Double Helix
chapter twelve
~ loathing ~
Meryl felt a headache coming on.
A big one.
She suffered frequent headaches since her captivity. Usually when she felt one coming on, she would curl up into a ball on the twin bed they provided for her and try to relax. If she was lucky, she'd manage to fall asleep and the headache would pass on its own.
Today Meryl was denied the option to rest. Zazie was as much babysitter as prison guard. She told her about the tests that needed to be done, procedures that had to be performed and samples that must be regularly taken.
Since her suicide attempt, Meryl wavered between despondency and indignation. Conrad blamed the hormones and traumatic stress. Knives blamed the simple insanity that defines humanity. Meryl didn't care what they thought. She lived one day to the next just trying to get by. Today her strategy was to offer the bare minimum of cooperation so that she could return to her suite as quickly as possible. Her plan worked fine — at least for a while.
Then she arrived.
It was bad enough having to speak to Dr. Conrad about her 'condition,' but now she had to deal with some medical assistant who liked to sing old Earth songs under her breath. She smiled constantly and oozed a cheerfulness that made Meryl's skin crawl. There was something about her that just seemed... sick. Demented. The more time the woman spent near Meryl, the more annoyed the little insurance girl became.
The nurse looked to be in her early sixties. She had a scar that ran from her left temple halfway down her cheek. It looked to have been from a cut she received as a young woman as it appeared to have faded significantly with age. She smiled like a school-girl at Meryl, wide and dimpling with a slightly embarrassed quality that looked very queer on the face of a woman almost forty years her senior.
Meryl didn't know what to make of the woman, other than the fact that she didn't like her. It wasn't until Dr. Conrad left the room that her behavior truly became odd.
The nurse was nervous. Not in a shy sort of way, but more as if she felt out-of-place in Meryl's presence. It reminded the insurance girl of how she felt the first time she met Mr. Bernardelli. It was then that she realized that the nurse regarded Meryl as someone of great importance. An icon.
"I need to put this on you," the nurse said as she lifted a green cap that had electrodes lining the interior. "Dr. Conrad wants an EEG done. It can be a little uncomfortable to wear, but it won't take long."
In a strangely motherly gesture, the nurse tucked a lock of hair behind Meryl's ear a moment before she forced the cap onto her head. The pressure of the electrodes against her scalp caused Meryl's headache to sing at full volume. The pain only helped to push her closer to the edge of losing her temper completely.
"Is this really necessary?" Meryl asked as she winced, squeezing her eyes tightly shut.
"I'm sorry," the nurse said quickly. "It's what he wants." Offering a reassuring smile, the nurse finished adjusting the placement of the cap. "Please bear with it for a little longer. This test should only take an hour or two."
Meryl jerked in alarm when she felt sudden, intense pressure against her scalp. "Ow!" Glaring at the nurse, she caught sight of the needle in her hand. "What the hell is that? What are you doing?"
The nurse glanced at the needle and back at her. "I'm injecting jelly into the electrodes," she showed Meryl the needle, "See? It's blunt."
"It sure as hell doesn't feel blunt," she grumbled.
The nurse smiled again, the wideness of her grin threatening to split her face in half. "Have you ever had an electroencephalogram before?"
Violet eyes peered up at the older woman in obvious annoyance, "No, I have not."
"Oh, well... it is a very simple procedure. It measures your brain waves you know."
"I guessed that," Meryl said, voice heavy with sarcasm.
The nurse smiled happily, "Yes, it's a pretty simple procedure. I used to assist a neurologist who specialized in epilepsy a number of years ago. Then I requested pediatric neurology... and from there I got into obstetrics!" She beamed again, "A lot of shuffling around, but nurses are in very short supply. We get moved around a lot. I think it's providence. Don't you think so, Miss Stryfe?"
