chapter twenty
~ ebb and flow ~
To say that he was bored would be a grave understatement. The isolation was quickly becoming overwhelming. For days he waited for the Angel to make her reappearance, but she remained elusive. Without her, Vash was completely alone. No one came to visit him save for Conrad and Knives.
During the hours Vash was alone in a cage, he explored. He was starting to get a sense of what was around him beyond his enclosure. If he closed his eyes and concentrated, he could sense depth and height. The details were still blurred... shaky... but with each passing day he saw a little more. The puzzle was slowing coming together, especially now that Vash was beginning to develop a tolerance toward the xenon.
With a more alert mind, Vash often found his thoughts wandering backwards. Thoughts of Rem and life on board the SEEDs ship frequently invaded his consciousness. He tried his best to not remember, to not focus on his regrets, but the isolation made such an effort impossible. Questions kept repeating themselves in his mind, nagging him.
What would Rem do about Knives?
Instinctively, he knew she would try to reach out to Knives until the very end. She believed that it was never too late for someone to change. But... could Knives really change? After everything Knives has done... after everything he's still trying to do... could he change?
Was it even possible?
Does Knives even want to change?
Vash snorted into the darkness. Of course Knives didn't want to change. For him to change, he would have to admit that he was wrong and Knives would never do that. Especially since what Knives wanted to do wasn't wrong.
Logically, Knives wasn't mistaken at all. Vash understood that. It was just the way Knives wanted to solve the problem... that was what Vash found so abhorrent. Even if it meant the death of every plant on the planet, Vash would not help his brother.
In the end, everything rested on Knives' shoulders. He had to be the one to decide to change. Nothing Vash could do would alter that fact.
Can I keep trying to help Knives?
Aqua eyes blinked.
Do I want to help Knives?
A dagger of guilt stabbed at his heart as cold truth spat out the answer. No, he didn't want to help Knives anymore. He was tired of having his hand slapped away every time he reached out to him. He was enraged by the constant demonstrations and rhetoric about how he was wrong and Knives was right.
All Vash wanted was for Knives to stop. More than that, he wanted to be the one to force Knives to stop. Trying to help him rarely entered his mind anymore.
Pushing his hair out of his eyes, Vash sighed. Rem would be disappointed in him if he didn't try to help Knives. For her sake, he would keep trying. Somehow.
But what about Meryl? What was he going to do to help Meryl?
He wanted to help her, he wanted to undo what Knives had done... but it seemed impossible. It was too late. The seedling was growing quickly and close to being born. What could Vash possibly do to help her now?
You are here because of her. You want to stop him?
Vash's head shot up in surprise. He wanted to turn around and face her, but was afraid the sudden movement would frighten her off. Instead, he remained still and answered her politely. Yes.
Silence filled Vash's mind and he feared she had left. Cautiously, he turned around, his eyes hopeful. In the haze of passing shadows, Vash saw the tale-tell form of the Angel. She was floating directly in front of the glass, moving steadily closer. Her fingers tickled across the glass as she leaned toward the divide, her face mere few inches from the surface. She studied him intently.
Vash suddenly felt very naked and deformed under her scrutiny. He rubbed the back of his head and offered her a nervous smile. The Angel blinked, and tilted her head to one side as she peered at him.
Why?
The smile faltered as Vash furrowed his brows together, I don't want him to hurt people. It's not right.
The Angel sat in silence as she processed his words, a distant look appearing upon her face. Vash took the opportunity to move closer to her, careful not to make any sudden movements.
What's your name? he asked, his smile returning.
She remained still as she hovered just beyond his reach, her gaze peering within for a long second before she focused her attention on Vash. Pale eyes blinked at him, He calls me Gwen.
Gwen, Vash repeated. I think I recognize you, Gwen. I've sensed you before, haven't I?
You were there, but I only know you through him. She pressed her hand against the glass, She is not hurt.
Vash scrunched his face in confusion, Pardon?
I do not understand your reasoning. She is not hurt.
Meryl? Vash asked as he regarded her.
Yes.
Vash was surprised the angel knew her name. You know about Meryl?
