To everyone who has reviewed this story so far, a huge, heartfelt thank
you!! The authors appreciate your support very much!! The story will
consist of 7 chapters plus an epilogue.
~*~
Chapter 3: Choices
I was not in my own room. Light touched my eyelids, the warmth of the sun's rays flickering in moving shadows. I could feel the warm breeze caressing my cheek, fluttering a strand of my hair to tickle the sensitive flesh. I cracked open first one eye and then the other, looking through my lashes as I cautiously sent out my senses to investigate my surroundings.
I lay in a tent, the sides of which had been rolled up so that only a sheer, gauzy fabric fluttered in the breeze. Something in the air told me it was morning, for it was cool and fresh. I shifted my gaze, and saw Haldir sitting near me, watching me with those unfathomable gray eyes of his. Watching and assessing. And guarding.
I was weak and could not even speak to him. I merely returned his look, taking in his still posture, the way he sat with one elbow on the arm of the chair, his chin resting on the curled index finger of his fist. Our gazes connected for a moment, then I closed my eyes again and fell immediately back into a deep slumber.
When next I woke it was night. Small lanterns lit the tent, and I saw him standing near as he spoke quietly with another elf. I must have made some small movement for he turned instantly toward me, and once again our gazes linked. I longed to speak to him and tried to do so, but my exhaustion was too great and I lapsed back into sleep once more.
Sometime later I heard voices, soft and lilting, musical in their quality. I lay awake, listening and thinking of him, and heard them call his name. His answer told me he sat near me still.
"Have you nothing better to do than watch me sleep?" I asked, my voice raspy and fragile.
I heard his soft chuckle, and when I opened my eyes I found that he was holding a cup to my lips. "Drink," he commanded, slipping a hand under my head, "but do it slowly."
I did not argue for I was very thirsty. When I was finished, he set down the cup, and I found myself admiring his economy of movement, the way he moved his arm, his head, his eyes. Then I noticed the tent around me, and was disconcerted to realize it was his. He had kept me in his tent, in his bed. For some reason it seemed an intimacy, one for which I was ill prepared.
He leaned forward to study me, and my gaze was drawn to the fall of his beautiful hair. He did not speak, and I wondered if he were waiting for me to do so.
"How long have I been here?" I asked.
He reached out and touched a finger to my cheek. "A week."
"A week!" I gasped and struggled to sit up, then held a hand to my head as flashing pinpoints of light danced in my vision. "How could it have been so long?" I moaned.
He did not answer, but pushed me back against the pillows. "You will stay here, Keara. You are not to move."
I bristled at his domineering tone. "You are not my keeper," I informed him coolly.
The tilt of his head changed subtly, and although he only smiled, something deep in his eyes sent tremors of excitement coursing through me. Wild, unbidden thoughts burst in my head, images of a closeness to him that I dared not imagine. My heart thudding, I rested my arm over my eyes to block out his gaze. I knew I needed to escape as soon as possible, though how I could do so while he sat with me, I did not know. In that moment I had the oddest fancy that he knew my thoughts, all of them, but how could this be? I dismissed the idea, telling myself that it was nonsense.
He sat near me most the day, speaking occasionally of what was happening outside the tent and in the city. I grew tired and slept fitfully, dreaming of him, of the healing I had performed, of his hand pulling me from the abyss, of his lips pressed to mine.
At last there came a time when I awoke and found he was not there. I rose shakily, and flushed as I realized for the first time that I wore nothing but my thin, threadbare chemise. Feeling very vulnerable, I hastily pulled on my dress, found my shoes and left the tent. Furtively, I glanced around, not knowing if he had issued orders for me to be detained against my will. I slipped by several tents, my steps wobbly and awkward as I headed in the direction of the city.
How foolish I was to think he would not know! Within moments his arm caught me around my waist, and I gave what to my own ears sounded like a squeak of indignation. His eyes gleamed with a light I had not seen, and he lifted me effortlessly into his arms and carried me back to his tent. I was furious with him for embarrassing me, and furious with myself for taking such inordinate pleasure in the feel of his arms around my body. I was too weak to fight him, though I gave him a piece of my mind as he set me on my feet.
Ignoring my words, he pulled me toward the bed, and I shuddered at the strength of his touch and my own reaction to it. He gripped my wrist and looked down at me, his eyes boldly traveling over my body, taking in the way the dark red dress clung to my figure. I felt a blush enter my cheeks, and once again I tried to pull away, putting firmness into my tone as I told him he had no right to keep me against my will.
"Are you so certain it is against your will?" he murmured.
