Disclaimer: I don't own nothin'
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A/N: Today's random winner is Digital Jessie!
((The scene is a studio in Nosgoth. This studio just happens to be a live show called Jerry Springer. Magnus and Kain are present and sitting down on stage as the show is about them. Jerry Springer has an audience in the background; one of the audience members in Janos)
Jerry Springer: So Mr. Kain, why are you here?
Kain: Why? Why?? (points to Magnus) Because this #$*&, ^&*%, $#@* ate my son!
Audience: Boo!!
Magnus: MAGNUS DID NOT!
Kain: Yes you did you &%$#, %$*&, %$#$%!!
Magnus: OH YEAH! WELL COME AND SAY THAT TO MAGNUS' FACE YOU *&$#!!
Kain: Oh yeah! Well, go %$*& $#%^ $%^% **&^&*!!
Jerry Springer: Ok, calm down people!
Kain: Well that %$&*&* ate my son!
Janos (in the audience) Make love, not war!
Magnus: I DIDN'T EAT YOUR SON!
Kain: We-oh yeah, you DIDN'T eat my son. I tried to force-feed you Razzyboy but you wouldn't eat him. Then why am I here? Oh yeah. Magnus thinks I'm a slutty princess!
Janos: Slutty! Slutty! Slutty!
Audience: SLUTTY! SLUTTY! SLUTTY! SLUTTY!
Kain: No!! You're supposed to hate Magnus!! I'll kill you *&^%, $^%&%, %$^&%!!
Magnus: WELL KAIN KINDA LOOKS LIKE A SLUT!
Kain: I'll &^%$#^ kill you!!
(then Kain lunged at Magnus, but the guard, who is Dark-Sephy, zaps Kain with a tazer)
Janos: You can do it! Zap Kain with the tazer!
Jerry Springer: Okay, everyone calm down. Now Magnus, I think you've really pissed Kain off.
Magnus: BUT KAIN DOES LOOK LIKE A SLUT!
Kain: %^&%$#, $#^&*%, ^*&&%^, #%&& you Magnus!
(then Jerry grabs hold of Kain)
Jerry: Shh! Shh! Everything's okay Kain. Sit down, everything will be okay.
Janos: Kain's a freak!
Audience: KAIN'S A FREAK! KAIN'S A FREAK! KAIN'S A FREAK! KAIN'S A FREAK!
Janos: These audience members are so easy.
Jerry: Well Kain, we've got a special guest for you. Come on out Raziel!
(so Raziel walks on out)
Raziel: (to Kain) Why'd you try to force-feed me to Magnus?
Kain: Because you're so annoying that I'd rather have a splinter stuck up my ass.
Janos: Kain likes sticking sharp stuff up his ass!
Audience: Boo! Raziel: So you don't like me?
Kain: Let me put it this way. If you, me, and Magnus were the only vampires left in Nosgoth, I'd be trying to start a family with Magnus instead.
Raziel: (cries out loud)
Audience: Boo!
(then Dark-Sephy zaps Kain for fun. A large mosh-pit is started. Magnus takes this time to flee and post the next chapter of his fanfic)
{[ Magnus' Fanfic Begins]}
Dissclamer: Magnus no owwn LoK or eets caracters
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((The sceen is insiid Wal-Mart wher Raziel and Dumah, no longer in ther Panty-Hose Head Ranger costooms, ar shaking, scare'd)
Raziel: Hey! Wat happen'd to our costooms?
Dumah: I kno wat happen'd!
Raziel: Wat?
Dumah: Wel, when I was 5, I stuck a snow cone up my nose and when I was 26 I hit my hed on a rock. Ther ya go!
Raziel: But that does'nt anser anything!!
Dumah: Oh yeh. Then I gess that was a pretty crapy excuse.
(now the sceen shifts over to Mobeus, who was rite in front of them)
Moebius: Imbeciles!! Mwahahahahahahahahahaha!! I shal transform into my uber-vilian form!
