~*Nine*~
The Unsinkable Sinks
I looked back to Rose. She still held her hand over her cheek. I hadn't realized how hard I had hit her. But she was my fiancé. Some poor excuse for a man, named Jack Dawson, would not get in the way of that.
I left her without saying a word, going back to my room to dress. I still wore the suit I had gone to third-class in. The same that Catherine had removed from my body. I suddenly felt sick, at the thought of it. How could this be happening to me?
Rose slutting around with a third-class passenger was bad enough. But I wasn't any better. I had done the same thing. My only advantage? No one knew about my escapades. They did hers.
I dressed quickly, over my suit I wore a coat. As the steward had advised. I picked up one of my many, black hats. And placed it on my head. I glanced in the full-length mirror. "A true gentleman." I said smiling as I looked at my reflection.
I exited the room. Rose stood with her mother, Ruth. Ruth was dressed in a fine red sequined dress. With a red coat over. Rose, on the other hand, still wore the same white and blue dress.
Absurd, I thought to myself. The least she could do was dress properly. Ruth took my arm and with my other hand I held the lifebelts. Rose walked behind us, as if in a dream. I didn't know what had gotten into her, or the rest of the damned ship. Everyone scurried around as if in a panic.
We arrived in the A-Deck foyer. Molly Brown stood a few feet away from us. Saying something to a steward who stumbled up the grand staircase.
Through the conversations I overheard. I knew we had struck an iceberg. But I still didn't know what all the raucous behavior was about. This ship was unsinkable, so why panic?
"It's the damned English doing everything by the book." I announced as a steward ran past me.
"No need for language, Mr. Hockley." Was Ruth's reply. "Go back and turn on the heat in our rooms, Trudy. I should like some tea when I return."
I watched as the maid disappeared behind us. Then I spotted Mr. Thomas Andrews walking towards us in a daze. I squinted my eyes, to make sure I was seeing him right. I was, his expression was pure sadness, guilt.
Rose walked over to him. As he continued to survey the room. I followed closely behind her. Leaving Ruth leaning on the carved wall.
"I saw the iceberg, Mr. Andrews. And I see it in your eyes." She spoke softly to the master shipbuilder. "Please tell me the truth."
I leaned in close to them. To perfectly hear his response. He made eye contact with me for a moment, then turned back to Rose.
"The ship will sink." Came his words, which I never thought anyone would hear. This was impossible, I said to myself.
Rose clasped a hand to her mouth in surprise. "For certain?"
"Yes." He said looking from her back to me. "In an hour or so. All of this will be at the bottom of the Atlantic." He motioned to the fine first class foyer.
"My God." I said, rather rudely. I was so completely caught of guard. This ship couldn't sink, that was completely impossible. I looked at Mr. Andrews once more, and I knew he spoke the truth.
His soul was in that ship, every rivet, every deck, everything. It was a part of him, and I could tell he felt the mortal wounds of his great creation.
"Please tell only who you must, I don't want to be responsible for a panic. And get to a boat quickly. Don't wait. You remember what I told you about the boats?" He spoke softly, but seriously to Rose.
"I understand." She said.
So did I, though I couldn't bring myself to say anything. I was still thoroughly shocked. Mr. Andrews looked at me one more time, before scampering up the grand staircase. Warning people to put on their lifebelts as he went.
We walked with Molly Brown up to the deck. I looked astern then to the bow. I saw the fear in the officers' eyes. I knew everything was true. But I also knew, I would get off this ship. So would Rose and Ruth. Everything would work out, I knew it.
I felt someone place something in my pocket. A paper, I turned to see Catherine. Walking away with Melissa. Going back inside. I knew they were making a mistake. A big one, but I couldn't risk being seen, so I let her go.
I unfolded the paper. Another poem was scribbled in pencil.
Cal,
I watch you from afar.
I'm third class, you see.
I don't reach your bar.
I guess this is how it's supposed to be.
You say you love her. You want her so.
But she loves him.
Jack, ya know.
So who cares about them?
I love you, Mr. Hockley. Don't you know?
When I first saw you pass?
I wanted you so.
But, it's like you're guarded by glass.
I may not be a rich girl.
I may never leave this ship.
