DISCLAIMER - I do not own Seinfeld or any other characters. This story is totally fictional and does not express the views of NBC or Jerry Seinfeld.
This chapter is stupid but I am going to try to keep up with my pattern. It will catch on. Most of the dialouge from this is from a skit Kevin Smith did on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. I will leave an address at the bottom to the video. This chapter will start at 10:00 AM.
Chapter 5: Jerry and Kramer's Drive Part 1.
{Jerry's P.O.V.}
"Damn traffic," I said "I told you we shouldn't have taken the expressway."
We were caught in traffic on the L.A. expressway. Kramer told me that the expressway would be clear cause it was after rush hour, that what I get for trusting him.
"It's times like this it occurs to me that we were lied to
by "The Jetsons"."Kramer said.
"What are you talking about?"I asked.
"According to that show we were suppose to be tooling
around in flying cars by now. You see any flying cars lately? That's the
problem with TV, it always lies to us."
"Yeah, well most of us rational thinkers weren't banking on a
cartoon to offer us a viable glimpse into the future of technological
development."
"You don't think anyone anywhere is working on the flying car."
"I could care less."
"I gotta believe that there is somebody else out there is
thinking about the flying car besides me. Someone who is not afraid
to throw their hats over the wall for the good of mankind."
"What's that suppose to mean?"
"Throw their hats over the wall. It means committing to doing
something. If more people threw their hats over the wall, we wouldn't
be sitting here in this mess right now. We would be zooming over it in
the flying car."
"I see you have given this alot of thought."
"Kennedy, all right JFK himself. When he was in office, he
stood before the world and promised them a man on the moon within
10 years. Thing is nobody had started working on a space program at
that point. JFK had no data to back up his claims, no inside into the
practicality of space travel. But you know what he had?"
"Marilyn Monroe."
"The man had sac. The man had the sac to stand before the
world and say "Yo, yo get this we're going to the moon." Imagine, if
you and I were the kind of guys who had the sac to stand before the
world and say "Get this we'll all be in the flying car by the end of the
year."
"Do you know you have a one track mind."
"Hey, what would you be willing to trade for the flying car?"
"What do you mean?"
"Say some German scientist comes up to you and he says 'I
have invented the flying car. I'll give it to you on one condition.'"
"Well, what's the condition?"
"He's not going to tell you."
"Then it's no deal."
"The guy is offering you the flying car."
"Yeah, but there is obviously a catch."
"Who cares what the catch is, it's the flying car. You'll have the
only one in the world."
"And why is this... German scientist"
"Ya, vol."
"Why is he offering it to me for free instead of the car
companies instead?"
"What is this "Murder She Wrote"? Who cares what's behind
the mystery. You going to look a gift horse in the mouth? Just take the
car man."
"Not until I know what the catch is."
"Fine, the catch is you got to cut off a foot."
"No way."
"Are you saying you wouldn't cut off your foot for the flying car?
You're that selfish."
"It's my foot! How am I suppose to walk?"
"What walk? You'll have the flying car. Good God, you could
sell the design and engineering secrets to the car companies and be
a multibillionaire. After that you could buy like 50 prosthetic feet."
"Which foot, right or left?"
"You're choice."
"Ok, I'll trade my left foot for the flying car."
"Why your left foot?"
"Oh, it's got an ingrown toenail."
"Listen to you. A guy offers you the Fire from Olympus that is
the flying car and you trade him a bum foot."
"You said I could pick."
"So it's a deal then, your foot for the flying car. You're sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure."
"You can't welch."
"I won't welch."
"Because the whole world is counting on you."
"Why the whole world all of a sudden?"
"Because the German scientist held a press conference
when he made you the offer. He told the world media once the trade
is made. You can do whatever you want with the flying car. Including
mass marketing an affordable model for consumer purchase."
"What the hell kind of scientist is this guy anyways?"
"One with a lot of free time on his hands and a foot fetish. So
are you in? You going to do the right thing here?"
"Yes."
"So it's a deal."
"Yes."
"Ok, so then what happens is you find out the guy is going to
take your foot off with a hacksaw."
"What?"
"And no atheistic."
"Aww, screw that!"
"Come on it's part of the deal."
"You didn't say that before!"
"Well, you should of paid a lawyer look over the contract. But
come on, it only hurts when they're taking the foot off. After that they'll
use a local on your stump and cauterize the wound."