(then, all of a suden, Mobeus' hands grew large liik they wer being inflaated by heleum)
Moebius: Come, Hands of Doom!
(then Mobeus' hands grew eeven larger til they wer about the siiz of Raziel and Dumah. Raziel and Dumah shiver'd in feer)
Moebius: Haha! I am Big Hands McMoebius!
(Big Hands McMoebius was just about to anal-time-streamer-slap Raziel and Dumah wen a yelow blur sped past Raziel and Dumah and Big Hands McMoebius' hands got block'd by...Ducky Man's Duckymune! The Duckymune was a powerful Duck-sord)
Moebius: Curses!
Turel: Holy crap in a shingle! Eet's Big Hands McMoebius!
Dumah: Whos he?
Turel: An eevil Scotish time-streamer!
Raziel: Oh no, Im reely scared!! Wat shal we do!?
Turel: Do'nt worry! Iv'e got us cover'd!
Moebius: No one can withstand my anal-time-streamer-slap atack!
Turel: Oh yeh? Ducky Summon!!
(then everywon disapeared except Big Hands McMoebius and then a huge asss rubber duck apears and quacs then Turel, Raziel, and Dumah re-apears)
Turel: Ducky my loyal servent, lets defete Big Hands McMoebius!
Moebius: Oh yeh Ducky Man-chan! Wel, Il'l slap yoo with my huge asss hands AND Il'l thro my balls at yoo!
Dumah: Oka-y.
(then Big Hands McMoebius puled out 5 half-white half-black balls)
Raziel: Im so glad Kain was'nt heer to hear that.
Turel: Oh yeh? Wel my Ducky Summon wil cast a Quacktima spel!
Moebius: Oh yeh? Wel my Big Handy Balls wil captur yoor Ducky and eet yoo!
Turel: Oh yeh? Wel my Ducky Summon wil cast Thunquacka and shock yoo!
Moebius: Oh yeh? Wel my Big Handy Balls wil taak away half yoor HP, SP, MP, and QDHSJDJP! Il'l use my Big Handy Balls to summon Middle-Fingerkachu!
Raziel (to Dumah): Wat the hell is goin on?
Dumah (to Raziel): I do'nt kno.
Turel: Atack Ducky Summon!
Moebius: Atack Middle-Fingerkachu!
(so Big Hands McMoebius threw one of hees Big Handy Balls and it exploded, reveeling some weird creeture and the words "Middle-Fingerkachu" apeared under eet)
Dumah: Hey, eet looks liik Middle-Fingerkachu is giving me the finger!
(so then Ducky Summon fel on Middle-Fingerkachu and they both turn'd gray, signifying they wer kill'd. Ducky Man and Big Hands McMoebius' faces wer zooomed up on with blue streaks of air apearing behind them)
Turel: No! Not Ducky Summon!
Moebius: No! Not Middle-Fingerkachu!!
Raziel: (to Dumah) Ar we supposed to be sad here or wat?
Dumah: (to Raziel) I do'nt kno. I haav no clue wat the hell's going on.
Turel: Yoo wil pay! (then Ducky Man equipped the Duckymune and ran and sliced Big Hands McMoebius 16 tiims, but he slash'd so quickly that it only look'd liik 1 tiim)
Raziel: Wow! How many tiims did yoo hit him!
Turel: Only 16.
Raziel: 16! I only counted 9!
Dumah: I only count'd 1.
Raziel: Thats cause yoo ca'nt count.
(but Big Hands McMoebius was'nt dead yet. He stoood back up)
Moebius: Yoo shal pay! Il'l summon one of my beter Big Handy Balls! I wil summon...Freezer!!
(then some cat-lookin thing came up and turn'd into a freezer)
Turel: O no!! Eet's Freezer!
Raziel: I stil haav no clue wat the crap's going on.
Turel: I shal fight yoo Freezer!
(Ducky Man point'd the Duckymune at Freezer then he ran over to Freezer, wich an inanimate object, and after a long hard battle, Ducky Man was victorius with only 3 HP left)
Turel: Phew, Freezer almost kill'd me.