He smiled, and I was both angered and thrilled as unbidden, erotic thoughts once again filled my mind. Somehow he must have read them for his smile widened. He drew me closer, his arm around my waist, nearly supporting my full weight as my strength waned. I couldn't breath with him so close to me, and as I struggled to break free, he gave a soft laugh and bent his head closer to mine. His breath was sweet as his lips brushed the corner of my mouth and then my cheek. I could not help but tremble as he pulled me still more firmly against him. I could feel his strength and vitality as our bodies made contact, the coiled power of this elf arousing me in a way I had not felt in years-or indeed had ever felt at all.
He did not kiss me fully, but only held me against him, my arms trapped against his chest as he whispered words in my ear, words I did not understand and was afraid to know. The hair on my nape stood on end as he slid his hand along my back and hips, crushing me against him in such a way that I knew he wanted me as I wanted him. I had touched him in a way no one else had dared, he whispered to me. He wished to repay me for what I had done for him. What did I want, he asked as his hand trailed seductively up my spine. I lowered my gaze, but not before I saw the knowing gleam in his eyes. His lips touched the sensitive spot beneath my ear, then his tongue replaced his lips, and I shuddered as I fought against the rising tide of desire pounding at my sanity.
What might have happened next, I cannot say, but he stiffened suddenly as voices outside the tent announced the arrival of his brothers. He released me with what sounded liked an Elvish oath, and I sank thankfully upon the bed while he turned toward the entrance. The tent door opened and two elves entered, stopping in surprise as they took in my flushed expression and Haldir's glare. They looked at both of us, and I could see the questions in their eyes. Words were spoken, then all three brothers left me, and I curled upon the cot, desperate to make my escape. I had done what I was led to do. Now I suddenly found myself adrift upon a river I could not control, and which left me utterly defenseless.
When Haldir returned a short time later, he brought me food, and made no mention of what had passed between us as he fed me tiny pieces of bread and spoonfuls of soup. To my bemusement, his former aggressiveness had vanished and he seemed almost tender, a new side of him that threatened my composure even more than his former behavior.
The night grew long and I slept, waking in the predawn hours to find myself alone. It had been many days since I had seen the rise of the sun, and I slipped out of the tent to watch, though I dared not go too far. But instead of the sunrise, I found myself turned to face the city, watching its white walls gradually become radiant with the passing minutes. I shivered and wrapped my arms around myself, the dampness of the grass beneath my bare feet chilling me despite the warmth of the sun on my back.
Then I turned, and found him standing behind me. I had not heard his approach, and my mouth went dry as I took in the way the sun haloed his head, setting the silver blondness of his hair afire where the light struck it. As I stood transfixed by his beauty, he reached for me, but I shook my head, fighting back my unexpected tears.
"Nay, you must not," I protested in a low voice.
"Must not what, Keara?" Though the sun was in my eyes, I heard the smile in his voice. He was teasing me, and I felt my heart give a helpless little flutter of longing, the same longing I had felt the night before. Ignoring my reluctance, he enfolded me in his arms so that I found my hands pressed against his broad chest.
"You must not touch me," I said, trying to sound resolute.
He laughed softly. "But why? You like it and so do I."
Flustered, I could feel the hot color rising in my cheeks. I tried to draw away, but the tent was directly behind me, blocking my retreat. Looking amused, he turned me so I could see his face more clearly, but I avoided his gaze, overwhelmed by the mere sight of him and by the intensity of my feelings. For a few moments we stood completely still, neither of us speaking, then he lifted my chin, pulling back so he could search the depths of my eyes. His smile had faded, replaced by a slight, puzzled frown. Perhaps he finally recognized my fear and confusion, for he released me and stepped away.
He bowed low before me and I suddenly felt a different kind of fear. "My people will be leaving soon. We travel home to Lothlórien."
A great weight slammed into my heart. "I see," I replied bleakly.
"Come with me," he said. It was not a question, but a demand.
I turned away, hysteria welling in my throat. "Nay, I cannot."
He was silent for a long moment. "That was a swift decision. You have time to think this over. But not much time."
I covered my face in my hands. My heart wanted to say yes, yet I knew I could not. Logic told me it was impossible. He was a star, shining, distant, brilliant. And unattainable.
"I cannot go with you, Haldir. Please do not ask me again."
I sensed that he was on the verge of arguing, and if he had done so, it is possible I would have been persuaded. Instead, he only said, "Come to me if you change your mind." And then he left me, his long legs carrying him quickly from my sight.
* * *
I left them, the elves, and fled back to the safe haven of my shelter in the city. I could not bear to watch them as they dismantled their tents and packed up their horses and belongings for the long journey back to their homelands. Nor could I leave my room to watch the sun set over the plain. All day and night I lay disconsolate on my bed, my thoughts darkened with pain and tears.
