiles at him; he returns it]
JESS: This bridge just gets better and better.
RORY: I can push you in the water if it'll make it more memorable.
JESS: Maybe in a little.
RORY: Hey, when do you have to be at the diner?
JESS: Why?
RORY: I don't want to make you late.
JESS: So you haven't told her yet.
RORY: [Lowers her eyes] No.
JESS: When are you going to?
RORY: It's just...hard. First the Yale thing, now this...
JESS: Okay.
RORY: You're not mad?
JESS: No.
RORY: Have you told Luke?
JESS: Must be some strange fumes around this lake.
RORY: Nope.
JESS: We're even.
RORY: Not really. I didn't expect you to tell Luke.
JESS: No?
RORY: You're not that close.
JESS: Not really.
RORY: Hey, I forgot to ask...did you listen to the Pixies CD?
JESS: Oh, yeah. Good stuff.
RORY: [Triumphantly] I told you.
JESS: You win.
RORY: That was a disappointingly easy victory.
JESS: You'd have me argue with you?
RORY: I like arguing.
JESS: [Chuckles] Oh, yeah. You're combative.
RORY: I like arguing with you.
JESS: I'm that special, huh?
RORY: Well, I never really liked arguing with Dean.
JESS: Because you couldn't use words containing more than two syllables?
RORY: [Gives him a dirty look] Because we couldn't argue over literature and music.
JESS: That too.
RORY: [Suddenly] You never answered my question.
JESS: Which?
RORY: Diner?
JESS: Five.
RORY: What time is it?
JESS: [Checks his watch] Quarter to five.
RORY: We should go.
JESS: I'll walk you home.
RORY: It'll make you late.
JESS: My being on time will be more suspicious than my being late.
RORY: True. [She stands and JESS takes her hand]
JESS: So, have you told Lane?
RORY: No, not yet. I haven't really seen much of her lately.
JESS: Took up a new hobby?
RORY: You could say that.
JESS: Paris?
RORY: The city?
JESS: Have you told her?
RORY: [Giggles] Oh, yeah, she's the person I run to with all my news.
JESS: So, no one.
RORY: I'm sorry.
JESS: Don't worry about it. I just want to get it straight.
RORY: It has nothing to do with you.
JESS: Yes it does.
RORY: Well, I mean...[sighs] It has to do with...your reputation.
JESS: Uh-huh.
RORY: I mean, it's hard to tell people when they see who they think you are, and I see something entirely different.
JESS: Right.
RORY: And I will tell them eventually.
JESS: Of course.
RORY: [Pauses and looks at him] You're mocking me.
JESS: Oh, yeah. Rory, I'm not offended.
RORY: I will get to it.
JESS: I know.
[They stop in front of her house]
RORY: Call me?
JESS: Not afraid of your mother answering?
RORY: See, there you go with that mocking thing again.
JESS: Yup. [He leans over and kisses her] Bye.
RORY: Bye.
[She watches him leave, a smile on her face, then turns and goes inside. LORELAI is at the kitchen table]
LORELAI: Hey! You're home late.
RORY: I dropped by the bookstore.
LORELAI: [Not buying it] Ah. Find anything?
RORY: Nope.
LORELAI: I can't believe you went to the bookstore and didn't find anything.
RORY: Such things have happened.
LORELAI: Not to you.
RORY: Well, I did see the hardcover of Catcher in the Rye that I've been wanting for a while, but it was too much.
LORELAI: So, that's all you did?
RORY: I'm only forty-five minutes late.
LORELAI: Right, but...
RORY: What's so suspicious about me going to the bookstore?
LORELAI: You just seem awfully defensive about an innocent thing.
RORY: And you are starting to sound like you need an interrogation lamp and some bad coffee in front of you.
LORELAI: Rory-[phone rings] I'll get it. [Picks up from under stack of papers] Hello?
PARIS: Is Rory there?
LORELAI: Hang on. [Hands phone to RORY] It's for you.
RORY: Who?
LORELAI: One guess.
RORY: Oh. [To PARIS] Hello?
PARIS: We need to talk about your article.
RORY: You said-
PARIS: I was too rushed to parse it properly. There are some discrepancies in here.
RORY: Like what?
PARIS: You stated that the lecture on the Electoral College system of voting was a one o'clock on the fourteenth when it was at one-thirty.
RORY: No one is going to care or know the difference.
PARIS: If you're going to report facts, report the right ones.
RORY: Fine. What else?
PARIS: You didn't provide enough detail on the lecturers.
RORY: Paris.
PARIS: People need to know every second of this trip.
RORY: They don't want to.
PARIS: It's their money. They want to know it's being spent wisely.
RORY: It's their parents' money. They don't care.
PARIS: Whose newspaper is this?
RORY: Fine, go on.
PARIS: You need to involve details about clothing, speaking style, all that.
RORY: Oh, God.
PARIS: I'm assuming you took notes on that.
RORY: That was you.
PARIS: Harvard doesn't accept journalism majors who can't take detailed notes.
RORY: [Pause] Right.
PARIS: So, are you gonna revise it or what?
RORY: Yeah, I'll work on it.
PARIS: You only have a week until deadline now.
RORY: Oh, yeah. I know. It'll be done.
PARIS: Good. So, Lit paper.
RORY: I'm close.
PARIS: Close? I had it done yesterday.
RORY: That's ambitious.
PARIS: I assumed you would have taken the same tack.
RORY: I'm still working. And it's not due until Monday.
PARIS: That's what slackers say.
RORY: Paris, slackers do not discuss Lit papers after school hours.
PARIS: Whatever. Look, just get the article done, okay?
RORY: I will.
PARIS: Then I'll see you tomorrow.
RORY: Yup.
PARIS: Bye.
RORY: Bye. [RORY hangs up the phone]
LORELAI: Sounded like fun.
RORY: It was. I have to redo part of my article.
LORELAI: Oh?
RORY: Yeah. Paris says that there needs to be more detail in it.
LORELAI: That girl is going to write those annoying articles. The ones where you don't bother to read past the first three paragraphs because you can't absorb that much information.
RORY: Definitely. So, is our fight over?
LORELAI: [Haltingly] Yeah.
RORY: Good. I'm gonna go work. [She takes the phone with her]
LORELAI: You need the phone to work?
RORY: If Paris calls again-which you know will happen-I need to be able to find the phone.
LORELAI: Another crack at my housekeeping!
