Title: The Assassin the Soldier and I; Sidestory 1 of 2 side stories…
by Little Angel
Archive: kiroku.topics.com, Star's Gaze, and the DHML
Warnings and pairings: the same as the original story
"this" and 'this' is talking,
These side stories take place anytime between the end of the fic and the epilogue… hope u enjoy!
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(H.POV)
Rosie loves to go to the park. I don't exactly think it's a barrel of fun, but ..........if it makes her happy.... then I take her. We usually go after school, and sometimes on the weekends. Billy and his mom join us sometimes, other than that it's just us and/or Billy. I remember the first time they joined us at the park. Rosie and Billy were still in kindergarten, and it was a crisp fall afternoon.....
"Papa!" Heero spun her around.
"Can we go to the park? Please?"
"Hmm...."
"Please!?"
"Oh.... alright."
"Yeah!" She started to pull him towards the park.
"Would you like to join us?" Heero asked Billy's mom.
"Sure."
"YES!" Billy ran ahead with Rosie.
"Don't go to far ahead!"
"They'll be ok."
--------
"So you have two daddies?" Billy and Rosie were on the jungle gym.
"Yep."
"No mommy?"
"Nah, I have Aunt Sally and Aunt Relena."
"That's good."
"What about you? Do you have a daddy?"
"....I used to but he's not here anymore."
"Oh... is he in Heaven?"
"No. Mommy says Los Angeles"
"Would you like to share mine?"
"What do you mean?"
"Come on." She grabbed his hand and pulled him towards Heero and Jill.
"PAPA!" Heero raised an eyebrow, "Billy doesn't have a daddy, so would it be ok if I shared you and daddy with him?" Heero blinked and Jill turned slightly red. He picked up Billy, so he was on his lap. Rosie sat down next to them. "How about you call us Uncle Heero and Uncle Duo. That way we have spoiling rights."
"Really?"
"As long as it's alright with your mother."
"Please mommy?" He gave the dreaded puppy eyes, complete with small pooling tears.
"Oh.... alright."
"Thank you!" He hugged his mom.
"It's getting late, we should get going..... unless you want daddy to cook...." He needn't say more; Rosie had made a face, grabbed Billy's hand and was heading towards the street before he could finish that much.
"Don't cross the street!" Both parents chorused.
---- (H.POV)
As we dropped Billy and his mom off at their house a dark car slowed slightly as it passed their house, and speed up after it went by. Since I wasn't actually watching for it, I didn't really notice anything completely strange. What? I wasn't the Perfect Soldier anymore. I don't have to be paranoid about these things. Although, little did I know that the driver was going to be trouble later on....
It was the day before the children's spring break from school and Jill asked me to watch Billy. It was fine with me; I'd probably take the kids to the park anyway. Since it was a half day I made a picnic lunch for us.
"Papa!"
"Uncle Heero!" They ran up to him.
"OO.... what's in the basket?" "It's a surprise.... Come-on, we're gonna go to the park."
"Whoahoo!" Rosie and Billy took off.
We stayed at the park until dinner time; the kids were still hyperactive, not even a bit tired. As we started back towards Billy's house, to drop him off, there was a car in the driveway. Billy and Rosie ran ahead like they usually do but Bill stopped short, just staring at the car as it came into view. He also stopped Rosie from running into the house.
"Billy? What's wrong?"
"He's ....... here..... he's not suposta be here."
"Who?"
"My....D...Dad..." Heero knew something was wrong. Billy was shaking slightly in fear.
"Billy, look at me." He knelt next to the children, "I want you to go with Rosie to our house right now. Do you understand?" He nodded,
"Good, Rosie take the trail in the woods. Run. Tell daddy to call Uncle Wufei right away." She took his hand and they started running down the street. She pulled him behind a bush and that's when Heero started towards the house.
