Belonging

Heero: Choices

Part seven

A Gundam Wing Fan fiction by Louise Tjandrasjahan


But it was all only memory, so far away at the corner of his
mind. Memory was always like smoke – it would linger in your mind
for awhile, but before you knew it, it would dissolve into
nothingness, leaving your heart empty.

Except that certain things wouldn't just go away.

Everything was over between him and Relena, and yet he
couldn't dismiss the vision of her lovely face, gazing back at him
with disappointment in her eyes, her shoulders slumped as she
walked out of his life forever.

The smoke would eventually dissolve in the air, but the smell
stayed. And what an unpleasant smell it was.

Heero smiled at the analogy. How true it sounded in his mind,
for he could never dismiss Relena from his mind no matter how hard
he tried. And here he was thinking back to the days where he would
casually threaten to kill her while she actually ignored his
threats and continued her pursue. What a pleasant game of tag they
were playing. He would run, and she would actually keep up with
him. Never had it crossed his mind he would lose her to his own
best friend someday.

Crushing the still burning cigarette in his hand, he ignored
his pain when the little spark of fire scorched skin. Seething in
a self-directed anger, he hopped down the windowsill, shaking his
head rapidly to clear his head. An unpleasant something had just
emerged in his mind.

It was the wedding. It supposed to take place today.

He had tried to ignore the raw mental pain, but it kept
coming back with a vengeance, leaving him with a fierce headache
everytime it showed its ugly face. A dull and empty ache was
throbbing on his chest as he strolled across his kitchen right
into his bathroom, his eyes overcast with pain as he stared
vacantly at the vision before him.

Pathetic.

He just looked pathetic.

There he was, the great Heero Yui, the past war's hero,
staring helplessly at himself as he splashed some cold water on
his tired face, dark circles under his eyes. He had lacked sleep
in the past few months. Not that he had to stay up late to finish
his job; it was because his mind refused to let him rest at peace.

The cold water didn't help. Instead of freshening his body
and mind, it reminded him of the moment when he held Relena in his
arms after the rain incident. Nausea assaulted him, blow by blow
of agonizing dizziness managed to cause him to topple off, nearly
losing his balance. Gripping the edge of the bathtub to steady
himself, he breathed low, trying to calm his suddenly pounding
heart. Something was very wrong with his body. Rushing to the
toilet, he then crouched before the bowl, throwing up. The smell
stirred chains of unpleasant sensations on the bottom pit of his
stomach, but there was nothing left. Still, the physical pain was
nothing compared to the torture he was having in the past few
months.

Flushing his toilet, he quickly wiped away the sour residue
off his lips, then headed back to the kitchen for a glass of water,
only stopping to pick up the tranquilliser. Placing the little
white tablet under his tongue, he drained the content of his glass
in three big gulps, holding his breath as he sensed the tablet
gliding down his throat.

He went to the living room, feeling spent to his core.
Reaching for the remote control, he sat down carefully this time –
afraid to upset his stomach once again – sighing as he turned on
the television. The TV became alive with pictures and sounds, but
he couldn't make out any significant image.

Everything was a blur in his mind.

As he tried harder to forget Relena and focus his mind on the
moving images before him, he couldn't help but smile when he
recalled what his friends had said to him behind Quatre's back.
Quatre had been apologetic toward him, but the others had been
unsympathetic. Even Duo, the closest to him out of the four, had
grown the habit of snarling the word 'idiot' at him.

The TV screen flickered as it went on the next scene, and it
was…his eyes widened as he recognised the program. The live
coverage of the Winner-Peacecraft wedding! He forgot, but he now
remembered someone had actually announced in the office that the
event would be aired live.

His hands were shaking as he attempted to change the program,
but it was there in every channel he accessed. Never had it
crossed his mind he could just turn off the television and go.
Instead he tried the whole forty-five channels available in the
network, gritting his teeth in fury when he found out that every
channel aired the wedding. Snarling, he was about to turn away and
leave the room when his ever-observant eyes caught some disturbing
details on the screen.

Slamming his hands on the sides of the television, his eyes
darkened as he drank the scene before him. Something disastrous
apparently had happened. Murmurs filled the scene; people were
obviously outraged about something, or panicking. His comrades
could be seen mingling in the crowd, including Quatre, trying to
handle of a horde of journalists and paparazzi.

His eyes skimmed the screen for an image of Relena, but he
was unable find her anywhere. His heart pounded wildly against his
ribcage as his wild imagination started to think of the worst
scenario possible. If only he didn't decline the invitation…

Relena could be kidnapped by now. Or killed.

Raged, Heero bolted out of the living room and strode angrily
to his room in search for the damn invitation card in which the
detail of the venue was printed. Slipping the card into the tight
pocket of his jeans, he went in search of a warm pullover, a
trench coat and a revolver.

Dashing out of his tiny apartment in record time, he didn't
even care to bring an umbrella with him. The thought of Relena
haunted his mind. He continued to pray for her safety – something
he had never done before – he hoped others – one of her bodyguards
– had already caught the intruder and delivered her to safety. He,
on the other hand, wouldn't be so kind as to let the assassin live.
He would hack him into shreds, torturing him until the man
regretted ever being born into the world.