RORY: They do come so easily.
LORELAI: Go, scram. [Waves her hand]
RORY: Bye. [She goes in her room and shuts the door, then sits on the far corner of the bed and dials] Luke? Is Jess there? [Cut to LORELAI on the other side of the door. She frowns and walks away]
[Cut to elder Gilmore residence. RORY and LORELAI are standing outside]
RORY: You're going to be nice, right?
LORELAI: Only if you remembered that hammer for me to hit myself over the head with.
RORY: Are you going to be nice without the hammer?
LORELAI: I'll try.
RORY: Good.
[EMILY comes to the door]
EMILY: Come in.
LORELAI: No maid?
EMILY: I had to fire Sheila today.
LORELAI: Wouldn't give you her firstborn?
EMILY: She seemed to have a little trouble distinguishing which cheese to go with which wine.
LORELAI: I was close.
EMILY: Well, get in. [RORY and LORELAI come inside] Your father is in his study.
LORELAI: Is he eating with us?
EMILY: That's a silly question, Lorelai. Of course he is.
LORELAI: Just...making sure.
RORY: Uh, so, have you been looking at replacements?
EMILY: Well, there was a lovely French girl that would be splendid, but unfortunately, she only speaks French.
LORELAI: Dad speaks French.
EMILY: Well, your father is not around all day, dear.
RORY: Maybe you could teach her some basic phrases.
EMILY: I want a maid, not a pupil.
LORELAI: Yeah, 'cause teaching is so low.
EMILY: Lorelai.
LORELAI: Right.
EMILY: Drink?
LORELAI: Gin.
EMILY: Coke, Rory?
RORY: Yes, please.
[EMILY fills the drinks at the sideboard and hands them to RORY and LORELAI]
EMILY: How's school, Rory?
RORY: It's fine. The newspaper is keeping me very busy.
EMILY: Why, I can imagine. And your office?
RORY: It's not too much now, but the school year just started.
EMILY: Well, I'm sure it will be wonderful.
RORY: Oh, yeah. Me too.
[RICHARD comes in]
RICHARD: Hello, Rory. [Coldly] Lorelai.
LORELAI: Richard.
RICHARD: How is school, Rory?
RORY: It's fine. I'm waiting for my vice presidential office to turn into something.
RICHARD: Well, vice president is a very strange office.
RORY: Indeed it is.
RICHARD: Paris is president, correct?
RORY: Yes, that's right.
RICHARD: Smart girl.
LORELAI: She's going to Harvard.
RICHARD: [Gives her a withering look]
EMILY: Dinner must be ready by now.
RICHARD: Where is that maid?
EMILY: I fired her.
RICHARD: Ah.
EMILY: Well, let's go. [She and RICHARD link arms and walk into the dining room. RORY glares at LORELAI and follows without waiting for her. LORELAI shrugs, finishes her drink, and goes into the dining room]
[Cut to Gilmore Jeep after dinner]
RORY: Why did you say that?
LORELAI: What?
RORY: You know what. The Harvard thing.
LORELAI: Rory, I am still angry. You might not be, but I am.
RORY: I don't think it's fair.
LORELAI: Neither do I. Just...leave it alone, okay?
RORY: Whatever.
LORELAI: You're still considering Harvard, right?
RORY: I don't know.
LORELAI: What?
RORY: I don't know if I'm going to apply.
LORELAI: What? What is this crazy talk?
RORY: I told you a while ago that I wasn't sure if I was going at all.
LORELAI: But, I mean, why not apply?
RORY: What's the point?
LORELAI: So, you're not considering it.
RORY: I guess not.
LORELAI: You've really got your heart set on Yale?
RORY: Look, I just...I think that I could be successful at Yale just as much as Harvard.
LORELAI: Taking the easy road?
RORY: Excuse me?
LORELAI: You've got Yale, so you're not going to try for Harvard?
RORY: That's not it, and you know it! I'm going to Yale, okay? I decided.
LORELAI: Have you given this any thought?
RORY: Who are you talking to?
LORELAI: When did you decide?
RORY: A few days after Grandpa told us.
LORELAI: So, you're just willing to abandon Harvard like this?
RORY: If you've got your heart so set on it, you apply.
LORELAI: I don't think they accept 33-year-old ex-debutantes with 18-year-old daughters.
RORY: Worth a try.
LORELAI: You know, I think you should give Harvard a shot.
RORY: You know, I think you're doing it again.
LORELAI: Doing what?
RORY: Turning your dream into mine.
LORELAI: I might have gone there.
RORY: But you didn't.
LORELAI: And you better be damn thankful for that, or you wouldn't be here.
RORY: Whose fault would that be?
LORELAI: What the hell has gotten into you?
RORY: Into me? You're the one harassing me.
LORELAI: I'm hardly harassing you.
RORY: You are. [Sees Luke's] Stop the car.
LORELAI: What?
RORY: Stop the car. [LORELAI stops and RORY gets out]
LORELAI: Where are you going?
RORY: I'll be home by ten.
LORELAI: Rory-
RORY: Bye.
[LORELAI sighs and puts her head on the steering wheel, then picks it up and starts driving home]
[Second commercial break]
[Open to next morning at Gilmore house. RORY comes out of her room, fully dressed]
RORY: Mom!
[LORELAI comes down the stairs. RORY pours herself a cup of coffee and LORELAI pours herself one. RORY takes a Pop-Tart, but leaves the other in the toaster. LORELAI walks across the kitchen to get it. RORY picks up her bag and leaves without helping LORELAI tie her scarf. LORELAI huffs and marches out the back door]
[Cut to Chilton. RORY and PARIS are walking down the hall]
PARIS: The revision was okay.
RORY: Paris, I put every detail I remember in there.
PARIS: Then you need some ginko-biloba.
RORY: What's wrong with it now?
PARIS: You need to learn how to write the details in more gracefully.
RORY: It was graceful before the details. Now it's cumbersome because of the details.
PARIS: No, it will be fine with the details, but you need to work on your transitioning and such.
RORY: Why don't we ask the advisor?
PARIS: Because she has no clue what she's talking about.
RORY: Okay, the term "advisor" would indicate that she does know what she's talking about.
PARIS: Why are you in such a bad mood? More troubles in paradise?
RORY: Look, I'm just...never mind. You don't care.
PARIS: Tell me.
RORY: Why?