Raziel: Yay! Now we can continu our quest for milk and coookies!
Turel: Wher's Big Hands McMoebius?
(it turns out that whiil Ducky Man was fightin Freezer, Big Hands McMoebius ran away with al the coookies and milk!)
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Magnus left another clifhanger! Wil Raziel, Dumah, and Ducky Man ever defete Big Hands McMoebius? Fiind out on the chapter after next!!
{[ Magnus' Fanfic ends ]}
((the next day, Magnus returns and finds 4 new reviews!))
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Red_Head (aka Pyramid Head) SIGNED
"You have a terrific fic here! I will now go see if I can find Big Hands McMoebius and cut his sorry ass up with my Mighty Stick!"
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Pikachu (aka Pikachu) Anonymous
"PIKACHU!! Pikachu pikachu pikachu pikachu!! Pikachu pikachu!"
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Meat_Meat_Meat_Vegetable (aka The Magnus Inquisition) SIGNED
"We, the Magnus Inquisition, has given this fic the Seal of Meat Approvement! We are proud to know such a noble Magnus! Meat! Meat! Meat! Vegetable!"
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Streamer (aka Moebius) SIGNED
"Hey hey hey, you know what they say about guys with big hands..."
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(then Magnus decided to block Moebius from reviewing cause Moebius' review was just...gross)
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Hey, I updated again in under a month! I'm so proud of myself. I was just gonna update Soul Reaver 3 now, but even though I knew how the middle and end of the story would go, I didn't and still don't know how to start the damn chapter, can't think of anything really funny. So I updated this. In the next chapter, Magnus and the others meet Janos, who tells them how to achieve their goal. But first they must successfully perform and incredibly stupid challenge (you know, like on some of those stupid reality TV shows) and you readers, of course, get to choose! Heh, I pissed off Pikachu, stupid Pokemon (no offense if anyone actually likes the show). Well, I hope to update soon and get inspired for my SR3!
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A/N: Today's random winner is Digital Jessie!
((The scene is a studio in Nosgoth. This studio just happens to be a live show called Jerry Springer. Magnus and Kain are present and sitting down on stage as the show is about them. Jerry Springer has an audience in the background; one of the audience members in Janos)
Jerry Springer: So Mr. Kain, why are you here?
Kain: Why? Why?? (points to Magnus) Because this #$*&, ^&*%, $#@* ate my son!
Audience: Boo!!
Magnus: MAGNUS DID NOT!
Kain: Yes you did you &%$#, %$*&, %$#$%!!
Magnus: OH YEAH! WELL COME AND SAY THAT TO MAGNUS' FACE YOU *&$#!!
Kain: Oh yeah! Well, go %$*& $#%^ $%^% **&^&*!!
Jerry Springer: Ok, calm down people!
Kain: Well that %$&*&* ate my son!
Janos (in the audience) Make love, not war!
Magnus: I DIDN'T EAT YOUR SON!
Kain: We-oh yeah, you DIDN'T eat my son. I tried to force-feed you Razzyboy but you wouldn't eat him. Then why am I here? Oh yeah. Magnus thinks I'm a slutty princess!
Janos: Slutty! Slutty! Slutty!
Audience: SLUTTY! SLUTTY! SLUTTY! SLUTTY!
Kain: No!! You're supposed to hate Magnus!! I'll kill you *&^%, $^%&%, %$^&%!!
Magnus: WELL KAIN KINDA LOOKS LIKE A SLUT!
Kain: I'll &^%$#^ kill you!!
(then Kain lunged at Magnus, but the guard, who is Dark-Sephy, zaps Kain with a tazer)
Janos: You can do it! Zap Kain with the tazer!
Jerry Springer: Okay, everyone calm down. Now Magnus, I think you've really pissed Kain off.
Magnus: BUT KAIN DOES LOOK LIKE A SLUT!
Kain: %^&%$#, $#^&*%, ^*&&%^, #%&& you Magnus!