But, You've got me in a whirl.
You make my heart skip.
When we made love,
I felt complete. I felt whole
It was sent from above.
You saved my soul.
This ship is quickly sinking.
I see you run.
I've just been thinking.
I may never again see the sun.
But, I write this to you,
To say my love is true.
Cal Hockley, I love you.
Until we meet again,
All my love, Catherine.
I wanted her to know how I felt. But I couldn't bring myself to tell her.
"What's that, Mr. Hockley?" Ruth asked, motioning to the paper.
"Nothing." I smiled. Shoving the paper into my pocket.
She nodded, then turned back to Officer Lightoller.
"Oh, I forgot my brooch. I must go back for it." Ruth said, attempting to pass me. Wanting to go back to our state rooms.
I held my hand on her shoulder. Looking into her eyes. Letting her see the fear in me. I knew if she went back, we may very well never see her again.
I tightened my grip on her shoulder. "No, Ruth. Stay here." I demanded. She was clearly surprised by the firmness of my grasp. She slowly nodded and turned away from me. Back to the lifeboats.
Down the deck a piece. Officer Murdoch was busy lowering the first lifeboat. I turned back to Rose. Confusion and terror in her eyes.
"Women and children only please!" Officer Lightoller announced. Helping a woman into the boat. Molly Brown also helped.
"Right this way, sister." She was saying to a reluctant woman.
"Any room for a gentleman, gentlemen?" I asked, laughing nervously.
Of course I knew what his answer would be. "Only women and children at this time, sir." Lightoller replied.
I nodded and stepped back.
"Must the lifeboats be seated according to class? I hope they're not too crowded." Ruth said, not looking at Rose and I. Not really staring at anything but the darkness over the water.
"Oh shut up, mother!" Rose exclaimed.
Ruth and I turned to Rose, staring at her for her rude outburst.
"Don't you understand? The water is freezing, and there are not enough boats. Not enough by half. Half of the people on this ship are going to die." She lectured.
I continued to stare at her. Finally she turned to me.
"Not the better half." I smiled. I immediately felt a bit sorry for my words. I knew I, myself, would lose friends on this ship. Simply because we were men.
Ruth had already boarded the lifeboat with the help of Mrs. Brown.
"Come on, Rose. You're next, darlin'." Mrs. Brown held out a hand to Rose.
I smiled knowing Rose would get off safely. And everything would go ahead as planned. There was nothing Dawson could do about it now. He was locked below deck with my man, Spicer Lovejoy. Of course.
"You know it's a pity I didn't keep that drawing. It'll be worth a lot more by morning." I smiled.
"You unimaginable bastard." She spoke softly, staring into my eyes.
Her words didn't damage me in the least. I only smiled, and slung a lifebelt into the boat. For Rose, of course.
She stood staring for a long moment.
"Go on, it's almost full." I said. Waiting for her to get into the boat.
"Rose," Ruth said. "Get into the boat."
"Yes, go on, Rose." I said looking at her.
"Goodbye, mother." She said calmly. Then walked away from us quickly.
I took off after her, catching up quickly. I grabbed her shoulder and spun her to me. "Where are you going?!" I demanded.
She squirmed in my grasp. "Let go." She said sternly.
"Where are you going? To him? Is that it? To be a whore to that gutter rat?" I asked cruelly.
She stared up into my eyes. "I'd rather be his whore, than your wife."
Her words hit me hard, but I managed to keep my posture. Still not releasing her. I viscously drug her towards the lifeboat. I felt a jab in my arm, and quickly realized she had stabbed me with a hairpin.
I cursed out, as I involuntarily released her. She raced through the crowds and disappeared out of my sight. I raced after her. Finally I spotted her again. She pointed me out to two men. Then took off running again. When I approached them they restrained me. "Let go, gentlemen. That is my fiancé!" I shouted. Straining to release myself from their grasp.
I followed her into the first class dining area. But was caught up in a large crowd. I pushed through them rudely. I ran down to the A-Deck foyer. I scanned the empty area. Rose was gone. She was no where to be seen.
I ran back up the grand staircase. Spotting Mr. Lovejoy racing to me.
"There you are, sir." He said. I walked up to stand before him on the landing. "Where is, Miss. Rose?"
