Little Red Keiichilocks and the Three Poorly Disguised Bears
Part 2
By Count Vaniy (vbani@yahoo.com)
Disclaimer: Me no own, no make money, you no sue okay?
Fueled by envy, the green-eyed monster that was Super Bishoujo-Locks raced after the Pied Piperess and her frolicking herd. She quickly caught up with the prancing posse and with one mighty leap that was faster than a speeding bullet, Super Bishoujo-Locks jumped over the captivated crowd and landed smack dab beside Even More Super Bishoujo Pied Piperess.
Super Bishoujo-Locks: You're, like, so totally gonna pay for that.
In quick succession, she unleashed the fury within. Starting with the lip gloss toss maneuver followed by the foundation combo #2 and finished off with her non-famous super mascara smash coupled with the blush on blast. The Pied Piperess was helpless against the cosmetic onslaught. She pleaded in a voice sexier than Penelope Pitstop's:
Pied Piperess: Help! Somebody save me!
The Pokemons of horniness tried to help but were repelled by Super Bishoujo-Locks battle aura. Sensing their impotence, Super Bishoujo-Locks went to new heights of violence par excellence. After a few minutes of uninterrupted cosmetic combos, something shiny and silky smooth slid off Pied Piperess' head. Gasp! The Pied Piperess was really bald! Though, I must say, the wig is simply gorgeous.
Super Bishoujo-Locks: (ala Cherie Gil) You're nothing but a second rate, trying hard, copycat! [Splash!]
Crushed and ridiculed, Pied Piperess slunk off into the sunset, followed by her still loyal horde of now non-salivating Pokemons. They've apparently forgotten about momentary pleasures and wanted her to be their trainer. On the other hand, Super Bishoujo-Locks couldn't believe her eyes. The Pokemons formerly known as horny still chose a bald impostor over her? How could they? Was her hair not perfect? Her figure just sublime? Crushed and dejected, Super Bishoujo-Locks slunk off into the dining room to drown her sorrows in someone else's porridge- Belldandy's porridge to be exact.
And what porridge it was. It tastes sweet but not overpoweringly so. So mild and soothing it reminds one of flowers blossoming during spring. It is as if bouquets of wild flowers are blossoming in one's mouth. The taste is gentle yet a perfect blend of all the ingredients, transporting one to heaven. Ah! What bliss (think Cooking Master Boy- C.V.).
With every spoonful, Super Bishoujo-Locks felt better and better but strangely manlier and manlier too. Luckily, a gyrating mirror gyrated by and she gyrated along to better see her reflection. Oh horror of horrors, her perky chest deflated right before her very eyes. Her scintillating figure suddenly seemed ordinary too. Darn, she had turned back into Keiichilocks.
Keiichilocks: Suddenly, I feel so tired. And, holy crap, do I have makeup on?
After wiping off the horrible horrible make-up, Keiichilocks trudged up the stairs and found himself in the sleeping quarters. The room had three beds in it and being as harassed as he was, he placed the basket on a conveniently located table and crashed into the bed nearest him -which just happens to be engraved with the name Skuld. And promptly felt all his bones crumble. The bed was really really hard due to the fact that it was another technological marvel made by Skuld Enterprises ™. The literally spineless Keiichilocks then inched his way to the next to nearest bed and having learned his lesson, felt the mattress first. Ah, yes. Soft as a baby's ass (don't ask– C.V.). He then plopped down on its soft surface… and almost suffocated. The bed was too soft and unknown arms and legs were pulling him down into the surprisingly deep mattress. Ahh... The wonders of a fully automated massage bed. It's a bargain for only P3999.95 and if you order now, we'll throw in a Swedish masseuse free!
Keiichilocks: Can't… breath… must have… o… xy… gen… (wheeze)
Minutes of laborious struggle went on before Keiichilocks was able to disentangle himself from the willing, perverted bed. With one bed to go, he peered cautiously at the feminine, fuchsia, floral pattern mattress for any signs of abnormality. Finding none, Keiichilocks plopped down on its not too soft, not too hard surface and went into a deep sleep. He dreamt of following a rabbit and of falling down into a deep hole but let's not get into that.