(then Jerry grabs hold of Kain)
Jerry: Shh! Shh! Everything's okay Kain. Sit down, everything will be okay.
Janos: Kain's a freak!
Audience: KAIN'S A FREAK! KAIN'S A FREAK! KAIN'S A FREAK! KAIN'S A FREAK!
Janos: These audience members are so easy.
Jerry: Well Kain, we've got a special guest for you. Come on out Raziel!
(so Raziel walks on out)
Raziel: (to Kain) Why'd you try to force-feed me to Magnus?
Kain: Because you're so annoying that I'd rather have a splinter stuck up my ass.
Janos: Kain likes sticking sharp stuff up his ass!
Audience: Boo! Raziel: So you don't like me?
Kain: Let me put it this way. If you, me, and Magnus were the only vampires left in Nosgoth, I'd be trying to start a family with Magnus instead.
Raziel: (cries out loud)
Audience: Boo!
(then Dark-Sephy zaps Kain for fun. A large mosh-pit is started. Magnus takes this time to flee and post the next chapter of his fanfic)
{[ Magnus' Fanfic Begins]}
Dissclamer: Magnus no owwn LoK or eets caracters
______________________________________________________________
((The sceen is insiid Wal-Mart wher Raziel and Dumah, no longer in ther Panty-Hose Head Ranger costooms, ar shaking, scare'd)
Raziel: Hey! Wat happen'd to our costooms?
Dumah: I kno wat happen'd!
Raziel: Wat?
Dumah: Wel, when I was 5, I stuck a snow cone up my nose and when I was 26 I hit my hed on a rock. Ther ya go!
Raziel: But that does'nt anser anything!!
Dumah: Oh yeh. Then I gess that was a pretty crapy excuse.
(now the sceen shifts over to Mobeus, who was rite in front of them)
Moebius: Imbeciles!! Mwahahahahahahahahahaha!! I shal transform into my uber-vilian form!
(then, all of a suden, Mobeus' hands grew large liik they wer being inflaated by heleum)
Moebius: Come, Hands of Doom!
(then Mobeus' hands grew eeven larger til they wer about the siiz of Raziel and Dumah. Raziel and Dumah shiver'd in feer)
Moebius: Haha! I am Big Hands McMoebius!
(Big Hands McMoebius was just about to anal-time-streamer-slap Raziel and Dumah wen a yelow blur sped past Raziel and Dumah and Big Hands McMoebius' hands got block'd by...Ducky Man's Duckymune! The Duckymune was a powerful Duck-sord)
Moebius: Curses!
Turel: Holy crap in a shingle! Eet's Big Hands McMoebius!
Dumah: Whos he?
Turel: An eevil Scotish time-streamer!
Raziel: Oh no, Im reely scared!! Wat shal we do!?
Turel: Do'nt worry! Iv'e got us cover'd!
Moebius: No one can withstand my anal-time-streamer-slap atack!
Turel: Oh yeh? Ducky Summon!!
(then everywon disapeared except Big Hands McMoebius and then a huge asss rubber duck apears and quacs then Turel, Raziel, and Dumah re-apears)
Turel: Ducky my loyal servent, lets defete Big Hands McMoebius!
Moebius: Oh yeh Ducky Man-chan! Wel, Il'l slap yoo with my huge asss hands AND Il'l thro my balls at yoo!
Dumah: Oka-y.
(then Big Hands McMoebius puled out 5 half-white half-black balls)
Raziel: Im so glad Kain was'nt heer to hear that.
Turel: Oh yeh? Wel my Ducky Summon wil cast a Quacktima spel!
Moebius: Oh yeh? Wel my Big Handy Balls wil captur yoor Ducky and eet yoo!
Turel: Oh yeh? Wel my Ducky Summon wil cast Thunquacka and shock yoo!
Moebius: Oh yeh? Wel my Big Handy Balls wil taak away half yoor HP, SP, MP, and QDHSJDJP! Il'l use my Big Handy Balls to summon Middle-Fingerkachu!
