"Carolina on my Mind"
Author: columbiachica (kat2005)
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the words.
Author's Note: This is the seventh in a series. Some of it might not make sense without having read the previous parts. Dedicated to Kate for all her attempts at ego-bloating and emrie for being an awesome writer and even cooler person.
Featured Music:
"Rockaway Beach," The Ramones
"Here Comes Your Man," The Pixies
ANNOUNCER: Previously on Gilmore Girls…
[Cut to RORY and LANE]
LANE: Potato, potato. "When we get back, our school is having prom. I know that your mother hates me and everything, but I was hoping you'd be able to convince her to let you come."
RORY: Oh, Lane!
LANE: I'll never convince her.
[Cut to RORY and LORELAI]
LORELAI: Tell me the truth, though. Are you thinking about having sex with Jess?
RORY: No.
LORELAI: Okay.
[Cut to RORY and JESS]
JESS: That's what this is about.
RORY: I repeat, what?
JESS: Sex. I should have known.
RORY: That is not what this is about.
[Cut to LORELAI and GRAYER]
GRAYER: Lorelai, it's just an afternoon together.
LORELAI: I know. I just don't want her to get all attached and then someday—for some reason or another—we break up and she's the one who's bereft.
GRAYER: Tell you what. If we break up, I'll still be Rory's friend, if she wants me to be.
LORELAI: That's an awfully big promise to make.
GRAYER: I always keep my promises.
[Cut to LORELAI and SOOKIE]
LORELAI: We'll take it.
REALTOR: Wonderful! [She digs in her briefcase] There's some paperwork, lots of signing, you know. [She takes out a pen. LORELAI and SOOKIE read through the papers together] So, what are you going to do with the place?
[LORELAI and SOOKIE look at each other and smile]
LORELAI: We're opening an inn.
[La-la's start]
[Cut to LORELAI and LUKE]
LORELAI: I'm so sorry, Luke.
LUKE: We can…if you want to…I mean…
LORELAI: [Smiles sadly] I want to, Luke. I just—
LUKE: Can't.
LORELAI: Luke, you deserve someone amazing. Someone who's a lot better at relationships than I am.
LUKE: Look, fine. Just…know that if you break up with Grayer…I won't be here waiting.
LORELAI: Okay. That's—that's fair.
LUKE: Okay.
LORELAI: I should go.
LUKE: Right.
[LORELAI looks like she's going to say something, but just nods and turns away from the door. "Hannah Hold On" by The Get-Up Kids starts playing. LUKE watches her walk down a couple stairs, then shuts the door and leans against it. LORELAI runs down the stairs and out the door, trying not to cry]
[Int. Miss Patty's. TAYLOR is at the podium, and the rest of the town sits in town meeting configuration]
TAYLOR: As the president of the Stars Hollow Festival Committee—
LUKE: Another one of your one-member clubs.
TAYLOR: [Glares at LUKE] As the president of the Stars Hollow Festival Committee, I have proposed that we hold the Thanksgiving Horn of Plenty in the town square.
LUKE: We do that every year, Taylor.
TAYLOR: Things must be made official.
LUKE: Boy, that vote must have been tough. How did you count all the ballots? And the hanging chads must have been nightmares.
TAYLOR: As I was saying, the Horn of Plenty will once again reside in the town square, as well as the turkey-eating contest and since we have been blessed with snow this year—
BABETTE: Try cursed, honey.
MOREY: Shoveling is un-cool.
TAYLOR: [Louder] And since we have been blessed with snow this year, there has been a tie between holding a turkey-sculpting contest and a pilgrims vs. Indians snowball fight.
LUKE: I think the politically correct of the nation have just combusted.
TAYLOR: Lucas, no one needs your input.
LUKE: More than they need yours. And how can there be a tie? You and you are fighting to see whether or not we should have an asinine turkey-defacing contest or a politically incorrect battle with lame-o ammunition?
TAYLOR: Luke, sit down.
LUKE: I am sitting.
TAYLOR: Stay sitting and stay quiet.
KIRK: There are liability issues with the snowball fight. Don't want to get that stuff in your eye.
LUKE: It's water.
KIRK: Au contraire, Luke, it is frozen water. Much more dangerous than your average tap water.
TAYLOR: But, is the turkey-sculpting contest too reminiscent of the winter snowman-sculpting contest?
KIRK: Different subject.
MISS PATTY: How about a turkey-cooking contest?
TAYLOR: We already have a turkey-eating contest.
[Zoom in on RORY and LORELAI in the back. The town meeting buzzes in the background. LORELAI is eating fries and giggling. RORY sits up and catches JESS' eye. He shakes his head. RORY giggles. LORELAI looks where RORY is looking and sees the two completely engrossed in one another. She sighs and stuffs another fry in her mouth]
TAYLOR: Paintball?
KIRK: Much less dangerous than your average snowball.
LUKE: Kirk, people have had more damage from paintballs in the past five years than from snowballs in the past 2,000 years.
KIRK: That's because no one reports snowball incidents.
LUKE: Is that so?
KIRK: I was brave enough to do so at age eleven. I was hit in the eye with a urine-saturated snowball.
[LORELAI snorts]
KIRK: See? People make fun of you.
LUKE: That might just be you, Kirk.
KIRK: And paintball will color the surrounding snow attractive colors.
TAYLOR: I don't know I feel about arming the citizens of Stars Hollow with weaponry.
KIRK: There's weaponry lying all over town, Taylor. Just look under your feet.
LORELAI: Or under a dog's leg.
TAYLOR: Well, this will have to go through another vote at the Stars Hollow Festival Committee.
LUKE: Good idea. See if you can get a three-way tie.
TAYLOR: Now, other than the turkey-eating and proposed turkey-sculpting, there is also a scheduled performance by Miss Patty's third-grade dance class.
MISS PATTY: We're doing a condensed Swan Lake.
TAYLOR: And now, we must consider music.
[LANE sits up straighter]
TAYLOR: I found out that my favorite barbershop quartet from Woodsboro is busy next weekend, but I am fully open to suggestions after the meeting.
MISS PATTY: I could sing, Taylor.
TAYLOR: We will consider that at the supplementary meeting, being held tomorrow at six. I now adjourn this meeting.
[RORY and LORELAI stand. RORY catches LANE'S eye; LANE smiles and bobs her head toward TAYLOR. RORY nods. LORELAI accidentally meets LUKE'S eyes across the room; they quickly look away]
LORELAI: [Puts her arm around RORY'S shoulders] Home?
RORY: I've had enough entertainment for one evening.
[They walk out down the street]
[Opening credits]
[First commercial break]
[Int. Gilmore house. RORY is sitting on the couch studying when the phone rings]
RORY: Hello?
PARIS: Help.
RORY: Paris?
PARIS: I need help.
RORY: I gathered that.
PARIS: I mean, I gave him my number figuring that he'd use it as a coaster and never even remember what I looked like or even that I was a girl, but then he just called and now—
RORY: Who?
PARIS: Joel!
RORY: Joel? From Washington?
PARIS: Yes, yes, Joel from Washington.
RORY: You gave him your number.
PARIS: Yes, Poirot, now help me.
RORY: Okay.
PARIS: Great. I'm getting off the Interstate now.
