Fandom: Fruits Basket
Title: music without words.
Pairing: Hatsuharu x Yuki
Rating: PG
Description: (Au-ish) Yuki has finally told Tohru how he feels about her, but how is Hatsuharu going to handle it?
Disclaimer: Fruits Baskets isn't Yui's. She just loves it so much that she needs to write about it.
music without words.
by miyamoto yui
Chapter 1 – crumble.
I went back to class and everything went as they usually did, only there was sprinkling outside. It didn't bother me much, but Momiji kept on jumping into the puddles forming as we walked home.
Sighing, I put my hands into my pockets and told him, "You."
Of course, since I wasn't used to saying much, he understood exactly what I meant. After all these years, he should have.
He pouted at me like a little kid. Shaking his head, he protested, "But it's fun!"
I blinked at him and stopped for a moment. He pouted even more as he stood beside me while we resumed walking.
"Let's go see Tohru today!" Momiji happily shouted as he put his hands together. His eyes sparkled at me. (It was his specialty so that he would get his way.)
I shook my head. "I want to go too, but we have a big test tomorrow."
He nodded sadly. "I know, I know."
When we got to the main gate, I closed my eyes a bit. Because I'd been really out of it, I forgot that this was the birthday of Momiji's mom so she and Momo had to go out to dinner with his father downtown.
Smiling as we passed by them, Momiji just walked beside me without a word. As I took him to his room, he just looked at me. I pulled his head as soon as we had stepped into the room.
And he buried his head onto my school uniform. His shoulders shook as he just cried and cried.
No one knew this but Hatori and me. We were the only ones he voluntarily cried in front of. Maybe Tohru sometimes too, but she couldn't know what was happening here in the main house.
But I knew that deep inside, there would always be tears there. And the many he would never show to anyone, not even to himself.
I always wondered how Momiji could be so strong despite everything. Even knowing his own mother rejected him, and yet, he still finds a way to smile at everyone and everything as if it were the most natural thing in the world like the sun shining (as it should) every morning.
I began to regret not going to Tohru's today…
+/+/+/+/+
When I left Momiji, I went to my own room and ate a snack. I knew deliberately that I shouldn't have done that before dinner, but I did it anyway.
"I need Pocky," I repeated like a mantra as I crawled around the room trying to remember where the hell did I put my stash. When I found it in one of my drawers, I began to crunch on them as pieces fell carelessly into my notebook while I studied. I tried my best, but it was of no use.
Yuki looking at me was all I could see inside of my head. And that alone pushed everything else out of my mind.
Maybe it was partially that I loved him so much, but it was also because I could see that he wasn't all there either. I knew him better than anyone, even if Akito would like to claim otherwise.
I knew Yuki's mannerisms as well as I knew how to get home with my eyes closed, even if someone turned me in a circle three times with a blindfold. If his eyes didn't look at you while he was talking to you, he was embarrassed about whatever he did. If he folded his hands together, that meant that he was nervous about whatever he was going to do next.
I knew Yuki even if he couldn't see into my own heart.
Unable to concentrate, I just made myself some dinner and brought it up to my room. While eating, I couldn't think of anything but Yuki's face.
Ring! Ring!
My thoughts were interrupted as I ran to get the telephone downstairs. The maids could have done it, but it had been a while since I dismissed them thinking I should learn to do things for myself.
"Hello?" I answered while trying to hide the fact that I was really distracted for the day.
A voice quietly asked, "Haru?"
"Yuki?" I asked uncertainly.
Yuki calling me?!
"Are you busy?"
I shook my head even though he couldn't see me. "No, why?"
Being busy versus Yuki.
Hatsuharu, you baka.
"Can I talk to you about something?"
"Sure."
We then talked about where to meet and when. As I put the receiver down, I knew something was definitely wrong with today.
Yuki sounded so sad…
I grabbed my jacket and put on my shoes. Then, I just left without a second thought to the important test I was going to have the next day.
But Yuki needed me.
I sighed to myself. "I should kick myself later."
I went to the park that was halfway between his home and mine. As I stood near the cold bench we'd designated as our meeting spot, the clouds were becoming darker. The only light I could rely on was the lamppost just a few feet away.
I stood there in the cold with my hands in my pockets wondering why the hell was I here at 10 o'clock at night when Yuki lifted up his hand and said with a smile, "Hi, Haru. Thanks for coming."
I shook my head. "No problem."
I would do anything for you…
Only, you don't know how far I'd go…
As he sighed, he put his hands in his pockets and sat on the semi-damp bench. I blinked at him, but I slowly sat beside him as he just looked up to the dark, black sky above us.
"I'm sorry I called you out." He smiled at me as he gazed up to the sky again. "I know you're supposed to be studying for a test, so I'll try to make it short."
Uh oh…
He was avoiding looking at me. This definitely wasn't good.
I just nodded silently next to him while he took his hands out, folded them on his lap, and leaned forward. He totally avoided looking at me now.
"Yuki…" I mumbled.
"Haru, you're my best friend," he began. "And I knew I couldn't talk to anyone about this but you."
Smiling, I patted his shoulder. "You know you can count on me for anything."
As I was about to pull my hand away, he held it. He held it silently for a long time while glancing out at the park before him.
My heart began to beat faster and faster the more he held onto my hand, but his profile showed me that he was thinking about something far away. He was thinking about someone else.
And I had an idea about who it was.
The rain began to really fall. More than a shower, but less than a drench. Somewhere in between, if you know what I mean.
Then, through the silence, his words cut me so thoroughly.
I kind of wished it was something else as he told me, "I finally told her."
"And what did she say?" I found myself blurting out while gulping.
Half of me wanted to know, while the other half didn't.
I wanted him to be happy, but I didn't want to be hurt. I wanted him to hurt a little for me, but I would never wish for that in the first place.
Quietly, he simply told me, "No."
I just blankly looked at him without wanting to cry, but how could I? At that moment, Yuki, the person who'd been so strong and understanding in my eyes was weak and confused. He crumbled and shook before me, leaning his whole body on my chest while closing his eyes.
In the rain, I did all that I could do. I hugged him as tightly as I could while looking up to the black sky above us.
While he had been quietly crying for Tohru, I was crying for him upon his hair.
I didn't ask anything else as the rain began to drench us and became louder and louder in my ears. I knew what this meant.
The person who had first told him he was okay the way he was didn't love him as he wanted her to.
I knew this better than anyone else, especially next to you, Yuki.
I whispered into his ear lovingly, "Shh…I know, Yuki. I know…"
Trying to be as strong as I could for him, I smiled at Yuki even though he couldn't see me. I knew now what Momiji was trying to do all these years while smiling, even when he was about to cry.
Closing my eyes, all I could do was wrap myself around him warmly and tightly.
Tsuzuku…
-
Author's note: Gah. I didn't know what I was going to have Tohru respond, but I knew that if at any time this situation would have happened, then it would break a lot of things.
(Also, if anyone can suggest a yaoi ml with an archive, I'd be totally grateful. Thank you!)