Ok, I know its been a very long time, but someone requested an update, so here u go. But I'm still not convinced that this isn't crap. It just never came out the way I thought it. Oh well, if u like it, that's cool with me… as long as u review!!

Chapter 3

Faith was right. A couple of hours later, she and Gwen were speeding down the highway, heading for Sunnydale. A couple of Harbingers had tried to stop them just inside of LA, but got quite a shock when the bike racing towards them sped up instead of slowing down. Faith now agreed with Gwen, the bike was much better for dealing with bad guys.

Hanging tight to the girl in front of her, Faith was deep in thought about the many things she and Gwen had spoken of during the hours before their departure. Faith wondered what it would be like to be unable to really touch anyone, ever. Sure, she'd had a screwy life, it hadn't been exactly peachy before she became the slayer, but even in her worst days, she'd had someone to turn to, even if it was a stranger, just for one night, she'd been able to make the connection. Gwen couldn't. She hadn't been able to her whole life. She killed a boy before she was ten years old without even meaning to. Faith did know what that felt like, Buffy had once described it perfectly, so perfectly that it terrified Faith even more- like something sick crawled inside of you… Faith felt that Gwen was one person she could really relate to, someone she could be friends with, if they survived the months to come. It was going to be tough, Faith knew that much already. It was like an actual taste in the air, a sound beyond sound, something beyond real description that ensured that she just knew, and she knew that Buffy could feel it too.

Sunnydale

            "Buffy? Are you alright?" Willow finally stopped her friend's pacing.

            "Yeah. I'm fine." She laughed slightly, "Five by five."

Willow let out an annoyed breath.

            "Don't."

            "Don't what, Will?" Buffy snapped.

            "Don't act like you are. You asked Faith to come. She needs to be here, cos her life is at stake as much as anyone's, and it sounds to me like she's already been hurt real bad. She turned down the offer of the first's right hand gal, Buffy. She's proved herself, what more do you want?!" Buffy looked at her friend in disbelief.

            "You think that that's what this is about? You think I'm worried that maybe she's not on our side? How dumb and heartless do you think I am, Will? I've felt what she felt, I've had the dreams I'm pretty sure she's had, and I've heard what she turned down. From the second I heard her voice on the phone I haven't doubted her, Will! What I'm worried about is the fact that last time I saw her, I was totally unreasonable. I was the bitch. Plus what just happened to her was my fault! I knew it was coming and I didn't warn her! I just sat back and let it come! Her blood is on my hands! Again!! What I'm worried about is whether she will ever be able to forgive me, not the other way round." Buffy slumped down on the couch, her shocked friend beside her.

            "I'm sorry." She gasped, "God, Buffy, I'm so sorry."

Dawn stood silently in the doorway, knowing she couldn't help, but ready to if she was needed, that's what sister's are for, right?

A couple of hours later, everyone tensed at the sound of an impatient knocking on the door. Buffy rushed to answer it, to see a girl that she hated to admit she'd missed terribly, being supported by a girl in tight clothing and long silky gloves, who she could only presume was 'Gwen'. She ushered them in, unable to help a broad welcoming smile, and helped Faith to the couch.

            "She's still weak." Gwen said.

            "I'm fine." Faith insisted, although everyone could clearly see that she was not.

            "Hi, I'm Buffy." Buffy began, holding her hand out to Gwen, who shook it with a surprisingly strong grip, and answered,

            "I figured. I'm Gwen." Buffy nodded, then introduced Willow, Xander, Anya, Dawn, Giles, and the Slayerettes. Gwen raised her eyebrows as she realised that this demon fighting faction was in fact even larger than Angel's. Now Buffy turned to Faith, and leaning down, to everyone's surprise, hugged her, and after a slight hesitation, got a hug back.

            "It's good to see you again." Buffy smiled. It was the simple truth. The recent events had sent her far beyond her usual habit of concealing awkward emotions.

            "You too." Faith replied, tentatively, with a wry smile. She looked at the others, but found her gaze dropping, she couldn't meet their eyes, for fear of loathing. She was ashamed, and had no idea how she was supposed to stay here, knowing that everyone hated her. What happened next shocked more than just Faith. Dawn stepped forward and hugged Faith too.

            "It's so good to have you back." Dawn said, utterly sincere. As she pulled away, Faith found that she could in fact meet Dawns eyes, and read in them the two different meanings of her words. Faiths heart warmed in a way it hadn't for a long time. Willow and Xander still hung back, and Anya didn't know Faith, so was not interested. What Faith did not realise was that neither Willow nor Xander hung back out of disgust or hatred, like she thought.