PARIS: Because maybe once we have our little Babysitters' Club moment you can go back to normal.
RORY: Fine. [They stop in front of her lockers. RORY talks while getting things out] I'm having a fight with my mom.
PARIS: That's it? That's why you're so upset?
RORY: A good part of it.
PARIS: So, there's a lesser part. Might as well get it all out.
RORY: I'm dating Jess.
PARIS: I didn't know that was supposed to be upsetting. I'm not too experienced, but usually that means your rose-colored glasses have thicker lenses than usual.
RORY: I haven't told my mom.
PARIS: Is that what the fight's about?
RORY: No.
PARIS: Then what's it about?
RORY: My grandparents.
PARIS: Well, I think you should tell your mother about Jess and talk to your grandparents.
RORY: My grandparents?
PARIS: If the fight's about them, then maybe they can help you make up. Your grandpa's nice.
RORY: My mom doesn't think so.
PARIS: Well, whatever. I'm not really good at the whole Joyce Brothers thing.
RORY: Thanks for trying.
PARIS: Yeah. Let's go. We're going to be late for class.
RORY: Oh, yeah.
PARIS: And don't forget about the newspaper meeting tomorrow, three-thirty sharp.
RORY: Oh, sharp?
PARIS: Back to normal.
RORY: Thanks.
PARIS: Don't mention it. Really. Ever.
[Cut to Kim's Antiques. RORY enters through the front door. MRS. KIM pops up from behind a chair]
RORY: Aah! Oh, hi, Mrs. Kim. Is Lane here?
MRS. KIM: Lane is in her room.
RORY: May I see her?
MRS. KIM: Very well. Five minutes.
RORY: Thank you, Mrs. Kim. [MRS. KIM just stares, and RORY goes up the stairs and knocks on LANE'S door] Lane?
LANE: Rory? Hey.
RORY: Hey. [Sees the mess] Wow.
LANE: Calculus is ugly.
RORY: I see that.
LANE: My mom let you up?
RORY: I know. Weird, huh? In the middle of a school afternoon, and after five.
LANE: So you and Lorelai haven't made up.
RORY: Uh...
LANE: If you had, you would be with her now.
RORY: It was a bad one.
LANE: And you still haven't said anything about Jess?
RORY: I can't now. She's already mad.
LANE: Wow.
RORY: Ugh.
LANE: I can't remember a time when you couldn't tell your mom something.
RORY: Dean.
LANE: That was different. You were overreacting.
RORY: I hate this.
LANE: Then make up!
RORY: I can't. It's her turn.
LANE: You guys take turns?
RORY: Well, she started it.
LANE: So mature.
RORY: That's probably what she's thinking.
LANE: Which eliminates that whole "turn" thing, so just go say sorry.
RORY: It just...no. It's more than that.
LANE: Okay.
RORY: So, I'm assuming you haven't told your mom about-[she looks over her shoulder, toward the door]-your book.
LANE: Not yet.
RORY: Seems as though we're in the same boat, mate.
LANE: My boat's a little more explosive.
RORY: I beg to differ. Lorelai's got some pretty good ammunition when necessary.
LANE: Fine. We're in the same boat. [Sighs] I just don't think-no, I know-she's not going to warm to the idea of...my book.
RORY: Especially not since it's...banned.
LANE: Right.
RORY: Well, I better get going. I don't want to exceed my five minutes.
LANE: Thanks for coming. Hey, are we still on for Saturday?
RORY: Of course.
LANE: Oh, hey, do you see my book?
RORY: [Looks around] Lane?
LANE: My real book.
RORY: Oh. It's under your papers, over there. [Points]
LANE: Ah. Thanks.
RORY: I'll call you tomorrow.
LANE: Okay.
RORY: [Opens the door] Good luck with your homework and your...book.
LANE: I need it.
[RORY steps outside the Kim house and looks around for a bit, indecisively, then turns and goes across the street to Luke's]
LUKE: Hey.
RORY: Hey.
LUKE: Lookin' for Jess?
RORY: Yeah. Is he here?
LUKE: Yeah. He's upstairs. But he has to work at six.
RORY: Duly noted. [She goes upstairs and knocks on the door. JESS answers and looks surprised]
JESS: Hey.
RORY: Hey.
JESS: You're here.
RORY: In the flesh. [Nervous] You don't want me here?
JESS: [Laughs] You're insane. [He opens the door wider to let her in] I just thought you'd be with your mom.
RORY: Well, I had newspaper this afternoon, and then I went to see Lane.
JESS: [Knowingly] Uh-huh.
RORY: We haven't made up.
JESS: Tough.
RORY: I don't know what to do.
JESS: You don't want to go to Harvard?
RORY: No.
JESS: And you've been accepted to Yale?
RORY: Yes.
JESS: Well...
RORY: I know. But I did walk out of the car.
JESS: And came here. [They start walking back to his bedroom, talking all the time]
RORY: Yes.
JESS: Rory, that was last Friday.
RORY: Yes, it was.
JESS: Today is Tuesday.
RORY: Still yes.
JESS: Now, I don't know your mom that well, but I'm assuming that this is probably one of your longest fights. And you're miserable, so go and make up with her. [He sits on the bed and leans over to put a CD in the player]
RORY: It's her turn.
JESS: Okay, so be miserable and wait for her to see that it's her turn.
RORY: I'm being stupid.
JESS: You're not stupid. Stubborn.
RORY: I hate fighting with her.
JESS: Then stop.
RORY: It's not that easy.
JESS: Okay. [He turns on "Everlong" by the Foo-Fighters. They lay back on the bed]
[Cut to Gilmore house. RORY comes through the front door; LORELAI is sitting on the couch, watching TV]
LORELAI: There's Chinese in the fridge.
RORY: Okay.
[RORY goes into the kitchen and piles some food on a plate, then sticks it in the microwave]
LORELAI: [From living room] And Paris called.
RORY: When?
LORELAI: Ten minutes after you were supposed to be home.
RORY: [Rolls her eyes] I'll call her back. [She pulls the food out of the microwave]
LORELAI: Don't wait too long. [She comes into the kitchen] Some people get really irked when you wait too long.
RORY: [Pauses before taking a bite] I'll keep that in mind.
LORELAI: Good. [The phone rings] Hello? She's right here. No, she's eating. She'll reheat it, no big deal. [Hands phone to RORY] It's your dad.
