A Sea of Darkness

Disclaimer: See previous page

Rating: PG

Archive: Sure, email first

A/N: My very first Fanfic.

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Chapter Three: Dark Seas

 It was sometime during the night that I realized my tiredness wasn't just tiredness. It was the flu. Which is perfect. While Mom has a mid-life crisis or whatever the heck she calls it, I'm stuck feeling worse than dead and trying to maintain a healthy home life for Eric. He deserves it.

The summer heat does not feel good to a person who has the flu. I'm lying there, under three blankets and shaking so hard I'm surprised Eric doesn't realize. We sort of have a sixth sense for watching out for one another. I'm trying to focus in on the shadows that make their way through the window and spread across the walls. It's hard to focus when your stomach is turning and your head is dizzy. I'm trying to figure out what I did to deserve the flu. Okay, I lied to the math teacher. I told him my dog ate my homework. I don't even have a dog. But that was all.

I'm hoping that this is just one of those one-hour flu things you hear about, and not one of the mutated bird flu diseases from Japan. I'm also hoping that this is not contagious. The only thing worse than having the flu is having a family member, i.e. little brother, who has it as well.

  My head is pounding. Knock, Knock, Knock. Wait, it's not my head. It's the door. I glance over at the digital clock. Its blood-red numbers tell me its 1:30 in the morning, if my blurry vision serves correctly.

I don't exactly live in safe-country, so when anybody comes knocking at your door in the middle of the night, you are as good as dead. Sorry, that was my negative attitude. I'm fairly negative about life and its components. My motto is basically: 'life blows so suck it up and deal with it."

The knocking is becoming more frantic. Grumbling some unrepeatable words under my breath, I try to make my way to the middle of the three doors in front of me. It's hard when they keep moving. I see Mom lurking in the shadows, but she makes no move towards the door.

"Should – should I get it?" I manage to ask.

"Answer the door Abby." Okay, thanks for being concerned about my well-being, Mom. You're the best.

I unlock the chain on the door. It clatters noisily. I half turn the knob before the door is shoved so hard I think the hinges broke. And, since I'm behind that door, I get the ol' knob to the gut.

Some guy is now standing in the doorway. He must be one of Mom's acquaintances from a bar. I know these guys. Armed with a leather jacket and about seven gazillion tattoos of different girl's names, they're about as bright as my goldfish. And my goldfish is dead. I miss you, Flipper.

The guy mumbled something about "gun…police...." I didn't really have a clue what was going on. I wanted to go have two bottles of aspirin and then confess my sins and be redeemed of my health. Then I would join a convent and spend the rest of my years worshiping God.  Or I could go to bed. Whatever comes first.

The next thing I know, Mom's got a suitcase and is standing at the door beside Mr. Leather Jacket.

They mumble some crap that I don't understand. The only words that hit me are "We…Leave…Now."

Mom always left us for a few hours at a time. But this was far different. It would be the first time I would be on my own for much, much longer than an hour.

"Where are you going?" I asked dumbly.

Mr. Leather Jacket looked at me with eyes that said 'I disapprove of your existence on this planet'. I can recognize that miles away. I get that look a lot.

Mom looked at me with eyes that said 'I'm drunk, don't piss me off.' I see those a lot too.

She snaps, "Abby shut up. Duke was talking and you're always yapping. I'm going to have to punch your mouth shut." I'd like to see her try. In the state she was in, she was lucky to be standing.

Mr. Leather Jacket announced that he was leaving and either she didn't or did come with him.

Mom bent down and looked me straight in the face. The smell of alcohol is unbearable to me.

"Abby, I have one thing to say. Don't do what I've done. Go to school, be a doctor, get married. Do something with your life."

The man formally known as Mr. Leather Jacket snorted disapprovingly. I backed away as he rushed out the door.

Mom was already out and down the hall when I suddenly realized that she was abandoning us. Like Dad had done. Was it my fault? I tried my best to be good. Eric was always good. It must be me. I've screwed up Eric's life because I'm an idiot.

"Mom!" I called, racing after her. My legs are shaking for two reasons, I'm not sure I can get to her fast enough.

She ignores me.

"Mom!" I manage to catch up to her near the elevator. Its name is Old Rusty, and if you lived where I did, you would see why. "What are you doing?"

"Abby, I told you –"

"No you didn't! You never talk to me."

"I have to leave."

"Why?"

She chose to ignore me.

"Mom, you don't have to do this! If you take your meds and go to the doctor, it would be okay!" It would never be okay.

"Abby, you won't understand –" she breaks off, crying. I roll my eyes. It's a habit.

Why is she crying? My stomach threatens to tell Mom how I feel about her.

"Why are you leaving us?" I shout.

"Abby, you can't do this –"

"Why? What did we do?"

"You didn't. I'm leaving for you."

"What?" Either she was drunk, stupid or both. "Fine, I don't care. Leave me. But not Eric. Don't do it. He doesn't remember Dad." Her eyes are cast downward. "But he knows you. Mom, you are a screw-up, but he doesn't know that. He will if you leave. So don't!" I'm all out of pleads.

"Hey kid, why don't you shut up? Is she always so loud?" Mr. Leather Duke asks. I want to kill him with my eyes. And if looks could kill, he would have been dead at least five times already.

Mom doesn't answer.

The elevator doors open. They sort of squeak open and the bell doesn't ring, it buzzes. Mr. Jacket Duke and Mom step in. The doors start to shut, and before I know it I'm between the doors, holding them open. Old Rusty squeaks in protest.

"Don't do this Mom."

"Let go of the door."

"Please –"

"Goodbye." She says. And that was it. I let go of the doors and as they slid shut, my Mom disappeared from view. And my life. I stood, swaying slightly, staring at the spot they used to stand. I can't believe she just did that.

I'm still in shock as I wander slowly back to the apartment. I tell myself to be very quiet, and upon opening the door, I try and avoid the creaky spots on the floor. If Eric wakes up, I'm in trouble. He doesn't like it when Mom leaves. I know how he feels. I feel the same. When she leaves, he won't leave my side until she comes back. Even if she comes back at 6:30 in the morning. He'll stay with me. He barely lets me escape to the bathroom alone. He stays in my bed and I read to him. Reading takes our minds off all the crap she does.

I feel like I'm going to pass out. I go out onto the balcony, holding onto the railing like my life depends on it. It sort of does. If I let go, I'm sure I'd fall.

Looking out, all I see is darkness. A deep, unforgiving sea that I feel I am drowning in. There are no lights cast from the stars or the moon. Just that sea of darkness. It's very deep.

I let the summer wind blow my hair around, breathing deep to calm myself down. I can't fall apart because I have to be the Mom now. That sounds weird. But, upon thinking about all that's happened tonight, my thirteen-year-old mind can't handle it. And my stomach can't either.

I rush into the bathroom. Looking at myself in the mirror, I shake my head and mutter "Why?" before I start to gag.

Soon, Eric comes in and holds back my hair for me. Because that's what brothers and sisters are for.

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A/N: Review. Thanks.