Running downstairs, Heero groaned painfully as he
accidentally twisted his ankle, but he ignored the throbbing
injury. A minor injury was nothing compared to the dreadful vision
of Relena bathed in blood. He wouldn't – no – he couldn't forgive
himself if anything happened to her.

Reaching for his Kawasaki that he parked in the vast basement
of his apartment, he winced when a sharp pain shot through his
left leg as he swung it to straddle the handsome motorcycle,
causing him almost to lose his balance. After pausing for awhile
to catch his breath, he inserted the key and started the engine
with renewed determination. As the power made the vehicle alive,
he tightened his grips around the handles and readied himself for
the long ride ahead.

Nothing, however, prepared him for the sight before him.

"Heero."

She was there, a lovely vision in her wedding gown, the skirt
voluptuous and heavy around her feet. The rim was stained black,
and she wore no veil at all. Shocking locks of short auburn hair
graced the crown of her head instead of her official tiara. She
looked very tired and beaten, and it took his whole power not to
rush to her and crush her senseless.

Her face was flushing from the cold, her breath frosty, and
yet she stayed outside the basement. As the downpour drenched her
gown, the mass of it clung to her body, becoming a second skin.
She shivered as coldness seeped into her body, but she didn't dare
to cross her line unless Heero permitted her. Her teeth clattering,
she held her hands close to her heart, staring out at him with
apprehensive saucer eyes. Inside her heart pounded wildly against
her ribcage as she prepared herself for a snappy remark or two.

"Relena…"

Heero took a limping step ahead, and before each of them
realised what was actually happening, he flung himself to her,
causing them to splash back together into a large rain puddle.

A startled gasp escaped Relena's tiny mouth as Heero weaved
his fingers into her short locks. She whimpered involuntarily as
their cheeks came into contact. A surge of warm, hot breath
tickled her ears, sending a rush of shiver down her spine. Wincing,
she let out a small cry as Heero's hands tightened around a
generous amount of hair; forcefully tilting her head upwards as
his eyes was searching in bewilderment.

"Your hair!" he looked at her frantically, his whisper barely
audible, "What happened?"

"I cut it," Relena answered hoarsely. He looked angry and she
wondered why. Squirming nervously under his glare, she moistened
her dry lips and added more clearly, "I gave it to Quatre Winner."

"Why Relena, why?!"

"I…I didn't want to be married to him." She stumbled at her
reply – anxiety started to take over the state of her mind. She
was sure as hell she would scream if he kept treating her roughly
like this. Frightened was not enough to describe her current
feeling. "So I cut my hair, and…"

She sighed in relief when Heero finally released her. He
understood. Relena stiffened, however, when he wrapped her in bear
hug, burying his face into the crook of her neck. She knew it must
have sounded silly, but she was afraid he was going to strangle
her. And love him or not, she still wanted to live to see another
day.

But of course, she was just being silly. Heero would never
kill her. In the earlier days of Heero's and her acquaintance, a
lot of people had doubted her belief, but she didn't care as long
as they didn't say it in front of her. Even if Heero would finally
kill her, she only wished to remember the good things about him.

Closing her eyes in resignation, she returned his embrace,
letting her entire frame to be engulfed in Heero's strong arms.
She thought she heard him choking and sobbing, but she refused to
believe that the great Heero Yui would cry. Crying was one of any
other ordinary things Relena couldn't believe Heero was unable to
project.

Then again, she was proved wrong. Heero did cry. For her. Or
at least, he cried for himself. She didn't know what made him shed
his precious tears, but she had no wish to know. Being in his arms
was enough a satisfaction for her.

"There, there, Heero…" cradling his head on her chest, she
ignored the painful needles of rain and whispered soothing words
in his ears. Her expression was softened as Heero intertwined
their fingers tentatively, his usual confidence reduced completely
in the face of his loneliness – longing for love and companion.

"Don't cry…my short hair is not that bad, right?" she
remarked half-jokingly, hoping to restore at least a bit of the
spirit he usually displayed. Heero never laughed, but it hurt her
even more seeing him like this. She hated it when the man she
loved was hurting.

"But I love your hair." his muffled answer brought surprise
to her face. The stubborn remark brought a small smile to her lips.
The smile widened into a big grin as she pictured Heero as a
little boy, sitting on her lap, wearing his usual stubborn
expression. Or not him, actually. She would rather the boy to be
his and her son.

"The hair could grow back, Heero." She solemnly replied,
although she could sense her voice started to waver in laughter.

A joyous laughter started from the back of his throat and
mingled with sobs as he tightened his embrace around Relena's
lithe frame, carelessly pinning her beneath his weight. Smiling at
his recent antique, Relena ignored the water seeping into her gown
and returned his embrace. Her smile eventually transformed into
chuckles, and later laughter that accompanied his beautiful one.

"Forget about the hair, Relena. You're right, it could grow
back. But you…" Heero sighed as he gathered her face in his hands,
his expression softened as he noticed Relena blushing. "No one can
ever replace you. You're…the only one." And then, a smile pasted
on his lips, he told her, "But I do insist you grow back your
hair."