RORY: Oh. [Takes the phone] Hey, Dad.
CHRISTOPHER: Hey there. How's it going?
RORY: Pretty good.
CHRISTOPHER: You sound weird.
RORY: I just didn't expect you to call.
CHRISTOPHER: Rory, just because Sherry and I are going to have a family doesn't mean that you won't be a part of my life.
RORY: I just meant, it's Tuesday. You usually call on Wednesdays.
CHRISTOPHER: Oh. So. How's school?
RORY: It's okay, I guess. Paris has morphed back into scary dictator Paris, and my article for the Franklin will never be up to par, and my calculus class is tough, but...
CHRISTOPHER: Sounds busy.
RORY: It is. How's Sherry?
CHRISTOPHER: Everything's still normal. She's a little worried about the weight gain, and her food requests have gotten increasingly stranger-
RORY: Mom said that she craved marshmallow crème and peanut butter on strawberry Pop-Tarts during her pregnancy.
CHRISTOPHER: That's why she eats so many Pop-Tarts now.
RORY: That explains it. [Pause] Do you know if it's going to be a boy or a girl yet?
CHRISTOPHER: No, not yet. We're thinking that we'll be surprised.
RORY: Oh.
CHRISTOPHER: Ah, but we are asking you for name submissions.
RORY: I don't know if I'm really the right person for that. I mean, I don't really know Sherry too well, and-
CHRISTOPHER: Rory, I'm trying to make you a part of this. I don't want you to feel left out. Just write down names you like.
RORY: Okay. I'll go to the library.
CHRISTOPHER: The answer to all of life's problems.
RORY: I have to check out all my favorite books again and skim for names. Or, if all else fails, a baby name book.
CHRISTOPHER: She stoops.
RORY: Jess would have a fit. [Realizes what she said and squeezes her eyes, grimacing]
CHRISTOPHER: Jess?
RORY: Uh, yeah. My friend Jess. [LORELAI is listening closely now]
CHRISTOPHER: The one that broke your arm?
RORY: He fractured my wrist, and he didn't stand there and twist it or anything.
CHRISTOPHER: You're friends with him now?
RORY: We were always friends.
CHRISTOPHER: I don't think I like this.
RORY: You've never met him.
CHRISTOPHER: Would it change my mind?
RORY: Well...
CHRISTOPHER: Hmm-mmm.
RORY: He's just my friend, Dad. Nothing bad is going to happen.
CHRISTOPHER: You already broke your wrist and skipped school.
RORY: How did you know?
CHRISTOPHER: Your mother, of course.
RORY: I have to go do homework.
CHRISTOPHER: [Chuckles] You are your mother's daughter.
RORY: [Bitterly] Maybe that's because no one else was around. [Pause] I'm sorry.
CHRISTOPHER: I'll talk to you next Wednesday?
RORY: Dad-
CHRISTOPHER: I'll call around eight, like usual.
RORY: Okay. Bye.
CHRISTOPHER: Bye.
[RORY hangs up the phone. LORELAI raises her eyebrows at RORY, who just goes into her room]
[Cut to the Inn. LORELAI is at the desk. The phone rings]
LORELAI: Independence Inn.
EMILY: That's how you answer the phone at your business?
LORELAI: Um, no. Usually I pretend they've called a 900 number.
EMILY: A what?
LORELAI: Never mind. What do you need, Mom?
EMILY: I need to tell you that your father and I are hosting a cocktail party next week.
LORELAI: And?
EMILY: It will be during our normal dinnertime.
LORELAI: And?
EMILY: And the dean of Yale will be there, so it would be appreciated if you and Rory would dress nicely.
LORELAI: Do we have to come?
EMILY: Yes.
LORELAI: Why don't we just have a double-length dinner next time?
EMILY: Because, it is important for Rory to meet the dean.
LORELAI: Important for Rory or important for Dad?
EMILY: If you're going to be difficult, Lorelai, you can just send Rory.
LORELAI: I don't have to come?
EMILY: It would be preferable if you didn't.
LORELAI: Fine. I'll send Rory around next Friday.
EMILY: Good. Make sure she is here at six-thirty.
LORELAI: Early?
EMILY: Your father and I need to speak with her.
LORELAI: About what?
EMILY: Proper decorum, the attendees, et cetra.
LORELAI: Mom, she doesn't need a talk.
EMILY: Send her early or you have to come.
LORELAI: Six-thirty it is.
EMILY: And be certain that she dresses appropriately.
LORELAI: I will.
EMILY: And it would be good for her to have a date. Even that Dean boy.
LORELAI: Uh, I don't think that's going to happen.
EMILY: What, you're afraid to expose him to our social circle?
LORELAI: No, he and Rory broke up some time ago.
EMILY: Oh. Well, does she have someone else she could bring?
LORELAI: [Pause] No.
EMILY: Well, perhaps Lita knows a nice young man.
LORELAI: Oh, no.
EMILY: What?
LORELAI: You are not setting her up.
EMILY: I have no other choice.
LORELAI: Why is it so important that she have an escort? EMILY: It shows that she has proper social interaction, that she can hold a conversation with someone, develop a camaraderie with the opposite sex.
LORELAI: Why don't you just send her with Rune? If she can develop a "camaraderie" with him, she can do it with anyone.
EMILY: Who is Rune?
LORELAI: You know what, never mind. She really needs a date?
EMILY: Yes.
LORELAI: We'll have it covered.
EMILY: Really?
LORELAI: Yes, really.
EMILY: You're certain?
LORELAI: Uh-huh.
EMILY: Because I'm sure Lita could-
LORELAI: Mom, we have it covered. We will have her loofah-ed and properly escorted.
EMILY: Good. Then I'll see Rory on Friday at six-thirty.
LORELAI: Yes you will.
[LORELAI hangs up and goes to the kitchen]
SOOKIE: Hey, hon.
LORELAI: Ugh.
SOOKIE: Oh, no.
LORELAI: My mother is having a cocktail party.
SOOKIE: Oh, wow. Is she going to have one of those champagne fountains? Because I saw it on HGTV the other day, they're just so-
LORELAI: Sookie.
SOOKIE: Right.
LORELAI: And she's making Rory go.
SOOKIE: What about you?
LORELAI: I annoyed my way out of it.
SOOKIE: It's quite a gift you have.
LORELAI: Yeah, but get this. Rory has to bring a date.
SOOKIE: Ooh.