Meryl sighed and stared off into space, seemingly not paying any attention to the nurse. Undaunted, the woman continued her babbling, "After the EEG, we're going to take some samples and give you an ultrasound. We'll get to hear—"
"Who are you?" Meryl interrupted.
The woman faltered. "Dr. Conrad introduced me..."
"I was ignoring him. Who are you?"
The nurse's lips quirked downward for the first time since she entered the examination room. "My name is Angela Sanders."
"Why are you here?"
"Dr. Conrad asked for my assistance," Angela paused, head cocked to one side. "I'm perfectly qualified to assist with the seedling. I've been a nurse for over twenty years. I have pediatric and obstetric experience so you don't have to worry about—"
Meryl snorted, but said nothing.
"I-I've really looked forward to meeting you Miss Stryfe," Angela said, her voice reflecting her confusion. "It's such an honor to be here. I'm sure you're worried, but we're here for you. We've heard so much about you!"
"We?"
The nurse shifted her weight from one foot to the other, "My— my congregation."
Meryl narrowed her eyes at her.
"The Corinth Sect of the Body," Angela said.
"The... the Body?"
Meryl's question fell on deaf ears as the nurse continued, "You're aware of your status, aren't you? You're the Madonna! Everyone is talking about you. Everyone knows your name."
"What are you talking about?" she asked.
"The Body," The nurse scrunched her face at Meryl, "Aren't you... you're a member of the Body... aren't you?"
Meryl searched Angela's confused face carefully. "You're a cultist, aren't you?" she asked, "A plant worshiper?"
The nurse stood back from Meryl, a disturbed expression twisting her features.
"You are, aren't you?" she asked again.
Angela forced a polite smile as she recovered from her shock. "Oh, we don't like to be called that."
Meryl looked away from her. "Whatever," she mumbled quietly.
Angela scratched her head and eyed Meryl nervously. "You're really... not part of the Body?"
"No," Meryl answered impatiently, "I'm not part of your bizarre cult."
The nurse peered at her oddly for several seconds before clearing her throat and injecting jelly into the electrodes on Meryl's scalp, applying a bit more pressure than necessary the second time around.
"Dr. Conrad said you were moody."
Meryl snorted.
"I was moody, too, when I was pregnant," she said. "It's normal. It will get better."
Meryl rolled her eyes.
"You know what it is, don't you?" Angela asked. "You know about Lord Knives..?"
'Of course, I know what that sick bastard is,' Meryl thought with agitation. How could she not know what he is?
Silence answered Nurse Sander's question. Even so, the older woman proceeded to explain to Meryl the true history of the plants and the origin of the twin free-born plants. The instant she spoke, Meryl could immediately hear the quality in her voice change. Angela was devout to the core. So much so, that Meryl had to wonder if Legato was controlling her. It just didn't seem possible for anyone, even a plant worshiper, to have so much respect and admiration for a genocidal maniac like Knives.
"Okay! We're ready to begin," she smiled as she fluffed Meryl's pillow. "Go ahead and lay back, please."
Meryl complied without a word. The nurse quickly and effectively began to strap Meryl to the table, careful not to jar her bandaged arm yet eying it with obvious displeasure. Meryl was certain the older woman was still sore about the cultist comment, but she didn't really care. A spade was a spade.
"Is it really necessary to strap me down?" Meryl asked.
The nurse checked her straps before giving a slight nod, "Yes, Lord Knives requested it. Are they too tight for you, Miss Stryfe?"
"It's fine," she mumbled, staring hard at the ceiling.
The nurse quickly busied herself with the task of neatly arranging the equipment Dr. Conrad would need for the examination. When she started to hum once more, Meryl finally spoke up.
"Will you please not do that?"
The nurse looked at Meryl over her shoulder and flashed her fake smile again, "I'm sorry. Am I bothering you?"