To know I had refused him put me in agony, but in my heart I knew that to go with him would be far worse. What I wanted was not possible. I was a mortal, he was an elf, which precluded all hope of a permanent union. As for a temporary one, I did not think I could bear it. He desired me today and perhaps tomorrow, but what of next week, next month, next year? Sooner or later, he would tire of me, and I had suffered so much already. The loss of my beloved daughter still tormented my dreams, and though I had not loved my husband, he had been a good man and I had lost him also.
And what of the remote possibility that Haldir would come to love me in return? Nay, even that pathway led to pain, for I would only die and leave him. Why should I want to inflict suffering upon him? Or perhaps I would only be one of many to him, and that thought pained me too. Perhaps I was a coward, but I had already experienced a great deal of hurt on his account, and the thought of any more was unendurable to me.
The following morning I heard a knock upon my door, and I rose, guessing who stood outside. Scrubbing the tears from my face, I opened the door to find Legolas once again upon my step. I knew his sharp-eyed gaze took in the evidence of my distress, but he was tactful enough to make no comment. Instead, he surprised me by reaching for my hand. I must come, he said. I must come to see what I had done. He drew me from my room, pulling me quickly through the streets to the lower gate. Look there, he said, and directed me to watch from the wall. He smiled, touched my cheek, and left.
Below me, I saw that the elves had taken down most of their tents, and that a crowd of them stood clustered in an animated group. My eyes widened as I took in Aragorn speaking energetically with Haldir and his two brothers. A moment later I saw Legolas join them, and they continued to talk while pointing at a large, clear area of the field. I had no idea what they said, but I could see the excitement their conversation was creating among the crowd around them. As for me, though I was curious, my attention was focused solely on Haldir.
I was startled when a hand touched my shoulder, and I turned to find one of Arwen Evenstar's handmaidens behind me. She motioned for me to follow her, and I found Arwen standing near the gate. To my amazement, she smiled warmly and took my hand. It seemed an archery contest had been arranged, one in which her husband and several prominent elves would participate. Already the walls of the city were filling with the curious. Arwen pulled me along, saying that I must sit with her, that a place was being kept for me, and that together she and I would witness what my skills had wrought. I did not understand her meaning, but was too weary and sick at heart to question or dissent.
We crossed the grass to sit on chairs set just below the wall, well above the sloping plain where so many others gathered. Within a short time the crowd parted and the Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn made their way toward us, their glow apparent even in the sun's full light. More chairs were brought, and they sat nearby, speaking softly with Arwen in the Elvish tongue. Lord Elrond soon arrived, moving gracefully through the crowd to kiss his daughter Arwen's cheek before he took his place in the last chair. To sit in such exalted company made me wriggle with discomfort, but it seemed this choice was not mine to make and there was nothing I could do.
Within a few minutes Arwen turned to me, her lovely eyes sparkling with delight. With a laugh, she told me that Aragorn would compete, even knowing he would be the first to fail. I frowned in confusion as she pointed toward her husband. Aragorn stood with four elves, one of them Haldir, and I clenched my teeth to hide my reaction to the sight of him. I watched as a large archery target was brought forth and the elves waved at the men who held it, indicating that it should be placed farther back. Aragorn's hand swept out, indicating some objection, but the elves only grinned. Aragorn could not see as well as the elves, Arwen explained, and knew he stood at a distinct disadvantage.
"Then why would he compete?" I asked with curiosity.
Arwen's eyes twinkled. "Because he cannot resist a challenge. Most males cannot."
I pondered this. Was I only a kind of challenge to Haldir? My eyes rested on him, wondering what had been in his mind when he had issued his invitation. Had he expected me to leap with joy? Throw myself at his feet? Since I had not, was I now forgotten? Or would he try once more?
An instant later I pushed these thoughts away as I realized he intended to compete. Dismayed, I studied him, my stomach clenching with renewed tension. Had my healing worked? I felt it had, but in truth I did not know for sure. Had he had sufficient time to recover his strength? That I did not know either, but I was about to learn the answer. And so was he.
My heart thudded hard, my gaze on Haldir as Aragorn handed him his bow. I saw the way their gazes locked in a moment of silent communication, then Aragorn gave a small nod as though to offer encouragement. Was Haldir concerned? What was he thinking? I turned as Arwen whispered to me, telling me that Legolas also carried a bow of the Galadhrim, a gift bestowed upon him from Galadriel herself. To me, it spoke of my friend's skill and I smiled, pleased that this should be so.