"Well why can't I have a local before he cuts it off?"
"Because, he is a sick degenerate that likes to inflict pain."
"You said he was a man of science!"
"You don't think Einstein didn't like hacking guys feet off but,
nobody ever said anything about it because he was one of the great
thinkers of our time. But come on man. Take a hit for the team. It's a
few seconds of pain for a lifetime of riches and zero traffic."
"Fine, as long as I get the local as soon as he is done cutting."
"So you want the local?"
"Who am I, The Marquis De Sade? Yes, I want the local."
"All right."
"Why do you say it like that for?"
"It's just the local he gives you, knocks you out and when your
out he diddles you pennie."
"Oh, come on!"
"Hey man, you made the deal."
"To trade my foot for the flying car, not to be tortured and
molested by some mad German scientist."
"And his friends."
"What?"
"It's just when he is done with you he gives his friends a shot
at you too."
"Deals off."
"What are you some kind of homophobe?"
"No, I just don't want to be diddled by some insane German
scientist and his friends after they've hacked my foot off."
"Need I remind you, this is for the flying car!"
"It ain't worth it."
"See, you're what's wrong with this country, hell with this
world. You're always thinking about your own comfort level. Never
thinking about the rest of us. This country was built on sacrifice and
nearly 30 years of living a life full of selfish foot pampering and
intergender intercourse has made you too soft to throw your hat over
the wall for the good of mankind. And what's worse is, not only do you
ruin it for the rest of us with the flying car, but you completely blow the
notion of American nobility in the process. The children of the world
have no heroic figure to emulate. So the future of mankind continues
on it's downward spiral into entropy and mass extinction until all that
was once great about the human race lies buried in the primordial
stew to which we'll most certainly return. Thanks to you and ill refusal
to reach for the stars and you'll forever be remembered as the sad
footnote in the book of life. The wimpy little scumbag who could of
breached the chasm of becoming and being. But instead opted to
cover his own ass and foot in the process."
"All right! I'll go through with the deal. I'll let the German
scientist hack my foot off. Then him and his friends can have their
way with me. All for the flying car."
"You would do it with a bunch of guys just to get a car. I
thought I knew you man."
End of Chapter 5
Here is the adress to the video.
http://www.viewaskew.com/tv/leno/flyingcar.html
This chapter is stupid but I am going to try to keep up with my pattern. It will catch on. Most of the dialouge from this is from a skit Kevin Smith did on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. I will leave an address at the bottom to the video. This chapter will start at 10:00 AM.
Chapter 5: Jerry and Kramer's Drive Part 1.
{Jerry's P.O.V.}
"Damn traffic," I said "I told you we shouldn't have taken the expressway."
We were caught in traffic on the L.A. expressway. Kramer told me that the expressway would be clear cause it was after rush hour, that what I get for trusting him.
"It's times like this it occurs to me that we were lied to
by "The Jetsons"."Kramer said.
"What are you talking about?"I asked.
"According to that show we were suppose to be tooling
around in flying cars by now. You see any flying cars lately? That's the
problem with TV, it always lies to us."
"Yeah, well most of us rational thinkers weren't banking on a
cartoon to offer us a viable glimpse into the future of technological
development."
"You don't think anyone anywhere is working on the flying car."
"I could care less."
"I gotta believe that there is somebody else out there is
thinking about the flying car besides me. Someone who is not afraid
to throw their hats over the wall for the good of mankind."
"What's that suppose to mean?"
"Throw their hats over the wall. It means committing to doing
something. If more people threw their hats over the wall, we wouldn't
be sitting here in this mess right now. We would be zooming over it in
the flying car."
"I see you have given this alot of thought."
"Kennedy, all right JFK himself. When he was in office, he
stood before the world and promised them a man on the moon within
10 years. Thing is nobody had started working on a space program at
that point. JFK had no data to back up his claims, no inside into the
practicality of space travel. But you know what he had?"
"Marilyn Monroe."
"The man had sac. The man had the sac to stand before the
world and say "Yo, yo get this we're going to the moon." Imagine, if
you and I were the kind of guys who had the sac to stand before the
world and say "Get this we'll all be in the flying car by the end of the
year."
"Do you know you have a one track mind."
"Hey, what would you be willing to trade for the flying car?"
"What do you mean?"
"Say some German scientist comes up to you and he says 'I
have invented the flying car. I'll give it to you on one condition.'"