"She ran off. Look, find her, okay?" I said. Anger and hate filled my voice. Though I attempted to remain a gentleman. He continued down the staircase. Disappearing into the crowd of ladies and gentlemen.
I went back to the deck, pushing though everyone. Not caring about their curses and swears. I heard Mr. Andrews lecturing Officer Lightoller about the boats being launched half-full. I glanced out at the little boats. It was true most were almost empty.
I knew I had to act fast, if I was to live. I raced over to the port side rail. Looking towards the bow. Water was already spilling over the rails. I saw the Captain in the distance, looking on in despair. I felt sorry for the old man, his retirement, ending like this.
"She's not on the starboard side either." Mr. Lovejoy spoke from behind me. I turned to him.
"We're running out of time." I said, trying to remain calm. I pointed to Lightoller. "And this strutting martinet isn't letting any men on at all." I said with disgust in my voice.
"There's one on the other side letting men on." Came his reply.
I looked at him, thinking for a moment before answering. "Well then that's our play. But we'll need some insurance first."
I led the way back to my state room. Directly going to my safe, and opening it quickly. I pulled out several stacks of cash. Stuffing my pockets.
"I make my own luck." I smiled, looking at him.
He opened his jacket, revealing a pistol with a pearl handle. Tucked conveniently in his waist band. "So do I." He said grimly.
I laughed a bit, as I continued to load my pockets.
I pulled out the black case, containing the Heart of the Ocean. I removed the necklace, and threw the case to the floor. I stuff this in my pocket with the money.
When I was sure I had all that I would need, I closed and locked the safe. We walked in a hurry to the first class dining room. I quickly spotted Benjamin Guggenheim and his butler. Dressed in dinner suits and top hats.
"Ben, what's the occasion?" I asked as we approached them.
"We are dressed in our best, and prepared to go down as gentlemen." He replied. Seating himself in a elegant chair. The butler stood behind him.
"That's noble, Sir." I turned a began walking away. I glanced back at him. "I'll be sure to tell your wife when I get to New York." I laughed a bit.
I heard him order a brandy. What a fool. I thought to myself. I raced back to the starboard side of the boat deck. Lovejoy right behind me. Our walk was that of power and determination. I wasn't letting anything keep me on this ship. I knew Lovejoy felt the same way.
When I reached the deck, a seaman was throwing the deck chairs over the side of the ship. Panic was setting in quickly now. I could feel the pull, the deck slowly becoming a sloping hill of death. All classes mixed together carelessly now. No one cared about class or money now…
except I.
I glanced around searching briefly for Catherine. I had treated her like a common whore, paying her that way. But at the time, I didn't realize how much she meant to me. I only cared about myself. Even as I write this to you now, I don't know what I would have done differently.
When we reached First Officer Murdoch, he was lowering his last boat.
"We're too late." I exclaimed.
"There's more boats all the way forward." Lovejoy said. "But stay with this one… Murdoch… He seems to be quite practical."
Just then gunshots were heard. We both turned in the direction.
"Hurry, it's falling apart. We don't have much time." I said.
He nodded. He walked down the deck, shoving his way through the crowds.
I saw Officer Murdoch start for the bow section of the boat. I raced up and began walking beside him.
"Mr. Murdoch." I said. Struggling to keep up with him.
"You men, down here now!" He shouted to several men. Finally he looked at me. "Mr. Hockley."
"I'm a business man, as you know. And I have a business proposition for you." I said, wanting to pay for a seat on one of the lifeboats.
We walked a bit further. Finally he stopped walking and turned to me. Staring into my eyes. I shoved a bundle of bills into the pocket of his uniform. He glanced down at the money. Then stared back up at me.
"We have an understanding, then?" I asked.
He slowly nodded. "As you've said."
"Good." I smiled.
I stepped back, satisfied. Mr. Ismay waited for the boat as well. Though he pretended to be merely helping to load it.
"Any more women and children?" Murdoch called out.
"There's no one else, sir." Ismay replied.
"Right, Anyone else, then?" Murdoch called out. Turning to me, allowing me my seat on this lifeboat.
I started to go forward. Mr. Lovejoy came up behind me. I turned to him.