LORELAI: And my mother threatened to set her up with some wannabe yuppie, so I saved her.
SOOKIE: By?
LORELAI: By saying that I would take care of it.
SOOKIE: How?
LORELAI: I haven't quite worked that part out yet. Jackson doesn't have any other cousins, does he?
SOOKIE: I'll check.
LORELAI: And I'll ask Miss Patty.
SOOKIE: [Giggles] Just don't give her a picture. Hey, what about Jess?
LORELAI: What about Jess?
SOOKIE: You said they were dating.
LORELAI: She still hasn't told me.
SOOKIE: And she won't because you're in the Harvard fight.
LORELAI: Exactly. Nice hole I've dug myself, huh?
SOOKIE: You're practically six feet under.
LORELAI: I should get an Emmy nod.
SOOKIE: So, what about Jess?
LORELAI: And I repeat, what about Jess?
SOOKIE: Couldn't she take him as a date? You know, instead of the awkward set-up thing.
LORELAI: I don't think my parents would really warm to Jess.
SOOKIE: I'm just saying, Rory would be more comfortable.
LORELAI: The dean at Yale's going to be there. She needs someone with more manners. Someone who's, you know, polite and kind of quiet, and-
SOOKIE: So, basically, Dean?
LORELAI: I like Dean.
SOOKIE: I know, sweetie.
LORELAI: When did motherhood get so complicated?
SOOKIE: It could be worse.
LORELAI: How?
SOOKIE: [Raises her eyebrows]
LORELAI: Well, yeah. [Leans across the counter and lowers her voice] So, have you and Jackson thought about it?
SOOKIE: It?
LORELAI: You know, parenthood.
SOOKIE: Well...I've thought of it, and I'm pretty sure he's thought of it, but we just haven't thought of it together.
LORELAI: Maybe you should start.
SOOKIE: Not the biological clock bit.
LORELAI: From me?
SOOKIE: Right, sorry. Jackson's mother did that to me.
LORELAI: Oh, ouch. [Hears a crash in the lobby] I better go.
SOOKIE: Bye, hon. [SOOKIE sets her bowl down and frowns, then picks up the phone] Jackson?
[Third commercial break]
[Cut to Luke's. LORELAI walks through the door and joins RORY at a table]
RORY: I ordered.
LORELAI: How did you know what I'd want?
RORY: You get the same thing every Wednesday.
LORELAI: Well, how did you know I'd get the same thing this Wednesday?
RORY: Go up there and change it if you want.
LORELAI: Whatever.
RORY: Whatever.
LORELAI: Your grandmother called today.
RORY: About what?
LORELAI: About next Friday.
RORY: About what on next Friday?
LORELAI: She and Dad are having a cocktail party and your attendance in mandatory.
RORY: What about you?
LORELAI: I don't have to go.
RORY: Why?
LORELAI: I just don't.
RORY: Fine.
LORELAI: So you have to be there at six-thirty, all dressed up, and...
RORY: And?
LORELAI: You need a date.
RORY: Oh.
LORELAI: I got you out of a set up.
RORY: Great.
LORELAI: That sounded sarcastic.
RORY: Well, who am I going to take now?
LORELAI: [Glares] I don't know.
RORY: I wouldn't have minded being set up. It's just one night.
LORELAI: It starts out as one night, but then it morphs into your grandmother setting you up every time we go to dinner.
RORY: Fine. So, who?
LORELAI: Well, I don't know.
RORY: What's that supposed to mean?
LORELAI: Nothing. You know what, I'm not really hungry.
RORY: We ordered.
LORELAI: You ordered.
RORY: You're just going to leave?
LORELAI: I'll have Chinese at home.
RORY: Fine.
LORELAI: Fine. Goodbye. [Leaves]
[JESS comes over with coffee]
JESS: Well, that looked like it went well.
RORY: [Holds out her cup] I need coffee.
JESS: Okay. Still want your food?
RORY: [Thinks] I think I'm gonna head home.
JESS: Okay. Call me later.
RORY: I will. [RORY looks around the diner, then quickly pecks JESS on the cheek. LUKE has seen from behind the counter. RORY leaves]
LUKE: [To JESS] What was that?
JESS: What?
LUKE: Jess.
JESS: Hm, I don't know. Maybe you should go ask her.
LUKE: You two dating?
JESS: [Shrugs]
LUKE: Jess, come on. Are you?
JESS: Maybe.
LUKE: Obviously, Lorelai doesn't know. She's gonna kill me.
JESS: What do you have to do with it?
LUKE: Look, I need you to tell me some things.
JESS: I didn't think me and Rory would bother you so much.
LUKE: It doesn't! [Quiets down] It doesn't, I would just like to know about this. Especially when it's Rory.
JESS: "Especially when it's Rory"?
LUKE: You know what, go back to work.
JESS: Fine.
[LUKE sighs and runs his hand over his head]
[Cut to Gilmore house. LORELAI is in the kitchen, banging around]
RORY: Mom?
LORELAI: Kitchen.
RORY: Hey.
LORELAI: Hey.
RORY: [Nervously] I think we need to talk.
LORELAI: Okay. [Sits at table with RORY] Shoot.
RORY: I'm sorry about the Harvard thing, but you can't be mad at me.
LORELAI: [Sighs] I'm not mad at you.
RORY: Not mad? You've been acting awfully strange for "not mad."
LORELAI: Rory, is there something you want to tell me? Something involving a sullen margin-writing diner worker?
RORY: [Clears her throat] Um...
LORELAI: Like, say, you're going out with him?
RORY: [Lowers her eyes] I'm sorry.
LORELAI: Why wouldn't you tell me this?
RORY: I didn't think you'd take it too well.
LORELAI: Well, I would have taken it better if you had actually told me. [Stands up] God, I thought I made it clear that you had to tell me this stuff. I just...I don't understand why you would keep this a secret, even after I told you that I was okay-ish with Jess if you would only tell me. [Starts putting food on a plate] God!
RORY: I'm sorry. I was going to tell you, and then I got scared. I mean, I see this completely different person, and I didn't know how to explain that to you, and I just...I freaked out.
LORELAI: Was it his idea?
RORY: What?
LORELAI: Not telling me.
RORY: No.
LORELAI: Really?
RORY: Really. It was all my mistake. I'm so sorry, Mom.
LORELAI: I hate that he does this to you.
RORY: What exactly does he do to you?
