Author's Notes: Yay!! I'm still alive!! (Thanks to Madchan and Stage, btw,
for checking.^_^) Well, finals are finally over for me, so now I should be
able to continue writing this baby. Keep in mind, however, that technically
I'm not allowed on this site (my parents are crazy, I know), so updates
prolly won't be instantaneous. Thanks to the lovely reviews, you all are
frickin' amazing!! This chapter is more of a tidbit than anything. It might
take a little while for me to get back in my writing mode, so be patient if
this one isn't as long or as well-done as the other ones. Enjoy!
Dutchy-My love
The bunkhouse was quiet. The other boys had all gone to sleep long ago, tired from a hard day's work. I was the only one still awake, the only one still up to see the late autumn moon that hung heavy in the velvet sky. I sat by the window with my tattered paper and pencil, sketching the city's shadows. They city was beautiful during the night, when the lights were extinguished and the windows were closed. The darkness shrouded the streets, draping the city in mystery. I could feel the loneliness and heartbreak, could taste the sorrow that was hiding inside sleeping hearts.
I turned away from the window. The pale moonlight streamed into the room, bringing the dirt on the floor into stark relief. The light fell upon the faces of tired boys, boys who laughed in the face of hardship and pain, and who fought to keep what small bit of happiness they had. During the day they all seemed so hard, so jaded by life's harsh realities. But now, I realized how young they really were. Children, really. They were just children.
They all slept peacefully; content to give up their daily troubles for the night. I, however, was not so lucky. I couldn't make myself stop thinking about what haunted my thoughts at every moment, sleeping or awake. Perhaps I should say not what, but who.
I can see him from my perch, his face resting on a rumpled pillow. His high cheekbones and curly brown hair, delicate face and gentle hands; he was so handsome, and he didn't know it. I think that's one of the reasons I found Specs so wonderful-he had an unconscious beauty, walked with an unconscious grace.
He has no idea how many times I've tried to capture that beauty on paper. He doesn't know of the endless sketches I have hidden in my mattress, the countless drawings of his profile and silhouette. But still I could not find a copy worth saving. The little details were always off; the eyes too happy, the mouth too immature. With every other subject I've drawn, I've managed to create a likeness within a few drafts. But something about him always eluded me.
I stared at my dirty piece of paper with disgust. Sometimes its blank surface was comforting, a reminder that I could make something beautiful out of nothing. Sometimes I could express my deepest emotion, my most precious feelings with a mere pencil and paper.
But tonight, it was disheartening. Try to change me, turn me into something you worth keeping, it seemed to be saying. Try to replace unrequited love with pencil shavings and lead smudges. And it was true. I was trying to stave off loneliness the only way I knew how.
Night after night I strove fill the void in my soul, the emptiness where I know he should be. I try to fill that void with friends, with laughter, with my art. But deep in my heart, where it really counts, I was still alone. So achingly alone.
I closed my eyes, letting the tears slip through my lashes. I cried the tears of love unanswered, of people grown cold with longing. My tears fell for the millions who died alone. My tears fell for children old beyond their years, for lovers who never got to say goodbye. But in the end, I knew I was crying for him. My life, my love. My Specs.
My tears splashed on the half drawn city skyline. The lead began to run, rivers of hopeless grey. That's how I survived now. I lived, breathed, and wept in shades of grey.
Closing Comments~ I promise the next chapter will be longer, I just had to get this one out. Sort of my treat for getting a B in Chemistry. Um.I'm not sure what's next.I'm thinking of adding more stuff to my original plot, so things will get shifted around a bit from what I first thought. Shout-outs next chapter, too. Happy summer!!!
Dutchy-My love
The bunkhouse was quiet. The other boys had all gone to sleep long ago, tired from a hard day's work. I was the only one still awake, the only one still up to see the late autumn moon that hung heavy in the velvet sky. I sat by the window with my tattered paper and pencil, sketching the city's shadows. They city was beautiful during the night, when the lights were extinguished and the windows were closed. The darkness shrouded the streets, draping the city in mystery. I could feel the loneliness and heartbreak, could taste the sorrow that was hiding inside sleeping hearts.
I turned away from the window. The pale moonlight streamed into the room, bringing the dirt on the floor into stark relief. The light fell upon the faces of tired boys, boys who laughed in the face of hardship and pain, and who fought to keep what small bit of happiness they had. During the day they all seemed so hard, so jaded by life's harsh realities. But now, I realized how young they really were. Children, really. They were just children.
They all slept peacefully; content to give up their daily troubles for the night. I, however, was not so lucky. I couldn't make myself stop thinking about what haunted my thoughts at every moment, sleeping or awake. Perhaps I should say not what, but who.
I can see him from my perch, his face resting on a rumpled pillow. His high cheekbones and curly brown hair, delicate face and gentle hands; he was so handsome, and he didn't know it. I think that's one of the reasons I found Specs so wonderful-he had an unconscious beauty, walked with an unconscious grace.
He has no idea how many times I've tried to capture that beauty on paper. He doesn't know of the endless sketches I have hidden in my mattress, the countless drawings of his profile and silhouette. But still I could not find a copy worth saving. The little details were always off; the eyes too happy, the mouth too immature. With every other subject I've drawn, I've managed to create a likeness within a few drafts. But something about him always eluded me.
I stared at my dirty piece of paper with disgust. Sometimes its blank surface was comforting, a reminder that I could make something beautiful out of nothing. Sometimes I could express my deepest emotion, my most precious feelings with a mere pencil and paper.
But tonight, it was disheartening. Try to change me, turn me into something you worth keeping, it seemed to be saying. Try to replace unrequited love with pencil shavings and lead smudges. And it was true. I was trying to stave off loneliness the only way I knew how.
Night after night I strove fill the void in my soul, the emptiness where I know he should be. I try to fill that void with friends, with laughter, with my art. But deep in my heart, where it really counts, I was still alone. So achingly alone.
I closed my eyes, letting the tears slip through my lashes. I cried the tears of love unanswered, of people grown cold with longing. My tears fell for the millions who died alone. My tears fell for children old beyond their years, for lovers who never got to say goodbye. But in the end, I knew I was crying for him. My life, my love. My Specs.
My tears splashed on the half drawn city skyline. The lead began to run, rivers of hopeless grey. That's how I survived now. I lived, breathed, and wept in shades of grey.
Closing Comments~ I promise the next chapter will be longer, I just had to get this one out. Sort of my treat for getting a B in Chemistry. Um.I'm not sure what's next.I'm thinking of adding more stuff to my original plot, so things will get shifted around a bit from what I first thought. Shout-outs next chapter, too. Happy summer!!!