Title: A Day In The Life of… White House Communications Director
Disclaimer: *So* not mine ::sigh::
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Season 4, through 'Life On Mars' with some slight spoilers for 'Commencement'
Feedback: Sure, send it my way :-)
Thanks: To Sharon and Lisa for their help with this.
Part 4/8
**
What is Will trying to do to me? Why does he insist on arguing the point on everything we do? He's wasting time writing speeches that are full of idealism, speeches that won't be taken seriously. I give him a clear specification, boundaries and parameters within which to write, but he ignores them and writes according to what he *believes* in. What gets to me though is that I want to be able to do that. I want to be able to push the boat out once in a while and not consider the long-term ramifications for the Administration. Will doesn't give up, I know that; he tried to elect a dead Congressman in the California 47th and, what's more, he did.
I wish I could do everything that I want to do, make the World a better place for my children. I can't even get things right on my own doorstep though, so how can I really change anything? I'm involved in key decisions every day; I help run a Superpower nation, but still…I can't even persuade the woman I love, the woman who is soon to give birth to my children, I can't even persuade her to marry me again. My life has always revolved around my work; it's always been my first love, until now. I realize what I lost when I lost Andrea and I want it back, I want a family. My own family, the one in which I grew up, could be considered highly dysfunctional. My father was a frequent murder witness, a member of Murder Inc., so dysfunctional is not nearly a strong enough word, but if I start with all the words I could use, I would never stop.
My children are not going to grow up in that sort of environment, I won't allow it. I want them to *want* to know their father, not to try to hide the truth about him, cut him off for years like I did; that would kill me. However, I'm not sure that I can make things any different. Will they want to know me? Will they be proud of me or will they, in later life, decide that I'm not a man they want to spend time with? I feel as though I am already letting them down by not marrying their mother.
I have proposed in every way I can think of, within reason for a person in my position, but Andrea has refused every time. At first, I thought she was being stubborn, that she was still looking for a fight and wasn't prepared to 'give in' and marry me to appear more respectable. As time has progressed though, I am becoming less convinced that the reason lies in the world of politics and more convinced that it lies with me, that I'm not what she wants.
Discussion with Josh has led me to make a 'last ditch' attempt, a bold romantic gesture to prove to Andrea that I am serious and that I want to put her and the children first. Josh thinks that she wants to be chased, that she wants to be made to feel attractive even though she's the size of a house. House…it's strange I should compare her to that because that is going to be my gesture; I'm buying a house for us to live in, as a family.
I thought Josh was crazy at first and I seriously doubted my sanity for even discussing the issue with him; what does he know about getting women to marry you? I questioned him about his own 'bold romantic gestures' and he just shrugged, but there was a wistful smile on his face. I then remembered the night of the Inauguration and our visit to Donna's apartment building; it was Josh's attempt at romance, albeit without him actually admitting he was trying to 'win the girl'.
Oh, people think I don't notice these things, but I do. Why do you think I went to Donna's apartment with him? Of course, I wanted to make sure the 'rabble' weren't going to do anything stupid that could cause bad press, but mainly it was to give Josh some moral support. I knew how devastated he was when he was told Donna was behind that quote. Until CJ said Donna had called, Josh refused to believe it was her. I actually didn't believe it myself, but Josh was adamant it wouldn't have been her. When CJ gave him the final piece of information, that Donna had called to confess, he looked as though someone had ripped his heart out and used it as a baseball.
I have known for a while that Josh has strong feelings for Donna; I probably knew before he did, or at least before he actually openly admitted them to himself. My knowledge was the main reason I was surprised when he became 'ensorcelled' by Amy; how could he want to date her when Donna was right in front of him?
His relationship with Amy is something that I don't like thinking about, they were plainly wrong for each other. Josh wore himself out trying to keep their relationship together and still focus on work; the usual 'bundles of energy' Josh would never have let Amy know about the Welfare Bill in time for her to try to sink it. I know the President reamed him out for that and he deserved it to a certain extent; he will never make that mistake again. From what I heard about the incident though, the President went too far. He blamed Josh for things other than the Bill, things that were way beyond Josh's control, and other things that Leo had signed off on; the President was blowing off steam and Josh accepted it because he had no choice, he couldn't argue with the President. However, he also accepted it because he blamed himself too. He knew he had told Amy things he shouldn't have, that he had let himself be blindsided by her because he was trying to make their relationship into something it should be – open and honest where you don't have to keep secrets; he just didn't realize that he would never have that with Amy.
