Fandom: Fruits Basket
Title: music without words.
Pairing: Hatsuharu x Yuki
Rating: PG
Description: (Au-ish) Yuki has finally told Tohru how he feels about her, but how is Hatsuharu going to handle it?

Disclaimer: Furuba isn't mine.

music without words.
by miyamoto yui

Chapter 2 – Subete. (Everything.)

After a while, Yuki calmed down, but the rain hadn't.

While I was still holding onto him, he tried to wipe his tears away from his face and tried to smile at me. I watched him with a smile on my own face as he told me, "I'm sorry for making you come out in the rain."
I whispered harshly into his ear, "Shut up. You know I would have come out even if it was a snowstorm out here."
He began to laugh. "Ah, Haru. That's what I love about you. You're so honest to me, and you never hesitate to tell me what's on your mind."
I just continued to look at him without a word.

If you only knew how dishonest I was, then you wouldn't look at me this clearly as you are now, Yuki. You would get upset with me. I know you would.

"I think I better get back home," he told me as he was about to get up.

I wouldn't let you go home like that though.

I shook my head. "I can't let you go until I know you're all right, Yuki."
"I am all right," he told me, looking straight into my eyes.
I stared at him just as intently as I answered, "Then why are you smiling at me like you're going to cry?"
He closed his eyes while smiling at me, but when he opened his eyes again, a bunch of tears came out also. "Haru…"

At that, I sighed and put one hand on the back of my head as I got up. Then, I grabbed his hand. "Well, I'm yours for the night, so what should we do?"

I almost wanted to laugh. Embarrassing as it may have been to myself, I wish I could've said those words under different circumstances.

Yuki didn't say anything as I wondered what would I do to comfort him without worrying about my test. "We can't go back to the main house."
At this, Yuki began to shudder.

Akito…
Someday, I will show you that you were wrong to make him your plaything…

Just thinking about that made me so pissed, but I remained calm for Yuki's sake. So, I glanced from side to side wondering what to do as I pulled him without him protesting to holding my hand.
I felt like we were kids again when I pulled on his sleeve. "Yuki, tell me a story."

Only today, it was a different kind of story.

The one he wanted to tell…
And the one I wanted to say…

They were things that may have broken both of our hearts. Both for different reasons, and not to the extent that each would feel them.

We checked into a hotel and I just about forgot about the test by then trying to think that the makeup would be my best option now. With that thought, we entered the room and I told him, "Take a shower before we both catch colds."
Yuki slowly nodded his quietly and it drove me nuts on how anyone, whoever they were, faced with the person or thing they love and protect the most, they're as weak as mush. It's kind of stupid how love works that way.

I could be in black mode, but if you put Yuki next to me, I'd calm down if he smiled at me. Man, the day he would laugh because of something, that would be the day I'd wish would be my last because I'd die happy.

I'm a sad individual with such little things to keep me happy, huh?

While looking at the mirror before me as my clothes dripped water onto the floor, Yuki called me to come to the bathroom. Blushing, my eyebrows almost touched one another as he took a shower beyond those sliding doors.
My nose began to bleed when I saw his outline so I washed my face on the sink. "Yes, Yuki?"
"I told her yesterday," he told me as the shower continued to make its shh shh sound noisily. "While we were tending the vegetable garden, I smiled at her and actually found myself telling her that I loved her."
I sat on the toilet bowl and turned away from the shower while stuffing my nose with Kleenex.
"She told me that she loves me, but not in that way." He laughed emptily. "I know I shouldn't have done that. Maybe I should have been satisfied with the way things were and kept all my feelings inside, but I couldn't go around the house without smelling the scent of her hair while restraining myself from grabbing her from behind and hugging her to tell her how much I loved her."
I nodded silently knowing exactly how that was.

I always felt that way about you.

"But that's not like you, Yuki," I replied. "If you didn't tell her, you'd never live it down. And you hate that."
"Yeah…" he answered without anything else to say.