RORY: O—[PARIS hangs up] –kay.
[Cut to RORY answering the door]
RORY: Hey.
PARIS: Hey. [She steps past RORY and into the living room] Okay, here it is. [She spreads out her wardrobe on the sofa]
RORY: It's certainly improved.
PARIS: I bought some stuff in Washington.
RORY: You rebel. Okay, how about this one? [She holds up a simple black dress]
PARIS: Isn't it kind of…plain?
RORY: Well, a little, but plain can be good.
PARIS: I guess.
RORY: Where is he taking you?
PARIS: L'Chateau Bleu.
RORY: Nice.
PARIS: Yeah. [They both think for a moment] So, the black?
RORY: Yeah. And it's fancy, so you should wear your hair up.
PARIS: Right. Fancy equals up-hair.
RORY: Exactly.
PARIS: What do I do?
RORY: What?
PARIS: I mean, how do I act?
RORY: Well, like you always act, I guess. I mean, don't make him cry or anything, but other than that…
PARIS: But surely there have to be some modifications made for the dating situation.
RORY: Well, I think Joel liked you because of how you were when you were being yourself.
PARIS: So, I just…
RORY: Just talk to him like you did in Washington.
PARIS: What if he kisses me?
RORY: You've been kissed before. You know what to do.
PARIS: Not a real kiss.
RORY: Just trust me, you'll be fine. You'll spend some time with him, and things will fall into place.
PARIS: This is weird.
RORY: Dating?
PARIS: Yeah. It's ridiculously complicated. Really, all human beings are trying to do is find a mate to spawn with, but there are all these absurd emotions and games involved. Why can't we be more like mayflies?
RORY: Mate and die, all in a day?
PARIS: No. They have one mission when seeking out another fly: mate. Human beings have basically the same agenda, but we feel the need to make it so intricate.
RORY: I think you're just nervous.
PARIS: My theory is sound.
RORY: Your theory is whacked. Now go home so he can pick you up.
PARIS: Right.
RORY: And Paris?
PARIS: Yeah?
RORY: Don't tell him your mayfly theory.
PARIS: Noted.
[Int. Independence Inn. SOOKIE and LORELAI are decorating the dining room]
LORELAI: I called some contractors.
SOOKIE: Ooh!
LORELAI: Don't sound so excited.
SOOKIE: What, what?
LORELAI: Well, they're saying a hundred.
SOOKIE: Thousand?
LORELAI: Yes, a hundred thousand.
SOOKIE: Well…we'll just…need some loans.
LORELAI: Sook, I don't think the loans are gonna come pouring in.
SOOKIE: Did you call around?
LORELAI: I think they still remember me from my house fiasco.
SOOKIE: Good!
LORELAI: Good?
SOOKIE: You've established a personal relationship with the bankers. I read that's what you're supposed to do.
LORELAI: I don't think this is quite what they're talking about, Sookie. [LORELAI starts putting paper flowers into vases on the tables. SOOKIE follows her]
SOOKIE: We could ask your parents.
LORELAI: No way.
SOOKIE: It's an option.
LORELAI: It's a last option. In fact, it's so far back in the line, it's not even considered an option.
SOOKIE: Lorelai, come on. We need this construction.
LORELAI: My parents helped me out with Rory's school and my house. I won't let them help anymore. [LORELAI practically throws another flower in] It's all part of their plan. Soon, I'll be so indebted to them that I'll have to kiss their feet.
SOOKIE: Maybe they'll want to help. Owning your own inn is a big deal.
LORELAI: Oh, of course they'll want to help. It's all part of the "kiss my feet" plan.
SOOKIE: I think you're being a little stubborn.
LORELAI: Look, let's just…explore every other possible option first. Maybe we could get some people to pitch in.
SOOKIE: Ooh, like Luke.
LORELAI: [Tersely] Not Luke.
SOOKIE: Why not? I'm sure he would, what with that whole being-in-love-with-you thing.
LORELAI: Not Luke, okay?! [LORELAI tosses the flowers down on a random table and storms out of the room]
[Int. Gilmore house. RORY is back on the couch, studying, when LORELAI comes through the door, looking stressed]
RORY: Hey, Mom.
LORELAI: Hey, hon. [She sits next to RORY on the couch] How goes the studying?
RORY: [Sighs] I think if I have to read about Korea for one more second, I'll burst.
LORELAI: Guess you know how Lane feels, then.
RORY: Do I ever.
LORELAI: You meeting Jess tonight?
RORY: Yeah, nine-ish.
LORELAI: Okay.
RORY: Don't you have a date with Grayer?
LORELAI: What? Oh, yeah. Yeah.
RORY: You didn't remember.
LORELAI: I did.
RORY: I can't believe you didn't remember. You were so excited because Grandma and Grandpa are out of town and you could schedule a date on a Friday night.
LORELAI: I remembered!
RORY: This Luke thing really bothers you.
LORELAI: I just can't believe he didn't tell me earlier.
RORY: Or maybe you could have told him.
LORELAI: I don't have feelings…like that…for Luke.
RORY: Yeah, right.
LORELAI: I don't!
RORY: You do so.
LORELAI: Rory.
RORY: Lorelai.
LORELAI: Luke and I just aren't like that.
RORY: But you could be.
LORELAI: Okay, no. Hypothetically, I didn't throw his heart in the gutter and stomp on it for good measure. Even if that hadn't happened, Luke and I aren't right for each other.
RORY: Why not?
LORELAI: Some people just aren't romantically compatible.
RORY: That's so vague.
LORELAI: It's true.
RORY: What specifically makes you two incompatible?
LORELAI: He's a health nut…a tea drinker…an eater of soy.
RORY: So?
LORELAI: That means buying twice as much food…healthy crap for him and my steady supply of junk food.
RORY: Big deal.
LORELAI: Rory, I don't want to talk about this.
RORY: Whatever. [She looks at her watch] You should start getting ready.
LORELAI: Right. [She stands and starts walking toward the stairs] Rory?
RORY: Yeah?
LORELAI: You don't think I made a mistake, do you?
RORY: [Pause] No, Mom.
LORELAI: [Nods] Right.
RORY: I mean, it is twice the food.
LORELAI: And who really wants soy and tofu sitting in their fridge?
RORY: No one.
LORELAI: [With fake conviction] That's right. [Pause] Blue skirt or black sparkly dress?
RORY: Where are you going?
LORELAI: Movies.
RORY: Jeans.
LORELAI: But I wanna get dressed up.
RORY: Fine, get dressed up. Then feel ridiculous when he shows up in jeans and you're sitting in a theater full of people wearing the most casual clothing they could find.
LORELAI: I will.
RORY: Black sparkly dress.
LORELAI: With curly hair!
RORY: And the chunky heels.
LORELAI: [Singing] I feel pretty…oh so pretty…
RORY: [In a funny accent] Miss America! Speech! Speech!
LORELAI: [Going up the stairs] I feel pretty…oh so pretty…
[RORY shakes her head and goes back to her book]
[Int. Gilmore House. Twenty minutes later. The doorbell rings]
LORELAI: Get it!
RORY: On my way! [Opens the door] Hi, Grayer.
GRAYER: Hey, Rory. How are you?
