Fandom: Fruits Basket
Title: music without words.
Pairing: Hatsuharu x Yuki
Rating: PG
Description: (Au-ish) Yuki has finally told Tohru how he feels about her, but how is Hatsuharu going to handle it?
Disclaimer: Yui doesn't own FruBa. "Don't Dream It's Over" is by Crowded House.
music without words.
by miyamoto yui
Epilogue - we'll make it.
"It's over, Akito," Yuki finished as he shook his head.
At that moment, he came over to me and knelt down with a smile. "Let's go home."
"Yuki!" Akito shouted as he got up while still shaking in rage. "You're not allowed to make decisions without my approval."
Yuki glanced at Akito and smiled wistfully. "But will you allow yourself to go against what I want, Akito?"
Akito sighed, shaking his head. "This is one thing you and I hate about one another, and yet this is the one characteristic in which we're both alike."
As Akito was about to step forward, I stood up while watching Hatori getting up to grab Akito's arms, even though Akito protested, almost looking like he wanted to cry in his defeat, but was too proud to.
Yuki and I quietly walked away, but I took a glimpse back to find Hatori's arms wrapping around Akito's shoulders carefully, lovingly.
"You can't do this to me!" Akito shouted as I was closing the door behind me.
Hatori began to whisper something into Akito's ear and I closed the door completely shut.
Yuki waited for me, and I refused to look back.
As I packed my stuff, Yuki leaned on the doorway and crossed his arms.
"What did they erase?" I asked him as I found myself perplexed on whether or not I wanted to know. And I didn't know if Yuki would be comfortable to speak about it.
"Almost everything," he said in a soft voice. "But not everything..."
We were silent as I packed all of my important belongings into my bag, but I stood there looking at him peacefully for a moment.
He shyly looked at the wooden floor. "You used to hug me, Haru."
His eyes looked up to mine, but he smiled sorrowfully. "Like the way you hugged me in the rain. You used to hug me every time I would run off somewhere to be by myself. But for some reason, you always found me.
"You were the only one who would embrace me that way. That's why when you hugged me like that while we were in the rain, I cried even more. Subconsciously, you were remembering me."
He sighed. "Do you know how hard it was for me to always watch you or talk to you as if nothing ever happened between us? I died each time. I cried each time. I'd curse Akito each time.
"I watched you for so long always knowing that I didn't mean anything to you and you didn't know why. We would meet and meet again with your eyes looking at me blankly. It was hard, Haru. Very hard.
"And so, you tell people about me being your first love while you didn't know you are my first love. I didn't want you telling people that story not because it was embarrassing, but that it hurt me every time. I answered you the best that day because I knew you inside out.
"I knew what bottle you drank from. I knew what stuffed animal you went to bed with. I knew everything. How could I possibly say you were a fool if I didn't know these things already?"
Tears were welling up all over again as I listened to him.
He was watching the window while I was staring at him.
All the suffering I thought I had gone through for him...
Only to find mine was nothing compared to his.
He softly gazed at me. "That's why I didn't resist you when you took me to that hotel or when you kissed me. I knew exactly what was coming to me. I would be punished, but I had waited for you, so I couldn't say no to you at all by that time."
"But why did you choose Tohru?" I shook my head. "You told me you loved Tohru."
"I feel strongly about Tohru, yes. I said to her and you that I liked her a lot." He sighed with a sad expression. "I told you she taught me the world was beautiful. But I never said I loved her. I said I would have liked to be with her forever if she wanted to be with me.
"You were the one that opened my heart, but you didn't know."
With tears in his eyes, he smiled at me, "Why do you think I could have answered you so strongly? Think about it, Haru. When you I asked you, 'Are you a fool?' and you answered that you weren't. I told you, 'Wakatte.""
Holding my cheeks in his hands gently, he looked deeply into my eyes. "You thought I said 'I understand'. I was telling you 'I know'."
At that, I hugged him back, closing my eyes as I leaned my head onto his shoulder. "Then why...why didn't you say anything to me?"
"Do you know how much it would hurt me if Akito would hurt you? If I treated you indifferently, he wouldn't hurt you. But sometimes, it was so much to take."
Zipping my bag, he put it over his shoulder. "It's time to go home, Haru."
Smiling beautifully at me, he said, "I'm not leaving without you again."
And we walked out of the Sohma main house without looking back.
I suddenly remembered the day he smiled so strangely as he moved out to go to Shigure's. Now I knew why he looked like he was going to cry while he grinned at me and patted my head...
"Yuki?"
"Hmm?"
"How many memories were erased from both of us?"
He thought for a second. "Many..."
But then, he looked at me confidently as he pulled my head with his hand so that he could kiss my ear. "I've remembered enough for both of us, but what's important is now."
I nodded my head as I walked beside him.
+/+/+/+/+/
When we got back to Shigure's house, we explained most of the story to them and I was now a permanent resident of his home. We were all relieved and we ate a lot at dinner. Momiji refused to go home. Apparently, he was resolved (and stubborn) to sleeping at Shigure's until Hatori came for him.
After everyone got ready for bed, I went to mine, but Yuki talked to Tohru before going to sleep. I wondered what they were discussing, but decided against it. That shouldn't for me to know.
As I was falling asleep, the door of Yuki's room opened and he came in. Instead of going to his futon, he went straight into mine and snuggled inside while hugging me. I blinked at him. "Hmm? Yuki?"
