~*~
Again, I would like to thank everyone for their reviews. Fianna and I appreciate it VERY much!! And please check out my other story, Amarië & Haldir: Paths of Destiny, which I am also updating regularly!! Also, check my bio for answers to some of your questions.
~*~
Chapter 6: Tempted
The day began like all the others, my morning occupied with the despairing. There were only a few of them now, and I praised the Valar that the need for me was less. I aided one female elf as best I could, then took my leave, only slightly weakened by the healing. I sat on a bench outside the building, breathing the crisp air, and soon noticed that my weakness was gone. I felt renewed, strengthened in some mysterious way, and again I sent my silent gratitude to the Valar, and to Ilúvatar, The One, the Father of all.
I soon rose to my feet and walked among the great mellyrn trees, my thoughts drifting as I trod upon the golden leaves strewn about the ground. Haldir was gone, and I tried not to think of him because by now I realized that each time I reflected upon him, I was at once deluged with his answering thoughts, emotions, and sometimes extremely disconcerting images, many of which brought the color rushing to my cheeks. Too late, I sensed a flash of amusement and knew that it had come from him. He was laughing at me, teasing me because I blushed so easily, and it annoyed me enough to make me scowl.
I continued my walk. How I had come to love this wonderful city and these great trees! Slowly, gradually, they had soothed the grief that I had held so long in my heart. My child was gone, but no longer did I bear such intense sorrow. I had to go on. But to where? Where did my path lead now?
The image that hit me was so strong I had to grasp a nearby tree for support to keep from falling. It seemed to come from far away, yet it was so intense I sank to the ground for a moment. His desire burned like a hot flame in my head. He was thinking of me again. Where he was I could not tell, but the fact that I was the object of his attention was obvious as he purposely bombarded me with several more images, lessons in eroticism such as I had never imagined, nor experienced. Another wave of his amusement washed over me as he sent me an image so graphic that I nearly moaned with the force of my own arousal.
How dare he do this to me! Incensed, I scrambled to my feet, concerned that someone might see me lying on the ground. I leaned against the smooth bark of the tree, trying to still the wild pounding of my heart. As soon as I was able, I hurried up the stairways of the city, brushing past the ornate posts, my thoughts unable to escape the memory of what he had just done to me. Reaching my room, I pressed a hand to my forehead, my warm flush still raising my temperature. I poured myself a glass of wine and had just begun to drink when he did it again, assaulting me with another of his sensual images. This one was so explicit that I gasped, cursing him even as he laughed at me and promised more. He was coming to claim what was his, he said. His patience had ended.
I set down my glass, my senses whirling. The river on which I traveled had grown wild, and I was being tossed madly by its current. He was coming for me now. He was not yet within the city, but he drew near. My heart hammered as another of his thoughts came to me. No longer would he wait. I should prepare myself in whatever way I wished. He was coming to claim me, whether I was willing or not If I was not, he would seduce me without apology or regret. I was his and he was mine, and it was time for me to accept it.
I fled my room, unable to bear the wait, unable even to accept that it was time. I ran, uncaring now what people thought, my hair flying out behind me as I flew heedlessly along the walkways and bridges of the elven city. Perhaps some sense or force led me, but I eventually found myself in the forest glades below the city. I paused, gasping, my hand pressed to my heaving chest.
Then I heard Galadriel's gentle voice. "Why do you run, Keara?"
I spun around and saw her standing there. I gaped, unable to answer. Did she have answers I did not? My knees nearly gave out once more, and I felt like such a fool.
She glided gracefully over to me, and reached out and took my hand. "Why do you not face your fears?"
Her eyes searched me, her elegant brows drawn together as she waited for my answer. Her face compassionate, she pulled me to a bench.
"What are you afraid of?" she repeated, when I refused to look at her. "You have healed so many with no consideration for the cost to yourself. Is it not time to face what you must do to complete your own healing?"
I returned her look, not understanding. Was she speaking of Haldir? Or of my pain concerning my daughter?
"Do you not realize that your answers were given to you long ago?"
"The answers to what?" I asked in trepidation.
"To your prayers," she said kindly. "Did you not pray to the Valar to take away your daughter's pain? Did you not ask them to draw her pain into yourself? You were heard, Keara, and it was done. No, your daughter did not live on in this world, but she was made free from pain before she went to the place that mortals go once they pass from this world. Perhaps you did not know this."