The door was locked and Heero heard a crash from inside. He was in semi-Perfect Soldier mode by the time he got to the door. Picking the lock, he silently went into the house and closed the door behind him. There was a muffled yelling coming from upstairs and another crash. He opened the door, "Leave her alone."
An extremely bulky man had Jill pinned against the wall, with his back to Heero. His hand was around her throat, and she was paling.
"Oh?" He turned to Heero, "And who might you be? Some kind of do gooder?" The man was over confident, and Heero did nothing to change his prospective. Compared to him, Heero looked like a child.
"Why don't you go back to your mommy?"
"Let her go." He instituted his death glare. The guy was either really stupid or a complete moron because he threw Jill down, where she started to cough and hold her neck, and turned his attention on Heero.
"Why don't you make me pretty boy." Heero didn't move. The guy took it as him being scared, causing him to gain more confident/ egotistical, and circle Heero.
He swung his fist straight for Heero's face. Heero ducked but didn't move otherwise. He swung again, and missed. The process repeated 3 more times before Heero ducked ad countered with a punch to the stomach. The man went down like a ton of bricks. He wasn't moving.
Heero stepped over his body, to where Jill was against the floor. "Are you ok?" She nodded and tried to stand.
"Don't." He picked her up and started to the door. Outside police where starting to gather. Wufei and Duo had Rosie and Billy with them.
"Mommy!" Billy went to Heero and Jill. She smiled down to him.
"She'll be ok," Duo came up to them.
"Duo take the kids and follow the ambulance. I'll get a ride with Wufei and Sally after I talk with the police." Duo nodded and scooped up Billy, "Come on Kiddo. Your mom's real tough, she'll be fine."
----- (H.POV)
Jill was ok. I told the police what had happened, and her story backed up mine. She later told us that the guy was Billy's father. After they had gotten married, they started to fight over stupid things, or rather, he fought and she just took it quietly. It took almost a year before he would go out and get drunk, then come back late at night. Then when Billy was born he became slightly abusive. They divorced when he was 3 yrs old and they never heard from him since. It's a mystery as to why he came back. But now that he's in jail for life, with no bail, he won't be bothering them again. It's good to have connections.
Rosie told Duo about us being called Uncle to Billy. He agreed whole heartedly and also said that since the guys were Rosie's Aunts and Uncles, then they were Billy's too. They thought it was great. Quatre is so excited that he has another youngster to spoil rotten, and decided to get him presents for all the years he missed. Duo has the same theory.
It's definitely very interesting around here.
I wonder how the future is going to look for these two.
-----
~8~8~8~8~8~8~8~8~8~8~8~8~
Side Story II
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(H POV)
Every year Duo and myself go on a semi-vacation of sorts for about two weeks to visit the dead. Now to some this might seem strange, but let me explain. We both feel responsible for the death's of so many, exspecially the innocent. For me it was the little girl and her puppy, and for Duo it's the Maxwell Church and his family/street gang. Either way, we need to do this, to show them that we're sorry and they're not forgotten.
So every year we go on this vacation thing. Rosie goes to L4 to visit with Quatre and Trowa while we're gone so she isn't left home alone. We usually go during the summer, so it doesn't interfer with school.
Rosie knows we were, (WERE being the keyword), the Gundam Pilots, and it doesn't bother her as much as we thought it would. After we told her, she hugged us and said she loved us just as much and that, THAT, didn't change anything. When she went to High School, she was suspended, because she was defending the Pilots (ie: us). She got into an argument with her history teacher over our motives/ terroristic Ideals, and later got into a fight with another student. Although she did try to stay away from the fight. Duo and I had a long confrence with the teacher and he hasn't said anymore on the subject to his students.
When Rosie turned 16, she started to ask questions about 'the vacation' and after a long discussion between Duo and I, we decided to bring her along just this one year.
-----
'Papa? Daddy?' They were all sitting around the dinner table on a nice summer day.
'Yes Princess?'
'Umm... Where do you go when you take that vacation thing?'
It was that time of year. They were making the plane arrangements and what not.