Outside, the three poorly disguised bears were walking home from their supposedly short walk. They all wore tastefully color- coordinated costumes of furry bears with matching Mickey Mouse headbands, complete with nametags proudly declaring them to be Belldandy-bear, Skuld-bear and Urd- bear.
Skuld-bear: Gasp! Someone's been through my Skuld automated burglarproof door v1.6!
Urd-bear: (sarcastically) Gee, I wonder why?
Skuld-bear whips out a hi-tech looking remote control and pushed the single red button on its surface. A hidden door opens from the side of the mansion and out zips her clothesline, flapping her Astroboy undies in the cool morning breeze.
Skuld-bear: How'd that get there. Ahehehehe… ^-^;;
Belldandy-bear: Oh, I just washed them this morning.
Urd-Bear: Nice. (snicker!)
Blushing furiously, Skuld-bear whips out another hi-tech looking remote control and pushed the single red button on its surface. Multiple hidden doors opened from the surrounding foliage and huge, intimidating robots emerged.
Skuld-bear: Finally. Attack my faithful Anti-Urd Bots v4.8! Bahahahaha!!!
Urd-bear: That's bwahahahaha. (smirk)
Skuld-bear: Attttttaaaaaaaccckkkk!!!
The Anti-Urd Bots v4.8 rushed to do their master's bidding while Urd readies a lightning spell when Belldandy suddenly steps in front of the myriad of mechanical mayhem.
Belldandy-bear: No fighting now. Here, have a cookie. (
Urd-bear and Skuld-bear did simultaneous facefaults but the Anti-Urd Bots v4.8 happily accepted the 'bribe', er, peace offering and rolled off into the sunset with silly grins on their metallic faces, taking down a sizeable portion of the forest with them. Belldandy-bear waves after them. Turning around to face her sisters…
Belldandy-bear: Want a cookie?
Meanwhile, in the middle of the forest, the 'wolf's jaunty, springy steps could be heard as 'he' searched for the ever elusive red hood.
'Wolf': Whereforth art thou, my gorgeous little red Armani hood. Fling yourself into my arms, my fabulous piece of velvet. My closet awaits your stunning presence!
Back at the mansion, the three poorly disguised bears enter their home with trepidation. In single file, they crept around as quietly as a colony of rampaging ants. Upon entering the dining room, they noticed the state of their breakfast.
Skuld-bear: Someone's been eating my porridge and broke my Skuld automated spoon! Waaaaaaahhh!!!
Urd-bear: Someone's been *eating* my porridge too. Better look around for a dead body, this thing's inedible. Phew!
Belldandy-bear: Someone ate all my porridge. Hmm… wonder if they'd like to have a copy of my recipe.
Urd-bear and Skuld-bear sweatdrop.
Urd-bear: Riiight… We'd better search the rest of the house then.
At the same time outside their home, the 'wolf's parade brought him towards the back of their humble mansion where the open window gave testament to the symphony orchestra inside. Keiichilocks' snores were reverberating around the small room, causing massive damage to the structural integrity of the entire upper floor. The 'wolf' flashed his trademark gleeful evil smile, rubbed his hands together with practiced grace and gaily climbed up the open window.
Keiichilocks: (snore snore)
Meanwhile, back to the poorly disguised bears…A few more minutes of worried shuffling, subdued gasps and outright violence when they found themselves in several, different parts of the mansion. Using their formidable powers of observation, they noted the following:
Belldandy-bear: The slim, ergonomic chairs look okay.
Urd-bear: Hey! Someone's been fooling around with my gyrating mirror.
Skuld-bear: Someone broke my titanium-spiked wall too.
Belldandy-bear: Only the bedroom's left. Shall we go up?