Yes, the Angel replied matter-of-factly, Knives frequently tells me about her.
Do you... agree with him?
The Angel paused, confused. What do you mean?
Do you agree with what he did to her?
Isn't it necessary?
No!
She flinched from the force of his response, but said nothing. Vash gave her an apologetic look, He shouldn't have put that thing inside of her. It'll kill her. There are always other ways.
Gwen pulled her hand away from the glass, He tried not to use her. He didn't want to use her. Several of us think it was the right thing to do. There are no little ones anymore. There was no other way.
Vash frowned and thought of Rem. Knives never seemed to take her lesson to heart; it always had to be his way regardless of the means necessary to reach his ends Rem and Meryl both did not deserve to become a means to an end for him.
I don't believe that, the free-born plant responded evenly.
You would rather we die?
I didn't say that.
Gwen pulled further away from the glass as wary eyes watched the free-born plant. You... you are confusing. Your mind is always filled with thoughts of humans, never us. You worry about them. You long to help them... You are a stranger to us. Many of us do not understand you anymore. Why do you forsake us? Why do you care more for strangers than family?
Another dagger of guilt and Vash had to break eye contact with the Angel.
I— I don't mean to he faltered, feeling uncomfortable with the intense way Gwen was watching him. He'd never considered that his family had started to think of him as a stranger.
Had he been that distant with his own people?
Vash pursed his lips together and tried to dismiss the notion with no avail. As much as he wanted to deny her statements, it was true that he hadn't spoken to his family in years. Not unless he had to.
And the last time he did talk to one... he forced himself into her mind...
Vash shivered, feeling ashamed.
Is that why no one would tell me about the seedling? the free-born plant asked, his eyes still avoiding hers.
Yes.
Vash felt more guilt edge into his soul, settling there in comfort. Aqua eyes slowly rose to meet hers. I'm sorry but some of the humans are my family now, too.
Is she?
The free-born plant paused for a long moment, turning Gwen's question over in his mind. He never really thought of Meryl as anything more than a friend, but he didn't think Gwen would understand his desire to help her if he answered her question honestly.
Yes, he replied in the calm, she's family to me.
* * *
"Hey, what are you doing? Get up," the hive ordered, eyeing Meryl impatiently.
The woman remained still and quiet, comfortably nestled in her blankets.
Zazie shook her shoulder, "Hey!"
Violet eyes blinked opened, bleary.
"Get. Up."
A moan of dismissal answered her. Zazie clenched her jaw.
"You're going to miss lunch if you don't get up, Meryl."
The human sighed, "I'm tired..."
Zazie yanked back Meryl's covers and she flinched from the cold. "You're always tired. Now get the hell out of this bed. I'm tired of dealing with you like this."
Meryl's eyebrow twitched irritably, but she acquiesced anyway. Zazie helped her to her feet, then led her to her waiting meal. She sat down and began to eat, still groggy. The taste and smell of food quickly roused her and soon she was completely focused on consuming.
Zazie watched her critically, once again surprised at how much food she could consume in a single sitting. She didn't used to eat that much. In fact, it's only been within the last few weeks that Meryl's appetite increased.
The hive frowned. Was that significant? Or did all humans eat like that when they were at the end of their pregnancy?
"Hey, Meryl."
The woman glanced at the hive as she filled her mouth with food.
"Is this normal for humans?"
Meryl gave her a questioning look, her mouth still grinding up her food.
"Do all humans eat like you do at this stage of their pregnancy? I'm wondering if I should tell Conrad about this or not."
Swallowing, Meryl took a sip of juice and tried not to let her temper get the best of her. "I think most pregnant women eat a lot."
"That may be true," Zazie agreed, ignoring Meryl's snippy tone, "but all you do anymore is eat and sleep. You never used to do that."
Meryl took a bite of her apple with a thoughtful expression.
"And you sleep a lot deeper now, too. It's a pain in the ass trying to wake you up anymore."
Another bite, another thoughtful expression.
"Is stuff like that normal for you humans?"
"I've never been pregnant before."
"But you've been around pregnant women..."