"I've found her, she's on the port side. With him." He said grimly.
I gasped a little in the frusteration. I turned back to Murdoch. He stared at me, waiting for me to come forward.
"Damn it all to hell." I said in anger. I turned away from the lifeboat. "Come on!" I shouted to Lovejoy.
We went to the other side, taking a shortcut over the bridge. Lovejoy pointed to where Rose stood before the lifeboat. Lightoller was in control of it. Jack's arms wrapped around her, only angering me further.
A man was saying goodbye to his wife and children. A sad sight, most definitely. But I was happy to have found Rose again.
I pushed Jack away from her. Stripping her of the awful looking blanket, and placing my jacket over her shoulders.
"Look at you." I said. In disgust at her appearance. Not caring about the cold really. Her clothes were drenched. Her hair in tangles. It was simply dreadful.
"Quickly, ladies. Step into the boat." Lightoller announced.
"Go, Rose." Jack said placing his hands on her shoulders.
"Not without you." She said softly.
I rolled my eyes at this awful display of affection to a third-class person. Then my mind shot back to Catherine for a brief moment. God, where was she and Melissa?
I looked back to Rose. "Listen, I have an arrangement with an officer on the other side of the ship. Jack and I can get off safely. Both of us." I glared over at Jack. Wondering if he knew of my lie. I wouldn't take him if I had to. It was simply to get Rose safely into the boat.
"See?" Jack said looking at me. "Got my own boat to catch."
Rose hugged him again, tears in her eyes. "Not without you!" She said to Jack. I clenched my jaw at the sound of those words.
"Get in the boat, it's almost full." I struggled out my words.
Just then Lightoller grabbed her arm and forced her to sit in the boat.
"Lower Away!" He motioned with his hands. The boat jerked, and started downward.
Jack and I stared over the rail. Rose's head turned in every direction, confusion once again filling her eyes.
"You're a good liar." I said softly. So no passerby could hear.
"Almost as good as you." He said sarcastically. Then he turned his head to me. His blue eyes were a bit misty from the coming tears. "There is no arrangement, is there?"
"Oh there is. Not that you'll benefit much from it." I stared back at him. "I always win, Jack." I actually struggled over the words. "One way or another." I forced a smile.
I knew I wouldn't be happy with Rose. But what was happiness with out my fortunes, which I could never have with Catherine. Yes, I loved them both. For different reasons.
I turned away from Jack. As he stared down at Rose. His hands clutching each other. As if he was extremely nervous. Which I suppose he was.
My hands were gently relaxed on the rail. I had nothing to worry about. Murdoch would come through for me, I knew that.
Rose looked around as if in a daze. Then she stared back up, but not at me. At him. Then she did the most unimaginable thing. She jumped from the lifeboat. Lunging herself onto the A-Deck promenade.
"ROSE!" Jack screamed, he leaned far over the rail.
"Stop her!" I ordered. I spun around. Jack was already running. I ran after him. Getting caught up in a throng of people.
Finally I made to the A-Deck foyer. I leaned over the rail to see them. Together. Hugging and kissing. Hatred overtook me. Also a feeling of defeat. I leaned on the rail. They couldn't see me.
I felt a hand on my shoulder. Out of restraint, one would think. It was Mr. Lovejoy. He pulled me from the rail. Walking a pace in front of me.
Hatred over took me. I lashed my hand out, reaching into his jacket. Pulling out the gun, I had seen earlier. With gun in hand I turned from him. Running full speed along the railing.
I screamed out in anger, and I headed down the stairs. I fired off a bullet. Jack pulled Rose and himself, out of harm's reach. I hit the decorative banister piece instead. Busting it in two halves, which fell to the floor.
I fired again, missing, as I tripped on the cherub banister piece. I fell to the floor. The silver pistol flew from my hands. I drunkenly stood, quickly picking up the gun. Continuing with the chase.
The continued down the staircase. I could see the bottom was completely flooded. They ran into the water. I fired at them again. Spouts of water shot up around them. In my frustration I was not the greatest shot.
I dove into the water full-force. Struggling to move my legs in the ice cold ocean water. I fired one last shot. Hitting the glass door and not either of them.