The other two elves who would compete were Haldir's brothers, and I was surprised to see their expressions so merry. I felt a hand touch my shoulder, and I turned to find Galadriel standing behind me. She bent low, her voice soft as she explained that I had not only healed Haldir, but also his brothers. Their sorrow had changed them, stolen their laughter, robbed them of their mischievous ways. This, she said, was how they used to be. She touched my shoulder again, then returned to sit again beside her lord.
As I turned backed to study them, I saw that Legolas had stepped forward to take his turn. He stood facing the target, and I admired the clean lineaments of his body and his lithe grace as he drew back his bow, the wood creaking loudly in the stillness. He released the arrow, and the announcement came that the arrow had hit the target squarely. A cheer broke out along the walls. Legolas bowed, and I smiled.
One of Haldir's brothers would go next, and Arwen leaned close to say that this was Rúmil. He was the youngest brother, she said, and his humor was well known. Of course I recognized him as the one I had met first, the suspicious one with the ice blue eyes, the leanest of the three. I watched closely as he drew back his bow and released his arrow, which flew with nearly no sound into the target. Another nod from the judges, and the walls broke out in more cheers. Rúmil grinned cockily and bowed low to the crowd, and they cheered all the more.
Aragorn strode up, and those on the walls hailed their King, who smiled and waved them to silence. He turned, his bow smaller and lighter than the others, and fixed his eyes on the target. The crowd watched in silence as he pulled back the bowstring with his elegant fingers and loosed the arrow. It hit the target with a thud and once again a nod brought on the cheers. Three arrows now embedded the target, all clustered about the center.
Arwen leaned near once more to identify the next elf as Orophin, the middle brother, whose poetry she admired. His skill with the bow was also notorious. I saw him glance over at Haldir, a challenge sparkling in his eye. Then he lifted his bow and aimed, taking no more than a moment in which to shoot. Once again the crowd cheered as the result was the same. Orophin also bowed to the crowd, his grin as wide as Rúmil's had been.
My fingers gripped my knees as everyone's eyes turned to Haldir, who sauntered forward with catlike grace, his bow held loosely in his hand. The crowd grew silent; not a murmur could be heard as he took his place and nocked the arrow. He lifted his bow, and I found myself sending him a silent message of reassurance and of my complete faith in his ability and strength. Before I even had time to feel foolish, he turned his head and gazed straight at me. Our eyes connected. My heart rose into my throat, and I barely refrained from covering my mouth with my hand.
At last he looked back at the target. He tilted his head, pulling the string back ever so slowly, his long fingers brushing his cheek. I trembled as he held the pose for several seconds. What was he waiting for? Was something wrong? As these questions hurtled through my mind, his arrow sped across the field.
Where could it go? Alas, the center of the target was already full, and I rose to my feet as resounding cheers flooded the field. The judges looked stunned. Of all five arrows, only one now stood out straight. Haldir's arrow had lodged in the target's heart, breaking all others before it.
I fled. I had seen all I needed to see, no more could I bear to watch. He was healed, his need for me had ended. I flew through the streets until I could run no more, then leaned, panting, against a wall. I closed my eyes, shuddering as my heart pounded in my chest. It was over. Over.
He would leave and I would never see him again.
But I was wrong.
Yes, the elves left that day. They packed their tents and made their goodbyes, but like a fool I returned to watch them from the wall, drawn back by some irresistible, inexplicable force. Aragorn also watched them leave, his face sad, for he surely knew the distress that must lie within Lord Elrond's heart as he bid farewell to his daughter. From above them on the wall, I saw the elves leave, heard them start to sing, their haunting voices carried by the afternoon wind. And of course I watched Haldir, watched him lead his people, his silvery hair fluttering in the breeze, his cloak whipping around his long legs.
He had not sought me out again, nor had I gone to him. I could not say good bye, knew not if he would wish me to. I could only stare at him through shimmering tears, my heart a leaden weight as I fought an overwhelming compulsion to go running after him. And then I saw him stop and look back.
Khila amin.
I did not know the meaning of the words, but all at once they were in my head. Somehow, perhaps by elvish magic, he was sending me a message, a message laden with more emotion than I had ever sensed in him.
What did it mean? What did he want from me?
He was still looking back at me, and I trembled, not knowing what to do, what he expected of me. I knew he could see me far better than I could see him. Could he see the pain in my eyes? Did he know of my longing for him? If so, what could it mean to him? Again, the compulsion to follow him seized me, so powerful that I nearly leaped over the wall in my urgency to reach his side.