I lowered my eyes as she spoke, staring down at my clenched hands.
"You already had the gift of healing, but it was weak. The Valar increased the power of your gift as well as the pain you had to bear to use it." She touched my arm. "You have taken their gift and used it wisely and with courage. The Valar have watched your trials and are pleased with you. Long have they been guiding your path. They brought you to the White City. They made sure that the first elf you healed was Haldir. Do you still not understand?"
I thought I was beginning to, but I did not say so, for I was overwhelmed by what she was trying to tell me, afraid to know where it led. She leaned closer to me, squeezing my hand as she stared past me for a moment. Her gaze seemed faraway, and I wondered who it was she thought of. She sighed and looked at me once more.
"You can deny your emotions no longer," she said. "If you would let them, they would serve you well."
She continued to look at me, and I felt her try to touch my mind, but I could not bear her gaze and turned away. To my astonishment, Haldir stood watching me from across the glade. I inhaled sharply, and to my embarrassment, my cheeks turned pink.
He shook his head, his expression amused. "You look surprised. You did not know I was here?"
I swallowed hard, and glanced back at Galadriel, but she had risen from the bench and was walking away. Slowly, I turned back to Haldir, who raised an eyebrow, daring me to flee. Run, came his silent message, but I will come after you.
"What do you want from me?" I asked, my throat constricting.
"You know what I want."
I tried to ignore my mounting excitement as he stalked toward me. His face had changed, taken on the dark, smoldering look of the hunter. I still did not know what he sought or what I sought or what the future could possibly hold for us other than eventual heartbreak. He said I was his, but what did he mean? Was I to be his mistress? I was unsure whether I could survive such an experience without my heart being totally shattered. As I thought of it, I actually did consider trying to run from him.
He stopped as I took a step away from him, his slight smile tolerant. "Go ahead, run. I can run faster than you, but if it would give you pleasure, I am willing to chase you. Wherever you go, I will follow you."
I squared my shoulders and gathered my dignity. "I have no intention of behaving so foolishly, Haldir."
The tilt of his head lowered, his eyes never leaving mine as he took another step forward. "So you yield to what must be?"
"Why do you want me?" I burst out. "Why? I cannot compare to those of your kind! I am not like you!"
He laughed, and I grew angry, thinking he mocked my concern. I drew back my hand to slap him, but he caught my wrist, his eyes glittering. "You are not like me? Keara, you are part of me!" I tried to wrench my wrist free, but he yanked me against him, and I could feel his impatience, his elemental need, both in his thoughts and from the hardness of his body. "When you healed me, by the will of the Valar we exchanged something. I carry a part of you in my soul, just as you carry part of me in yours. We belong together!"
To my surprise, he did not pause to kiss me, but scooped me up as he had done so many times before, and with swift strides carried me directly to my room. I considered protesting, telling him that today I was quite well and able to walk, but it was clear he was in no frame of mind to listen. He was in his overbearing, dominating mode, but instead of annoying me, it fueled the tide of my rising desire so that by the time he set me on my feet, I was shaking with my need for him.
And he knew it. "Ah, Keara, lirimaer amin," he whispered, "lle naa vanima." His lips crushed mine, his hands touching me everywhere as he made it clear that this time there would be no halt to the proceedings. When at last he paused to breath, he drew back a little and looked down at me with humor in his eyes. "All those brazen images you have been sending have made me overeager."
"I sent you no images!" I protested indignantly. "It is you who have been sending me images!"
"That is true, but you also send them," he informed me with dry amusement. "You send them at night when you dream. Very, very interesting, some of them." He seized my hand and drew it downward, pressing it against the fabric of his leggings so that I could feel his large erection. "That has been my usual condition for weeks now, thanks to you."
Perhaps I should have been shocked, but instead I felt the last remnants of my resistance crumble. I wanted him as he wanted me, and I told him so. Take me, I said, my head tilting back, my back arched in sultry invitation. Take me now. Make love to me. Teach me what you know. Show me what pleases you.
"Aye," he said, his voice thick and low. "That is my plan."