'To visit our home colonies, and pay our respects.....' Duo and Heero looked at each other, they needed to talk.
'Oh, OK.' There was a knock at the door, 'I'll get it.' Rosie ran to the door, 'Hey Billy! Come on in.'
Billy and Rosie stayed close friends, through the years and even though they weren't dating or anything like that, we only thought it would be a matter of time.
'Hello.'
'Hey Squirt!'
'Hi Uncle Heero, Uncle Duo!' Even though Billy wasn't a kid anymore, he still called them that as a sign of endearment for everything they've done for him.
'What brings you to these parts?'
Billy gave Duo a look, 'We, the flight squad, were gonna go see a movie, and wanted to know if our pilot wanted to come.'
When the kids were little, Quatre took them places on his jet. We even taught Rosie and Billy how to fly it. Their group of friends were later called the flight squad, and the name stuck.
'Can I go please?!?'
'Sure just make sure your home by midnight.' Now they could talk tonight.
'Thanks!'
'Come on.' They were gone before Duo could blink.
---
(H. POV)
Duo and I talked about that all night. Should we tell her about....it? Should we show her? And if we did who much? We know she's mature enough. She's proven that time and time again. And she's been asking questions. We finally decided that we would talk with her, and leave the desicion of coming with us up or going to Quatre's up to her.....
-----
'Are you sure about this Princess?'
'Yeah, I'll be ok, really.' They were on a flight going to L2, then L1. Rosie was by the window, she loved flying. Duo and Heero sat across from her, trying not to take over the shuttle. They didn't like it when others flew unless it was one of the other Pilots.
'Geez, you guys should relax. It's only a shuttle.' Duo gave her a look.
And their journey begins.......
-----
'Stay close to me, ok honey?'
'Sure dad. Where are we?' It was an almost completely abandon section of L2. There were large empty warehouses all over, most of which looked as though they were gonna fall over at any moment.
Rosie thought she saw a few shadows, but if she blinked they were gone. The taxi pulled up to a corner with a small flower shop. It looked out of place in this area, but it was one of the few buildings in this section still running. Although they did have a secret benifactor donating them money each month to help them stay open.
It was a small family run shop, and the owner was a close friend if Sister Helen. Duo came here every year to get his flowers.
'Well! If it isn't Duo! Back again I see.'
'Hey 'lissy! How's the shop doing? Good I hope.'
'Definately! Oh! Who is this beautiful young lady with you?'
'This is Helen Rose.'
'You mean little Rosie! Duo has told us all about you! Your pictures don't do you justice.'
'Thank you...'
'Melissa, Call me 'Lissy. Melissa is so formal.'
'Thank you Lissy.'
'Here you go Duo!' A young girl about 20 yrs old, brought out 3 boquets of flowers.
'Hey thanks Marty!' he gave 'Lissy a check and they headed out.
'See you all next year!'
'Bye Duo! Rosie it was nice to meet you in person.'
'Bye!'
----
'Lissy grew up with Sister Helen. She always wanted to start a flower shop becuase there wasn't enough flowers on the colony. She says they brighten it up, and make it seem prettier than it already is. Sister Helen would always go there to get flowers, to decorate the alter with. She loved Lilies best.' As they walked the rest of the way to where they were going, Duo told Rosie stories about Sister Helen and Father Maxwell.
'This is where the gang lived,' they had stopped at a small rundown house. It was completely boarded up, the roof had holes all over, and the siding was falling off. Solo, since he was the oldest, made himself the leader. He took care of us, and taught me my 'street smarts.' If it wasn't for him, I would've been dead long ago.'
Duo took her around the back of the house. There was a tomb stone carved into the wall, the siding around it ripped away. Written inside it was:
[Solo
Child Savior
Loved as a brother
Ripped away from the world's
Cruelty and Love,
at much to young an age
Remembered in the hearts
of those he saved forever]
'Father Maxwell did that for me, after I met him....' He got closer to the house. Rosie stayed back so he could have a minute to himself.