As the trio of poorly disguised bears climbed the stairs, the 'wolf' almost floated with ecstasy upon reaching the bedroom. On the bed lay Keiichilocks with the fantabulous, red, velvet, Armani hood. Alas, before he could capitalize on the situation (in a PG-13 kind of way, I'm trying to keep my rating here- C.V.) the 'Wolf' noticed voices behind the door arguing:
Skuld-bear: …when my Anti-Urd Bots v4.9 get their hands on you…
Urd-bear: You mean the ones without arms? (snicker)
Skuld-bear: That was v3.5!!! (simmer, boil)
'He' quickly pounced on the unsuspecting Keiichilocks, snatched up and wore the desirable hood then rolled the snoring Keiichilocks into a nearby closet along with the incriminating basket o' goods. "He' then got under the covers and pretended to be asleep. Just in time too, for no sooner had he closed his eyes when the three poorly disguised bears burst into the room in a cloud of dust. Aghast, they took one look at the bed's occupant and exclaimed…
The Three Poorly Disguised Bears: Grandma?!?!?!
What will happen to the 'Wolf'? Will the Three Poorly Disguised Bears ever penetrate her disguise? Or will Keiichilocks remain in the closet 'til Spring-Cleaning? What about the basket of goodies Keiichilocks was supposed to give Grandma? Find out in the somewhat exciting conclusion of "Little Red Keiichilocks and the Three Poorly Disguised Bears" coming not so soon to a computer near you!
-to be continued-
Author's Notes: Well, here's the second part of the story. I'd appreciate it if you'd tell me any spelling or grammatical errors. I'm obsessive- compulsive ^-^;; Also, anyone know the name of Keiichi's two sempais? I know one of them's Tamiya. Dunno if it's the fat one or the thin one though. Any help will be appreciated ( Comments and suggestions welcome.
I've done some minor rewriting on both chapters, mainly because I forgot about the bag of goodies that Little Red Riding Hood was supposed to bring to Grandma. It's been a while since I've read Fairy Tales (this is a fairy tale, right?) I've added a few lines too. The previous version of this chapter was neither happy enough nor does it smack of random insanity. Anyhow, the third chapter will take some time to finish because real life is biting my ass.
Cherie Gil is a local actress who usually portrays the evil in-law or the evil ex or something to that effect. She's a master of such typical villainous moves like the drop dead eyebrow raise maneuver, the I'm rich you're not sneer and the head-to-toe degrading shrink ray glance. You can tell that I like her- she's cool. Hehehe ^-^
Part 2
By Count Vaniy (vbani@yahoo.com)
Disclaimer: Me no own, no make money, you no sue okay?
Fueled by envy, the green-eyed monster that was Super Bishoujo-Locks raced after the Pied Piperess and her frolicking herd. She quickly caught up with the prancing posse and with one mighty leap that was faster than a speeding bullet, Super Bishoujo-Locks jumped over the captivated crowd and landed smack dab beside Even More Super Bishoujo Pied Piperess.
Super Bishoujo-Locks: You're, like, so totally gonna pay for that.
In quick succession, she unleashed the fury within. Starting with the lip gloss toss maneuver followed by the foundation combo #2 and finished off with her non-famous super mascara smash coupled with the blush on blast. The Pied Piperess was helpless against the cosmetic onslaught. She pleaded in a voice sexier than Penelope Pitstop's:
Pied Piperess: Help! Somebody save me!
The Pokemons of horniness tried to help but were repelled by Super Bishoujo-Locks battle aura. Sensing their impotence, Super Bishoujo-Locks went to new heights of violence par excellence. After a few minutes of uninterrupted cosmetic combos, something shiny and silky smooth slid off Pied Piperess' head. Gasp! The Pied Piperess was really bald! Though, I must say, the wig is simply gorgeous.
Super Bishoujo-Locks: (ala Cherie Gil) You're nothing but a second rate, trying hard, copycat! [Splash!]
Crushed and ridiculed, Pied Piperess slunk off into the sunset, followed by her still loyal horde of now non-salivating Pokemons. They've apparently forgotten about momentary pleasures and wanted her to be their trainer. On the other hand, Super Bishoujo-Locks couldn't believe her eyes. The Pokemons formerly known as horny still chose a bald impostor over her? How could they? Was her hair not perfect? Her figure just sublime? Crushed and dejected, Super Bishoujo-Locks slunk off into the dining room to drown her sorrows in someone else's porridge- Belldandy's porridge to be exact.
