Rivendell... well, Maria is one of the least traumatic things happening to
it, at this point. She is (obviously) minor to the actual LotR plotline,
which may or may not be running around in the hills in its underwear
somewhere.
In other words, Rivendell is a ruin. There're fires everywhere, dead bodies, the forest is so much firewood, and there are large chasms riddling the ground. No, not really.
But that _is_ what you should get from "least traumatic."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Maria was amused and annoyed. The dangerous part of that was the one starting with an "a.."
"Dammit, I'm not evil!" She turned to Legolas. "Legolas, tell them I'm not evil."
Legolas looks up from his arrow making. "She is not evil." He blinks. "Ah..."
She sighs and looks back at the two humans trying to exorcise demons from her. "Okay, I admit it. I'm evil, a demon, an ork, a Ringwraith, and Satan. Are you happy now?"
The men look discomfited. "It talks!"
She just sighs and rattles the chains binding her to the tree. The eternal fading summer sunlight shines on iron, not mithrill, links. "Are you going to let me go inside anytime soon? Say, to the bathroom? Because give me another twenty minutes, and your delicate (wince) elf sensibilities are going to get seriously offended." She gets a strange image of Bugs Bunny. EARS, dammit!
Legolas finishes on his arrow and looks up. "Anaheit, why are you chained to a tree?"
She's been here for about four hours, and her feet hurt. She is seriously considering biting one of these guys. That reminds her of something. "Why are human priests in an Elvish forest?"
The first man, who is a tenor in both voice and mind, speaks. (Wendy/Me: Amazing! He can talk? Author: Well, song is a little out of my league. Fred: But TENORS!!! La la la LAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!)
On with the story. "Gandalf the Cream-Colored sent us here because . . . "
Legolas draws his bow and shoots the lock off Anaheit's chains, which are ill wrapped enough that she could have simply ducked out of them herself, and knows it. "Go use the bathroom. Elvish smell is sensitive."
"Thanks." She strolls off. She isn't sure whether she intends to come back. *They're insane. All of them. Insane.*
"The prisoner is escaping!"
The tenors dive on Anaheit and pummel her to the ground. Two elves, neither of them Legolas, who seems to have retired to a treehouse balcony for the view, drag them away from her. She has a bloody nose and is looking . . . the best word is pissed. Not very pissed. If they had hurt Legolas, then she would be _very_ pissed. (A/N: Anaheit likes Legolas. What can I say; she has a thing for the ears. It must be hereditary. And yes, I know I said she isn't related to Kate here. Did you actually believe me?)
She stands slowly. "Excuse me." Her voice is soft. "That was . . . unwarranted." The elves are holding the fools. If the priests don't recognize the tone of voice they are hearing, the elves do. It is the voice used by someone tired. Pissed. Miserable for various reasons unrelated to the nearby world. And without any reason in seven fucking hells to give a shit.
"That Was . . . Rude. Crude. ...Foolish." They are catching on. "And What Do YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING? YOU ARE IDIOTS!" She pauses to calm down. "You are fortunate that Gandalf put you somewhere you could not harm others."
Out of the depths of some other universe's dimensionality, a voice comes. %Don't you count?% The voice is amused. You could want to hurt the owner of that voice, if it didn't reduce you to tears first.
*Jackass.*
She is done with these fools. Anaheit is pissed off, mad at the elf king, and thinking that Legolas is cute. Very cute. Drum-major cute. Unfortunately, the author has the worst crush in the world on someone and therefore Anaheit is only marginally interested in guys, because she is totally fixated on someone not even in the story. Is this sad or what? (A/N: The last chapter was black, with humor that would have been funny if there wasn't a feeling of instant death dispersed liberally through it. With the same character, this chapter is humor. But hey, laughter is temporary.)
~*~
The new White Wizard and his horse, Shadowfax, ride through the uncounted ways of Middle Earth, doing wizardly battle and massing his power for the next conflict in the war. In the middle of dispatching a pair of orcs, it occurs to him to check on the two blond tenors he "rescued."
They had claimed to be from a place called "Hollywood," and they had been loudly trying to work up enthusiasm for a choir praising the beauties of Mordor. He hoped that the elves had been able to keep them under control.
Dispatching the orcs, he rode for Rivendell and arrived just in time, as the hobbits would say, for afternoon tea. He found Legolas, who he had asked to watch the tenors for him, teaching a strange girl to fletch arrows. Unnoticed by the young human, who was obviously attracted to Legolas *Another Mary Sue? I hope not.,* he peered at the scene from behind a tree.
Legolas was resisting stringing his bow and shooting the girl out of frustration.