Duo knelt down by the tomestone, and placed the flowers on the ground. 'Hey buddy. I came back to visit you just like I said I would. I run, I hide, but I never lie. So there's no use in trying to doubt me. Have you been holdin up well? They treaten you good up there? Remember not to knock 'em around to much, if they give yeah any trouble. You need to be there, so at least one of us can say we made it.... Hey! I have someone I want you to meet. 'Member me tellin yeah about my little girl? Well she came with us this year.'
Rosie took that as her cue to come forward. 'Solo, this is Rosie.'
'Hi,' she knelt next to Duo. Duo finished his silent prayer and stood, 'I'll meet you around front ok?' She nodded, then waited till he was around the side of the house to start talking.
'Hi, Mr. Solo sir. I'm not sure as to what to call you.... is Solo ok? I'm not even sure if you can hear me, but I wanna say thank you for helping take care of my dad. He really does look up to you, and is really sad that you had to die so young. I wish I could've meet you in person. I better go before Dad thinks something happened to me. Thank you again.' She went to meet Duo in the front of the house.
-----
'Sister Helen walked from the church to the flower shop almost everyday. After Solo died, I took care of all the kids, I took the name Duo as a sign of respect towards Solo, that I really did learn from him. Although because of the plague there weren't that many survivors from our gang. I started to notice Sister's frequent trips to and from the shop, since she always passed the house. One time I even followed her, to see where she went. I had never seen a nun before and I didn't know what to think of her, or her clothing...
'I followed her for a week before she figured out she was being followed. And that was only becasue I sneazed. She didn't find me 'cause I was hidin' but she did take a back exit and tried to sneak up on me, on the way back. After that day it took me another week, just to get up the courage to ask her what she was doing. We ended up talking and she offered me and the kids a home at the orphanage. It took well over a month for us to agree to going there. Almost a year later, the orphange was attacked and nobody but me survived...'
They were at the site of the old church.
The original site of the church, was taken down after the fire, now all that was left was a memorial statue of sorts. The remains were cleared years ago, except for the only statue that survived. It made it out relatively unscathed with barely any scratches. Kinda like Duo.
He knelt down by the statue, and said a small prayer. He stood and took Rosie's hand, leading her around the clearing, and showing her where everything used to be. The colony officials never rebuilt the church, there was no money, and they deemed it unnecessary.
Duo took the two sets of flowers and laid them where the Alter used to be. He knelt down, but unlike with Solo, he didn't speak. Nothing, he just knelt there. Rosie wasn't sure what was wrong, and whether or not she should ask him about this.
He abruptly stood, "Come on." Rosie didn't say anything, she just took his hand, squeezing lightly, as Duo lead them to get a taxi. By the time they made it back to the hotel, the colony lights were dimming. Just enough to tell people it was getting late.
Heero had picked up some pizza, Duo's favorite kind, and they ate in silence. Heero was used to this and Rosie felt it would be wrong to break the silence. Duo got up from the table, without a word to anyone, and went straight to his bedroom. A little while later water could be heard.
"Is Daddy OK?" Rosie was really concerned.
"He'll be ok, this is just really hard for him."
"We went to the flower shop and he was just like himself. Then we walked to the old house he lived at, and we talked with Mr. Solo. Then we went to the church. Daddy became really quiet then. He showed me where everything used to be, and laid the flowers down at the alter, but didn't say anything."
Heero nodded, "He once told me that before Solo died, he always told Duo that boys didn't cry. He's only cried twice since then, the day of the Maxwell Church incident, and the day I made him... let go.... That was the day we both took of our masks we wore to the world, and showed each other our true selves. The day we knew that we would always be together, and realized how much we loved each other."
-----
Duo left early the next morning, with no breakfast, and not a word to Heero or Rosie. Heero explained that Duo needed to be alone today. After breakfast Heero and Rosie kept busy in the hotel, and right after lunch Heero said he was going to the flower shop and wanted to know if Rosie would like to come. She asked if she could be dropped off at the library instead.