I felt his triumph as his lips trailed over me, his urgency filled with a throbbing potency. He kissed my mouth, my cheeks, my eyes, then took my mouth again, deeply, so that my only thought was of him, of having his hands on my bare flesh. He undressed me, and as he did so, I could barely keep from touching him, my wanting was so great. Shaken, I finally faced the knowledge of how much I loved him. Yes, I loved him, and even if he never loved me in return, I was willing to risk everything to have whatever part of him that he was willing to give.
I could not even begin to compare my previous experiences with this. He was consummate in his skill, and in turn I felt voluptuous and wanton, like a goddess courted by a god, which indeed he seemed to me to be, this immortal, splendid, perfect elf. His naked body was unmarked, strong and physically powerful, with corded muscles and smooth, flawless skin. His ardency was unmatched.
My mind reeled, I was besieged, my desire for him so insistent that I had no control at all. I quivered at the overwhelming emotions and sensations flooding me, an intermingling of mine and his. I felt as though we lay in a field with the sky and flowers and trees around us, the heat of my blood pulsing hard in my veins, the veil of his long silvery hair draping over his broad shoulders and over me. His gray eyes linked with mine as his practiced hands stroked me, the long, hard body covering mine giving me a pleasure I had never had, sweeping me into an inferno of passion such as nothing I could ever have imagined. He found my pleasure points, wooed each of them with knowledge and expertise, made sure I felt all that I could feel, and in turn I gave him all I could, all that I knew how.
Our first joining was swift, impatient, fiery, and exhilarating, a hot possession leading to a shuddering climax. The second was more leisurely, with emphasis on stretching out the bliss with sweet words and gentle teasing. I tasted him, learned more of what he liked as he began to teach me his preferences. How long this took, how long we lay there, I knew not. I only knew that I could not get enough of him. The waters of the river rushed over me and I sank beneath the waves of euphoria.
* * *
I fell into a deep slumber, and when I awoke I found that it was nearly dark. I was alone, something I had not expected, but even as the thought went through my mind, he sent me a message of reassurance. He would be back.
Already I yearned for him. It was as he said, he was a part of me now, a cherished part I would never willingly give up. I rose and dressed, then sat in the chair, contemplating what I had done, trying to collect my thoughts and come to terms with them. I had no regrets, that much I knew.
I poured myself a drink, my hands unsteady, and waited for him while the shadows grew long and night replaced twilight. Memories raced through my head, flashes of my life, my child, the healings I had done, my failures and successes. What was to be my future? I struggled with the thought while I sat and waited.
Where could this lead? I would always love him, but what of him? Would he keep me by his side until my death? How strong would his feelings be when I turned old and gray? I curled up in the chair as the ache of those thoughts crept through me, my arms clasped around my bent knees. To this, he sent no answering reassurance, and that worried me. Perhaps there was none that he could give.
I leaned my head back, thinking of the many elves I had healed, then straightened suddenly when another thought came, sending icy fear down my spine. The despair, would it return to him? When I was no longer here to heal him, would it take hold of him? He would not leave while he felt his duty lay in Lórien. I knew him. He would resist the call to go home, perhaps until it was too late and the despair had him firmly in its clutch. I shook at the thought of him lying like those I had seen, caught in the throes of hopelessness and apathy and melancholy.
I finally rose from my chair and climbed once more into my bed. I would sleep. I would push the frightening thoughts from my head, and instead dwell on the feel of his touch, and the extraordinary kisses, the kisses that had swept me away.
* * *
Kisses, I dreamt of his kisses, and woke to find his mouth on mine. He leaned over me, his beautiful hair draping around me, his gaze on my face as he pressed more kisses across my face. He sat beside me, his fingers tracing the strands of my hair where it spilled over my pillow. He told me that my thoughts had been dark last night. He knew of a way to dispel them, he murmured, and as I reached for him, he grinned. Again, his lips covered mine, igniting my desire, but he was only teasing me. Not now, he said, and with a look of amusement he pulled me from my bed. He was delighted by my eagerness, but the sun would soon be rising and he wanted me to see it.