*That girl has no _hint_ of dexterity.* He strides into the clearing, intent on reaching the pair before one or both of them damages something. Like his hearing.
"Dammit-!"
"You need to learn-"
"Why in bloody hell do I need to learn to-!"
"You are USELESS!"
Gandlaf was amazed. They were truly loud enough to wake the entire forest.
"You're a bloody ELF, shut your trap!"
He stands in front of them. Slowly, they both look up to find that famous (probably patented) Gandalf Glare pointed directly at them. "Where are they?"
Anaheit rolls her eyes. "Whatever. You could introduce yourself." *Hmm. Older guy. Cute. Perfect opportunity to be flamed by the RonethDragon.*
Legolas stands. "I will take you to them."
~*~
Having seen the two pinned to a large tree as target practice for the younglings, Anaheit follows willingly. *This must be the sorcerer Legs was talking about. Whatever.* In her mind, a voice rings. %Well, Maria. Are you still there?%
Still several paces behind them, Maria is muttering to herself/the DM. "Jackass. They have fricking POINTED DOORS on their heads, there's a bloody wizard, and the forest..."
%Beautiful, isn't it?%
Bitterly. "Carrots?"
%It seemed the only likelihood, at the time. Upon further reflection, perhaps it was a hallucinogenic toad.%
Kate does not believe that % thought about her. *That is a thing I could think up, faster.*
~*~
In response to Gandalf's question, Legolas speaks in a low voice, his head down to mute the sound. Anaheit had a contest of hearing with elf-children, and won. Perhaps it is her ancestry. (A/N: No, she is still descended entirely humanly. No couch, no wings. Just a really messed up set of human parents, and a GM.) "A god, apparently. Told me not to kill her. Hmph."
"Do you think she is to be involved in the war?"
"No. maybe as a distraction, but not as anything else. She is too clumsy to be dangerous." With outrage. "She fell out of a _tree_ this morning." For an elf, that is the height of strangeness.
(A/N: I don't fall out of trees. I'm a clutz, but come on, _trees?_ I can think of better things to fall out of. Like leggy-las's bed- not saying that. Right. Sorry, I meant Tu- *Gets strangled and flamed at same time by a lot of FoPeans, except for Rose, who STILL doesn't get "mostly unused." *)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Next chapter is the A/G scene. *Squeaks and ducks*
Oh, for the rest of the universe, "mostly unused" is from my story Three Days. Which only has one chapter up so far, so don't bother, it doesn't explain yet. Damn, this is ... annoying.
In other words, Rivendell is a ruin. There're fires everywhere, dead bodies, the forest is so much firewood, and there are large chasms riddling the ground. No, not really.
But that _is_ what you should get from "least traumatic."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Maria was amused and annoyed. The dangerous part of that was the one starting with an "a.."
"Dammit, I'm not evil!" She turned to Legolas. "Legolas, tell them I'm not evil."
Legolas looks up from his arrow making. "She is not evil." He blinks. "Ah..."
She sighs and looks back at the two humans trying to exorcise demons from her. "Okay, I admit it. I'm evil, a demon, an ork, a Ringwraith, and Satan. Are you happy now?"
The men look discomfited. "It talks!"
She just sighs and rattles the chains binding her to the tree. The eternal fading summer sunlight shines on iron, not mithrill, links. "Are you going to let me go inside anytime soon? Say, to the bathroom? Because give me another twenty minutes, and your delicate (wince) elf sensibilities are going to get seriously offended." She gets a strange image of Bugs Bunny. EARS, dammit!
Legolas finishes on his arrow and looks up. "Anaheit, why are you chained to a tree?"
She's been here for about four hours, and her feet hurt. She is seriously considering biting one of these guys. That reminds her of something. "Why are human priests in an Elvish forest?"
The first man, who is a tenor in both voice and mind, speaks. (Wendy/Me: Amazing! He can talk? Author: Well, song is a little out of my league. Fred: But TENORS!!! La la la LAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!)
On with the story. "Gandalf the Cream-Colored sent us here because . . . "
Legolas draws his bow and shoots the lock off Anaheit's chains, which are ill wrapped enough that she could have simply ducked out of them herself, and knows it. "Go use the bathroom. Elvish smell is sensitive."
"Thanks." She strolls off. She isn't sure whether she intends to come back. *They're insane. All of them. Insane.*
"The prisoner is escaping!"
The tenors dive on Anaheit and pummel her to the ground. Two elves, neither of them Legolas, who seems to have retired to a treehouse balcony for the view, drag them away from her. She has a bloody nose and is looking . . . the best word is pissed. Not very pissed. If they had hurt Legolas, then she would be _very_ pissed. (A/N: Anaheit likes Legolas. What can I say; she has a thing for the ears. It must be hereditary. And yes, I know I said she isn't related to Kate here. Did you actually believe me?)