"...Yeah, but that's different. I didn't live with them or anything, I only saw them at work or at the store."
Zazie pushed her hair over her shoulder. "And they were as big as you?"
Meryl shot the hive an angry glare, but said nothing.
"What?" Zazie asked in sincere innocence.
"Yes, they were 'as big' as me. Most women can work right up to their ninth month."
"So... this is abnormal."
Meryl put down the apple core and turned her full attention to the blonde psuedo-human. Her voice dripped with condescension, "What are you getting at? What's the problem? I've been tired throughout this pregnancy. I've also had weird food cravings for months. Why are you all-of-the-sudden so interested in this?"
"Because," Zazie began, her patronizing tone matching Meryl's, "you never used to sleep all day and you've never been so hard to wake up. When you had 'weird' food cravings, you just ate the food you craved and that was it. Now you eat everything set in front of you. And you know what? For all the sleep and food you get, you still look haggard."
Eyebrows twitched. "Haggard!?"
Zazie smirked.
I just need a shower, Meryl thought, running a hand through her hair. The texture of her locks surprised her. Normally her hair felt a little oily after a night's sleep, but her hair felt clean, soft. She ran another hand through her hair and smelled her shampoo.
The hardness in Meryl's expression suddenly cracked, surprising Zazie. The little insurance agent glanced about the table, eyeing the empty plates and crumbs. She looked down at her clothes, then turned troubled eyes to Zazie.
"Zazie, did I... did I take a shower today?"
The hive blinked, "Yeah, you took one this morning."
Meryl's face paled slightly, "This morning?"
"Yeah."
The human pushed away the plate in front of her and looked at the clock on the far wall. It was past noon. "I don't remember that," she said quietly, distantly.
"What do you mean, you don't remember?"
Angry eyes turned toward the baby sitter, "I mean I don't remember! I don't remember getting out of bed this morning. I thought this was breakfast until you started asking all those questions!"
"Does that look like breakfast food to you?"
"Shut up!" Meryl barked, her mind despretly trying to remember the events of that morning... and the night before... and yesterday morning. Her lip quivered as her heart pounded hard in her chest.
Was this also part of those dynamicytes things that Knives told her about?
The last six weeks seemed like a blur to her. So much happened in such a short amount of time. The rash on her back, the dynamicytes, Vash... over the last two weeks the rash on her back had begun to sweat a small amount of blood. It wasn't painful, but it was very distressing.
Conrad assured her that there was nothing to be worried about. She would 'just have to put up with it,' he said. She had little choice in that regard, but now she couldn't even remember getting up and taking a shower.
The pregnancy was beginning to kill her, she was certain on it. She was starting to lose her mind. Her mind was slipping away, she would soon be comatose... and then... dead.
"I'm going to tell Conrad about this," the hive said at last.
Meryl said nothing. All she could do was bury her face in her hands and sob.
* * *
"This isn't some fairy tale. We can't just waltz up there, 'storm the castle', and rescue our friends. It just doesn't work that way."
Milly pressed her lips together and glared at him, "I know that."
"Well then explain to me what you're talking about with this whole 'sneaking in' business." Wolfwood said, trying not to notice the way her hair shined in the light of the setting sun. He looked away from her and shifted into a more comfortable position on the rock before letting his eyes examine the horizon.
"There's only two of us," she said matter-of-factly, "so we have to be sneaky, don't we?"
"That's a give in."
"That's all I was trying to say. I know we are outnumbered, but you know that place better than I do. Don't you have any ideas?"
"I've only been there a few times," Wolfwood admitted. He knew she knew what his role was in all of this, but he still didn't like to talk about it with her. It made him feel uncomfortable and ten times as guilty.
"I've never been to the plant chamber, nor have I ever seen the core itself except from the outside. I have an idea of where they might keep Meryl, but that still doesn't help us." Wolfwood said as he turned his eyes back to Milly, "I can tell you right now there's no way we're going to be able to sneak in. Legato and Knives would sense us immediately. Maybe if a large group of people went there at once, they wouldn't be able to pick us out in the crowd... but that's not going to happen, either."
Milly frowned, "I'm not giving up."
"I figured as much."