"Damn!" I said in anger. "I hope you enjoy your time together!" I shouted. I didn't think either of them would truly survive.
The ship made a sickening groan. I was petrified suddenly. Mr. Lovejoy, slowly descended the stairs. We started to walk back up to the deck. To get on a boat.
I started laughing uncontrollably. I looked up at him, and him at me.
"What could possibly be funny?" He asked in a grave tone.
"I put the diamond, in the coat. And I put the coat on her!" I shouted. Then I got to thinking. I didn't want her to have it at all, even if she would perish in this tragedy.
"I'll give it to you." I said dryly. "If you can get it."
I could tell he was thinking about it. I smiled and left him. Walking back up the staircase. When I reached the boat deck again. The band played a waltz. People were running, screaming, and jumping off the ship.
I looked to my left. I saw Melissa, huddled in the corner crying. She was in shock clearly. Catherine was no where to be seen.
Against my better judgment I left her there. I ran up to Murdoch's boat, he was currently loading.
I waved my hands at him, trying to get his attention. He pulled out his gun, firing two shots into the air. I stopped in my tracks.
"I'll shoot anyone who tries to get past me! Get back!" He ordered.
I cautiously stepped forward. "We had a deal, damn you!" I said.
He looked at me, then whipped my money from his pocket. He threw it into my chest. "You're money isn't going to save you anymore, than it can save me." He said angrily. "Now get back!" He pointed the gun at my chest.
I did as he said. Thoroughly angry and feeling betrayed. A third-class man was shoved out of the crowd. Reflexively Murdoch shot the man down. An Italian man, also third-class, knelt beside him. Obviously friends. I looked from the dead man, back to Officer Murdoch.
He saluted his men. Then lifted the pistol to his temple.
"No, Will!" One of the men called out. It was too late. Murdoch shot himself before us all. He fell over the rail.
I raced through the crowds again. Knowing now, I had no arrangement. I knew I couldn't die. And I wouldn't. There had to be a way. Then I remembered her. Melissa. I raced back to where she was hiding.
"Melissa? Melissa, it's me Cal." I said, trying to bring her from her shock. She couldn't being herself to speak. I grabbed her up in my arms. Not caring about her dirty clothes. Or her class now. All I wanted was to get off that damn ship.
I raced to Purser McElroy. Pushing through the crowds. "Here's a child! I have a child." I looked at the Purser. "Please, I'm all she has in the world." I put on a pleading expression.
He looked at my suit, then her dingy clothes. He squinted at me, surely he knew I was lying. My heart raced. Finally he nodded his head to the boat.
"Alright, go on." He said.
I stepped into the boat. Holding Melissa in my lap. She searched the crowds, most likely for her mother.
Now that I was safe. I began to look around as well. Though I knew she was gone. Gone forever, like Rose.
Melissa starting bawling again. "Shh. There. There." I said rocking her a bit. Avoiding eye contact with the women of the boat.
The band's vocalist began singing the beginning words to "Nearer my God to thee.". Melissa sat at my side now. I had almost forgotten her. My attention then rested on the ropes to collapsible A, which was the boat I was on. Lightoller struggled with the lines. The ship was sinking fast now.
"Cut them! Cut them if you have to!" Lightoller shouted.
Panic swept over me and the women in the lifeboat. Our boat was already in the water. And as the ship sank the suction was pulling on our boat.
The ship lunged suddenly. Several hundred people were washed into the water. The people struggled to get into our boat. I picked up an ore. And began pressing them back.
"Get back! You'll swamp us!" I did this not only for myself. But everyone in the boat. We were full up. And any added weight would surely sink us.
We crashed into the forward funnel, which fallen only moments earlier. I turned to the crew. "Row! Row you bastards!" I ordered.
They did as I commanded. We began to sail away from the ship. I sank back into my seat. Staring at the horror behind us. The propellers were a good twenty feet in the air. Rising dramatically fast.
"My God." I whispered. As the thought of it overwhelmed me. My friends, my loves were on that ship. While I was here safe, and rowing away from the nightmare.
I stared on in horror as people slid down the A-Deck promenade. Falling to their deaths. I couldn't take my eyes from the devastating event. Even though I tried so hard to.