And what porridge it was. It tastes sweet but not overpoweringly so. So mild and soothing it reminds one of flowers blossoming during spring. It is as if bouquets of wild flowers are blossoming in one's mouth. The taste is gentle yet a perfect blend of all the ingredients, transporting one to heaven. Ah! What bliss (think Cooking Master Boy- C.V.).
With every spoonful, Super Bishoujo-Locks felt better and better but strangely manlier and manlier too. Luckily, a gyrating mirror gyrated by and she gyrated along to better see her reflection. Oh horror of horrors, her perky chest deflated right before her very eyes. Her scintillating figure suddenly seemed ordinary too. Darn, she had turned back into Keiichilocks.
Keiichilocks: Suddenly, I feel so tired. And, holy crap, do I have makeup on?
After wiping off the horrible horrible make-up, Keiichilocks trudged up the stairs and found himself in the sleeping quarters. The room had three beds in it and being as harassed as he was, he placed the basket on a conveniently located table and crashed into the bed nearest him -which just happens to be engraved with the name Skuld. And promptly felt all his bones crumble. The bed was really really hard due to the fact that it was another technological marvel made by Skuld Enterprises ™. The literally spineless Keiichilocks then inched his way to the next to nearest bed and having learned his lesson, felt the mattress first. Ah, yes. Soft as a baby's ass (don't ask– C.V.). He then plopped down on its soft surface… and almost suffocated. The bed was too soft and unknown arms and legs were pulling him down into the surprisingly deep mattress. Ahh... The wonders of a fully automated massage bed. It's a bargain for only P3999.95 and if you order now, we'll throw in a Swedish masseuse free!
Keiichilocks: Can't… breath… must have… o… xy… gen… (wheeze)
Minutes of laborious struggle went on before Keiichilocks was able to disentangle himself from the willing, perverted bed. With one bed to go, he peered cautiously at the feminine, fuchsia, floral pattern mattress for any signs of abnormality. Finding none, Keiichilocks plopped down on its not too soft, not too hard surface and went into a deep sleep. He dreamt of following a rabbit and of falling down into a deep hole but let's not get into that.
Outside, the three poorly disguised bears were walking home from their supposedly short walk. They all wore tastefully color- coordinated costumes of furry bears with matching Mickey Mouse headbands, complete with nametags proudly declaring them to be Belldandy-bear, Skuld-bear and Urd- bear.
Skuld-bear: Gasp! Someone's been through my Skuld automated burglarproof door v1.6!
Urd-bear: (sarcastically) Gee, I wonder why?
Skuld-bear whips out a hi-tech looking remote control and pushed the single red button on its surface. A hidden door opens from the side of the mansion and out zips her clothesline, flapping her Astroboy undies in the cool morning breeze.
Skuld-bear: How'd that get there. Ahehehehe… ^-^;;
Belldandy-bear: Oh, I just washed them this morning.
Urd-Bear: Nice. (snicker!)
Blushing furiously, Skuld-bear whips out another hi-tech looking remote control and pushed the single red button on its surface. Multiple hidden doors opened from the surrounding foliage and huge, intimidating robots emerged.
Skuld-bear: Finally. Attack my faithful Anti-Urd Bots v4.8! Bahahahaha!!!
Urd-bear: That's bwahahahaha. (smirk)
Skuld-bear: Attttttaaaaaaaccckkkk!!!
The Anti-Urd Bots v4.8 rushed to do their master's bidding while Urd readies a lightning spell when Belldandy suddenly steps in front of the myriad of mechanical mayhem.
Belldandy-bear: No fighting now. Here, have a cookie. (
Urd-bear and Skuld-bear did simultaneous facefaults but the Anti-Urd Bots v4.8 happily accepted the 'bribe', er, peace offering and rolled off into the sunset with silly grins on their metallic faces, taking down a sizeable portion of the forest with them. Belldandy-bear waves after them. Turning around to face her sisters…
Belldandy-bear: Want a cookie?
Meanwhile, in the middle of the forest, the 'wolf's jaunty, springy steps could be heard as 'he' searched for the ever elusive red hood.
'Wolf': Whereforth art thou, my gorgeous little red Armani hood. Fling yourself into my arms, my fabulous piece of velvet. My closet awaits your stunning presence!