RORY: I'm fine. Come on in. Mom will be a minute…or two. She's trying to be Miss America.
GRAYER: Because she wants the tiara?
RORY: And the banner.
GRAYER: I see.
RORY: But she decided that the mascara running down her face was definitely the low point.
GRAYER: Well, and the thorns in the roses.
RORY: True.
GRAYER: So, what are you doing tonight?
RORY: Oh…well, Jess and I are hanging out.
GRAYER: That sounds fun.
RORY: Yeah.
GRAYER: Oh, shoot.
RORY: What?
GRAYER: I forgot to stop by Luke's for coffee.
RORY: Oh. Well, that's all right. Mom will probably want exotic Hartford coffee anyway.
GRAYER: I don't think so. She's pretty set on Luke's coffee.
RORY: Um, he forgot to add the nutmeg this morning. She was boycotting today.
GRAYER: Ah. Good thing I forgot, then.
RORY: Oh, definitely.
[LORELAI enters in her black sparkly dress]
LORELAI: Well?
RORY: The other people will be ashamed of their jeans.
GRAYER: And their looks.
RORY: They'll lose all self-esteem.
LORELAI: I just love getting dressed up.
RORY: Have fun.
LORELAI: We will. Midnight, okay sweets?
RORY: Okay, Mom.
GRAYER: Bye, Rory.
RORY: Bye.
[Int. Gilmore porch. JESS jogs up the steps and knocks on the door]
RORY: [Opening the door] Hey.
JESS: Hey. Ready?
RORY: Yeah, ready. [She follows him down the porch steps and into the car] Where are we going?
JESS: Hartford.
RORY: Oh. [Pause] Why?
JESS: Built is playing.
RORY: Really? Where?
JESS: This guy's basement.
RORY: [Warily] They're playing in some guy's basement?
JESS: Yeah.
RORY: Um, why?
JESS: Cheap.
RORY: Do we know this guy?
JESS: No.
RORY: Jess—
JESS: It'll be fun. Don't worry.
RORY: I'm worried.
JESS: You're gonna be fine.
RORY: Is there a cover charge?
JESS: Nope.
RORY: So it's like a party?
JESS: Sort of.
RORY: Great.
JESS: You're sounding less and less enthused by the second here.
RORY: It's just…I don't think my mom would want me going to something like this.
JESS: Fib.
RORY: I don't "fib," not to Lorelai.
JESS: Rory, it's not a big deal. We'll go, we'll listen, we'll come home—by midnight—all will be well.
RORY: Sure.
[Pause]
JESS: Your mom's out with…Grayer?
RORY: Yeah.
JESS: Huh.
RORY: They went to the movies…in Hartford.
JESS: Would you calm down?
RORY: I can't!
JESS: We can leave, you know. It's not like they'll lock us in there.
RORY: [Pause] There won't be fireworks, right?
JESS: [Chuckles] No. No pyrotechnics.
RORY: Well, that's a load off. Hey, you're coming tomorrow, right?
JESS: What's tomorrow?
RORY: The festival.
JESS: Rory…
RORY: Jess, come on.
JESS: I've been to enough of these town things to last me more than a lifetime.
RORY: Please? Mom's gonna be there with Grayer, Lane's going with her mom and secretly meeting Clyde…I don't want to go alone.
JESS: So hang out with your mom and Grayer.
RORY: It's their date.
JESS: So?
RORY: Please just come, Jess.
JESS: [Sighs] What time?
RORY: Two.
JESS: [Unenthusiastically] Great.
RORY: Thank you.
JESS: You owe me.
RORY: I won't complain about the basement anymore.
JESS: And?
RORY: Isn't that enough?
JESS: You actually like this band. I don't think the suffering is equal.
RORY: I'll be there.
JESS: I gathered that.
RORY: So it's not like they're putting you up for auction.
JESS: There's an auction?
RORY: [Smiles evilly] Bid-A-Date.
JESS: [Groans] Dear God.
RORY: It's like Bid-A-Basket, but the participants actually get on stage. [Giggles] Miss Patty does it every year.
JESS: How much does she take?
RORY: Ten bucks.
JESS: Every year?
RORY: The same guy bids on her every year, always ten dollars.
JESS: This town is so screwed up.
[Int. Hartford movie theater. LORELAI and GRAYER stand in the lobby, waiting to buy tickets]
GRAYER: I think it's gonna sell out.
LORELAI: Nah.
GRAYER: Seriously. Look at that woman. You can tell that her posse sent her in there to buy six tickets, then immediately run into the theater and reserve seats while the rest clean out the concession stand.
LORELAI: You think that woman has a "posse"?
GRAYER: Yeah. A posse of middle-aged couples, all dressed in bad floral prints and un-starched shirts, all wanting to see Spider.
LORELAI: I don't think they want to see Spider. Remember the bad floral prints? They're totally going for Piglet's Big Movie.
GRAYER: They're middle-aged.
LORELAI: And trying to bring out their inner child.
GRAYER: So when we hit middle age, we're going to go to kids' movies and pretend like we're six?
LORELAI: Exactly.
GRAYER: I just hope I have some starch left.
LORELAI: And a bad tie.
GRAYER: Floral, if possible.
LORELAI: Knobby, like a bad couch.
GRAYER: Mmm-hmm. [Pause] So what happened between you and Luke?
LORELAI: Excuse me?
GRAYER: You didn't want Luke's coffee. Something clearly happened.
LORELAI: No.
GRAYER: Lorelai, I'm not trying to interrogate you or anything. There's always tension between you and Luke though, and something must have happened for you to avoid his coffee.
LORELAI: Nothing happened.
GRAYER: Even Rory's trying to save you from going in there.
LORELAI: What?
GRAYER: When I suggested it to her, she said he forgot to put the nutmeg in.
LORELAI: Grayer, nothing happened.
[They are at the front of the line]
GRAYER: Two for Spider, please.
CASHIER: I'm sorry, we're sold out.
[LORELAI and GRAYER look over at the woman. She has been joined by many couples. They are going through the ticket-taking line]
GRAYER: Uh, thanks.
[He and LORELAI step away from the counter]
GRAYER: So, what now?
LORELAI: [Upset] I don't know.
GRAYER: We could see a different movie.
LORELAI: Look, I'm kind of tired. I think I just want to…go home, veg out.
GRAYER: Oh.
LORELAI: Sorry.
GRAYER: Are you angry with me?
LORELAI: What? Of course not.
GRAYER: The mood changed drastically after the Luke conversation.
LORELAI: [Sighs] Look, Grayer, Luke and I are friends. We always have been, we always will be. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less. Nothing happened. Okay?
GRAYER: Okay.
LORELAI: Okay.
GRAYER: You still want to go home?
LORELAI: Kind of. Sorry.
GRAYER: All right. Let's go.
[They exit toward the parking lot. Camera follows them until they are very small in the distance]
[Second commercial break]
[Int. RORY and JESS outside a house. RORY looks nervous. They walk up to a guy with many piercings, tattoos, and a mohawk]
GUY: In through there.
[JESS puts his hand on the small of RORY'S back and ushers her through the door]
JESS: See? No locks.
RORY: Not on this door.
JESS: Come on.
[The basement is very loud. The band is playing a cover of "Rockaway Beach" by the Ramones. There is already a ton of people in there]
RORY: It's loud.