He wrapped my cloak around me, and led me along the walkways, my human feet making more sound than did his boots. We reached the summit just as the first rays lit the sky, the edges of the clouds on the horizon dipped in gold. The last stars seemed to wink at me as I leaned against the rail, his hands settled lightly on my hips. He did not speak, but held me firmly, and when I shivered in the cool wind, his arms wrapped around me, pulling me against the solidity and warmth and comfort of his chest. The moment was almost perfect, but I knew he had something to say to me, something that hovered like an invisible barrier between us. I could feel it.
"So where do we go from here?" I asked him, as his lips seductively nuzzled the curve of my neck. I closed my eyes at his touch, silently begging for an answer. He lifted his head, and I heard him sigh.
"That is what we must discuss," he said, his voice a little gruff and strange.
I looked over my shoulder at him, sensing something was amiss.
Almost a full minute passed before he spoke. "My world changed when I met you," he said. "I was in despair, nearly resigned to an eternity of pain. Then you came along, and I woke to find my pain gone." He paused. "When you came to heal me the second time, to complete what you'd begun, I could feel your emotions, though I did not know the reason why. I could feel how afraid you were, how much pain you had already borne, and how determined you were to heal me completely. After the second healing, I knew your thoughts. Not much at first, only a stray thought now and then." He held me tighter. "I knew what it took for you to do what you did for me. And that second time, you were almost lost. I felt your struggle in the darkness. I called you back."
"I know," I told him. "But for you, I would still be lost."
"It was too risky!" His voice grew brusque. "I should not have permitted it. But you are a stubborn, willful woman, and I knew you would keep plaguing me until I agreed to let you heal me. And my brothers wanted me to let you do it."
I spun around to face him. "Better that I should suffer for a week than that you should suffer for an eternity!" I said with asperity.
He scowled. "Perhaps that is true, but it troubled me deeply. And then I asked you to come back with me to Lórien and you did not. Again you suffered, and that time needlessly."
"It was a not an easy decision," I said, my voice low and rather subdued. I still did not know where this conversation was going.
"Do you know how close I came to begging you to come with me? Or even forcing you? I believed we belonged together, and I still do. And in case you are wondering, yes, I would have come back for you in the spring had not Galadriel intervened. I had no intention of letting you go, Keara. However . . ."
My mouth went dry. "However?" I asked unevenly.
"Many weeks have passed since I have spoken with the Lady on this matter. Her power wanes, but her mirror still speaks to her. It has told her much about you. And your future."
My heart jerked with dismay. I had heard of Galadriel's magic mirror. "What? What are you saying?"
Haldir's hands cupped my shoulders, gripping them tightly as if to convey the importance of his words. "Do not fear, Keara. But you are being given a choice, and I cannot help you to decide which path to take."
"Choice? What choice?" I asked him sharply.
I pushed his arms away and took a step back, wanting to see his expression.
His eyes searched mine. I could see that he was struggling with what he must tell me. "I have not asked you to bind yourself to me, Keara, but that is what I wish."
Confused, I swallowed hard. "You wish me to bind with you? But you are not asking me?"
"Yes, I would ask you." His mouth twisted. "But it is not that simple. Two paths lie before you. One is to continue to heal and finish your life as a mortal. The other is to bind yourself to me forever and renounce your gift. You can choose but one path. The Valar have granted you this choice."
I stared at him, then shook my head, shocked beyond measure. "No, you must be mistaken."
"I am not mistaken." His expression had become aloof, closed to me, and I could not read his thoughts. "If you bind with me, you will lose your gift of healing forever, but you will be as I am, immortal. If you choose to keep the gift, then I must let you go."
I wanted to scream It made no sense. How could they make me choose? How could he stand there and tell me this so calmly? Healing was what I did. It was what defined me, gave me purpose. I was needed. So many still needed me. So many . . .
Haldir looked at me, and I knew he saw my hesitation. "I was hoping it would be an easy choice," he said stiffly. "Last night I tried to show you how it could be for us."
I did not answer. I was breathing hard, barely able to contain my tears. I shook my head again, and turned toward the railing. I no longer saw the sunrise. "I must think," I choked out. "I need time to think."
He was silent for several seconds, and I felt a great emptiness inside me as he shut himself off from me further. "I understand," he said. "It is your choice."
I could not look at him, nor could I feel his emotions or his thoughts. He would wait for my decision, he said tonelessly. And then he left me.
My heart cried out for him and for myself as he walked away. Oh, how could they do this to me? How could they make me choose!