"There has to be something someway. We can't just turn our backs on them."
"Look, Milly," Wolfwood began with a heavy sigh, "I wish you would go home and let me handle this. Please. I don't want to see you get hurt again. I don't want to go back there with you and risk watching something bad happen to you. I would be much happier if you went home now and spent the rest of your life forgetting about me and everything else."
Milly stood up and glared at him, angry that he would dare suggest that she forget about her friends and just leave. "I can't do that! I have friends out there! I can't turn my back on them! My big sister taught me that friendship is the most valuable thing in all the world. If I turn back and don't even try to help them, I would never forgive myself!"
"I thought you would say something like that," Wolfwood said quietly.
"Then why did you even suggest such a thing?"
Hard gray eyes met soft blue, "Because, I care about you Milly. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if something bad happened to you. Understand?"
Milly stood motionless for a long moment before finally sitting beside him once again. Nervous fingers fidgeted with the buttons of her coat. Her heart prompted her to speak, but she resisted out of sheer stubbornness. Still, the prompting continued. Try as she might, she could not ignore it and the strange look on Wolfwood's face as he watched her made it all the more difficult. Milly sighed and tried to organize her thoughts as she worked up the courage to speak. After all, her sister always told her to follow her heart. It would lead her in the right direction.
"Before this all happened, Wolfwood, I I really thought we had something nice, something special. Or, I thought it could turn into that." Milly glanced up at him and smiled shyly, "You know?"
Wolfwood nodded mutely. He felt himself hanging on her every word.
Milly's cheeks began to glow as she continued, "Then I found out that you worked for Knives and everything else and I hated you for a while. I felt betrayed. I felt like you lied to me and I hated you for it. I've never hated anybody, but what I felt after Vash told me... I was certain that I hated you."
"Milly, you—"
"Wait," Milly said, interrupting him. "I'm not finished yet."
The priest pressed his lips together and nodded, his fingers digging into his knee.
"I realized a couple of weeks ago that I don't hate you. After the anger started to go away... well, I'm still angry, but not as angry. But anyway, I thought about everything a lot... and I realized that what I really feel is disappointment... and... sadness. I don't know why you're with the Gung-ho Guns, Wolfwood, but I know your heart isn't in it. Otherwise, I would be dead now. Right?" Milly offered a small smile as she pushed a lock of hair behind her ear, "Now you're telling me to leave and I can't do that. If I leave and go home and let you do this alone that would be worse."
Wolfwood's mouth opened and closed soundlessly as his voice died in his throat. Was she... could she actually... forgive me?
"I'm staying, Wolfwood. I'm going to do what I can to help Meryl and Vash."
"I don't think I could send you away right now even if I wanted to," the priest murmured.
Milly's smile grew more radiant, "That's good! Otherwise I might have to get mean!"
The priest smirked, then shook his head. "I don't believe you have a mean bone in your body, Miss Milly Thompson."
Smiles grew into grins as the air of tension that existed between them for the last few months dissipated. The sounds of sand crickets singing in the twilight filled the air by the time Milly worked up the nerve to ask the question that nagged her most. "Do you think... we can we be friends again... like before?"
Wolfwood gave her a sidelong glance, "I don't know if it will be like before, but I'd like to try."
"Me, too."
Milly sighed and watched the sky, "Wolfwood? Do you think we'll be able to pull this off and help Vash and Meryl?"
"I don't know. I think we'll get caught though, but that doesn't mean we'll be stopped."
Milly heard the smile in Wolfwood's voice and she smiled in return.
"It just means they won't be surprised when we come knocking," he continued.
"We're still in trouble," Milly observed. "We're low on supplies and ammunition."
"Well, I thought of that myself," Wolfwood said matter-of-factly. "There's a town... actually, it's more like a village, and it's located about a days walk from here. We could take a detour, go there, and stock up. If we do, you can bet that they'll know we're coming. The people living in that village are all plant worshipers and they all work for Legato."
"What do you think we should do?"
Wolfwood smiled at her and winked playfully, just like he used to before. "Either way the element of surprise is lost. I say we make a quick detour and load up."