Turning the shower knob, he opened the door slightly to grab a towel next to him. I pulled on the robe and handed it to him to as he blushed. "Um, thanks."
I then took my shower and wrung out my clothes along with his. I put them on the hotel hangers and opened the window to help them dry, despite the fact that it was still raining.

As Yuki sat on the bed drying his hair, I smiled melancholically and stood before him. Taking his fingers away from the white towel from his head, I began to dry his hair.
A million things were running through my head as I did this, but the only thing that I could feel was frustration for him and myself.

We were both fools, but I couldn't tell him any of my feelings, afraid of making his wound bigger even if mine was already bleeding inside of me.

"She…" he tried to say, but then he became incredibly quiet. Again, he attempted to tell me something and it finally came out. "She was the one who showed me the world was beautiful."
I nodded while dropping the towel to one side. Then, I pushed my forehead onto his and closed my eyes while holding his cheeks understandingly. "I know, Yuki. You don't have to tell me."

I didn't know what else to say to him. I couldn't tell him things get better with time because even if they did, there was still that lingering feeling. You would love them through everything, despite whatever happened through all the years.
I knew that.

How could I still be in this hotel room looking at you and not know?

At that, I betrayed myself with a tear falling from my eye.
"What's wrong, Haru?" Yuki asked as I opened my eyes while leaning back to watch him carefully.
"I'm mad at you, Yuki," I honestly told him.
He didn't say anything as I continued, "How can you sit there and tell me how much your heart hurts when you know how I feel about you?"
"Haru…" he mumbled while still keeping his eyes on mine.

"It's because you don't understand." I sighed as I blinked at him with another tear slipping from my eye.
"After all this time, you still think it's just a fascination or an admiration of you. But you don't know how much I've loved you since the day you told me I wasn't a fool." I still held onto his cheeks while trying to search through his eyes. "I was. I became one that day. And more so as we spent time together. And even more when I saw you dance like an angel in that New Year's banquet a long time ago.
"Even until you now, even when you tell me you love Tohru while you're breaking my heart.
"Rin will tell the world that she dumped me, but I'll tell you here and now that she'll never forgive me for saying that I couldn't love her. I would never learn to love her because Yuki is all I could think of."

Smiling wistfully at him, I leaned forward to whisper into his ear, "Even if it's not the time or place, I want you to know, Yuki…even if you didn't hear it from other people…"
I then pushed him onto the bed while telling him truthfully, "I love you."
"Hatsuharu…" he said nervously as I kissed him while pulling the tie of his robe. He closed his eyes as his lips kissed me back while his hands tried to disrobe me.

Over and over, I whispered over and over into his ear, "I love you, Yuki" while kissing him on every inch of his body as best as I could while his hands intertwined into mine.

It still hurt though.
Deep inside of me, even though I was finally making love to him as I always wanted, Yuki was still in broken pieces with me also falling apart. I was trying to protect him as best as I could, but was I doing the right thing?

At that, I kissed him harder. While he gasped for air, I turned him over and went inside of him without permission. His hands kept on grabbing onto mine tighter as the sweat on my forehead fell onto his back while I kissed it…

When collapsed onto the bed, he fell on top of me as I held onto him as tightly as I could. His hands wrapped around me as I kissed him on the forehead.
With the blankets around us, I stared at his tired face and he smiled back at me as best as he could.
"I don't care whomever you're with, or whomever you fall in love with," I whispered while running my hands through his hair. "Just as long as you know who you are, Yuki, and that you're happy. I know I'll always feel the same."
"Why me, Haru?" he asked as his eyes looked deeply into mine. "Why do you love me even if I can't be honest with others about how I feel? Even when I hate myself sometimes for being the way I am?"
I hugged him even more with the rain pouring outside through the window. "I've loved everything because it was you, Yuki."

When you cry,
When you smile,
When you get angry,
When you laugh,

I've always loved everything…

Tsuzuku…
-
Author's note: WAH~! Haru! * sniff, sniff *
I almost thought I was going to end it here, but then the story was just beginning, now wasn't it? Hmm…how to end this properly and with satisfaction…

Uh oh…maybe this'll be longer than I thought. I hope not.