An impatient exhale answered her question and the nurse returned to her tasks. A vein near Meryl's temple began to throb angrily. She was certain Knives was using the woman as a way to reprimand her for cutting herself. Surly the bastard had read her mind often enough to know how much people like Angela annoyed her. Strangely enough, no one had said anything about her suicide attempt. Not even Knives. She got into more trouble trying to abort the monster than she did for her suicide attempt. Then again, Knives had assigned her a baby-sitter. She was certain that most would agree that having to share your room with your prison guard certainly qualified as a form of punishment.
Meryl's eyes had just drifted shut when she heard the door open. The sound caused her to flinch and crane her neck to see who had entered the exam room. Ice-blue met violet in a cold stare and she felt her blood pressure suddenly spike. No one said a word as the plant angel regarded the petite human, then, with the barest of movements, Knives acknowledged her with a single nod. The gesture was as quick as it was strange and all Meryl could do was wonder at his peculiar behavior.
• • •
Somehow she managed to fall asleep during the EEG. They told her it would be best if she did, but they were unwilling to give her a sedative out of fear that it might hard the fetus. In spite of how uncomfortable the cap felt against her skill, Meryl napped for over an hour. She awoke to the unpleasant sensation of her hair being pulled as Angela worked the cap off of her head and muttered apologies under her breath.
By the time she was finished, Meryl felt worse than she did before the tests began. Eyes narrowed and jaw clenched, she ran a hand through her short, dark locks and felt the sticky remains of the electrode jelly caught in her hair.
"That will wash out," the nurse reassured her as she caught sight of Meryl trying to untangle her hair with her fingers. "Good news Miss Stryfe, we have one last test and then you can get some dinner and take a shower."
Angela offered Meryl a wide grin as she assessed her groggy patient.
"You slept pretty hard," the nurse remarked.
Meryl grunted in response.
"Being tired like that is normal. It'll get better," Angela said, then she offered the younger woman her hand. "Let's get you prepped before they get back."
With that, the nurse helped Meryl move to a different examination table. One with stirrups. The insurance girl was instantly reminded of her first exam since her capture and wondered if this was the same table they put her on then. The thought sickened her.
As Angela prepared her for her last exam for the day, Meryl couldn't stop staring at her bandaged arm. Never had she ever thought that her life would become so frighteningly out-of-control that she would rather be dead than to fight her way through it. She hadn't been raised to be a quitter, to give up when things got bad.
She wondered if her father had any idea just how bad things could be and if he would change his opinion of suicide if he could see her now. That thought almost made her laugh. If what Knives' lackeys said was true, then there was no one in her old life that believed her to still be alive.
Meryl turned her eyes to stare at the ceiling when she heard the door to the exam room open. She knew Knives was in the room. She didn't have to see him to know he was there. She could feel him, like the shiver of static electricity along her arms, but she would not look at him. At any of them.
Moments later, Dr. Conrad explained to Meryl what was about to happen, and then the exam began. Keeping her eyes focused on the ceiling, she did her best to block out their conversation as they discussed the thing growing inside her. Then the rhythmic sounds of the parasite's heartbeat filled her ears.
Hearing such a familiar, human-like sound coming from her womb disturbed her in ways she wasn't ready to think about. It was easy to think of it as a parasite - as a creature that was already stained with sin and evil. But at that moment, with the steady heartbeat of new life beating within her, Meryl's resolve experienced its first moment of weakness, and that frightened her.
'No, no, no, no, NO! It's not a baby,' she told herself as she squeezed her eyes tightly shut. 'Not a baby! Not human. Not mine-!'
"Do you want to see it, Meryl?" Dr. Conrad asked, as he turned off the fetal heart monitor and prepared to begin the ultrasound. She wasn't sure if he was being serious, patronizing or cruel by asking her that.
Forcing a tight smile, she politely declined his offer. When she looked away from the doctor, she caught sight of Knives watching her. His expression unreadable, but intense. He was the first to break eye contact when Conrad began to talk about the images appearing on the screen near the foot of the bed. She heard him ask a question, but she ignored it. The less she knew about the thing growing inside of her, the better. It would be easier that way.