Devastated beyond measure, I spun around and ran all the way to my room. Later, I would discover from Legolas the meaning of the words.
Follow me.
~*~
Chapter 3: Choices
I was not in my own room. Light touched my eyelids, the warmth of the sun's rays flickering in moving shadows. I could feel the warm breeze caressing my cheek, fluttering a strand of my hair to tickle the sensitive flesh. I cracked open first one eye and then the other, looking through my lashes as I cautiously sent out my senses to investigate my surroundings.
I lay in a tent, the sides of which had been rolled up so that only a sheer, gauzy fabric fluttered in the breeze. Something in the air told me it was morning, for it was cool and fresh. I shifted my gaze, and saw Haldir sitting near me, watching me with those unfathomable gray eyes of his. Watching and assessing. And guarding.
I was weak and could not even speak to him. I merely returned his look, taking in his still posture, the way he sat with one elbow on the arm of the chair, his chin resting on the curled index finger of his fist. Our gazes connected for a moment, then I closed my eyes again and fell immediately back into a deep slumber.
When next I woke it was night. Small lanterns lit the tent, and I saw him standing near as he spoke quietly with another elf. I must have made some small movement for he turned instantly toward me, and once again our gazes linked. I longed to speak to him and tried to do so, but my exhaustion was too great and I lapsed back into sleep once more.
Sometime later I heard voices, soft and lilting, musical in their quality. I lay awake, listening and thinking of him, and heard them call his name. His answer told me he sat near me still.
"Have you nothing better to do than watch me sleep?" I asked, my voice raspy and fragile.
I heard his soft chuckle, and when I opened my eyes I found that he was holding a cup to my lips. "Drink," he commanded, slipping a hand under my head, "but do it slowly."
I did not argue for I was very thirsty. When I was finished, he set down the cup, and I found myself admiring his economy of movement, the way he moved his arm, his head, his eyes. Then I noticed the tent around me, and was disconcerted to realize it was his. He had kept me in his tent, in his bed. For some reason it seemed an intimacy, one for which I was ill prepared.
He leaned forward to study me, and my gaze was drawn to the fall of his beautiful hair. He did not speak, and I wondered if he were waiting for me to do so.
"How long have I been here?" I asked.
He reached out and touched a finger to my cheek. "A week."
"A week!" I gasped and struggled to sit up, then held a hand to my head as flashing pinpoints of light danced in my vision. "How could it have been so long?" I moaned.
He did not answer, but pushed me back against the pillows. "You will stay here, Keara. You are not to move."
I bristled at his domineering tone. "You are not my keeper," I informed him coolly.
The tilt of his head changed subtly, and although he only smiled, something deep in his eyes sent tremors of excitement coursing through me. Wild, unbidden thoughts burst in my head, images of a closeness to him that I dared not imagine. My heart thudding, I rested my arm over my eyes to block out his gaze. I knew I needed to escape as soon as possible, though how I could do so while he sat with me, I did not know. In that moment I had the oddest fancy that he knew my thoughts, all of them, but how could this be? I dismissed the idea, telling myself that it was nonsense.
He sat near me most the day, speaking occasionally of what was happening outside the tent and in the city. I grew tired and slept fitfully, dreaming of him, of the healing I had performed, of his hand pulling me from the abyss, of his lips pressed to mine.
At last there came a time when I awoke and found he was not there. I rose shakily, and flushed as I realized for the first time that I wore nothing but my thin, threadbare chemise. Feeling very vulnerable, I hastily pulled on my dress, found my shoes and left the tent. Furtively, I glanced around, not knowing if he had issued orders for me to be detained against my will. I slipped by several tents, my steps wobbly and awkward as I headed in the direction of the city.
How foolish I was to think he would not know! Within moments his arm caught me around my waist, and I gave what to my own ears sounded like a squeak of indignation. His eyes gleamed with a light I had not seen, and he lifted me effortlessly into his arms and carried me back to his tent. I was furious with him for embarrassing me, and furious with myself for taking such inordinate pleasure in the feel of his arms around my body. I was too weak to fight him, though I gave him a piece of my mind as he set me on my feet.
Ignoring my words, he pulled me toward the bed, and I shuddered at the strength of his touch and my own reaction to it. He gripped my wrist and looked down at me, his eyes boldly traveling over my body, taking in the way the dark red dress clung to my figure. I felt a blush enter my cheeks, and once again I tried to pull away, putting firmness into my tone as I told him he had no right to keep me against my will.
"Are you so certain it is against your will?" he murmured.