JESS: It's a concert.
RORY: And the people…
JESS: Built is pretty popular.
RORY: I don't like this.
JESS: Don't worry. It's gonna be fine. [He sees the drink table] I'll be right back.
[Before RORY can protest, he's left. RORY looks around uncomfortably and crosses her arms. A GUY walks up from behind her]
GUY: Hey.
RORY: [Shocked] Hey.
GUY: You like the band?
RORY: [Warily] I wouldn't be here if I didn't.
GUY: Right, right. [He looks her up and down. RORY shifts her feet awkwardly] You don't look like you belong here.
RORY: I left my spikes at home.
GUY: That's a shame.
RORY: Yeah. [She looks around for JESS]
GUY: You lookin' for someone?
RORY: My boyfriend.
GUY: Ah. He left you alone?
RORY: Obviously.
GUY: That was unwise. [He starts to step much closer, until he brushes her with his hand. RORY backs up]
JESS: [from behind RORY] You like 7-Up, right?
RORY: [Whirls around] Yes! [She steps close to JESS. The GUY walks away]
JESS: Good. Their choice of non-alcoholic beverages wasn't good.
RORY: Get me out of here.
JESS: We've been here for five minutes, Rory.
RORY: [Upset, yelling, on the brink of tears] I don't like this, Jess! I tried to tell you that I didn't want to go to this, but you just kept pushing, and then that psycho touched me, and I didn't like it! If you wanna stay, fine, but I am out of here! [RORY storms past him and up the stairs out of the basement. JESS follows her]
[Continuous. Outside. RORY is walking quickly towards JESS' car. JESS is a few paces behind her]
JESS: Rory!
RORY: [Doesn't turn] What?
JESS: Slow down. Wait a minute.
RORY: [Reaches JESS' car and stops, her arms crossed defensively] Oh, now you want to listen to me?
JESS: What were you talking about? What psycho?
RORY: You didn't see him? The guy who just came out of nowhere? He was standing right there!
JESS: What did he do?
RORY: He talked to me. He touched me.
JESS: [Troubled] Touched you?
RORY: Yes, touched. With his hand.
JESS: Rory—
RORY: Take me home.
JESS: Rory, just—
RORY: Now, Jess. Take me home.
JESS: Fine, sure. Okay.
[They get into the car. RORY smooshes herself against her door. JESS sighs]
[Int. Gilmore house. JESS is dropping RORY off. RORY looks angry]
RORY: [Climbing out] Bye.
JESS: Rory, come on.
RORY: See you later.
JESS: You don't have to be so mad.
RORY: I don't have to be so nice either. [She slams the door and jogs up the steps and into the house. LORELAI is lying on the couch, dejectedly watching "When Harry Met Sally" with popcorn] Hey.
LORELAI: [Startled] Hey, kid. What are you doing here?
RORY: I hang out here sometimes. You know, when the drug scene gets boring.
LORELAI: I thought you'd be out with Jess.
RORY: [Hesitating] We got in a fight.
LORELAI: Oh?
RORY: Yeah.
LORELAI: About…
RORY: Nothing, really.
LORELAI: Rory.
RORY: We went to a concert and I didn't really like the…surroundings, and I made him take me home.
LORELAI: [Dangerously] What were the surroundings like?
RORY: It was this guy's basement. Built was playing.
LORELAI: He took you to a rave?
RORY: No, it was just…I hate the whole "basement" setting. It's like a bad movie.
LORELAI: But he took you home right away? No questions?
RORY: Yeah.
LORELAI: That's a relief.
RORY: For you?
LORELAI: Well, 'cause otherwise I'd have to beat him, and I lost my baseball bat.
RORY: Ah. [Pause] Hey, you're home!
LORELAI: Did you think you were talking to the couch again?
RORY: You're supposed to be out on a date with Grayer in your fancy dress.
LORELAI: Movie sold out.
RORY: You could've seen a different one.
LORELAI: I just wasn't in the mood.
RORY: Are you going to break up with him?
LORELAI: Not in the near future.
RORY: Because this seems like your breaking up ritual.
LORELAI: I don't have a "ritual."
RORY: You guys had a fight though, right?
LORELAI: Not really.
RORY: Mom.
LORELAI: We had a misunderstanding.
RORY: About what?
LORELAI: [Sighs] Luke.
RORY: Oh. I tried to save you.
LORELAI: I know, babe.
RORY: So we're gonna be pathetic on a Friday night?
LORELAI: Yup.
RORY: I'll go get some Coke.
LORELAI: Whew. I'm almost out.
RORY: What's on next?
LORELAI: Moonstruck.
RORY: I'm there.
LORELAI: And if we're still over-caffeinated, we can plug in Reality Bites.
RORY: It's a plan! [RORY runs toward the kitchen. LORELAI lolls her head back to the TV and munches on some popcorn, her face pensive]
[Int. Gilmore house. RORY and LORELAI are on the couch, eating popcorn. The end of "Moonstruck" is on when the phone rings]
LORELAI: You.
RORY: You.
LORELAI: You.
RORY: You.
LORELAI: I'm the mom.
RORY: Only according to certain papers.
LORELAI: I've been lying here longer. I'm less mobile.
RORY: [Sigh] Fine, fine. [She catches the phone just before the answering machine] Hello?
PARIS: Rory.
RORY: Paris.
PARIS: He said he wanted to do it again.
RORY: He…oh. Joel said he wanted to go out again?
PARIS: Yes. We made plans for next week.
RORY: Well…great, Paris.
PARIS: But I said I couldn't.
RORY: What? Paris! Why?
PARIS: He's distracting me.
RORY: Distracting you.
PARIS: From my schoolwork.
RORY: You've been out on one date with him.
PARIS: And I can see that he's going to be a big distraction.
RORY: Paris, that's insane. He lives in Boston. You aren't going to see him a lot.
PARIS: But there will be phone conversations, and God knows how long those could last.
RORY: Well, then you just say, "Joel, I have homework," you guys will hang up, and you will be free to work.
PARIS: And then there's the time I might waste thinking about him.
RORY: You've never wasted time thinking about someone in your life. You've got more focus than a pair of military binoculars.
PARIS: Plus he's going to go to Stanford. Can you believe it? Stanford. A West Coast school.
RORY: Oh, well then you were totally justified.
PARIS: You think?
RORY: No! Paris, this guy likes you and you like him. Why on Earth wouldn't you want to go out with him?
PARIS: I can't let myself slip.
RORY: You're already in, Paris. They aren't going to revoke your acceptance if you get less than a hundred percent in every class.
PARIS: You really think I made the wrong decision?
RORY: Yes.
PARIS: So I should…
RORY: Call him, apologize, and say you'd love to go out with him next week.
PARIS: You do know this means you're helping me again.
RORY: Yeah.
PARIS: Okay.
RORY: Okay.
[PARIS hangs up. RORY shakes her head and sits back down with LORELAI]
LORELAI: Paris.
RORY: Yep.
LORELAI: What crisis is she going through now?
RORY: Boy problems.
LORELAI: [Giggles] No, really.
RORY: Yes, really.
LORELAI: Really?
RORY: Really.
LORELAI: Wow.