"She understands now..." he said to me. "About everything."
I just nodded not knowing what to think as my eyelids were falling down.
Yuki whispered into my ear while running his fingers through my hair soothingly. "I fell in love with you Haru ever since you hugged me. I came home from school one day and you ran towards me with the biggest smile in the world. 'Welcome home!' you shouted to me."
I was starting to wake up. "I did?"
"I always wanted someone to be that warm to me..." He laughed. "And you never knew how much I appreciated it...I'm sorry I never got to tell you..."
"That's why I told you to trust me, Haru," he softly scolded.
At that moment, when he said 'Trust me, Haru', something blurry came back to me. It was a blurry image of Yuki holding me in his arms saying that I shouldn't cry. Being a cow was great. At least you get to walk in the light...
I looked into Yuki's eyes as he said, "I think Akito was right about one thing. As twisted as he was, I've also thought love was music without words."
It was scary how alike they were...
And yet how gently Yuki acted against Akito's harshness...
"Sometimes, the best things can't be said in words. I think that's why I believed his words too..." I said while looking at Yuki. "As much as I don't want to admit it."
"But why, Haru?" he asked me quietly as he gripped onto my shirt while kissing my cheek. "Why would you risk dying and not letting me ever know?"
I smiled as I shook my head. Closing my eyes, I tenderly, yet confidently said:
"That burden that I had for a long time, it was lifted when you told me I wasn't a fool. I was fighting to live because of those words. To live for myself without listening to other people.
You were the one who showed me that people weren't cruel. That the world could be warm and wonderful.
That's who you are to me, Yuki.
And I would gladly die for that.
I never asked for anything from you because you gave me all I needed."
I felt him nod his head as he began to sing:
"There is freedom within, there is freedom without.
Try to catch the deluge in a paper cup.
There's a battle ahead, many battles are lost
but you'll never see the end of the road
while you're traveling with me.
Hey now, hey now,
Don't dream it's over.
Hey now, hey now,
when the world comes in.
They come, they come
To build a wall between us.
We know they won't win.
Now I'm towing my car, there's a hole in the roof.
My possessions are causing me suspicion but there's no proof.
In the paper today, tales of war and of waste,
but you turn right over to the T.V. page.
Hey now, hey now,
Don't dream it's over.
Hey now, hey now,
when the world comes in.
They come, they come
To build a wall between us.
We know they won't win.
Now I'm walking again to the beat of a drum
and I'm counting the steps to the door of your heart.
Only shadows ahead, barely clearing the roof,
get to know the feeling of liberation and relief.
Hey now, hey now,
Don't dream it's over.
Hey now, hey now,
when the world comes in.
They come, they come
To build a wall between us.
Don't ever let them win…"
I was falling asleep as he held me closer, whispering sleepily, "It's funny that you picked the same song I used to sing to you. Before you fell asleep, letting go of my sleeve. Before they would erase your memory."
I blinked in surprise as I fell asleep when I said, "Now I know why it's your voice I always hear whenever I think about the song."
"I was always watching, Haru. You just didn't know."
When I woke up that morning, I opened my eyes to see the sun outside of Yuki's window. The sky was blue with some clouds over it.
And there was Yuki next to me, sleeping peacefully. And I didn't want to wake him just yet. I was just happy that it wasn't a dream.
It wasn't going to be erased.
You can erase the mind like a chalkboard,
But you can't erase what's written in the heart.
It is like music without words.
You can always rewrite the lyrics.
But the tune will always be the same.
The unspoken meaning will stay unchanged by time or trouble.
"We'll make lots of memories, Yuki," I said as I smiled while lying there in our futon. "Lots and lots of memories..."
Things were only going to get harder from here, but that was okay.
We'll make it.
Owari. / The End.
-
Author's note: I didn't want to dwell too much on the Hatori/Akito because I would deal with that in another fic. I didn't want to put too much emphasis on Tohru/Yuki because it would have made this fic go off-tangent too. Instead, I tried to make the ending short and sweet.
Even if it's just the two of them talking, I felt that that was most important. They were talking to other people instead of each other. I know that the ending was very romantic, something I don't usually like doing, but I just felt that's how their relationship should be.
Throughout the fic, I put everything from Haru's perspective, so it seemed like all he could see was Yuki's affection for Tohru when he couldn't see it for himself. There were so many twists and turns and I had so much fun doing them. (Yes, I torture my characters because I love them. The more I kill them, the more I like them, actually. ^^;;;;;;;;;;;;; Yuki...poor Yuki...* lol *)
Thank you for your support. This was just an idea that popped in my head. I didn't expect such a strong response to it, but thank you for reading. I just wanted this fic to be about someone (Haru) who was so focused on not being loved in return, that he failed to see that he was. That Yuki had first found his 'home' through Haru, but couldn't express it.
It wasn't just about growing or falling in love with someone or even about protecting your happiness. It was about how far would you go and sacrifice in order to get what you wanted, whether or not it was a 'good'.
The only thing that bugged me was that I made Akito so dislikeable...seemingly. Actually, I enjoy writing about him. By being so cruel, he was just expressing the other side of humanity. I think Yuki and he are very similar, just at opposite extremes. And Haru sees this and is sometimes scared by it. Why? Because they're all connected to the 'core' in such extreme ways.
Again, thank you and I'll try my best to write more Fruits Baskets. ^^v
Love, yui
08/20/03