He smiled, and I was both angered and thrilled as unbidden, erotic thoughts once again filled my mind. Somehow he must have read them for his smile widened. He drew me closer, his arm around my waist, nearly supporting my full weight as my strength waned. I couldn't breath with him so close to me, and as I struggled to break free, he gave a soft laugh and bent his head closer to mine. His breath was sweet as his lips brushed the corner of my mouth and then my cheek. I could not help but tremble as he pulled me still more firmly against him. I could feel his strength and vitality as our bodies made contact, the coiled power of this elf arousing me in a way I had not felt in years-or indeed had ever felt at all.
He did not kiss me fully, but only held me against him, my arms trapped against his chest as he whispered words in my ear, words I did not understand and was afraid to know. The hair on my nape stood on end as he slid his hand along my back and hips, crushing me against him in such a way that I knew he wanted me as I wanted him. I had touched him in a way no one else had dared, he whispered to me. He wished to repay me for what I had done for him. What did I want, he asked as his hand trailed seductively up my spine. I lowered my gaze, but not before I saw the knowing gleam in his eyes. His lips touched the sensitive spot beneath my ear, then his tongue replaced his lips, and I shuddered as I fought against the rising tide of desire pounding at my sanity.
What might have happened next, I cannot say, but he stiffened suddenly as voices outside the tent announced the arrival of his brothers. He released me with what sounded liked an Elvish oath, and I sank thankfully upon the bed while he turned toward the entrance. The tent door opened and two elves entered, stopping in surprise as they took in my flushed expression and Haldir's glare. They looked at both of us, and I could see the questions in their eyes. Words were spoken, then all three brothers left me, and I curled upon the cot, desperate to make my escape. I had done what I was led to do. Now I suddenly found myself adrift upon a river I could not control, and which left me utterly defenseless.
When Haldir returned a short time later, he brought me food, and made no mention of what had passed between us as he fed me tiny pieces of bread and spoonfuls of soup. To my bemusement, his former aggressiveness had vanished and he seemed almost tender, a new side of him that threatened my composure even more than his former behavior.
The night grew long and I slept, waking in the predawn hours to find myself alone. It had been many days since I had seen the rise of the sun, and I slipped out of the tent to watch, though I dared not go too far. But instead of the sunrise, I found myself turned to face the city, watching its white walls gradually become radiant with the passing minutes. I shivered and wrapped my arms around myself, the dampness of the grass beneath my bare feet chilling me despite the warmth of the sun on my back.
Then I turned, and found him standing behind me. I had not heard his approach, and my mouth went dry as I took in the way the sun haloed his head, setting the silver blondness of his hair afire where the light struck it. As I stood transfixed by his beauty, he reached for me, but I shook my head, fighting back my unexpected tears.
"Nay, you must not," I protested in a low voice.
"Must not what, Keara?" Though the sun was in my eyes, I heard the smile in his voice. He was teasing me, and I felt my heart give a helpless little flutter of longing, the same longing I had felt the night before. Ignoring my reluctance, he enfolded me in his arms so that I found my hands pressed against his broad chest.
"You must not touch me," I said, trying to sound resolute.
He laughed softly. "But why? You like it and so do I."
Flustered, I could feel the hot color rising in my cheeks. I tried to draw away, but the tent was directly behind me, blocking my retreat. Looking amused, he turned me so I could see his face more clearly, but I avoided his gaze, overwhelmed by the mere sight of him and by the intensity of my feelings. For a few moments we stood completely still, neither of us speaking, then he lifted my chin, pulling back so he could search the depths of my eyes. His smile had faded, replaced by a slight, puzzled frown. Perhaps he finally recognized my fear and confusion, for he released me and stepped away.
He bowed low before me and I suddenly felt a different kind of fear. "My people will be leaving soon. We travel home to Lothlórien."
A great weight slammed into my heart. "I see," I replied bleakly.
"Come with me," he said. It was not a question, but a demand.
I turned away, hysteria welling in my throat. "Nay, I cannot."
He was silent for a long moment. "That was a swift decision. You have time to think this over. But not much time."
I covered my face in my hands. My heart wanted to say yes, yet I knew I could not. Logic told me it was impossible. He was a star, shining, distant, brilliant. And unattainable.
"I cannot go with you, Haldir. Please do not ask me again."
I sensed that he was on the verge of arguing, and if he had done so, it is possible I would have been persuaded. Instead, he only said, "Come to me if you change your mind." And then he left me, his long legs carrying him quickly from my sight.
* * *
I left them, the elves, and fled back to the safe haven of my shelter in the city. I could not bear to watch them as they dismantled their tents and packed up their horses and belongings for the long journey back to their homelands. Nor could I leave my room to watch the sun set over the plain. All day and night I lay disconsolate on my bed, my thoughts darkened with pain and tears.