"Well, what's the condition?"
"He's not going to tell you."
"Then it's no deal."
"The guy is offering you the flying car."
"Yeah, but there is obviously a catch."
"Who cares what the catch is, it's the flying car. You'll have the
only one in the world."
"And why is this... German scientist"
"Ya, vol."
"Why is he offering it to me for free instead of the car
companies instead?"
"What is this "Murder She Wrote"? Who cares what's behind
the mystery. You going to look a gift horse in the mouth? Just take the
car man."
"Not until I know what the catch is."
"Fine, the catch is you got to cut off a foot."
"No way."
"Are you saying you wouldn't cut off your foot for the flying car?
You're that selfish."
"It's my foot! How am I suppose to walk?"
"What walk? You'll have the flying car. Good God, you could
sell the design and engineering secrets to the car companies and be
a multibillionaire. After that you could buy like 50 prosthetic feet."
"Which foot, right or left?"
"You're choice."
"Ok, I'll trade my left foot for the flying car."
"Why your left foot?"
"Oh, it's got an ingrown toenail."
"Listen to you. A guy offers you the Fire from Olympus that is
the flying car and you trade him a bum foot."
"You said I could pick."
"So it's a deal then, your foot for the flying car. You're sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure."
"You can't welch."
"I won't welch."
"Because the whole world is counting on you."
"Why the whole world all of a sudden?"
"Because the German scientist held a press conference
when he made you the offer. He told the world media once the trade
is made. You can do whatever you want with the flying car. Including
mass marketing an affordable model for consumer purchase."
"What the hell kind of scientist is this guy anyways?"
"One with a lot of free time on his hands and a foot fetish. So
are you in? You going to do the right thing here?"
"Yes."
"So it's a deal."
"Yes."
"Ok, so then what happens is you find out the guy is going to
take your foot off with a hacksaw."
"What?"
"And no atheistic."
"Aww, screw that!"
"Come on it's part of the deal."
"You didn't say that before!"
"Well, you should of paid a lawyer look over the contract. But
come on, it only hurts when they're taking the foot off. After that they'll
use a local on your stump and cauterize the wound."
"Well why can't I have a local before he cuts it off?"
"Because, he is a sick degenerate that likes to inflict pain."
"You said he was a man of science!"
"You don't think Einstein didn't like hacking guys feet off but,
nobody ever said anything about it because he was one of the great
thinkers of our time. But come on man. Take a hit for the team. It's a
few seconds of pain for a lifetime of riches and zero traffic."
"Fine, as long as I get the local as soon as he is done cutting."
"So you want the local?"
"Who am I, The Marquis De Sade? Yes, I want the local."
"All right."
"Why do you say it like that for?"
"It's just the local he gives you, knocks you out and when your
out he diddles you pennie."
"Oh, come on!"
"Hey man, you made the deal."
"To trade my foot for the flying car, not to be tortured and
molested by some mad German scientist."
"And his friends."
"What?"
"It's just when he is done with you he gives his friends a shot
at you too."
"Deals off."
"What are you some kind of homophobe?"
"No, I just don't want to be diddled by some insane German
scientist and his friends after they've hacked my foot off."
"Need I remind you, this is for the flying car!"
"It ain't worth it."
"See, you're what's wrong with this country, hell with this
world. You're always thinking about your own comfort level. Never
thinking about the rest of us. This country was built on sacrifice and
nearly 30 years of living a life full of selfish foot pampering and
intergender intercourse has made you too soft to throw your hat over
the wall for the good of mankind. And what's worse is, not only do you
ruin it for the rest of us with the flying car, but you completely blow the
notion of American nobility in the process. The children of the world
have no heroic figure to emulate. So the future of mankind continues
on it's downward spiral into entropy and mass extinction until all that
was once great about the human race lies buried in the primordial
stew to which we'll most certainly return. Thanks to you and ill refusal
to reach for the stars and you'll forever be remembered as the sad
footnote in the book of life. The wimpy little scumbag who could of
breached the chasm of becoming and being. But instead opted to
cover his own ass and foot in the process."
"All right! I'll go through with the deal. I'll let the German
scientist hack my foot off. Then him and his friends can have their
way with me. All for the flying car."
"You would do it with a bunch of guys just to get a car. I
thought I knew you man."
End of Chapter 5
Here is the adress to the video.
http://www.viewaskew.com/tv/leno/flyingcar.html