LORELAI: I don't know what it is exactly. I mean, you went on a joy ride with him. You skipped school-not to mention my graduation-for him. You kissed him while you were with Dean. He makes you like to me.
RORY: He didn't make me lie to you.
LORELAI: He makes you do things you normally wouldn't.
RORY: He doesn't.
LORELAI: No?
RORY: All of these things were my decisions.
LORELAI: Decisions that were somehow brought about by being near him.
RORY: [Explosively] I'm sick and tired of being the town princess! I hate that I can never make a mistake like a normal teenager! This whole town-even you-thinks I have some superhuman power that keeps me from ever doing something wrong, ever!
LORELAI: You didn't seem to hate being the town princess before you met Jess!
RORY: Maybe he just helped me realize it.
LORELAI: Or maybe he planted it in your mind!
RORY: Or maybe everyone is totally overreacting to every little incident!
LORELAI: God! Listen to us! This is what I told myself I would never do with my daughter. I promised myself that I would never have to have this conversation.
RORY: Then don't.
LORELAI: Yeah, well, I hadn't counted on Jess.
RORY: Isn't it enough for you that he makes me happy?
LORELAI: [Pauses] I'm glad. But happiness, in this case, can get you in trouble.
RORY: You once told me that I should be crazy happy. And I am crazy happy with Jess.
LORELAI: [Her face softens a little] Crazy happy, huh?
RORY: Weak-in-the-knees-constant-smile-bad-Nora-Ephron-movie happy.
LORELAI: Wow.
RORY: I can't help it.
LORELAI: I remember that feeling.
RORY: Yeah?
LORELAI: It led to you.
RORY: Mom, I'm not going to get pregnant.
LORELAI: I know that. [Sighs] Go, call him.
RORY: You're not mad?
LORELAI: No. But you must tell me everything. I mean it, Rory, one more bad thing happens...
RORY: Got it. [She takes the phone into her room]
[LORELAI sits down and sighs]
[Cut to Luke's. LORELAI enters]
LUKE: Coffee?
LORELAI: Mm, I was thinking a root beer float.
LUKE: So, coffee.
LORELAI: Yup.
LUKE: You look good.
LORELAI: I would proceed to giggle and blush, but that sounded way sarcastic.
LUKE: You look like crap.
LORELAI: Ah, this is where the giggling and blushing commences.
LUKE: Something happen?
LORELAI: Yeah. Rory and Jess.
LUKE: Ah.
LORELAI: You knew!
LUKE: Calm down, I just found out last night.
LORELAI: So, Jess didn't tell you.
LUKE: And Rory didn't tell you.
LORELAI: Trouble.
LUKE: Major. [Hands her coffee] Here you go.
LORELAI: [Sits on a barstool] So, what are we going to do?
LUKE: About...?
LORELAI: Rory and Jess.
LUKE: Nothing.
LORELAI: Nothing?
LUKE: Look, Rory is really good for Jess.
LORELAI: But what about, you know, Jess.
LUKE: I thought we established a rule about this.
LORELAI: I'm sorry, Luke, I'm worried.
LUKE: He won't get her pregnant, Lorelai.
LORELAI: I know. It's just...I worry.
LUKE: I heard. Lorelai, Rory has good judgment. Do you really think she would let Jess get her into serious trouble?
LORELAI: [Grudgingly] No.
LUKE: Then we're set.
LORELAI: Okay. But could you, you know, keep an eye on them?
LUKE: Will do.
LORELAI: Thanks. I better get going.
LUKE: All right. See you tonight.
LORELAI: Tonight? What makes you think I'll make it through the afternoon without more coffee?
LUKE: My mistake.
LORELAI: That's right. [Leaves, but turns] Hey, Luke?
LUKE: Yeah?
LORELAI: You've come a long way, with Jess.
LUKE: Yeah.
LORELAI: Yeah. [Leaves]
[Cut to bus stop. JESS is reading a book on the bench. RORY comes off the bus]
RORY: Hey.
JESS: Hey. Nice skirt.
RORY: Thanks. Nice book.
JESS: Proust...short stories.
RORY: As if Proust could write anything short.
JESS: Does seem like an oxymoron, doesn't it?
RORY: Sure does. [He takes her hand and they start walking] Hey, guess what?
JESS: Your school is switching to stripes for the uniform?
RORY: I told my mom.
JESS: You did?
RORY: Yeah.
JESS: Should I wear a bulletproof vest?
RORY: She was shockingly okay with it.
JESS: She was okay with it for you. She will continue to give me nasty looks.
RORY: Better get used to it then.
JESS: Taylor lectured me for an extra five minutes in the market today.
RORY: You went in the market?
JESS: Yes. Unlike some people, Luke and I actually cook our own food. Fascinating tradition.
RORY: You hate the market.
JESS: I hate the people in the market.
RORY: Same thing.
JESS: Not entirely. I don't hate the building that the market is housed in. I just hate the inhabitants.
RORY: Well, good. It's tough to actually despise inanimate objects.
JESS: I despise The Fountainhead.
RORY: Different!
JESS: Ah, now she backtracks.
RORY: Cut me some slack. I just spent a mind-deadening six hours at school.
JESS: In that case...
RORY: [Hesitantly] Hey, Jess?
JESS: Hmm?
RORY: I have a favor to ask you.
JESS: Ask.
RORY: My grandparents are having this party-thing, and they want me to come. It's this sort of semi-formal thing and the dean from Yale is going to be there, and...I need a date.
JESS: Um...
RORY: If you don't want to, that's okay too. I'll find...someone.
JESS: I don't know if I'm the right person.
RORY: All you have to do is stand there. I promise, I'll save you from any chit-chat.
JESS: You really want me to go?
RORY: Yeah.
JESS: Okay.
RORY: Okay?
JESS: Okay.
RORY: Thank you.
JESS: Do I have to eat?
RORY: I tend not to.
JESS: Good. [They enter the diner] Formal?
RORY: Kind of.
JESS: Hmm.
RORY: That's bad.
JESS: Don't worry about it.
RORY: Fine, then. I won't.
LUKE: You two going upstairs?
JESS: Is that where this opening leads?
LUKE: Back by five, Jess.
JESS: Okay.
LUKE: And don't...you know...[Gestures] Just go.
RORY: [Whispers] That was painful.
JESS: Parenting according to Luke.
RORY: You're sure it's not a big deal?