RORY: Yeah, wow.
LORELAI: And you were her selected advisor?
RORY: I guess I'm a member of the Cabinet now.
LORELAI: Movin' on up.
RORY: Definitely.
LORELAI: So does this mean you guys will be all chummy? Trips to the mall, makeovers, squealing over the totally hot guy in the college catalogue…
RORY: Yes, Mom, that is exactly what friendship with Paris is like.
LORELAI: I knew it. She probably has one of those bras with the feathers on the edge.
RORY: And sequined underwear.
LORELAI: It's amazing what that intimidating exterior hides.
RORY: It sure is.
[They both watch the screen for a minute, then groan]
LORELAI: Not Kevin Costner!
RORY: Mommy!
LORELAI: Let's change the channel, baby.
[Int. Gilmore house. Morning. RORY and LORELAI have been sleeping on the couch. LANE knocks on the door, then steps inside]
LANE: Hello? [She finds RORY and LORELAI sleeping and leans down next to RORY] Psst.
RORY: Mmm.
LANE: Get up.
RORY: …Lane?
LANE: First guess, good job.
RORY: What are you doing here?
LANE: It's Saturday.
RORY: Duh.
LANE: Saturday. Festival. Clyde.
RORY: Oh! Right. [She sits up and carefully slides off the couch, not disturbing LORELAI] Saturday.
LANE: You have to help me.
RORY: I'm thinking about ditching the whole Yale thing and being a stylist instead.
LANE: I'll be your first client.
RORY: Paris might beat you to it.
LANE: Literally.
RORY: True. [RORY starts making coffee]
LANE: My mom will die if she sees me in any sort of band paraphernalia, but I thought I could hide it under a bulky sweatshirt.
RORY: Uh-huh. And what are you going to do with said bulky sweatshirt when you decide to take it off?
LANE: Tie it around my waist.
RORY: Okay.
LANE: What?
RORY: Nothing.
LANE: What's wrong with tying it around my waist?
RORY: Nothing.
LANE: That was a totally loaded "okay."
RORY: It's just…it gives me third-grade flashbacks.
LANE: Okay. I could…tie it around a tree.
RORY: And tell Mama Lane that you're Molly Shannon, hence the bark?
LANE: Okay, not good. I could… [She thinks] Or I could just not wear a band shirt and call it good.
RORY: Bingo. [She pours herself a cup of coffee] Coffee?
LANE: No thanks. Now I have to go home and rethink my entire wardrobe. But I'm coming back here! You'll do my makeup, right?
RORY: Won't Mrs. Kim be suspicious of makeup?
LANE: It'll have to be subtle.
RORY: Really subtle.
LANE: Or I'll just come over here and we'll talk under the pretense of you doing my makeup.
RORY: It's a plan.
LANE: Bye.
RORY: Bye.
[LANE runs out of the kitchen. LORELAI comes in, yawning]
LORELAI: Lane?
RORY: Yeah.
LORELAI: Everyone runs to you with their boy problems.
RORY: Of course, I've acquired all knowledge from you.
LORELAI: So true, so true. But does Avril Lavigne give The Matrix credit?
RORY: That's the beauty. I get to be glamorous while you toil away doing all the work.
LORELAI: Role reversal.
RORY: Mmm.
LORELAI: So are you going with Jess today?
RORY: I don't know. I kind of feel like just staying in today.
LORELAI: Blasphemy! This is a town event, my spirited offspring.
RORY: I just don't feel like it.
LORELAI: You're that mad?
RORY: I'm not really mad, I just need a day alone.
LORELAI: You want me to stay with you?
RORY: No, you go out with Grayer. Have fun.
LORELAI: Okay. You sure?
RORY: Yeah. I might come if I feel more spirited.
LORELAI: All right, hon. I'm gonna start getting ready.
[LORELAI stands up and kisses RORY on the head on the way out of the kitchen. La-la's start. RORY looks sadly out the window]
[Int. Luke's. Mid-afternoon. JESS is upstairs when LUKE comes in]
LUKE: Jess.
JESS: Luke.
LUKE: You meeting Rory soon?
JESS: Yeah.
LUKE: [He walks to the window] Insanity.
JESS: Certifiable.
LUKE: Something happen last night?
JESS: What?
LUKE: [Gestures] With you and Rory.
JESS: Why?
LUKE: Well, you came in pretty early.
JESS: And?
LUKE: Well, that's weird. You usually come in right after midnight.
JESS: Huh.
LUKE: So, did something happen?
JESS: I can't believe they hired a clown.
LUKE: Jess, answer me.
JESS: I don't really think it's your business.
LUKE: So something did happen.
JESS: I didn't say that.
LUKE: Well, if nothing had happened, you would have denied it.
JESS: Denying it does no good.
LUKE: Look, Jess, if there's something you want to tell me…I'm here.
JESS: How comforting.
LUKE: You're workin' tonight.
JESS: I know.
LUKE: By eight.
JESS: Yet again, I know.
LUKE: Fine.
JESS: Fine.
[LUKE leaves. JESS goes over to the window. He sees RORY outside on the edge of the crowd, looking uncomfortable]
[Continuous. Town Square. JESS comes up from behind RORY]
JESS: Hey.
RORY: Hi.
JESS: Hi. [Silence] So I thought I was going to meet you at your house.
RORY: I got sick of waiting.
JESS: Okay.
RORY: Okay then.
JESS: You mad about something?
RORY: [Rolls her eyes] Nothing at all. [She starts to walk away. JESS follows her]
JESS: Last night.
RORY: Two points.
JESS: Rory, it wasn't that bad. I took you home right away.
RORY: After you just left me standing there!
JESS: It wasn't like I dumped you at the side of the road and never came back. I was gone for a minute.
RORY: That's a long time.
JESS: You could have followed me.
RORY: Yeah, sure.
JESS: I don't know why you're getting so bent out-of-shape about this.
RORY: You wouldn't.
JESS: What's that supposed to mean?
RORY: It means you didn't even care that I never wanted to go. You never asked me why. You didn't even care that I got freaked out.
JESS: Bull.
RORY: Put yourself over here, Jess. It's not so fun.
JESS: I cannot believe we're fighting over this.
RORY: Well, we are.
JESS: You're making me into Dean.
RORY: Excuse me?
JESS: Dean would fight about everything. You're trying to make me into a jealous boyfriend who watches your every move.
RORY: That's not true.
JESS: Then what is true?
RORY: What's true is that I didn't feel like you even cared about me or my feelings last night, Jess!
JESS: Not this crap.
RORY: This isn't "crap."
JESS: Whatever.
[He walks away. RORY has tears of frustration in her eyes. She sees DEAN watching from a few yards away. She turns away and starts walking home]
[Third commercial break]
[Int. festival. LORELAI and GRAYER are walking through it, holding hands, each eating cotton candy]
GRAYER: Isn't cotton candy supposed to be for summer festivals?
LORELAI: That's the beauty of this town. Cotton candy is a staple at every event.
GRAYER: Regardless of temperature or theme?
LORELAI: That's right. We can rot our bodies during any number of seasons.
GRAYER: I might just have to move to this town.
LORELAI: You might. But newcomers get put on the auction block.
GRAYER: Would you bid for me?