She stands slowly. "Excuse me." Her voice is soft. "That was . . . unwarranted." The elves are holding the fools. If the priests don't recognize the tone of voice they are hearing, the elves do. It is the voice used by someone tired. Pissed. Miserable for various reasons unrelated to the nearby world. And without any reason in seven fucking hells to give a shit.
"That Was . . . Rude. Crude. ...Foolish." They are catching on. "And What Do YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING? YOU ARE IDIOTS!" She pauses to calm down. "You are fortunate that Gandalf put you somewhere you could not harm others."
Out of the depths of some other universe's dimensionality, a voice comes. %Don't you count?% The voice is amused. You could want to hurt the owner of that voice, if it didn't reduce you to tears first.
*Jackass.*
She is done with these fools. Anaheit is pissed off, mad at the elf king, and thinking that Legolas is cute. Very cute. Drum-major cute. Unfortunately, the author has the worst crush in the world on someone and therefore Anaheit is only marginally interested in guys, because she is totally fixated on someone not even in the story. Is this sad or what? (A/N: The last chapter was black, with humor that would have been funny if there wasn't a feeling of instant death dispersed liberally through it. With the same character, this chapter is humor. But hey, laughter is temporary.)
~*~
The new White Wizard and his horse, Shadowfax, ride through the uncounted ways of Middle Earth, doing wizardly battle and massing his power for the next conflict in the war. In the middle of dispatching a pair of orcs, it occurs to him to check on the two blond tenors he "rescued."
They had claimed to be from a place called "Hollywood," and they had been loudly trying to work up enthusiasm for a choir praising the beauties of Mordor. He hoped that the elves had been able to keep them under control.
Dispatching the orcs, he rode for Rivendell and arrived just in time, as the hobbits would say, for afternoon tea. He found Legolas, who he had asked to watch the tenors for him, teaching a strange girl to fletch arrows. Unnoticed by the young human, who was obviously attracted to Legolas *Another Mary Sue? I hope not.,* he peered at the scene from behind a tree.
Legolas was resisting stringing his bow and shooting the girl out of frustration.
*That girl has no _hint_ of dexterity.* He strides into the clearing, intent on reaching the pair before one or both of them damages something. Like his hearing.
"Dammit-!"
"You need to learn-"
"Why in bloody hell do I need to learn to-!"
"You are USELESS!"
Gandlaf was amazed. They were truly loud enough to wake the entire forest.
"You're a bloody ELF, shut your trap!"
He stands in front of them. Slowly, they both look up to find that famous (probably patented) Gandalf Glare pointed directly at them. "Where are they?"
Anaheit rolls her eyes. "Whatever. You could introduce yourself." *Hmm. Older guy. Cute. Perfect opportunity to be flamed by the RonethDragon.*
Legolas stands. "I will take you to them."
~*~
Having seen the two pinned to a large tree as target practice for the younglings, Anaheit follows willingly. *This must be the sorcerer Legs was talking about. Whatever.* In her mind, a voice rings. %Well, Maria. Are you still there?%
Still several paces behind them, Maria is muttering to herself/the DM. "Jackass. They have fricking POINTED DOORS on their heads, there's a bloody wizard, and the forest..."
%Beautiful, isn't it?%
Bitterly. "Carrots?"
%It seemed the only likelihood, at the time. Upon further reflection, perhaps it was a hallucinogenic toad.%
Kate does not believe that % thought about her. *That is a thing I could think up, faster.*
~*~
In response to Gandalf's question, Legolas speaks in a low voice, his head down to mute the sound. Anaheit had a contest of hearing with elf-children, and won. Perhaps it is her ancestry. (A/N: No, she is still descended entirely humanly. No couch, no wings. Just a really messed up set of human parents, and a GM.) "A god, apparently. Told me not to kill her. Hmph."
"Do you think she is to be involved in the war?"
"No. maybe as a distraction, but not as anything else. She is too clumsy to be dangerous." With outrage. "She fell out of a _tree_ this morning." For an elf, that is the height of strangeness.
(A/N: I don't fall out of trees. I'm a clutz, but come on, _trees?_ I can think of better things to fall out of. Like leggy-las's bed- not saying that. Right. Sorry, I meant Tu- *Gets strangled and flamed at same time by a lot of FoPeans, except for Rose, who STILL doesn't get "mostly unused." *)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Next chapter is the A/G scene. *Squeaks and ducks*
Oh, for the rest of the universe, "mostly unused" is from my story Three Days. Which only has one chapter up so far, so don't bother, it doesn't explain yet. Damn, this is ... annoying.