Again, I would like to thank everyone for their reviews. Fianna and I appreciate it VERY much!! And please check out my other story, Amarië & Haldir: Paths of Destiny, which I am also updating regularly!! Also, check my bio for answers to some of your questions.
~*~
Chapter 6: Tempted
The day began like all the others, my morning occupied with the despairing. There were only a few of them now, and I praised the Valar that the need for me was less. I aided one female elf as best I could, then took my leave, only slightly weakened by the healing. I sat on a bench outside the building, breathing the crisp air, and soon noticed that my weakness was gone. I felt renewed, strengthened in some mysterious way, and again I sent my silent gratitude to the Valar, and to Ilúvatar, The One, the Father of all.
I soon rose to my feet and walked among the great mellyrn trees, my thoughts drifting as I trod upon the golden leaves strewn about the ground. Haldir was gone, and I tried not to think of him because by now I realized that each time I reflected upon him, I was at once deluged with his answering thoughts, emotions, and sometimes extremely disconcerting images, many of which brought the color rushing to my cheeks. Too late, I sensed a flash of amusement and knew that it had come from him. He was laughing at me, teasing me because I blushed so easily, and it annoyed me enough to make me scowl.
I continued my walk. How I had come to love this wonderful city and these great trees! Slowly, gradually, they had soothed the grief that I had held so long in my heart. My child was gone, but no longer did I bear such intense sorrow. I had to go on. But to where? Where did my path lead now?
The image that hit me was so strong I had to grasp a nearby tree for support to keep from falling. It seemed to come from far away, yet it was so intense I sank to the ground for a moment. His desire burned like a hot flame in my head. He was thinking of me again. Where he was I could not tell, but the fact that I was the object of his attention was obvious as he purposely bombarded me with several more images, lessons in eroticism such as I had never imagined, nor experienced. Another wave of his amusement washed over me as he sent me an image so graphic that I nearly moaned with the force of my own arousal.
How dare he do this to me! Incensed, I scrambled to my feet, concerned that someone might see me lying on the ground. I leaned against the smooth bark of the tree, trying to still the wild pounding of my heart. As soon as I was able, I hurried up the stairways of the city, brushing past the ornate posts, my thoughts unable to escape the memory of what he had just done to me. Reaching my room, I pressed a hand to my forehead, my warm flush still raising my temperature. I poured myself a glass of wine and had just begun to drink when he did it again, assaulting me with another of his sensual images. This one was so explicit that I gasped, cursing him even as he laughed at me and promised more. He was coming to claim what was his, he said. His patience had ended.
I set down my glass, my senses whirling. The river on which I traveled had grown wild, and I was being tossed madly by its current. He was coming for me now. He was not yet within the city, but he drew near. My heart hammered as another of his thoughts came to me. No longer would he wait. I should prepare myself in whatever way I wished. He was coming to claim me, whether I was willing or not If I was not, he would seduce me without apology or regret. I was his and he was mine, and it was time for me to accept it.
I fled my room, unable to bear the wait, unable even to accept that it was time. I ran, uncaring now what people thought, my hair flying out behind me as I flew heedlessly along the walkways and bridges of the elven city. Perhaps some sense or force led me, but I eventually found myself in the forest glades below the city. I paused, gasping, my hand pressed to my heaving chest.
Then I heard Galadriel's gentle voice. "Why do you run, Keara?"
I spun around and saw her standing there. I gaped, unable to answer. Did she have answers I did not? My knees nearly gave out once more, and I felt like such a fool.
She glided gracefully over to me, and reached out and took my hand. "Why do you not face your fears?"
Her eyes searched me, her elegant brows drawn together as she waited for my answer. Her face compassionate, she pulled me to a bench.
"What are you afraid of?" she repeated, when I refused to look at her. "You have healed so many with no consideration for the cost to yourself. Is it not time to face what you must do to complete your own healing?"
I returned her look, not understanding. Was she speaking of Haldir? Or of my pain concerning my daughter?
"Do you not realize that your answers were given to you long ago?"
"The answers to what?" I asked in trepidation.
"To your prayers," she said kindly. "Did you not pray to the Valar to take away your daughter's pain? Did you not ask them to draw her pain into yourself? You were heard, Keara, and it was done. No, your daughter did not live on in this world, but she was made free from pain before she went to the place that mortals go once they pass from this world. Perhaps you did not know this."