Back at the mansion, the three poorly disguised bears enter their home with trepidation. In single file, they crept around as quietly as a colony of rampaging ants. Upon entering the dining room, they noticed the state of their breakfast.
Skuld-bear: Someone's been eating my porridge and broke my Skuld automated spoon! Waaaaaaahhh!!!
Urd-bear: Someone's been *eating* my porridge too. Better look around for a dead body, this thing's inedible. Phew!
Belldandy-bear: Someone ate all my porridge. Hmm… wonder if they'd like to have a copy of my recipe.
Urd-bear and Skuld-bear sweatdrop.
Urd-bear: Riiight… We'd better search the rest of the house then.
At the same time outside their home, the 'wolf's parade brought him towards the back of their humble mansion where the open window gave testament to the symphony orchestra inside. Keiichilocks' snores were reverberating around the small room, causing massive damage to the structural integrity of the entire upper floor. The 'wolf' flashed his trademark gleeful evil smile, rubbed his hands together with practiced grace and gaily climbed up the open window.
Keiichilocks: (snore snore)
Meanwhile, back to the poorly disguised bears…A few more minutes of worried shuffling, subdued gasps and outright violence when they found themselves in several, different parts of the mansion. Using their formidable powers of observation, they noted the following:
Belldandy-bear: The slim, ergonomic chairs look okay.
Urd-bear: Hey! Someone's been fooling around with my gyrating mirror.
Skuld-bear: Someone broke my titanium-spiked wall too.
Belldandy-bear: Only the bedroom's left. Shall we go up?
As the trio of poorly disguised bears climbed the stairs, the 'wolf' almost floated with ecstasy upon reaching the bedroom. On the bed lay Keiichilocks with the fantabulous, red, velvet, Armani hood. Alas, before he could capitalize on the situation (in a PG-13 kind of way, I'm trying to keep my rating here- C.V.) the 'Wolf' noticed voices behind the door arguing:
Skuld-bear: …when my Anti-Urd Bots v4.9 get their hands on you…
Urd-bear: You mean the ones without arms? (snicker)
Skuld-bear: That was v3.5!!! (simmer, boil)
'He' quickly pounced on the unsuspecting Keiichilocks, snatched up and wore the desirable hood then rolled the snoring Keiichilocks into a nearby closet along with the incriminating basket o' goods. "He' then got under the covers and pretended to be asleep. Just in time too, for no sooner had he closed his eyes when the three poorly disguised bears burst into the room in a cloud of dust. Aghast, they took one look at the bed's occupant and exclaimed…
The Three Poorly Disguised Bears: Grandma?!?!?!
What will happen to the 'Wolf'? Will the Three Poorly Disguised Bears ever penetrate her disguise? Or will Keiichilocks remain in the closet 'til Spring-Cleaning? What about the basket of goodies Keiichilocks was supposed to give Grandma? Find out in the somewhat exciting conclusion of "Little Red Keiichilocks and the Three Poorly Disguised Bears" coming not so soon to a computer near you!
-to be continued-
Author's Notes: Well, here's the second part of the story. I'd appreciate it if you'd tell me any spelling or grammatical errors. I'm obsessive- compulsive ^-^;; Also, anyone know the name of Keiichi's two sempais? I know one of them's Tamiya. Dunno if it's the fat one or the thin one though. Any help will be appreciated ( Comments and suggestions welcome.
I've done some minor rewriting on both chapters, mainly because I forgot about the bag of goodies that Little Red Riding Hood was supposed to bring to Grandma. It's been a while since I've read Fairy Tales (this is a fairy tale, right?) I've added a few lines too. The previous version of this chapter was neither happy enough nor does it smack of random insanity. Anyhow, the third chapter will take some time to finish because real life is biting my ass.
Cherie Gil is a local actress who usually portrays the evil in-law or the evil ex or something to that effect. She's a master of such typical villainous moves like the drop dead eyebrow raise maneuver, the I'm rich you're not sneer and the head-to-toe degrading shrink ray glance. You can tell that I like her- she's cool. Hehehe ^-^