The propellers now one-hundred-fifty feet above the ocean. Men, women and children falling over the rails. Clinging to the deck. The lights flickered. Everyone in my boat was silent. The crew working hard to pull away from the dying ship's suction.
A loud gasp rang out through each of us. As the sound of breaking metal was heard. The sound was deafening. Only minutes later did we realize what was happened. The boat split. Between the second and third funnels. The stern crashed back into the water, almost level.
I thought it was over, a stupid thought really. Now that I think back on it. The bow was gone beneath the waters. Never to be seen again. She pulled the stern with her.
The stern quickly rose into the sky again. Only seconds later was she standing at a vertical angle. Bobbing there in the Atlantic. The screams were unnerving.
We continued to row. "Faster, boys, faster!" The seaman yelled.
I knew the ship was sinking faster than ever now. She flooded quickly. The bobbing cork stern, sank straight down.
Water pressure burst through ventilators and shafts. Causing ocean water to shoot up towards the stars. Only a matter of minutes later, was Titanic gone from us forever. Lost beneath the sea.
Instinctively, I wrapped a comforting arm around Melissa. The suction of the great ocean liner pulled up back a bit. But not nearly as bad as it would have, had we been closer.
We kept rowing further away. "Shouldn't we go back to help?" A woman said. I turned to her. Part of me saying "Yes, please. We have to help." Then the old filthy rich Caledon Hockley part of me was saying. "Are you mad? They'll kill us all."
Again I was torn between worlds. I could never leave my riches, I knew that. But this voyage had left me with a feeling of respect towards lower class people.
I looked at Melissa. I forced a smile. What would happen to her now? I asked myself. I decided I would keep her. Take her as my own. Not only would it look good on me. I would be keeping a part of Catherine with me. Of course I would anyway.
I reached into my pocket. Pulling out the damp piece of paper. I gently unfolded it. Careful not to rip it. The words were faded quite a bit now. But I alone knew exactly what they said.
I reread the poem to myself. Thinking back to that afternoon down in third-class. I had forgotten my money. Forgotten my arranged marriage. Forgotten everything superficial. And let love in. Not the artificial kind, as it was with Rose. But the true love. Catherine. She cared, not for my money, but for me.
'I may never again see the light of day.' I mouthed the words as I read them. Had she known? What had happened? I looked to Melissa again. She had fallen asleep, leaning over on me. Exhausted clearly. The tears stained her face.
I looked back to the water polluted with bodies, some kicking and screaming for help. Others floating lifeless on the surface.
"I love you, Catherine." I spoke aloud. Not realizing I had even said a word.
I felt a reassuring hand on my shoulder. I looked over to see a woman. Dressed poorly. As most the women and children on this boat were.
"I know you." She said softly. I could tell she was so very cold. As we all were. I stared at her hard.
"You're Mr. Hockley." She finished.
I nodded. Not knowing what to say or do.
"I knew Catherine. We shared a cabin." She smiled wearily. Then she looked at Melissa.
I knew if she knew Catherine, she had to know Melissa wasn't in any way connected to me. Of course everyone surely knew that. From our clothes.
"Catherine spoke very highly of you, and your friends." She spoke again.
I wish I could reply the same comment. But I had never spoken highly of Catherine or her friends. In fact I had never spoken of them to anyone.
I sat silent. Not knowing anything to say to her. I looked back to Melissa. Then back to the woman. "Could you take care of her for me?" I motioned to the slumbering child.
The woman smiled warmly. Then nodded. The faded scarf draped around her head, made her look like a saint in the dim starlight.
I think I must have been lost in a dream-like state. Because the next thing I realized was the Carpathia. I knew one of the lifeboats had went back. I wondered how many were saved from the water.
I left Melissa with the woman. Not even saying goodbye. I was ushered into the first class dining area of the Carpathia.
"Mr. Hockley!" I heard a frantic voice. It was Ruth.
"Ruth." I said, sadly.
"Where is Rose. Isn't she with you? My God, where is she?" Ruth's words ran together.
"I'm sorry. She didn't come with me." I rubbed her shoulders, trying my best to comfort her.
"What? Why didn't you being her with you?" Tears streamed down her face.
"Sorry, ma'am. But she was with him and wouldn't leave his side." I said. Cringing a bit when I thought about Jack Dawson. He had ruined everything.