-----
"Hmm..... let's see.... AH! Maxwell Church.....Oh.... My...." Rosie was shocked to say the least. She was so into the articles she was reading, that she never noticed the figure that sat down behind her, a few hours later.
As she was finishing up she heard a quiet voice behind her, "Pretty bad huh?"
She jumped about 3 feet in the air, turned around and just stared at Duo. "What are you doing? How long have you been sitting there? Are you ok? Why didn't you say something sooner?..."
Then suddenly she just stopped talking and hugged Duo so hard, he had a bit of a problem breathing. Like if she ever let go, he'd disappear, and she'd never see him again.
"Shh...it's ok, I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere....shh." Duo was stroking Rosie's hair, as he hugged her back.
"I'm sorry you had to go through all that..... I wish you didn't..."
"Hey, Look at me, 'k honey?" He lifted her chin so she was looking him in the eyes, "I can't change the past. Those three were the only family I had ever known, when they died a part of me died with them. The part that loved, and knew love in return. It was gone, I was Death. I knew I had killed them. It was my fault. I didn't live much after that, I survived, it was the only thing I ever knew, that would keep me alive, the only constant that I could count on. Then your papa came into the picture. I tried so hard to not like him, only pretending to like him as a friend, to keep up appearances. At least in the begining, when I thought that if I got to close, he'd be gone too... just like the others.
"But soon I realized that no matter what, he'd always come back. Then I realized he was missing something much greater in himself, than I was. I resolved to bring that part of him out. No matter what the cost to myself. And look where it's gotten me. I have a terrific family, and friends. I have a home."
----
The next day Duo took Rosie with him back to the church.
"Hi. Father Maxwell Sir, and Sister Helen Ma'am. I'm Rosie, Duo's daughter, I'm pretty sure he told you about me. I guess that you are my grandparents of sorts, right? Thank you for taking Duo in like you did. I have the feeling that you didn't do it because of your involvement in the church, making it an obligation. No, I think you did it because you are loving people. Even though, he wasn't able to stay with you long, you made such a great impact on him. He wouldn't be half the man he is today, had it not been for you. Thank you again for watching over him, and keeping him safe."
She wasn't sure if the colony's fans weren't working right, or what, but there was a light breeze and a distant, almost imaginable/ inaudible, "keep...him...safe....love you...."
----
The rest of the week was spent freshening up the graves, and visiting the flower shop. On the last day, they said their good-byes to 'Lissy, and the others of the small shop, and to Duo's old family.
----
The trip to the L1 colonies had a different feel to it, although Rosie couldn't quite place what it was. The flight and drive to the hotel were both uneventful. Just like the last time there wasn't much said by any of them. Duo was back to his old self, and Rosie noted that he was sincere about it, that it wasn't a mask. Although she wasn't sure if she should be worried about that or not. Maybe when they got back, they could talk, but now was not the time or the place.
They reached the hotel mid-afternoon, and they all agreed it would be best to just stay at the hotel and just relax a bit. The next morning Rosie was up first, so she decided to get them room service. The alluring smell of food always woke Duo up and Heero would soon follow.
----
"Way back before Operation Meteor was put into motion, I was sent on my first mission, well 'real' mission, one that wasn't a simulation. I was to destroy the federation base that was on this colony. I made a small miscalculation....it ended up costing ALOT of people their lives. One of the mobile suits was knocked over in the explosion.... it hit the apartment building located right next to the base.....there were no survivors.
"I had meet a young girl earlier that day. She had a small dog, Mary, and she asked me if I was lost. I told her I had been lost all my life." Heero and Rosie where at the Park on that L1 colony. There was a few areas of nothing but flowers growing around the park. Heero picked up a single white flower, from the patch and tied a small ribbon around the stem.