            Buffy explained the entire 'first' situation, including Spike's kidnap and rescue. Faith didn't seem too confused about them worrying about a vampire, and Buffy made a mental note to ask her why later. By now it was getting late, and much to her annoyance, Dawn was sent to bed. The Slayerettes followed suit, some of them still feeling the effects of jetlag. Buffy decided to patrol, and Xander insisted on accompanying her. Gwen joined them, eager for a fight, and Anya went along out of sheer boredom, leaving Willow and Faith alone.

            Faith sat watching TV, but not actually seeing any of it. Her mind was too full of everything that was happening, but the TV was an excuse to avoid conversation problems with Will. This strategy collapsed, however, when Willow switched off the TV to get Faiths attention, and she didn't notice.

            "Err, Faith?" Willow ventured, waving a hand in front of her eyes. Faith jumped,

            "What?"

Willow chuckled, "You were miles away." She said. She sat beside Faith, who had become quiet again, looking down as before. "Are you OK?" Willow asked.

            "Angel's healy friends did a good job, I'll be…"

            "That's not what I meant." Willow said softly, placing one hand on Faith's, comfortingly. Again, Faith was shocked, and her eyes flew up to meet eyes very different from those she remembered. They were harder, stronger, sadder. Then it hit her. Where's whatshername, Tara? Another look in those eyes answered the question.

            "I'm sorry." Faith whispered, and though few people would, Willow understood what she was referring to.

            "Don't avoid the question." Willow smiled, not wanting to get onto the subject of Tara. "Are you ok?" Faith sighed now, wondering what had happened to change Willow so much, and to make her accept Faith so easily.

            "I'm alright." She conceded. "It's just weird. I know people don't want me here. An' I just feel so out of place, like one wrong move will… I dunno… I'm scared, I guess." Willow too was shocked. Faith had never been this open with her before.

            "We want you here. An' everyone's scared. As for the other stuff… I know how you feel."

            "Some how I don't think you do Will…"

            "Trust me." Willow said forcefully, and Faith couldn't help but meet her eyes again. She gasped.

            "What happened? What do you mean?" now, as she answered, Willow could not meet Faith's intense gaze.

            "I killed people." she whispered. "I hurt… everyone. I tried to…" she laughed shortly, bitterly, "I tried to destroy the world." Faith couldn't help but laugh. Willow watched her disbelievingly, but, as they say, laughter is infectious. Willow cracked up.

            "You?" Faith gasped, "You tried to…sorry… sorry."

            "No, s'ok, I understand. It sounds dumb, huh?"

            "So what the hell happened, then?"

Willow's laughter died away.

            "I… when Tara was killed, I couldn't bring her back… so I flipped. I wanted revenge so desperately. I didn't have Tara, so nothing else mattered… the magicks took over. I killed the guy who killed her, and hurt all of these guys… then I absorbed the power Giles had been given by a coven in England… there was so much… I could feel everything!! All the pain… so I decided to stop it."

            "Shit Will." Faith breathed. "I'm so sorry." Willow just shrugged. Then she noticed an odd look on Faith's face. A look that said she knew more of what Willow was feeling than she'd said, and not because she knew the guilt of taking human life.

            "What?" Willow asked. Faith laughed a little. It had been a long time since she'd been around anyone who cared enough to actually read her.

            "It's… I just hadn't realised that was you."

            "What do you mean?"

            "I felt it." Faith said, her eyes vacant. "I felt it, and I saw some of it… slayer dreams I guess. They never did make much sense…but I felt the pain, Will. So… I understand." Willow was shocked.

            "You mean… you still had slayer dreams? Even in there?"

            "I don't think the powers really care where you are. Yeah I had them."

            "But you couldn't do anything."

            "Nope."

            "Didn't that drive you crazy?"

Faith laughed again.

            "A little late for that isn't it?"

            "Faith…"

            "The first time I had one, it was about something in the prison. I tried to tell them, but they wouldn't listen. When this girl died… they were so freaked. One of the guards tried to pin it on me, cos I knew it was gonna happen. But there was no way I coulda, so they decided it was fluke, and that I was crazy, cos that made more sense than me just knowing. I was forced into therapy for a coupla weeks, and after that… well, I knew telling would do no good, so I just… coped."

            "I'm sorry." Willow said quietly. For a minute, neither of them spoke. They'd each found new levels in their former friend, and it opened their eyes to things they'd never considered before. Willow had always known that Faith went over to the mayors side because she couldn't take the responsibility of being the good guy, but the amount of pain bottled with in the slayer had never occurred to her.

And Faith had never realised that Willow had it in her to do those things. Or more… that she was strong enough to come back from it.

            "Sooo… lotsa mini slayers, huh?" Faith grinned, "Lots of Dawns."

            "Uh-huh. If you weren't crazy before, you will be after a few days with them."

            "Hey!"

            "You said it before!" Willow countered. But Faith smiled. It had been even longer since she'd been able to joke with someone like that. It felt good. It felt very good.