He's beginning to let his personal life get in the way of his job again, or rather his personal *feelings* since he hasn't actually acted on them yet. He's not fully concentrating on his work because he's thinking about Donna, about how to tell her how he feels; I know he's finding it more difficult to hide his feelings and he wants to tell her in a certain way, not just let something slip during one of their normal, every day banter sessions. Due to this, he's spending time thinking about how to keep his emotions under control and that's affecting his work. It's not at a point where it has an adverse effect on the Administration, but it is heading that way and I can sense that I am soon going to have to intervene.
I really thought he would do something after Donna and Jack split up, or should I say 'Commander Wonderful' as Josh has taken to calling him. When he was re-assigned, Donna was pissed, but she got over it fairly quickly. It was Josh's reaction to her dating Jack that told me he knew his own feelings now; it was made abundantly clear the night the quote came out, when Josh, CJ and I were in a bar and Josh kept muttering that Donna was supposed to be joining us. I told him to shut up and leave her in peace to spend her last night with Jack; Josh didn't take that too kindly. All through Donna and Jack's relationship I found it amusing to ask Josh about them; it was an easy way to shut him up when he was annoying me. That night in the bar though, I knew I couldn't do that any longer, I knew it was hurting Josh that Donna was upset about Jack leaving because it meant that Donna did actually care about the guy.
For her part, I don't think Donna cared for Jack as much as Josh thinks she did; I think she kept a part of herself back from him, the part she keeps for Josh. Whether she's conscious of that fact or not, I'm not sure, but I know she loves Josh, she has for a long time. I have been with Donna in some of the toughest times and she's always impressed me with her strength, her ability to sense what needs done and to just do it, no questions asked. When I told her about Josh being shot, she was stunned into silence and I didn't think she'd cope, but she soon snapped back to 'normal' and started asking what need to be done around the office; she didn't want to let Josh down, or the Administration. Once Josh was released from hospital, she implemented rules that restricted visitors, length of visits, etc. It amazed me that she could hold her own with us, but she put up with Josh's constant complaints of boredom, so I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised that she could ignore us as well.
When I told Donna that the President had MS, she amazed me again. She took it so calmly and merely asked if he was in any pain; I wished I had taken it so well. Josh was not happy that I had pre-empted him by telling Donna myself, but I meant what I said to him; he hadn't told her and I didn't think he would, at least not the way he wanted to. There was no way of sugar-coating it, of softening the blow, you just had to give the news and move on; Josh isn't able to do that where Donna is concerned. He worries when he has to give her bad news, worries that she will be angry, hurt, upset or, worse, disappointed with him. He wants to protect her whenever possible and he hates it when he can't; he feels he's letting her down in some way.
Despite my hatred of it, I am sorely tempted to play matchmaker for Josh and Donna. As I said, it's beginning to affect Josh's work and I can't allow that to happen. I also don't like seeing them both trying to hide their feelings when there is no need. Josh is going round playing cupid for everyone else – myself and Andrea, Charlie and Zoey and apparently he's been encouraging Sam to ask someone out as well – I would rather Josh concentrated on his own love life, or lack of one and leave the rest of us alone.
I suppose I'm something of a hypocrite by saying that, given that I actually asked Josh for advice; however, I am now at a stage where I can't do anything else. If the house doesn't work, I have no back-up plan, it will be over; I can't bear to think of that though. I'm scared of how I will adjust to having children, being a father, but I am even more scared of being a part-time father, not being around them every day to watch them grow up, relying on information from Andrea on when they take their first steps, when they grow their first tooth.
Will is really annoying me now. He keeps asking me if the President has asked for help writing his speech for Zoey's Commencement. I tell him the same thing every time - no, he hasn't. It doesn't stop Will going on about it though, oh no, he keeps harping; yet another thing he has in common with Sam. I think he expects me to ask the President if he needs help; I'm not going to do that. For one thing, I have enough work of my own to do without getting involved in that and, for another thing, I know that it's one speech that will never be 'nailed'. No matter how good it is, the President will want to change it, right up until the last second. Even if he says he's happy with it, he won't be and he'll get up on the dais and change something. It infuriates me when he does that, so I'm not going near it. If Will wants to brave that lion's den, he can, but I don't want to be involved. For some reason, Will seems to think my annoyance stems from my problems with Andrea, rather than him. He's about to find out that it's most definitely him. Time to go and remind him about the fact that he fell for the assistant's prank.
**
The End
Next up… a certain member of the White House Press Corps ;-)