"She then handed me a flower that was in her hand, and tied the ribbon that was around Mary's neck to the stem. She said, she hoped that this flower would help me find my way." They were now standing under a large oak tree.
"I was so confused, nobody had ever done anything like that for me, not Odin, J, my parents..... I was completely baffled. And do you know how I thanked her? I killed her... but not just the once when the building collapsed.... no every time I killed anyone, even during the war. Every time I shot a leo, blew up a base.... it was her, I couldn't find my enemy."
Rosie rubbed his back as he unclenched his fists and laid the flower under the tree. Nothing else was said by either of them as they made their way back to the hotel.
-----
/Rosie.../
Where'd everyone go? Daddy? Papa? I can't see you..... Where are you!!!!
'What's wrong? Did they abandon you? Just like the last time? Hmm???'
That voice....I know that voice....
'Of course you know me.... think really hard.... think back..... I'm the only one that ever really LOVED you.... not like that crap that those..... two....things.... have been feeding you.... I was gonna protect you... don't you remember?'
No!!! It can't be...... NO!!!
/Rosie....princess...../
NOO!!! GET AWAY FROM ME!!!!
'Why do you think they brought you back here!!! You don't actually believe that they wanted to show you about their pasts do you! HA!'
Why can't I move? I can't see.... PAPA Help!!! DADDY! WHERE ARE YOU!!!!
/Rosie....please....Honey.... Everything is ok.... Just open your eyes../
STAY AWAY FROM ME!! Your not real!!! YOU were killed!!!!!
'Was I really? How do you know that? Did you see my body? Did you see your /FATHER/ actually pull the trigger?'
....no...go away....please.... just go away...
'Do you remember why I took you in the first place?....Here let me show you...' Images/ memories started to surface.... Rosie had buried them away long ago..... now they were back.....
/ROSIE!! It's JUST a bad dream....please wake up princess..../
papa? I can hear you.... where?...
"NNNNOOOOO!!!!" Rosie shot up in bed, her breathing labored, as she tired to calm down... "nononononononono....go away... make him go away....." She curled up in a ball, shaking extremely hard.... "please...make him go away...."
Two pairs of strong arms pulled her close to their warmth... she held on to one of the bodies like a life line. "Shh.... it's ok.... We're right here.... Nobodies gonna hurt you.... shh..." Duo gently stroked her hair, as she clung to Heero.
"Make who go away Princess?" Although Heero had a pretty good idea already. He tightened his hold on her when she only got tenser and didn't answer.
/Daddy and Papa will keep me safe... they won't leave me... they won't.../ She kept repeating that to herself.
"Do you wanna talk about it know? Or in the morning, honey?"
"Morn...morning... stay here? please?"
"Shh... we're not going anywhere." They lied down. Rosie curled tightly inbetween her to fathers, and them, holding her so she felt safe. Heero quietly sang, the old lullaby that he used to sing to her when she was little, to help her sleep. She was sleeping peacefully, a few minutes later, still holding onto Heero.
----
The artificial light of the colony slowly snuck into the room, waking one of the occupants. Said occupant just lied in bed, careful not to wake the other two members of his family. He didn't think that the nightmares would come back. But it must have been coming back to the colony that did it, combined with what he told her yesterday. With this in mind, he was unsure if they should stay up here any longer. They could always just leave and he could come back at a different date.
What should he do?
Maybe if he waited a bit and then talked with Rosie, then they could figure something out.
But how much should he continue to tell her? Will it spark more nightmares? He had to choose his wording carefully.... Maybe even let her ask questions about the past, so he knows what she wants to know.
Yeah. That will work. That way she can control what she knows, and maybe it won't bring the nightmares back.
But first they had to talk about said nightmares. This way there were all on the same page.
Heero felt Duo start to wake as well. He looked over at his soul mate and their eyes meet, both saying the same thing.
Help her make the nightmares go away. Keep her safe.
They were in a silent agreement. They knew what had to be done, and knew just how to do it. Even if one of them didn't like the idea of going back there again, he would do it. Just like he did in the past.