Raziel (to Dumah): Wat the hell is goin on?
Dumah (to Raziel): I do'nt kno.
Turel: Atack Ducky Summon!
Moebius: Atack Middle-Fingerkachu!
(so Big Hands McMoebius threw one of hees Big Handy Balls and it exploded, reveeling some weird creeture and the words "Middle-Fingerkachu" apeared under eet)
Dumah: Hey, eet looks liik Middle-Fingerkachu is giving me the finger!
(so then Ducky Summon fel on Middle-Fingerkachu and they both turn'd gray, signifying they wer kill'd. Ducky Man and Big Hands McMoebius' faces wer zooomed up on with blue streaks of air apearing behind them)
Turel: No! Not Ducky Summon!
Moebius: No! Not Middle-Fingerkachu!!
Raziel: (to Dumah) Ar we supposed to be sad here or wat?
Dumah: (to Raziel) I do'nt kno. I haav no clue wat the hell's going on.
Turel: Yoo wil pay! (then Ducky Man equipped the Duckymune and ran and sliced Big Hands McMoebius 16 tiims, but he slash'd so quickly that it only look'd liik 1 tiim)
Raziel: Wow! How many tiims did yoo hit him!
Turel: Only 16.
Raziel: 16! I only counted 9!
Dumah: I only count'd 1.
Raziel: Thats cause yoo ca'nt count.
(but Big Hands McMoebius was'nt dead yet. He stoood back up)
Moebius: Yoo shal pay! Il'l summon one of my beter Big Handy Balls! I wil summon...Freezer!!
(then some cat-lookin thing came up and turn'd into a freezer)
Turel: O no!! Eet's Freezer!
Raziel: I stil haav no clue wat the crap's going on.
Turel: I shal fight yoo Freezer!
(Ducky Man point'd the Duckymune at Freezer then he ran over to Freezer, wich an inanimate object, and after a long hard battle, Ducky Man was victorius with only 3 HP left)
Turel: Phew, Freezer almost kill'd me.
Raziel: Yay! Now we can continu our quest for milk and coookies!
Turel: Wher's Big Hands McMoebius?
(it turns out that whiil Ducky Man was fightin Freezer, Big Hands McMoebius ran away with al the coookies and milk!)
______________________________________________________________________
Magnus left another clifhanger! Wil Raziel, Dumah, and Ducky Man ever defete Big Hands McMoebius? Fiind out on the chapter after next!!
{[ Magnus' Fanfic ends ]}
((the next day, Magnus returns and finds 4 new reviews!))
-----------------
Red_Head (aka Pyramid Head) SIGNED
"You have a terrific fic here! I will now go see if I can find Big Hands McMoebius and cut his sorry ass up with my Mighty Stick!"
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Pikachu (aka Pikachu) Anonymous
"PIKACHU!! Pikachu pikachu pikachu pikachu!! Pikachu pikachu!"
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Meat_Meat_Meat_Vegetable (aka The Magnus Inquisition) SIGNED
"We, the Magnus Inquisition, has given this fic the Seal of Meat Approvement! We are proud to know such a noble Magnus! Meat! Meat! Meat! Vegetable!"
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-----------------
Streamer (aka Moebius) SIGNED
"Hey hey hey, you know what they say about guys with big hands..."
----------------
(then Magnus decided to block Moebius from reviewing cause Moebius' review was just...gross)
_______________________________________________________________________
Hey, I updated again in under a month! I'm so proud of myself. I was just gonna update Soul Reaver 3 now, but even though I knew how the middle and end of the story would go, I didn't and still don't know how to start the damn chapter, can't think of anything really funny. So I updated this. In the next chapter, Magnus and the others meet Janos, who tells them how to achieve their goal. But first they must successfully perform and incredibly stupid challenge (you know, like on some of those stupid reality TV shows) and you readers, of course, get to choose! Heh, I pissed off Pikachu, stupid Pokemon (no offense if anyone actually likes the show). Well, I hope to update soon and get inspired for my SR3!