Fandom: Fruits Basket
Title: music without words.
Pairing: Hatsuharu x Yuki
Rating: PG
Description: (Au-ish) Yuki has finally told Tohru how he feels about her, but how is Hatsuharu going to handle it?
Disclaimer: Fruits Basket = not Yui's.
music without words.
by miyamoto yui
Chapter 4 – toki.
"You'll have to do everything I tell you until then. It won't be much, but it will be enough." He pinched my chin and lifted it up. "I'll show you all that happiness is just an illusion."
Akito finally let go and walked over to the window. "You can't tell him any of this, okay?"
"Hai," I replied, covering my wound while getting up.
"When he rejects you, you might take Yuki's place." He smiled to himself. "I've always loved those determined eyes of yours. Maybe I should have taken yours instead of Hatori's. Hahaha."
"Haru?"
I looked at his face.
"You only have one month."
Without asking for his permission, I said to him, "The only thing I ask of this agreement is that he'll be able to live as he chooses. That's all."
"We'll see."
Angry as I was, I had to be satisfied with that.
Without another word, I left and went to Hatori. He just looked at me as I opened my shirt to reveal what Akito had done to me, but I said nothing of it. I didn't have to though.
"Akito's still a child," he simply remarked.
But as I looked at Hatori's face, I could see a softness I had never seen from anyone else in the household when it came to Akito.
It was funny that someone as stoic as Hatori would be the only one to understand Akito so well. I couldn't tell if it was because Akito got sick so much that Hatori was next to him…
…or was he really…no, I won't think of that.
Hatori took out a cigarette. "Let's go for a drive."
I blinked at him. That was random.
"All right," I told him with hesitation in my voice.
And so, we drove to the Sohma cabin deep into the woods.
When we arrived, I opened the window to let the cool air come in as Hatori plopped himself comfortably onto the sofa.
"Won't Akito get mad that you're here?" I gazed up to the clear sky with the moon shining brightly outside.
He plainly replied, "Akito gets jealous of everything."
Straight and to the point. I always liked Hatori for that.
I closed my eyes but soon took another glimpse of the moon. I was silent, but Hatori wouldn't let me swim in my own grave.
He was always generous that way. He and Yuki were the same in that sense.
They could always do something for you, but you couldn't do a damn thing back for them, no matter how much you tried.
"You finally stepped over the boundary, didn't you?" He sighed as he took out a pack of Lucky Sevens from his pocket as well as a pack of matches. Lighting up his cigarettes, he inhaled it, but I could still feel his stare on me.
"The boundary? There's a boundary to everything in this damn household, isn't there?" Annoyed, I turned around to face him. "Even when you care for another person."
He squinted his eye a bit and looked away, knowing from pure experience what the hell I was telling him.
"I'm not rebelling because I want to defy Akito." I shook my head. "That's very stupid. I might as well throw myself from this window."
"Then why are you doing this, Haru?" He took another puff of his cigarette.
"Because this way of life isn't living." I sighed, putting my hands on the windowsill before me. "I'm going to go insane if I have to live everyday fearing someone because of the way they look at me or have to subject myself to the whim of someone who's supposed to be head of our clan."
Turning around, I tilted my head. "What is that, Hatori?"
I then pulled on my shirt showing him the bandages he'd wrapped around my body. "There's not much to expect from the world and I didn't want anything from it. I just want to show Akito that his warped way of affection isn't the way it's supposed to be."
"But Yuki…" A small grin came to my lips. "…just like Tohru showing him that he shouldn't be ashamed about being the way he is, he didn't know that was his own charm. He made me see what was twisted about the way we lived. And when he left the main house, that's when I realized how much things were empty without him. Despite the fact that Akito wasn't shouting for him or that I could just sit next to him in the garden being really quiet."
Silently, Hatori continued to listen to me and look at me.
"I asked him once, 'If you could live only as an animal or human forever, what would you pick?' And you know what he told me? He told me, 'Either is fine as long as I get to live the way I want. Whether it's wrong or right to do so.'
"Then, I asked him while leaning my head on his shoulder, 'Then, Yuki? Where do we fit in?' Shaking his head, he smiled, 'Nowhere. But that makes us special. We can be both, can't we? Despite…despite the fact that turning into an animal can be kind of disheartening to yourself as well as frighten the people around you.'
"I'd told him, 'Then, they don't know anything, do they, Yuki? They only love with their eyes, don't they?' He only looked at me gently while patting my head."
With tears in my eyes, I gulped and looked at Hatori. "I believe that. I believe in him. And because of those things, I want to protect the life he wants to lead, even if I'm not in it."
"What did Akito want you to do?" he asked me while looking deeply at me.
Just as intensely, I gave him a persistent look.
No fear…
I didn't fear anything as long as it came to Yuki.
"In one month, I'm supposed to make Yuki fall in love with me if Akito's going to accept our relationship." My gazed touched the ground and I swallowed hard. Then, I lifted my eyes to meet his and with a smile, I answered, "And if he doesn't, I will die."
Hatori took the cigarette away from his mouth, his lips a bit open as he stared at me in shock.
I turned away from him, looking up at the moon once more. "I don't expect anything from Yuki and I'm telling you right now that I will just continue things as they have always been."
"You sound like you're giving up already," Hatori answered with a slightly irritated tone.
I shook my head. "No, it isn't that. I don't want Yuki to love me because of an ultimatum or because he's on the rebound. I want him to always stay the way he is and I want him to be happy."
"If you die, he'll cry for you."
It was then that Hatori stood up and patted my shoulder.
"As long as he knew I was alive, that's enough for me."
"I wish…" Hatori sighed while looking out the window with me. "I wish that other people were as strong as you are now."
He let go of me to light another cigarette. "Yuki may have had the worst among all of us, but it seems that he's very lucky because of it too."
"I want Yuki to realize that I love him for everything. That he doesn't have to be so harsh on himself." Turning my head to Hatori, I laughed. "Especially when you're close to perfection."
+/+/+/+/+/
While we were driving home the next morning, I started out the car window and prayed. "I just want Yuki to stay the same and to live the way he wants. Just as long as he's happy…"
Hatori kept his eye on the road as he asked, "You knew exactly what you were doing when you went into Akito's room, didn't you?"
I knew it ever since he gave me that look from Yuki's futon years ago. When he became insanely jealous at the gentle way I looked at Yuki.
I simply answered, "I knew this day would come."
It was only a matter of time.
I just didn't expect it so soon.
Tsuzuku…
-
Author's note: Haru is so gentle, I can't describe what it is. When I write from his perspective, there's this nice, peaceful feeling inside of me.
But as we progress, it's becoming more and more painful. I can't stand the thought that Haru might die in the fic. I'm in the process of re-editing the fic and writing the ending for it, but * sighs * it's hard.
'Toki' is translated as 'when' or 'time'.