To know I had refused him put me in agony, but in my heart I knew that to go with him would be far worse. What I wanted was not possible. I was a mortal, he was an elf, which precluded all hope of a permanent union. As for a temporary one, I did not think I could bear it. He desired me today and perhaps tomorrow, but what of next week, next month, next year? Sooner or later, he would tire of me, and I had suffered so much already. The loss of my beloved daughter still tormented my dreams, and though I had not loved my husband, he had been a good man and I had lost him also.
And what of the remote possibility that Haldir would come to love me in return? Nay, even that pathway led to pain, for I would only die and leave him. Why should I want to inflict suffering upon him? Or perhaps I would only be one of many to him, and that thought pained me too. Perhaps I was a coward, but I had already experienced a great deal of hurt on his account, and the thought of any more was unendurable to me.
The following morning I heard a knock upon my door, and I rose, guessing who stood outside. Scrubbing the tears from my face, I opened the door to find Legolas once again upon my step. I knew his sharp-eyed gaze took in the evidence of my distress, but he was tactful enough to make no comment. Instead, he surprised me by reaching for my hand. I must come, he said. I must come to see what I had done. He drew me from my room, pulling me quickly through the streets to the lower gate. Look there, he said, and directed me to watch from the wall. He smiled, touched my cheek, and left.
Below me, I saw that the elves had taken down most of their tents, and that a crowd of them stood clustered in an animated group. My eyes widened as I took in Aragorn speaking energetically with Haldir and his two brothers. A moment later I saw Legolas join them, and they continued to talk while pointing at a large, clear area of the field. I had no idea what they said, but I could see the excitement their conversation was creating among the crowd around them. As for me, though I was curious, my attention was focused solely on Haldir.
I was startled when a hand touched my shoulder, and I turned to find one of Arwen Evenstar's handmaidens behind me. She motioned for me to follow her, and I found Arwen standing near the gate. To my amazement, she smiled warmly and took my hand. It seemed an archery contest had been arranged, one in which her husband and several prominent elves would participate. Already the walls of the city were filling with the curious. Arwen pulled me along, saying that I must sit with her, that a place was being kept for me, and that together she and I would witness what my skills had wrought. I did not understand her meaning, but was too weary and sick at heart to question or dissent.
We crossed the grass to sit on chairs set just below the wall, well above the sloping plain where so many others gathered. Within a short time the crowd parted and the Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn made their way toward us, their glow apparent even in the sun's full light. More chairs were brought, and they sat nearby, speaking softly with Arwen in the Elvish tongue. Lord Elrond soon arrived, moving gracefully through the crowd to kiss his daughter Arwen's cheek before he took his place in the last chair. To sit in such exalted company made me wriggle with discomfort, but it seemed this choice was not mine to make and there was nothing I could do.
Within a few minutes Arwen turned to me, her lovely eyes sparkling with delight. With a laugh, she told me that Aragorn would compete, even knowing he would be the first to fail. I frowned in confusion as she pointed toward her husband. Aragorn stood with four elves, one of them Haldir, and I clenched my teeth to hide my reaction to the sight of him. I watched as a large archery target was brought forth and the elves waved at the men who held it, indicating that it should be placed farther back. Aragorn's hand swept out, indicating some objection, but the elves only grinned. Aragorn could not see as well as the elves, Arwen explained, and knew he stood at a distinct disadvantage.
"Then why would he compete?" I asked with curiosity.
Arwen's eyes twinkled. "Because he cannot resist a challenge. Most males cannot."
I pondered this. Was I only a kind of challenge to Haldir? My eyes rested on him, wondering what had been in his mind when he had issued his invitation. Had he expected me to leap with joy? Throw myself at his feet? Since I had not, was I now forgotten? Or would he try once more?
An instant later I pushed these thoughts away as I realized he intended to compete. Dismayed, I studied him, my stomach clenching with renewed tension. Had my healing worked? I felt it had, but in truth I did not know for sure. Had he had sufficient time to recover his strength? That I did not know either, but I was about to learn the answer. And so was he.
My heart thudded hard, my gaze on Haldir as Aragorn handed him his bow. I saw the way their gazes locked in a moment of silent communication, then Aragorn gave a small nod as though to offer encouragement. Was Haldir concerned? What was he thinking? I turned as Arwen whispered to me, telling me that Legolas also carried a bow of the Galadhrim, a gift bestowed upon him from Galadriel herself. To me, it spoke of my friend's skill and I smiled, pleased that this should be so.