I lowered my eyes as she spoke, staring down at my clenched hands.
"You already had the gift of healing, but it was weak. The Valar increased the power of your gift as well as the pain you had to bear to use it." She touched my arm. "You have taken their gift and used it wisely and with courage. The Valar have watched your trials and are pleased with you. Long have they been guiding your path. They brought you to the White City. They made sure that the first elf you healed was Haldir. Do you still not understand?"
I thought I was beginning to, but I did not say so, for I was overwhelmed by what she was trying to tell me, afraid to know where it led. She leaned closer to me, squeezing my hand as she stared past me for a moment. Her gaze seemed faraway, and I wondered who it was she thought of. She sighed and looked at me once more.
"You can deny your emotions no longer," she said. "If you would let them, they would serve you well."
She continued to look at me, and I felt her try to touch my mind, but I could not bear her gaze and turned away. To my astonishment, Haldir stood watching me from across the glade. I inhaled sharply, and to my embarrassment, my cheeks turned pink.
He shook his head, his expression amused. "You look surprised. You did not know I was here?"
I swallowed hard, and glanced back at Galadriel, but she had risen from the bench and was walking away. Slowly, I turned back to Haldir, who raised an eyebrow, daring me to flee. Run, came his silent message, but I will come after you.
"What do you want from me?" I asked, my throat constricting.
"You know what I want."
I tried to ignore my mounting excitement as he stalked toward me. His face had changed, taken on the dark, smoldering look of the hunter. I still did not know what he sought or what I sought or what the future could possibly hold for us other than eventual heartbreak. He said I was his, but what did he mean? Was I to be his mistress? I was unsure whether I could survive such an experience without my heart being totally shattered. As I thought of it, I actually did consider trying to run from him.
He stopped as I took a step away from him, his slight smile tolerant. "Go ahead, run. I can run faster than you, but if it would give you pleasure, I am willing to chase you. Wherever you go, I will follow you."
I squared my shoulders and gathered my dignity. "I have no intention of behaving so foolishly, Haldir."
The tilt of his head lowered, his eyes never leaving mine as he took another step forward. "So you yield to what must be?"
"Why do you want me?" I burst out. "Why? I cannot compare to those of your kind! I am not like you!"
He laughed, and I grew angry, thinking he mocked my concern. I drew back my hand to slap him, but he caught my wrist, his eyes glittering. "You are not like me? Keara, you are part of me!" I tried to wrench my wrist free, but he yanked me against him, and I could feel his impatience, his elemental need, both in his thoughts and from the hardness of his body. "When you healed me, by the will of the Valar we exchanged something. I carry a part of you in my soul, just as you carry part of me in yours. We belong together!"
To my surprise, he did not pause to kiss me, but scooped me up as he had done so many times before, and with swift strides carried me directly to my room. I considered protesting, telling him that today I was quite well and able to walk, but it was clear he was in no frame of mind to listen. He was in his overbearing, dominating mode, but instead of annoying me, it fueled the tide of my rising desire so that by the time he set me on my feet, I was shaking with my need for him.
And he knew it. "Ah, Keara, lirimaer amin," he whispered, "lle naa vanima." His lips crushed mine, his hands touching me everywhere as he made it clear that this time there would be no halt to the proceedings. When at last he paused to breath, he drew back a little and looked down at me with humor in his eyes. "All those brazen images you have been sending have made me overeager."
"I sent you no images!" I protested indignantly. "It is you who have been sending me images!"
"That is true, but you also send them," he informed me with dry amusement. "You send them at night when you dream. Very, very interesting, some of them." He seized my hand and drew it downward, pressing it against the fabric of his leggings so that I could feel his large erection. "That has been my usual condition for weeks now, thanks to you."
Perhaps I should have been shocked, but instead I felt the last remnants of my resistance crumble. I wanted him as he wanted me, and I told him so. Take me, I said, my head tilting back, my back arched in sultry invitation. Take me now. Make love to me. Teach me what you know. Show me what pleases you.
"Aye," he said, his voice thick and low. "That is my plan."