Rosie stirred slightly, starting her trek back to the world of the awake. She felt the presence of two of the most important people in her life right near her.... and remembered why they were there.
"Morning sleepy head." The amused voice came from the person she was currently lying her head against.
"Wakey Wakey sunshine." That one come from behind.
"Thankyou for staying..."
"Hey we don't like you to be in pain, princess. We would've stayed even if you didn't want us to."
"We'll talk about the nightmare later, first we are going to eat breakfast And go somewhere."
"Where?"
"It's a surprise."
Breakfast was eaten in relative silence, not the awkward type, but a contemplative one, where they all thought about what they were going to do and or say later. It was a peaceful type of silence. The walk to the park/ Surprise, was also kinda quiet. At this point none of them wanted to break the silent code they had made, until it was time.
Rosie had always loved the park as a little girl, now it brought her a peaceful frame of mind when she's there. She was a bit happier when she realized that the park was their final destination.
"Will you tell us what your nightmare was about?" They were sitting on a bench facing the playground.
Rosie nodded, "Remember when I was little and the... kidnapping... incident happened? Afterwards I had a few nightmares about it. But they never lasted very long, and then after I apologized to papa, they stopped happening altogether. But last night they came back."
"Why didn't you tell us about them when you were little?" Duo wasn't mad at her, just himself for not noticing them.
"I didn't want to worry you...."
"I never let them stay long." They both turned to Heero, his head was down and not looking at them.
"When you were mad at me, and didn't want me near you, I would check on you at night, when you were sleeping. I didn't notice the nightmares until the second night, and I tried to sooth them away. I usually worked right away. I was careful not to wake you up either."
Duo and Rosie were both slightly shocked. Not knowing what to think. They soon realized his reasoning for it though, Duo was overly worried as it was, and Heero didn't want to add to it, and Rosie also would've been more scared if she knew it was him.
"It's ok, Hee-chan. We're not mad." Heero nodded but didn't look up.
"The nightmare was about.... Lowe... he kept saying things that weren't true about you and daddy. That you didn't really want me anymore, and that I was better off without you. But I know it's not true. It just scared me that I couldn't make him stop, and that I couldn't hear you calling me to wake up, and that it was hard to wake up...."
Heero turned to her and pulled her into a big huge, 'We love, you and would NEVER abandon you. NEVR. It was just a nightmare. It can only do you harm if you let it.'
'I... I know...I tried not to let him bother me.....' Duo hugged her as well.
Some time later they all seemed to calm down enough that they realized they had missed lunch while sitting there. 'Hey Hee-chan, I'm going to go see about getting us some lunch at the diner over there. You and Rosie stay here, I'll be right back.'
Heero looked at Duo a long while before agreeing. Rosie noticed something was wrong with Heero, but wasn't sure if she should ask him about it. The confusion and worry, must have been apparent in her eyes when Heero turned to her.
He started talking, 'When I was really little, maybe just three of four years old, my real parents took me to this park for the day. We played on the swings, slide, played hide-n-seek, all those sorts of things. Then in the middle of the afternoon, we saw an ice cream stand. I asked if we could get some and they handed me the money. I went to the stand, but when I turned around, they were no where in sight. I didn't understand what had happened, or at least I didn't want o believe it. I thought they were playing another game at first, so I started to look for them. After a while I ended up sitting on a bench waiting for them to come back. That night I started back to were the house was, there was nothing there. The entire thing was empty, and nobody was there, not even a note. I just curled up in a ball in my room, and stayed there for days. Hoping they would come back, hoping......but not believing.'
Rosie was astounded someone would do that to their child. Leave them to face the world with nothing, were they hoping he would die? Were they protecting him from something? What?