LORELAI: Depends on who else is up there.
GRAYER: Oh?
LORELAI: Well, if Taylor was up there, I might bid on him, 'cause duh—free groceries for a month. Or if Kevin Bacon happened to show up, he'd definitely beat you out.
GRAYER: That's reassuring, since none of those two things would ever happen.
LORELAI: Never say never.
GRAYER: Kevin Bacon.
LORELAI: Footloose.
GRAYER: The River Wild.
LORELAI: That's the one he did with Meryl Streep.
GRAYER: And look what happened to her.
LORELAI: Straight from that to…Music of the Heart. [They make simultaneous gagging noises]
GRAYER: And after that…The Hours.
LORELAI: I felt like Elaine from Seinfeld.
GRAYER: I was numbed.
LORELAI: Hey, look! Hot chocolate!
GRAYER: We have cotton candy.
LORELAI: And? What's wrong with more sugar?
GRAYER: The two sugar tastes aren't really compatible.
LORELAI: They definitely have a Lisa Marie-Michael vibe going.
GRAYER: Maybe just some water.
LORELAI: Blasphemous man! This doesn't mean that we forgo one type of sugar! We just have to finish this sugar quickly.
[GRAYER shakes his head but wolfs down the candy anyway. LORELAI looks up and sees LUKE looking out from the diner, staring at her as she and GRAYER eat. As soon as he realizes she's looking back, he turns away]
GRAYER: Okay, I'm done. I might die of some sort of sugar overdose, but I'll take the hot chocolate.
LORELAI: [Half-heartedly] Great.
GRAYER: Lorelai?
LORELAI: What?
GRAYER: You okay?
LORELAI: What? Yeah. Let's get that warm dissolved sugar.
[LORELAI walks quickly in the direction of the hot chocolate stand, leaving GRAYER to trail her, confused]
[Int. Luke's. He and JESS are the only two people in the diner]
JESS: Maybe we should just call it a night.
LUKE: There'll be people after, wanting a piece of pie.
JESS: They're gonna be stuffed with cotton candy and turkey.
LUKE: Yeah. [Pause] Yeah, let's close up.
JESS: I'll wipe down.
[LUKE tosses him a rag and JESS starts wiping. LUKE goes behind the counter and starts emptying the till]
LUKE: Noticed you didn't go out for very long.
JESS: It's a town thing.
LUKE: Yeah, but I thought you were meeting Rory.
JESS: She had stuff to do.
LUKE: Ah. [Pause] I saw.
JESS: Saw what?
LUKE: You two had a fight.
JESS: Huh.
LUKE: Jess, come on. Say something.
JESS: I wanna be sedated.
LUKE: What?
JESS: You said to say something.
LUKE: You calling her?
JESS: Eventually.
LUKE: Is eventually coming up in a couple minutes?
JESS: Don't know.
LUKE: This isn't the way to handle a fight.
JESS: And what is proper fight etiquette, Uncle Luke?
LUKE: Apologize, Jess.
JESS: Wasn't my fault.
LUKE: A fight takes two people.
JESS: Yeah, one to start it and one to get blamed for it.
LUKE: Do you like Rory?
JESS: Oh, jeez.
LUKE: Come on, Jess. Do you like her? [JESS says nothing, just wipes] Rory's a great girl. The least you could do is call her. That's all I'm gonna say. [LUKE takes some things upstairs] Shut the lights off when you're done.
[JESS throws his rag down on the table and stares into space for a while. He shuts the lights off, grabs his coat, and leaves]
[Int. LORELAI and GRAYER walking to LORELAI'S house, hand in hand]
LORELAI: They think they want to meet me.
GRAYER: They're curious.
LORELAI: In the morbid, Addam's Family sort of way.
GRAYER: Well, my mother takes all the credit for having set us up and my father nodded his head, so they're curious.
LORELAI: Wow, meeting the parents.
GRAYER: It won't be a big deal. Dinner, drinks…
LORELAI: …massacre.
GRAYER: They'll like you.
LORELAI: My own parents don't like me. I highly doubt that another set of parents are going to be too wild about me.
GRAYER: Well, they've extended the invitation.
LORELAI: [Sighs] For when?
GRAYER: Friday in three weeks.
LORELAI: Three weeks, huh?
GRAYER: My parents are big on notice.
LORELAI: Well, I have dinner with my parents on Fridays…
GRAYER: The invitation includes them.
LORELAI: Ah—oh.
GRAYER: Don't worry.
LORELAI: Don't worry? My parents will find a way to ruin this for me.
GRAYER: I don't think they're out to sabotage this.
LORELAI: That's because you've never met my parents.
GRAYER: Well, your mother set this up, right?
LORELAI: Yeah…
GRAYER: Therefore, she wanted this.
LORELAI: But she's going to see that I'm happy and go into Emily Gilmore as evil stepmother drive.
GRAYER: Look, don't worry. If things get tense, my parents will start ragging on me.
LORELAI: Actually, my parents will start ragging on me.
GRAYER: So there you go. It'll be like a regular Friday night dinner.
LORELAI: [Laughs] Okay.
GRAYER: Okay, you'll come?
LORELAI: We'll be there.
GRAYER: Trust me. It'll be fine.
[GRAYER draws LORELAI closer so that her head rests on his shoulder. LORELAI looks into the distance, her face preoccupied]
[Int. Gilmore house. RORY is sitting on the porch steps, staring into space. LANE comes running up the front walk]
LANE: Rory! Rory!
RORY: What? What happened?
LANE: Kiss.
RORY: Kiss?
LANE: [Points to her lips] Kiss!
RORY: [Stands] Kiss!
[The girls hug and jump a little]
LANE: Kiss!
RORY: How?
LANE: We were just…standing there…talking about Count the Stars…and then…he just…
RORY: Oh my God!
LANE: I know.
RORY: How was it?
LANE: Perfect.
RORY: Oh, Lane!
LANE: I know! I turn eighteen and finally get a kiss!
RORY: He just…leaned down?
LANE: Well, we were talking about Count the Stars and I commented on how there were stars and we were standing in Stars Hollow—
RORY: Making connections!
LANE: Exactly. And then I tipped my head up and pointed to this star and he just…kissed me!
RORY: That's so great, Lane.
LANE: But then I ran.
RORY: Ran?
LANE: I could hear my mother calling me.
RORY: Of course.
LANE: And I didn't say anything to him.
RORY: He'll understand. He's talked to Mrs. Kim.
LANE: I can't believe she interrupted it.
RORY: Better than her seeing it.
LANE: True.
RORY: I take it she still hasn't met Clyde?
LANE: No.
RORY: That's probably for the best.
LANE: Yeah.
RORY: So is this going be a repeating occurrence?
LANE: I hope so. I hope he doesn't think I'm mad.
RORY: Why would he think that?
LANE: The running.
RORY: Your mother was calling you.
LANE: I could have at least said something.
RORY: How about "thank you"?
[The girls giggle]
LANE: I saw Dean at the festival.
RORY: So did I.
LANE: You were there?
RORY: I didn't stay long.
LANE: Dean?
RORY: Jess.
LANE: What happened?