I felt his triumph as his lips trailed over me, his urgency filled with a throbbing potency. He kissed my mouth, my cheeks, my eyes, then took my mouth again, deeply, so that my only thought was of him, of having his hands on my bare flesh. He undressed me, and as he did so, I could barely keep from touching him, my wanting was so great. Shaken, I finally faced the knowledge of how much I loved him. Yes, I loved him, and even if he never loved me in return, I was willing to risk everything to have whatever part of him that he was willing to give.
I could not even begin to compare my previous experiences with this. He was consummate in his skill, and in turn I felt voluptuous and wanton, like a goddess courted by a god, which indeed he seemed to me to be, this immortal, splendid, perfect elf. His naked body was unmarked, strong and physically powerful, with corded muscles and smooth, flawless skin. His ardency was unmatched.
My mind reeled, I was besieged, my desire for him so insistent that I had no control at all. I quivered at the overwhelming emotions and sensations flooding me, an intermingling of mine and his. I felt as though we lay in a field with the sky and flowers and trees around us, the heat of my blood pulsing hard in my veins, the veil of his long silvery hair draping over his broad shoulders and over me. His gray eyes linked with mine as his practiced hands stroked me, the long, hard body covering mine giving me a pleasure I had never had, sweeping me into an inferno of passion such as nothing I could ever have imagined. He found my pleasure points, wooed each of them with knowledge and expertise, made sure I felt all that I could feel, and in turn I gave him all I could, all that I knew how.
Our first joining was swift, impatient, fiery, and exhilarating, a hot possession leading to a shuddering climax. The second was more leisurely, with emphasis on stretching out the bliss with sweet words and gentle teasing. I tasted him, learned more of what he liked as he began to teach me his preferences. How long this took, how long we lay there, I knew not. I only knew that I could not get enough of him. The waters of the river rushed over me and I sank beneath the waves of euphoria.
* * *
I fell into a deep slumber, and when I awoke I found that it was nearly dark. I was alone, something I had not expected, but even as the thought went through my mind, he sent me a message of reassurance. He would be back.
Already I yearned for him. It was as he said, he was a part of me now, a cherished part I would never willingly give up. I rose and dressed, then sat in the chair, contemplating what I had done, trying to collect my thoughts and come to terms with them. I had no regrets, that much I knew.
I poured myself a drink, my hands unsteady, and waited for him while the shadows grew long and night replaced twilight. Memories raced through my head, flashes of my life, my child, the healings I had done, my failures and successes. What was to be my future? I struggled with the thought while I sat and waited.
Where could this lead? I would always love him, but what of him? Would he keep me by his side until my death? How strong would his feelings be when I turned old and gray? I curled up in the chair as the ache of those thoughts crept through me, my arms clasped around my bent knees. To this, he sent no answering reassurance, and that worried me. Perhaps there was none that he could give.
I leaned my head back, thinking of the many elves I had healed, then straightened suddenly when another thought came, sending icy fear down my spine. The despair, would it return to him? When I was no longer here to heal him, would it take hold of him? He would not leave while he felt his duty lay in Lórien. I knew him. He would resist the call to go home, perhaps until it was too late and the despair had him firmly in its clutch. I shook at the thought of him lying like those I had seen, caught in the throes of hopelessness and apathy and melancholy.
I finally rose from my chair and climbed once more into my bed. I would sleep. I would push the frightening thoughts from my head, and instead dwell on the feel of his touch, and the extraordinary kisses, the kisses that had swept me away.
* * *
Kisses, I dreamt of his kisses, and woke to find his mouth on mine. He leaned over me, his beautiful hair draping around me, his gaze on my face as he pressed more kisses across my face. He sat beside me, his fingers tracing the strands of my hair where it spilled over my pillow. He told me that my thoughts had been dark last night. He knew of a way to dispel them, he murmured, and as I reached for him, he grinned. Again, his lips covered mine, igniting my desire, but he was only teasing me. Not now, he said, and with a look of amusement he pulled me from my bed. He was delighted by my eagerness, but the sun would soon be rising and he wanted me to see it.