'Somehow I knew they weren't going to come back. They had never treated me like they loved me, always yelling, screaming, hitting, drinking, more yelling, there was never an /I Love You/ said to me, never a hug after they were done yelling, never a kiss to stop the pain after they hit me. Nothing. I made myself believe that I had done something wrong, that I wasn't worth their love. After I meet Lowe, and later J, it only strengthened my resolve. I KNEW then that nobody could love me. I was nothing but a possession that they had. I wasn't worth any kind of nice words, gentle hugs....none of it.
'I made such a shield around my heart, I didn't even think it was there anymore. I couldn't feel anything inside for the duration of the war, I could only feel the pain, the only thing that was a constant in my life. The only thing I ever really knew.
'When I meet the other pilots, I was so scared, scared of them. Scared that they would like me, scared that they wouldn't like me, scared that they would be like everyone else I had ever known, scared that they wouldn't be like them, scared that I would hurt them if I got to close, scared that if I did let them get close they would die.
'So I distanced myself even more from them, I tried to kill myself any chance I got. But none of it ever worked. They were always there for me, no matter what. And that scared me even more.
'Then there was Duo, always close by, always smiling, always having something to say, always trying to break through my shield. Then he did. It took alot of work, but he did. And I've been forever grateful to him for doing it.'
'I would've done it all over again Hee-chan and you know it.' Duo had just come back with the food, and caught the end of what Heero had said. He put the food on the bench and pulled Heero into the most protective, most loving hug he could muster. Rosie joined in as well.
Out of nowhere Duo's stomach growled and they all started laughing. It broke the somewhat bad mood, and they all seemed somewhat relieved that Heero was better. They ate their lunch on the artificial grass, talking about nothing, and everything at all.
---- At the hotel later that night----
They were all curled up together on the couch. Duo had Rosie snuggled on his lap, just like she used to do when she was little and they watched stuff together, while Heero was curled right next to them, Duo's arm around his waist, pulling him closer, and his head on Duo's shoulder. They all needed this tonight. Needed to be reassured that they were a family, that they would always be together.
(R. POV)
There's an ancient saying, /It's better to have loved and lost, then to never have loved at all/. Now I think it's a lose, lose situation. If you love someone, and they love you back, then you lose them, your heart hurts. Alot. You'll never be able to joke around with them anymore, you'll never be able to hear their voices again, they'll never be able to smile at you again. Nothing. They'll be gone, and you'll just have your memories left of them.
That happened to Daddy, everyone he ever loved, was always taken away from him, by force. Like he wasn't deserving of their love. It hurt him a lot, he couldn't trust people to get close to him anymore. He put on a jokers mask for the world, while inside he was dying. He had loved, but he lost himself after they all died. He was just an empty shell, with a jokers mask painted on the outside. His soul was torn to pieces.
So how is that better than never loving/ being loved?
Papa was never loved by anyone. That hurt a lot to. Growing up thinking/ believing he was a possession, not worth any kind of love. His soul was ripped to shreds as well, he hide what was left of his heart away so he could keep SOME measure of humanity in him. Hoping, but not believing, that one day someone would want to get to know the real him. Someone would want to try to love him..... even though he had no idea how.... even though he wasn't sure he could do it, open up his heart to someone, then have it thrown back in his face.
He told me the only constant in his life was the pain, although I don't think he could've survived very much longer after the wars at that rate. He didn't have any emotions worth showing off to the world, so his mask was cold and barren. If you looked really really really really close though you could see through the mask. You could see the last shreds of his soul, and all the pieces that were missing.
But would you be able to fix it?
Daddy tried. It took a lot of time, effort, patience, love, and caring, before papa would open up at all to him. It was excruciatingly slow, but well worth the effort.
I can only begin to understand what it was like for my parents growing up how they did. And you know what? It only makes me love them even more than I do. It makes me want to make them proud of me.
I can only hope to be half the person they are. But at least I can try. And I will. I'm not sure how the future is going to come out, but I can try to make it go towards a better direction.
We are not alone, the past is in the past and we can only guess at the future. But we'll do it together.
As a family.
-----
Owari
(for good this time…. ^^)