RORY: It's…I don't know. We went to a band last night and it was in this guy's basement and I didn't like it, so I told him but he just…wouldn't quit, and we ended up leaving early. Things just got so messed up and I yelled at him in the middle of town…in front of Dean…
LANE: Oh.
RORY: I don't know what to do. I mean, it was his fault, but should I apologize?
LANE: I don't know. I just got kissed. I haven't gotten to fighting yet.
RORY: Well, when you do, don't ask me for advice.
LANE: Duly noted. I better get back before Mama starts looking.
RORY: See you later.
LANE: Bye.
RORY: Hey, Lane?
LANE: Yeah?
RORY: Call him.
LANE: Will do.
[LANE jogs down the Gilmore walk. "Here Comes Your Man" by the Pixies starts playing as RORY sits on the porch steps and thinks. JESS comes up the walk, but stops before RORY can see him. He stares at her for a while, then turns around and leaves]
[Int. Gilmore house. Morning. LORELAI comes into RORY'S room and lays down next to her]
LORELAI: Rory…
RORY: [Mumbling] What?
LORELAI: Get up.
RORY: Why?
LORELAI: I have a huge dilemma.
RORY: One that I can't solve from here?
LORELAI: Grayer wants me to meet his parents.
RORY: Good.
LORELAI: Good? How is that good?
RORY: That means he likes you.
LORELAI: And that he wants me to meet his parents.
RORY: Mom?
LORELAI: Meeting parents is a huge step.
RORY: Okay.
LORELAI: Okay?
RORY: Okay.
LORELAI: After I meet the parents, I'm in. That's it.
RORY: Mom, meeting his parents doesn't mean you're marrying him.
LORELAI: That's where you're wrong. His mother will get out her old wedding dress and tell me how I'm exactly her size and that she's been wanting grandchildren for a long time.
RORY: It still doesn't mean you're getting married. Grayer has to agree to it too.
LORELAI: But he invited me to meet his parents.
RORY: Redundancy must come to you in the morning.
LORELAI: He invited me, which must mean that he wants his mother to take out the old wedding dress.
RORY: So what if he does?
LORELAI: [Mouth drops in surprise]
RORY: I think you're overanalyzing.
LORELAI: Rory, this is a big deal!
RORY: Okay, so it's a big deal. Mom, he's not going to trap you, throw you over his shoulder and drag you to the altar.
LORELAI: Do you have any proof of that?
RORY: A written, signed contract.
LORELAI: I'd like to keep that with me at all times.
RORY: I thought his parents were like Grandma and Grandpa.
LORELAI: And?
RORY: And so, would Grandma and Grandpa start taking out old wedding dresses?
LORELAI: They might.
RORY: They wouldn't.
LORELAI: [Pause] It better be a pretty dress.
[RORY groans and puts her head under the pillow. LORELAI lays down next to her and tries to sleep]
[Fourth commercial break]
[Int. Independence Inn. LORELAI is sitting on a stool in the kitchen while SOOKIE cooks]
LORELAI: This is to die for.
SOOKIE: You like it?
LORELAI: This should definitely go on the menu.
SOOKIE: Will do. [SOOKIE and LORELAI are silent] Hey, Lorelai?
LORELAI: Yeah?
SOOKIE: Did something happen with you and Luke?
LORELAI: No.
SOOKIE: Because you seemed a little sensitive about it.
LORELAI: I wasn't "sensitive."
SOOKIE: Well, I said his name and you stormed out of the room.
LORELAI: I—it was—
SOOKIE: You don't go there on your break anymore. You don't talk about him.
LORELAI: I got busy.
SOOKIE: And Luke doesn't, you know, seem to have his pining thing going anymore.
LORELAI: [Hurt] You don't think so?
SOOKIE: Well, at least he's toned it down.
LORELAI: Oh.
SOOKIE: So I was just wondering if you two fought.
LORELAI: Not—not really.
SOOKIE: Then what happened? [She puts down her spoon and faces LORELAI]
LORELAI: I screwed up, Sookie.
SOOKIE: How so?
LORELAI: I just—ooh, God, I'm so oblivious sometimes.
SOOKIE: Lorelai?
LORELAI: He was in love with me. Everyone else saw it—even Rory—and I…I don't know if I didn't see it or if I was just ignoring it, but he was, Sookie, and I just strung him along. I didn't even mean to, but in the back of my head, Luke was like this safe harbor. He was right—he was the pinch hitter. If things didn't work out with Christopher, then I had Luke; if things didn't work out with Max, I had Luke; if things didn't work out with Grayer, I had Luke. I dragged him along like a little dog.
SOOKIE: Lorelai, you never meant to.
LORELAI: That doesn't matter! He told me he was in love with me and I said that I just couldn't, not right now, and he said there was never going to be another "right now" and I blew it, Sookie. I was too scared to maybe admit that I wanted this too and now it'll never be the same again.
SOOKIE: So go talk to him.
LORELAI: I can't. I already threw him to the wolves.
SOOKIE: But you really want this?
LORELAI: Of course.
SOOKIE: Then it's at least worth a try, right?
[LORELAI looks at SOOKIE and sighs. She puts her coffee cup on the counter and stands up]
LORELAI: It's not going to work, Sookie. I messed up.
[LORELAI leaves]
[Int. Luke's. Afternoon. RORY walks in with her uniform on. JESS sees her from behind the counter. She walks up and sits on a stool by him]
RORY: Hey.
JESS: Hey.
RORY: You busy?
JESS: Um, no. You wanna…[he gestures up the stairs]
RORY: Yeah. [She hops off her stool and follows JESS up the stairs and through LUKE'S apartment door]
JESS: So…
RORY: So.
JESS: I'm…
RORY: Me too.
JESS: I shoulda listened to you.
RORY: I kind of blew things out of proportion.
JESS: True.
RORY: But I was scared.
JESS: I forget, you're sheltered.
RORY: I am.
JESS: Next time, I'll get a leash.
RORY: [Sarcastic] Gee, thanks.
JESS: [Gestures toward her backpack] You gonna set that thing down?
RORY: Depends.
JESS: On?
RORY: If I'm staying.
JESS: Well, are you?
RORY: Depends.
JESS: On?
RORY: If I get an invitation.
[JESS steps closer, takes her cheeks in his hands and kisses her. RORY breaks the kiss to set her bag on the floor]
JESS: So…
RORY: So…
JESS: How're…things?
RORY: Paris got a boyfriend.
JESS: Huh.
RORY: Lane got kissed.
JESS: By the Lord?
RORY: By Clyde.
JESS: Well.
RORY: Mom got invited to meet Grayer's parents.
JESS: Next step, marriage.
RORY: Funny, that's what she said.
JESS: Isn't that funny?
RORY: And I'm pretty sure that Kirk'll never recover from the snowball pelting he took.
JESS: You stayed at the festival?
RORY: My mom told me. Plus, it was in the paper. [JESS slowly wraps his arm around her waist] And…Taylor said that next year we should have a water gun fight, but then…[JESS leans close]…then Kirk said that they didn't have guns back then and Taylor said that they did…[JESS kisses her neck]…and that—[JESS kisses her lips and she finally stops talking and surrenders to the kiss]
[Int. Diner. Afternoon. LORELAI walks in looking determined. LUKE is behind the counter]
LORELAI: Coffee?