He wrapped my cloak around me, and led me along the walkways, my human feet making more sound than did his boots. We reached the summit just as the first rays lit the sky, the edges of the clouds on the horizon dipped in gold. The last stars seemed to wink at me as I leaned against the rail, his hands settled lightly on my hips. He did not speak, but held me firmly, and when I shivered in the cool wind, his arms wrapped around me, pulling me against the solidity and warmth and comfort of his chest. The moment was almost perfect, but I knew he had something to say to me, something that hovered like an invisible barrier between us. I could feel it.
"So where do we go from here?" I asked him, as his lips seductively nuzzled the curve of my neck. I closed my eyes at his touch, silently begging for an answer. He lifted his head, and I heard him sigh.
"That is what we must discuss," he said, his voice a little gruff and strange.
I looked over my shoulder at him, sensing something was amiss.
Almost a full minute passed before he spoke. "My world changed when I met you," he said. "I was in despair, nearly resigned to an eternity of pain. Then you came along, and I woke to find my pain gone." He paused. "When you came to heal me the second time, to complete what you'd begun, I could feel your emotions, though I did not know the reason why. I could feel how afraid you were, how much pain you had already borne, and how determined you were to heal me completely. After the second healing, I knew your thoughts. Not much at first, only a stray thought now and then." He held me tighter. "I knew what it took for you to do what you did for me. And that second time, you were almost lost. I felt your struggle in the darkness. I called you back."
"I know," I told him. "But for you, I would still be lost."
"It was too risky!" His voice grew brusque. "I should not have permitted it. But you are a stubborn, willful woman, and I knew you would keep plaguing me until I agreed to let you heal me. And my brothers wanted me to let you do it."
I spun around to face him. "Better that I should suffer for a week than that you should suffer for an eternity!" I said with asperity.
He scowled. "Perhaps that is true, but it troubled me deeply. And then I asked you to come back with me to Lórien and you did not. Again you suffered, and that time needlessly."
"It was a not an easy decision," I said, my voice low and rather subdued. I still did not know where this conversation was going.
"Do you know how close I came to begging you to come with me? Or even forcing you? I believed we belonged together, and I still do. And in case you are wondering, yes, I would have come back for you in the spring had not Galadriel intervened. I had no intention of letting you go, Keara. However . . ."
My mouth went dry. "However?" I asked unevenly.
"Many weeks have passed since I have spoken with the Lady on this matter. Her power wanes, but her mirror still speaks to her. It has told her much about you. And your future."
My heart jerked with dismay. I had heard of Galadriel's magic mirror. "What? What are you saying?"
Haldir's hands cupped my shoulders, gripping them tightly as if to convey the importance of his words. "Do not fear, Keara. But you are being given a choice, and I cannot help you to decide which path to take."
"Choice? What choice?" I asked him sharply.
I pushed his arms away and took a step back, wanting to see his expression.
His eyes searched mine. I could see that he was struggling with what he must tell me. "I have not asked you to bind yourself to me, Keara, but that is what I wish."
Confused, I swallowed hard. "You wish me to bind with you? But you are not asking me?"
"Yes, I would ask you." His mouth twisted. "But it is not that simple. Two paths lie before you. One is to continue to heal and finish your life as a mortal. The other is to bind yourself to me forever and renounce your gift. You can choose but one path. The Valar have granted you this choice."
I stared at him, then shook my head, shocked beyond measure. "No, you must be mistaken."
"I am not mistaken." His expression had become aloof, closed to me, and I could not read his thoughts. "If you bind with me, you will lose your gift of healing forever, but you will be as I am, immortal. If you choose to keep the gift, then I must let you go."
I wanted to scream It made no sense. How could they make me choose? How could he stand there and tell me this so calmly? Healing was what I did. It was what defined me, gave me purpose. I was needed. So many still needed me. So many . . .
Haldir looked at me, and I knew he saw my hesitation. "I was hoping it would be an easy choice," he said stiffly. "Last night I tried to show you how it could be for us."
I did not answer. I was breathing hard, barely able to contain my tears. I shook my head again, and turned toward the railing. I no longer saw the sunrise. "I must think," I choked out. "I need time to think."
He was silent for several seconds, and I felt a great emptiness inside me as he shut himself off from me further. "I understand," he said. "It is your choice."
I could not look at him, nor could I feel his emotions or his thoughts. He would wait for my decision, he said tonelessly. And then he left me.
My heart cried out for him and for myself as he walked away. Oh, how could they do this to me? How could they make me choose!