Ruth broke down, crying hysterically. Molly wrapped a loving arm around her. "There, there, darlin'. It'll be alright." She turned to me. "Cal, why don't you go look for Rose. She may have found her way to a lifeboat."
I nodded. I passed Madeline Astor. Her hand on her stomach, as she sat in a gilded chair. She stared forward, not at anything in particular. In mourning, for J.J. I knew instantly. Her baby would be born without knowing it's father. What a great man he was.
I also passed Madam Aubert. She hid her grief for Mr. Guggenheim well. But I could see the overwhelming sadness in her eyes.
Then, I saw him. Bruce Ismay. I glared at him, as I stalked across the room to stand before him.
"Mr. Ismay." I greeted.
He wearily turned his head to me. I could see the sadness and confusion in his face. But it didn't excuse the fact. That he, himself, had ordered the Captain use more speed.
"Mr. Hockley." He addressed without any rhythm in his voice. Just the deep monotone of a damned soul.
I wanted to curse him, wanted to yell at him for his actions. But I restrained myself. I left him sitting there in his own state of depression.
I searched the faces for Mr. Lovejoy. Deep in my mind I knew I would never see my valet, and friend again.
So many souls lost. It was enough to change any man. And so it had changed me as well.
I walked through the gates, going to the deck. To steerage. A steward for the Carpathia approached me, when he noticed my tuxedo.
"You'll not find any of your people down here, sir. It's all steerage." He said.
I waved him away. I walked down the few steps. Surveying all the stricken faces. I walked over to the starboard railing. Looking down at the water of the North Atlantic. It sprayed out beneath the Carpathia's keel.
Never again would I look at these waters the same again. The ocean graveyard. Which is how it would remain in my mind for the rest of my life.
I looked around at all the widowed women. Searching for my Rose. I spotted a suspicious looking woman. Wrapped in a dingy looking blanket. I approached her.
"Cal!" A child's voice from behind me. I turned the opposite direction of the woman.
Melissa stood staring up at me. A huge smile on her face. As though nothing had happened the night before.
I instinctively knelt down on my knee. Taking her in a caring embrace. Again this gesture was completely not like me. And part of the new Caledon Hockley.
"I'm sorry about your, mother. But you have got to be strong." I said reassuringly. She looked at me in confusion. Then a shadow fell over us. I looked up to see the most beautiful, wonderful thing in my life.
The same golden blond hair, the captivating blue eyes. My Catherine. Alive and well. Before me now.
"You didn't think I'd leave you alone that easily, did you?" She laughed.
I stepped up to her. "I'm so sorry." I started. I had to tell her. I wanted to hug her, kiss her. Things which I would have never done in the past. I was so amazingly overjoyed that she was alive.
I opened my mouth to speak again, but was interrupted.
"Cal, come on back up. I don't think she's down there."
I looked past Catherine, to see Molly Brown, Madeline Astor, Colonel Gracie, and Ruth Dewitt Bukater standing at the stairway leading to first class. My people. My world. They were calling me back.
I stared into Catherine's eyes again. Not knowing what to do. My pride so overwhelming, I had to get back to my people. This wasn't my world.
"Go, Cal." She spoke softly. Sadness in her eyes and voice.
I stared at her a moment longer. Then I looked to Melissa. Who so clearly didn't know what was going on.
"Mr. Hockley!" Ruth shouted down to me.
"Come on, Cal. Join me in a brandy." Gracie called down.
I sighed, nodding my head. I motioned for them to give me a moment.
"I love you, Cal." She spoke softly.
I nodded to her. I couldn't bring myself to say it back. I patted Melissa on the head. And walked away from them both. Rejoining my group in the first-class dining area.
We were served fine champagne in crystal glasses. Not nearly as proper as the Titanic had been. But I don't think anyone could bring themselves to think about that doomed ocean liner now.
"Who were you speaking to, Mr. Hockley?" Ruth asked, sipping on her champagne.
"Someone that knew that Mr. Dawson." I lied.
She nodded sadly. Remembering her lost daughter.
I sat back in my chair thinking over everything. My mind once again swamped by everything. And still I felt utterly lost.