"Heero!"

Carefree laughter rang true in the air as he rolled off her.
His bearing was wobbly as he pulled her up with him, leaning onto
each other as they rose to their feet. Heero couldn't keep the
smile off his face as he drew Relena into his embrace once again.

His mind was at peace at last.

He had forgotten how wonderful it was to have a woman he
truly loved in his arms, and he had forgotten just how much he had
loved her until a few moments ago, when Relena had burst in
magnificently in her wedding attire, her expression stricken with
worry but still as beautiful. Until then he didn't understand the
joy of genuine laughter, but he was finally released from the
confinement of his own muddled logic. Perhaps forever.

If this was what it was like to be sentimental, he didn't
want to stop. Let the time cease to work, and let the world turn
around, but he would never let go his precious treasure. To
explore back his humanity and his love was his mission.

Serious eyes contracted warm and loving ones, he murmured
against her lips, "I would never let you go again. Never ever."

Her eyes, her beautiful, aquamarine eyes were sparkling with
shimmering tears as he captured them with his own cobalt blue orbs,
probing beneath for her unspoken answer. Was she coming back for
him? He knew he didn't deserve her forgiveness, but he was willing
to climb the highest mountain for her happiness if she granted him
a second chance. And he told her just what he thought as he
cradled her face gently in his hands, tenderly wiping her tears
away with his thumbs.

"I couldn't believe you come back to me, Relena." His voice
cracked, dread started to fill his mind with doubts. Would she
have him back? Would she love him again?

Smiling faintly as her hands joined Heero's on her own cheeks,
she assured him softly, "I couldn't marry him when there are you.
Quatre is kind, but he isn't you. Noone can take over your
position in my heart, Heero."

Inhaling the sweet scent of hers, he lowered his face and
kissed her softly on her forehead, "Is that true? Is it real that
you're going to forgive me, even when I told you that I didn't
love you?"

"It doesn't matter." Relena buried her face into his shoulder,
her voice muffled, "I still want you." And then, as she remembered
one unfinished business, she raised her eyes in determination,
commanding Heero to look back into the pools of blue eyes.

"I ask you once again, Heero. And this would be the last.
I'll become a nun if you don't answer this properly, although
whether you want to answer it or not is entirely up to you." Both
of them knew the answer already, but she needed every bit of
assurance to ease the doubts in her mind. She cleared her throat
comically – an action that caused Heero to chuckle in amusement –
and fixed her eyes on his as she began, "Will you…make me happy
this time?"

A dark eyebrow was raised. "If I don't want to?"

"Then I simply quit my job and become a nun."

Heero gave out a tired sigh and smiled as he let Relena go.
Planting both his hands into his hips, he measured Relena from
head to toe. Smiling had become much easier for him since Relena
came back into his life a few moments ago. In fact, he was on the
danger of splitting his face into a constant stupid grin. The grin
would damage his cool persona, but…well, what was a reputation
without the woman he loved beside him?

"What a waste." He interjected, shaking his head in mock
disappointment, "I actually want to ask you whether you want to be
my wife or not, but since you are so insistent in a single minded
answer…"

A high pitch cry interrupted his words, and before he
realised it, Relena was smothering his lips with little butterfly
kisses. His stomach fluttered in a warm and pleasant sensation as
he returned the kiss, slowly taking his time to build the passion
between them. And there they were, caring about nothing but the
other's presence; the heavy rain drenched their clothes as they
savoured each other, their eyes closed slowly as they gingerly
joined their hands.

Inside, in the lonely space of Heero's apartment, scene by
scene played dutifully as the television set blinked rapidly. The
camera zoomed onto Quatre's face, and a voice could be heard from
outside the camera's angle, its tone full of curiosity and urgency,
"Mr. Winner! What happened to Prime Minister Peacecraft? Is she
forced to leave the wedding because of some unexpected diplomacy
matters? When will she be coming back?"

His three companions - Duo, Trowa and Wu Fei - were ready to
deny the questions and lead him out of the Cathedral, but he
lifted one hand, actually indicating his willingness to answer the
question. Calmly he smiled for his audience as usual, but it was
only an act that didn't reach his eyes.

"Gentlemen, it's over. I decided to break any ties with
Relena Peacecraft. I realised it is most embarrassing, but that's
the truth."

And as the troops of journalists and paparazzi followed him
and his group, an image of a woman, her hair flaming red and her
features beautiful, gazing at his back fondly, a trembling smile
tugged on her lovely lips.

Catherine Bloom.

In the middle of the bustling excitement around her, she
continued to watch his back until he disappeared inside the
waiting black limousine, tears of sadness shining in her eyes.
Inwardly she was praying. First for Relena who had decided to
pursue her own happiness; the second prayer was for Heero, so he
wouldn't hurt both of him and Relena by rejecting her once again;
the third was for her brother, so he could find someone to love,
and the fourth…

'Quatre, no matter what happens, I'll always pray for your
happiness…'

The End? I don't think so!