The other two elves who would compete were Haldir's brothers, and I was surprised to see their expressions so merry. I felt a hand touch my shoulder, and I turned to find Galadriel standing behind me. She bent low, her voice soft as she explained that I had not only healed Haldir, but also his brothers. Their sorrow had changed them, stolen their laughter, robbed them of their mischievous ways. This, she said, was how they used to be. She touched my shoulder again, then returned to sit again beside her lord.
As I turned backed to study them, I saw that Legolas had stepped forward to take his turn. He stood facing the target, and I admired the clean lineaments of his body and his lithe grace as he drew back his bow, the wood creaking loudly in the stillness. He released the arrow, and the announcement came that the arrow had hit the target squarely. A cheer broke out along the walls. Legolas bowed, and I smiled.
One of Haldir's brothers would go next, and Arwen leaned close to say that this was Rúmil. He was the youngest brother, she said, and his humor was well known. Of course I recognized him as the one I had met first, the suspicious one with the ice blue eyes, the leanest of the three. I watched closely as he drew back his bow and released his arrow, which flew with nearly no sound into the target. Another nod from the judges, and the walls broke out in more cheers. Rúmil grinned cockily and bowed low to the crowd, and they cheered all the more.
Aragorn strode up, and those on the walls hailed their King, who smiled and waved them to silence. He turned, his bow smaller and lighter than the others, and fixed his eyes on the target. The crowd watched in silence as he pulled back the bowstring with his elegant fingers and loosed the arrow. It hit the target with a thud and once again a nod brought on the cheers. Three arrows now embedded the target, all clustered about the center.
Arwen leaned near once more to identify the next elf as Orophin, the middle brother, whose poetry she admired. His skill with the bow was also notorious. I saw him glance over at Haldir, a challenge sparkling in his eye. Then he lifted his bow and aimed, taking no more than a moment in which to shoot. Once again the crowd cheered as the result was the same. Orophin also bowed to the crowd, his grin as wide as Rúmil's had been.
My fingers gripped my knees as everyone's eyes turned to Haldir, who sauntered forward with catlike grace, his bow held loosely in his hand. The crowd grew silent; not a murmur could be heard as he took his place and nocked the arrow. He lifted his bow, and I found myself sending him a silent message of reassurance and of my complete faith in his ability and strength. Before I even had time to feel foolish, he turned his head and gazed straight at me. Our eyes connected. My heart rose into my throat, and I barely refrained from covering my mouth with my hand.
At last he looked back at the target. He tilted his head, pulling the string back ever so slowly, his long fingers brushing his cheek. I trembled as he held the pose for several seconds. What was he waiting for? Was something wrong? As these questions hurtled through my mind, his arrow sped across the field.
Where could it go? Alas, the center of the target was already full, and I rose to my feet as resounding cheers flooded the field. The judges looked stunned. Of all five arrows, only one now stood out straight. Haldir's arrow had lodged in the target's heart, breaking all others before it.
I fled. I had seen all I needed to see, no more could I bear to watch. He was healed, his need for me had ended. I flew through the streets until I could run no more, then leaned, panting, against a wall. I closed my eyes, shuddering as my heart pounded in my chest. It was over. Over.
He would leave and I would never see him again.
But I was wrong.
Yes, the elves left that day. They packed their tents and made their goodbyes, but like a fool I returned to watch them from the wall, drawn back by some irresistible, inexplicable force. Aragorn also watched them leave, his face sad, for he surely knew the distress that must lie within Lord Elrond's heart as he bid farewell to his daughter. From above them on the wall, I saw the elves leave, heard them start to sing, their haunting voices carried by the afternoon wind. And of course I watched Haldir, watched him lead his people, his silvery hair fluttering in the breeze, his cloak whipping around his long legs.
He had not sought me out again, nor had I gone to him. I could not say good bye, knew not if he would wish me to. I could only stare at him through shimmering tears, my heart a leaden weight as I fought an overwhelming compulsion to go running after him. And then I saw him stop and look back.
Khila amin.
I did not know the meaning of the words, but all at once they were in my head. Somehow, perhaps by elvish magic, he was sending me a message, a message laden with more emotion than I had ever sensed in him.
What did it mean? What did he want from me?
He was still looking back at me, and I trembled, not knowing what to do, what he expected of me. I knew he could see me far better than I could see him. Could he see the pain in my eyes? Did he know of my longing for him? If so, what could it mean to him? Again, the compulsion to follow him seized me, so powerful that I nearly leaped over the wall in my urgency to reach his side.
Devastated beyond measure, I spun around and ran all the way to my room. Later, I would discover from Legolas the meaning of the words.
Follow me.