JESS: The "don't worry" comment would imply that you should quit worrying.
RORY: Right.
JESS: So, this is big for you.
RORY: Kind of. Yeah.
JESS: Hey, I picked up a new edition of Catcher in the Rye at the bookstore yesterday. It's got Salinger's notes in the appendix.
RORY: I'm there.
[Cut to the Gilmore house. LORELAI is sitting on the couch, painting her nails. The phone rings]
LORELAI: Rory!
RORY: Coming! [RORY comes running from her room and grabs the phone] Hello?
RICHARD: Ah, Rory, wonderful.
RORY: Hi, Grandpa.
RICHARD: Your grandmother and I just called to confirm plans for the party,
RORY: Friday, six-thirty.
RICHARD: Yes. Now, I'm assuming you've found a date?
RORY: Yes.
RICHARD: Splendid. Who?
RORY: Jess.
RICHARD: Jess?
RORY: Yes, Jess.
RICHARD: The boy who broke your arm?
RORY: He didn't break it.
RICHARD: The boy who was driving the car that got in the accident that led to the breaking of your arm?
RORY: Well, yeah. Him.
RICHARD: Unacceptable.
RORY: Grandpa, he's my boyfriend.
RICHARD: How can your mother allow this?
RORY: He's not a bad person, Grandpa.
RICHARD: I'm sorry, Rory, you will need to find another date.
RORY: I don't have another date.
RICHARD: Then I will ask your grandmother to arrange something.
RORY: I'm comfortable with Jess.
RICHARD: Life is about compromises, Rory.
RORY: I know that.
RICHARD: So you will have to acclimate.
RORY: It goes both ways.
RICHARD: Rory, I am looking out for your best interests.
RORY: You don't even know him! This is ridiculous! [RORY hangs up]
LORELAI: Rory?
RORY: Oh my God.
LORELAI: What happened?
RORY: He was...he was pulling what he did with Dean.
LORELAI: Maybe you should call him back.
RORY: He owes me the apology.
LORELAI: Honey...
RORY: [Groans]
LORELAI: We could always find someone else.
RORY: I want to go with Jess.
LORELAI: Then you'll have to explain that to Dad without yelling.
RORY: I know. I just...he's so judgmental sometimes.
LORELAI: I know, hon. [Pats the couch] Come, sit.
RORY: I shouldn't have done that.
LORELAI: No. But he'll get over it, and you two will be chummy again in no time.
RORY: This is going to be one weird party. [Doorbell rings] I'll get it.
LORELAI: Good, 'cause I'm temporarily debilitated.
RORY: Convenient to have me around sometimes.
LORELAI: It is at that.
[LANE is at the door]
RORY: Hey.
LANE: I'm a mental case.
RORY: Uh...sure.
LANE: I told her.
RORY: What?
LANE: I told my mother.
RORY: About Clyde?
LANE: Oh my God. I'm a moron.
RORY: How...when?
LANE: Just now.
RORY: And she let you out?
LANE: She banished me to my room.
RORY: And you...
LANE: Crawled down the tree.
RORY: Naturally.
LANE: What am I going to do?
RORY: Will you ever talk to him again?
LANE: I don't know. She's so mad.
RORY: Why did you tell her?
LANE: I told you, I'm a mental case.
RORY: Right. Well, I hung up on my grandfather, if it makes you feel any better.
LANE: Really?
RORY: Yeah, I told him I was taking Jess to that cocktail party.
LANE: He didn't warm?
RORY: Not exactly.
LANE: Well, I can sympathize.
[LORELAI enters]
LORELAI: Hey, Lane.
LANE: Hey.
LORELAI: You staying for dinner?
LANE: I have to get back to my cage.
LORELAI: Well, if you want some pizza...
LANE: No, I have to get back before my mother figures out I'm gone.
LORELAI: In that case, run like the wind.
LANE: I don't think if I ran as fast as Michael Johnson, it would save me.
LORELAI: Well, good luck.
LANE: Thanks. [LANE takes a deep breath and leaves]
LORELAI: What happened?
RORY: She told her mother about Clyde.
LORELAI: Stupid.
RORY: Stupid.
LORELAI: Sounds suspiciously like another scenario I know...
RORY: Oh, boy.
LORELAI: Except you don't have a tree.
RORY: This should be illegal.
LORELAI: What? Oh, yeah, and Jess has no musical talent as far as I know.
RORY: I'm going in the kitchen now.
LORELAI: And the mom is so much cooler! [RORY leaves, and LORELAI watches after her, smiling a little]
[Fourth commercial break]
[Open to Gilmore house. RORY is trying to do her hair]
RORY: Mom!
LORELAI: [Comes into room] Need help, young one?
RORY: Please.
LORELAI: Sit. [RORY sits] I'm sorry you have to go to this thing.
RORY: I feel sorrier for Jess.
LORELAI: He does own some sort of dress clothes, right?
RORY: I've heard rumblings of such.
LORELAI: Good. Because Mom and Dad will probably crucify him at the door if he doesn't.
RORY: I warned him of that possibility.
LORELAI: Then he's okay.
RORY: So, do I look okay?
LORELAI: Only when your hair's done.
RORY: Mom.
LORELAI: You look wonderful. You'll knock those poor Yalies off their feet. They won't know what hit them.
RORY: Just what I was aiming for.
LORELAI: And I know how you like your goals.
RORY: Yes, I do.
LORELAI: Okay. You're ready. Twirl. [RORY twirls] Perfection.
RORY: I'm going to wait in the living room.
LORELAI: I'll tell you when he's here.
RORY: Less chance of fiddling.
LORELAI: Right. Go, go.
[RORY leaves and goes to the living room. LORELAI idly pushes some things around on the dresser. Dean's bracelet in underneath a pile of stuff, and LORELAI pockets it]
RORY: He's here!
LORELAI: Have fun! Save him from Mrs. Feldman!
RORY: Who? LORELAI: Never mind. Bye, babe!
RORY: I'll be back by ten.
LORELAI: Okay. [The front door slams, and LORELAI goes to the hall closet and adds the bracelet to the Dean box. She frowns, then pushes it way to the back of the closet, underneath a bunch of stuff. LORELAI stands up and shuts the closet, then leans against it and shuts her eyes]
[Cut to RORY and JESS in the truck]
RORY: Yeah, let's just say that Salinger's characters are every bit as screwed up as he is.