LUKE: Fresh. [He fills a to-go cup]
LORELAI: Actually, I was going to sit here.
LUKE: Okay. [He transfers the coffee from the cup to a mug] There.
LORELAI: Where's Jess?
LUKE: Upstairs with Rory.
LORELAI: Doing what?
LUKE: Normal…teenage things, I suppose.
LORELAI: And you monitor these "normal teenage things"?
LUKE: Enough.
LORELAI: How much is enough?
LUKE: I hear no loud noises or shrieks of terror, I figure everything's okay.
LORELAI: You do know that "normal teenage things" probably includes something we don't want?
LUKE: Like?
LORELAI: Like sex.
LUKE: You trust Rory?
LORELAI: With my life.
LUKE: Then it's not included.
LORELAI: Luke, hormones are scary things.
LUKE: Cut the kid some slack.
LORELAI: Which kid?
LUKE: Both.
LORELAI: Because Jess has exhibited such great grounds for slack-cutting in the past.
LUKE: Oh, here we go.
LORELAI: Not here we go.
LUKE: Look, you want me to ban them from going upstairs? Install hidden cameras?
LORELAI: No! I just want my daughter to be safe.
LUKE: Look, if they're gonna do it, why not have them do it here, not in some cheap motel on the Interstate?
LORELAI: I didn't come to debate this with you.
LUKE: Really.
LORELAI: Yeah. [She clears her throat and looks around nervously] Luke, I…[LORELAI looks down to the counter; LUKE looks at her]
LUKE: You…
LORELAI: I messed up. [She takes a deep breath and looks at him. He stares directly back at her] I, um…[Her courage starts to fade] I meant to come in and apologize about Jess.
LUKE: [Confused] What?
LORELAI: I messed up…when I judged him so fast.
LUKE: Lorelai…?
LORELAI: And I'm sorry, 'cause I know you love him, and I should have trusted you that he's a great kid.
LUKE: I never said he was—
LORELAI: Oh, it's getting late. I should go. [She tosses money on the counter] Thanks for the coffee. [She bolts out the door. LUKE stands at the counter, befuddled]
[Int. Apartment. Night. RORY and JESS are sitting—almost lying—on the couch making out. RORY breaks the kiss]
RORY: What time is it?
JESS: I don't know.
RORY: [Grabs his wrist and looks at his watch] Oh my God! It's eight o'clock.
JESS: Mmm.
RORY: I have to go.
JESS: Stay.
RORY: I can't…my mom.
JESS: [Sighs] Tomorrow?
RORY: Tomorrow.
[RORY gets up. As she's gathering her things together, LUKE comes in]
LUKE: Rory.
RORY: Hey, Luke.
LUKE: Goin' home?
RORY: Yeah. It's kind of getting late.
LUKE: Yep.
RORY: Well…bye, Luke, Jess.
JESS: Bye.
[LUKE watches her leave, then turns on JESS]
LUKE: You guys were…
JESS: Doing things that would make Anna Nicole Smith blush.
LUKE: Jess…
JESS: Nothing that would lead to pregnancy, okay?
LUKE: Good. [Clears throat] Lorelai's kind of worried about you guys…sitting up here, you know, all the time.
JESS: Name one thing she isn't worried about.
LUKE: Globalization.
JESS: Then she's not neurotic, my mistake.
LUKE: So you two made up, then.
JESS: Yeah.
LUKE: Well, that's good.
JESS: Yeah.
LUKE: Is—[Telephone rings] You wanna…
JESS: It's not for me. [Walks away]
LUKE: Okay. [Picks up phone] Hello?
LIZ: Luke?
LUKE: Liz.
LIZ: Is Jess there?
LUKE: No.
LIZ: Oh.
LUKE: Is there something you want me to tell him?
LIZ: Could you just mention that I called?
LUKE: Sure.
LIZ: And have him call me back.
LUKE: Yeah, right.
LIZ: How is he?
LUKE: Fine.
LIZ: School?
LUKE: Fine.
LIZ: His, um, girlfriend?
LUKE: You can't remember her name.
LIZ: [Ashamed] No.
LUKE: Rory is fine too.
LIZ: Good.
LUKE: Yeah. [Pause] Anything else?
LIZ: What would you think of me visiting?
LUKE: I think…[sighs] I think that's a bad idea, Liz.
LIZ: I thought maybe if I could just see Jess, maybe explain some things—
LUKE: He's doing good, Liz. Don't mess it up.
LIZ: Right.
LUKE: I'll tell him you called.
LIZ: Okay, thanks. Bye, Luke.
LUKE: Bye. [Hangs up. JESS is leaning against the archway by the kitchen; LUKE sees him when he turns around] That was—
JESS: My mother.
LUKE: Yeah.
JESS: So?
LUKE: She called to check up.
JESS: How motherly.
LUKE: She wanted to talk to you.
JESS: Huh.
LUKE: And said she wanted you to call back.
JESS: I'll get right on that.
LUKE: Jess, she's your mother.
JESS: That's not my fault.
LUKE: She loves you.
JESS: If she loves me, then the Cookie Monster is Satan.
LUKE: Jess—
JESS: She doesn't love me! She doesn't even care! She thinks loving a kid is leaving him alone, then waiting for him to screw up! That's not love.
[Silence]
LUKE: Anyway, she called.
JESS: Good for her. Mother of the Year awaits. [Leaves]
[LUKE stands in the kitchen for a minute, staring after JESS, then sinks down into a chair and shuts his eyes]
[Int. Gilmore house. Night. RORY walks in the door and finds LORELAI on the couch, surrounded by papers]
LORELAI: This inn thing is driving me crazy.
RORY: I can see that. What's happening?
LORELAI: The construction, Rory…it's going to cost a bundle. I told Sookie that I didn't want to ask my parents, but I think I'm going to have to.
RORY: Mom, they'll be happy to do it.
LORELAI: Thanks for trying, sweetie, but Mommy's smarter than that.
RORY: What are your other options?
LORELAI: That's the beauty of it. I have no other options.
RORY: No loans?
LORELAI: They wouldn't give me a loan to fix my house. I don't think asking for a hundred thousand in construction is going to go over well.
RORY: Okay. Does the construction company take it in increments?
LORELAI: Yes. There's one mondo one, two enormous ones, or three gigantic ones.
RORY: No monthly-type plan?
LORELAI: No.
RORY: Well, there's always…
LORELAI: What?
RORY: Luke. Luke and the town.
LORELAI: I need some pretty complicated electrical stuff done.
RORY: I know, but maybe Luke and Andrew and Dean could work on the woodwork-remodeling stuff…Lane and I can paint…Jess could do something. You know, have the town do a lot of it, defray the other costs.
LORELAI: Rory, I can't ask Luke.
RORY: I'll ask him for you.
LORELAI: Thanks, babe, but the asking's just the first part.
RORY: I think it's your best option.
LORELAI: Me too.
RORY: Well…
LORELAI: I'll think.
RORY: Okay. I'm gonna get to bed.
LORELAI: Night, sweets. [They kiss. RORY leaves]
[La-la's start. LORELAI looks at all of her papers, sifting through them. She comes upon a picture of the inn, which she stares at for a long time. She takes a deep breath, nods, and smiles a little]
[End of episode]