"It does looks pretty big for only being twelve weeks," Angela said, her voice penetrating Meryl's stubborn attempt to block out their conversation. "Femur length suggests it's sixteen weeks... maybe seventeen."
"Indeed. Based on the measurements we took early on, it seems to be developing as expected," the doctor paused, "Can you get a clearer image of the cranium?"
"I'll try."
The nurse glided the transducer over her belly again and pressed firmly, causing Meryl to wince.
"It seems to be a little shy," the nurse said with a smile in her voice.
"Mmmm... well, I think we have what we need today. Let's give a listen to the fetal heart monitor and take another quick measurement." The doctor laughed to himself, "I think I wrote down the wrong numbers here, they seem too low. I want to verify this before we call it day. Is that acceptable to you, Knives?"
'No!' Meryl thought in alarm.
"Fine," Knives said.
Conrad gestured to the nurse, "Go ahead, Angela."
Heart racing, Meryl's eyes snapped open, "No! Leave it off."
The nurse's hand paused in midair as she glanced at Conrad. An inquisitive expression gleaming in his eyes, the doctor leaned toward his patient, "What's the problem?"
Meryl immediately recognized the tone of his voice. He was not asking because he cared about her, he was asking because he had a scientific curiosity.
"I... I don't like it," she said, her voice just beginning to shake.
The doctor peered at her intently. "Why?"
Meryl felt her eyes begin to fill with tears, suddenly unable to explain what she was feeling.
"It'll only be on for a moment," the doctor said as he straightened. "It won't hurt."
She felt a tear roll down the side of her face and vanish into her hair. "I... I want you... to leave it off," she choked.
Ignoring her, Dr. Conrad nodded to the nurse. She reached out and switched the fetal heart monitor on, filling the room with the sounds of unborn life. Meryl tried to bury her head into her pillow, wishing desperately for a way to block out the sounds.
She didn't want to think of it as being something with a human-sounding heartbeat. She didn't want to think of it as anything other than a parasite, a monster, a disease.
"Turn it off," Meryl whispered.
The doctor watched her reaction with interest. "In a few more seconds. I need to verify this data."
Tears came unabated and she hated herself for crying in front of them. She struggled in vain against her bonds, wanting to cover her ears with her hands.
Angela's expression became uncertain, "The heart rate is increasing."
Meryl wanted to curl into a ball and die at that moment. It wasn't a human inside of her. It was a damn plant! A monster! She was just an incubator for them, for him. It wasn't innocent. It would be just like Knives.
"Please," Meryl whispered. "Please turn it off."
She was going to die here. Her family and friends already thought her dead. She was dead to everyone that mattered to her. She was alone and completely at their mercy. And there was a thing inside of her...
"Doctor?" Angela said, her voice taking on a note of fear. "It's still increasing. The fetus seems to be distressed..."
Meryl's body broke out in a cold sweat as her body began to shake from grief. She hated herself. Hated her body. A pained cry escaped her throat as she gasped for air between sobs. She couldn't even kill herself right.
A living-dead failure. A puppet.
When he self-loathing reached its peak, Meryl felt a cool hand against her forehead and the loud, authoritative voice of Knives filled her ears.
"Turn it off," he ordered. "Now!"
Silence engulfed her and Meryl came to the terrible realization that she was sobbing uncontrollably. Her rational mind filled her with shame as she heard herself sucking in as much air as her lungs could hold. She was starting to hyperventilate.
'I've finally lost it,' she thought. 'They're going to make me just as crazy as they are.'
"Calm down, Meryl."
A memory of darkness and pain suddenly flashed in her mind. The same voice and the same words that filled her ears now had filled her mind then. Meryl opened her eyes and looked up at the source of the voice, already knowing whom she would see. Unwavering and intense ice-blue eyes stared back at her causing her to shiver under the weight of his stare.