JESS: I wonder why they would publish that in the back of a novel.
RORY: Guess he's dead now.
JESS: He might recover.
RORY: Wow. I wonder if Luke will ever get another vehicle.
JESS: Not unless it comes out of a bad fifties farm movie.
RORY: He's had this truck ever since I can remember. He's also had the same special in the diner since I can remember, until you came in with your revolutionary ways.
JESS: Yes, I helped him learned the true meaning of "today's" special.
RORY: It was kind of traumatizing, to tell you the truth.
JESS: If it'll make you feel better, I'll leave this one up for a year or so.
RORY: Mm, I guess.
JESS: So, at this party.
RORY: Yes?
JESS: Do I have to say...anything?
RORY: Um, well, if you're asked a question, it's usually best to refrain from sarcasm.
JESS: No sarcasm, got it.
RORY: No sarcasm.
JESS: Good, repeat it a couple times.
RORY: Who's to say I wasn't reminding myself?
JESS: Right. You probably went over notes at home.
RORY: Oh, and avoid making eye contact. People will come over and try to trap you into a conversation.
JESS: No sarcasm, no eye contact.
RORY: And avoid all mention of college or the future with my grandpa.
JESS: It gets more complicated.
RORY: And my grandmother is very sensitive about her decorations, so if she asks you how things look, tell her they look great, even if it looks like HGTV's decorators went on crack.
JESS: Okay.
RORY: Oh, and my grandfather likes books.
JESS: All right.
RORY: But not too many jokes. Only if they're-
JESS: I think I got it.
RORY: Okay. [They pull up at the house] Be...polite.
JESS: What you mean is, be Dean.
RORY: No. No, that wouldn't work.
JESS: What you mean is, you really wanted someone like Dean to take to this thing.
RORY: That's not what I meant at all!
JESS: I'm sorry, Rory. I'm not like that.
RORY: I know. It's just...my grandparents, they're...I don't know! They're particular.
JESS: They're "particular"?
RORY: They're really concerned about me.
JESS: You and your new boyfriend?
RORY: [Lowers her eyes] No.
JESS: Ah.
RORY: You know what?
JESS: What?
RORY: Turn around.
JESS: What?
RORY: Now, just turn.
JESS: We're in the driveway.
RORY: We're not going.
JESS: What?
RORY: We're not going. Just...turn. Turn around.
JESS: Okay. [He turns, and the leave. RORY looks over her shoulder at the house]
[Cut to Gilmore house. LORELAI is eating at the table when the phone rings]
LORELAI: Hello?
EMILY: Where is she?
LORELAI: Um...Elizabeth Smart?
EMILY: Rory. Where is she?
LORELAI: Isn't she at your house?
EMILY: No, she's not here. Why would I be calling you if she weren't here?
LORELAI: Maybe they had car trouble.
EMILY: Maybe that boy broke her arm again.
LORELAI: No, I'm sure that's not what happened. Just...give them a minute, Mom.
EMILY: It's already five to seven. My guests will be arriving any moment. What am I going to say?
LORELAI: Just give them a minute, Mom.
EMILY: I can't believe she would do this. It's that boy.
LORELAI: Mom, just calm down.
EMILY: I told you that boy was trouble. But you didn't listen to me, and now look what's happened!
LORELAI: Nothing's happened yet, Mom.
EMILY: Which is the problem. Oh, Lord, there's Biddy. Get her here.
LORELAI: I can't control-[EMILY hangs up] Fine. [LORELAI looks at her food, then grabs her coat and leaves]
[Cut to Luke's. LORELAI comes in]
LORELAI: Have you heard from Jess?
LUKE: Yeah. Right before he left.
LORELAI: Not after?
LUKE: No...why?
LORELAI: I just got a panicked call from my mother. Calls in general are bad, but a panicked call tops it all.
LUKE: About...?
LORELAI: About how Rory and Jess aren't there.
LUKE: What?
LORELAI: They just didn't show up.
LUKE: That's it. He is dead. I warned him...
LORELAI: I doubt whether it's his fault.
LUKE: He's gonna-what?
LORELAI: Rory just had a fight with her grandfather.
LUKE: And you think she was the one who decided not to go?
LORELAI: It's a possibility.
LUKE: So you're not going to rip Jess' head off?
LORELAI: I might. I haven't decided yet.
LUKE: Oh, well, there's a load off.
LORELAI: How are things with Jess?
LUKE: Well, his mother hasn't called since he's been back-big shock there-but he's gotten his grades up, and Taylor has resorted to just giving him and I dirty looks.
LORELAI: So, good, then.
LUKE: Yeah.
LORELAI: That's good. Why are you looking at me like that?
LUKE: I'm just having a little trouble believing you're not more upset.
LORELAI: Believe it.
LUKE: Coffee?
LORELAI: Ah, sweet salvation.
LUKE: You've got problems.
[Cut to RORY and JESS driving. RORY is silent]
JESS: You okay?
RORY: Yeah.
JESS: Are you mad at me?
RORY: Why would I be?
JESS: I'm not sure.
RORY: I'm not mad.
JESS: If you say so.
RORY: I do.
JESS: Are we going anywhere?
RORY: Home.
JESS: Home?
RORY: My mom's going to be worried. My grandmother has already called her.
JESS: She's going to be pissed.
RORY: No kidding.
JESS: She's going to be pissed at me, not you.
RORY: It's not your fault. I'll tell her that.
JESS: She won't believe you.
RORY: She will. I just had a fight with my grandpa.
JESS: About what?
RORY: You.
JESS: So you were taking me even though your grandfather didn't approve?
RORY: [Looks at him. JESS is grinning, and RORY bites her lip then grins] Get over yourself.
JESS: I didn't know I was so important.
RORY: Somehow, this entire ordeal only serves to inflate your ego.
JESS: Not just that.
RORY: Oh?
JESS: I now know not to use sarcasm, to tell your grandmother that everything looks great, to avoid college and the future with your grandfather, and that he likes books.
RORY: [Surprised] You were listening.
JESS: Of course. You sound so shocked.
RORY: [Smiling] I'm not.
JESS: Good.
[RORY smiles at him and reaches for his hand]
JESS: Remember what happened last time I drove with one hand?
RORY: Turn.
JESS: Where?
RORY: Anywhere.
JESS: As you wish.
[Fade out as the car turns a random corner. End of episode]