"That's it, I am most definitely not doing this. It's depraved. It's
wrong. I refuse." Hermione folded her arms.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Hermione walked swiftly through the bent skyscraper that housed the Witch Weekly offices. Even if she was facing imminent doom, there was no reason to be late, that's just rude.
After a small journey she found herself faced with a stained glass set of double doors, the stained parts spelled out 'With Weekly Enterprises". She went for the door knob and started to turn, but it resisted. She tried again, no luck.
"Alohomora." Still nothing.
"Try as you might, my dear, but you're not getting in here with those shoes." A snooty sounding voice said.
"Excuse me?" Hermione was quite offended, she liked those shoes.
"You heard me. Those shoes are atrocious, and who told you gray was your color? They should be A.K'd."
"Harry likes these trousers on me!" She growled. All the other enchanted objects, like the mirrors at Hogwarts, had likes her and her trousers.
"Maybe he didn't like the trousers so much as the panties in the trousers?" The little cheeky voice said.
Hermione was outraged. "Harry isn't like that!"
"That's what they all say lassie." It taunted.
"Sod off Mayble, don't aggravate the guests." A smooth voice said from behind her. "I'm sorry, the door has a horrible sense of humor, Hermione?"
"Lavender?" Lavender Brown stood next to her, wearing a short skirt, trendy blouse, and a lavender fedora covering her blonde curls.
"I haven't seen you in ages! You must be here for an interview."
"Yes, but I can't seem to get in."
"No worries," She turned to the door. "Fedoras." She stated, she turned back to Hermione. "Anyone who works here has to know what's in this week, that's always the password." She said in explanation.
"Oh," After a few seconds of silence Hermione started again. "What do you do here?" Hermione asked.
"I'm a trend spotter and occasionally I do the dating advice column, Trelawny's class had it's uses, my inner eye spots trends." Hermione suppressed a snort. "I know you don't believe in it, but I just get this feeling sometimes and I know what to buy."
"Wouldn't that be fashion sense?"
"Please! That's just muggle folklore, don't be so daft girl." Hermione glared, but Lavender didn't notice. "Anyway, I was very surprised to see you here. I assumed you doing the interview was a rumor, you had a strictly hush hush stance on the whole war and your part in it."
"Well, I honestly was sort of forced into this by Ron."
Lav stopped mid step and paled a little. "R-Ron?" She recovered her color quickly. "What's Ron doing ordering you around?"
Hermione sighed. "He's my Captain and uses full force, even ordering my personal affairs."
Lavender fell back into step. "Right, I'm sure this is just a great idea to publicize some trap and manipulate the media."
It was Hermione's turn to pale. "No, just a public image exercise."
Lavender outright laughed. "You're a horrible liar. You've got to do better than that to get past the woman doing your interview. She'll twist even the best's words around."
"Don't worry about me. I've dealt with worse." Hermione almost visibly shuddered when she thought of the dark days of Rita Skeeter.
"Well, after this why don't we go to lunch? We should catch up."
"Alright. I'm off for the rest of the day to recuperate from this painful experience, so what about three?"
"I'll meet you in the lobby." Lavender said with a nod. "Here's my stop, yours is the next one over. See you in a few."
"Bye."
~~~
Hermione walked into a door with the another set of stained glass, this one read "Interview Salon". She was anticipating an office with a messy desk and poster covered walls, like all the other reporters' offices she'd been in. She was sorely mistaken. She was greeted with a gray room, with a gray chair, and the most colorful woman she'd ever seen. Scratch that, she was slightly more colorful than when she'd seen her last.
"Rita Skeeter, how nice to see you again." Hermione said, every word dripping with sarcasm, though she also raised an eyebrow and colored a bit.
"Oh, you've heard of my sister? I'm Tallulah Skeeter, the younger one." She put a hand to her curls and flicked one behind her. It wasn't stiff, Hermione noted, these were real. Maybe she'd be better? Then she noted the three inch long, lime green nails that adorned her hand. Maybe she'd be worse.
"I'm sure you want this to be as painless as possible, so I'll get you started on the photo shoot and we'll do the interview around it." She got up with a swish of her yellow robes and went to the wall. "Fashion Department."
A strange tingle of bells all colors of the rainbow swirled and turned in the wall. Soon in cleared and the image of racks, desks, and a hodgepodge of papers and accessories. She saw a brunette with a sun dress walk up to the wall and open a rectangle of glass that turned out to be a door. "Follow me, I can tell we'll need a lot of work on you." Hermione glared at the back of her head. "LAVENDER!" She screeched.
Lavender popped up again from behind one of the racks. This time she was wearing pin-stripe pants with a white blouse and a blue pine-stripe fedora.
"Yes Talli? What can I do for my favorite reporter." Lavender said in a sickly sweet voice.
Tallulah turned to the rack of clothes. The moment she turned Lavender caught Hermione's eye and mouthed "I told you I could lie."
"Lavender?" Tallulah said shrilly.
"Yes Talli?"
"Why don't you get Miss Granger into something respectable and get her ready for the photo shoot?"
"I'll be back in a moment, I have something perfect for her. Come on Mione." She grabbed Hermione's hand and dragged her away to a new room. This one was a dressing room filled with cosmetics and every wall was lined with a different color scheme of clothes.
"Hermione, you've got it rough today." She threw something at her, which she deftly caught. "I didn't know they sicked Skeeter on you. She'll turn your words quicker than Fred and George will pull a prank on you. I thought they were going to give you to Marlin, she's at least decent, Skeeter is just cold."
Hermione wasn't quite listening, she was just staring down at the clothes Lavender had handed her. "Where's the rest of it?"
Lavender stopped digging through a closet full of shoes. "What?"
"I said, Where is the rest of it?" Hermione held up the jacket and pants. "I seem to be lacking a shirt and quite a bit of trouser."
"Just put it on and you'll see." Hermione turned to go to the changing stall. "Oh, and don't wear a bra."
"What?"
"Just trust me."
~~~
"Miss Granger?" Tallulah asked harshly through the dressing room door. "Miss Granger we'll need to start soon."
"Hear that Hermione? You'll need to come out." Lavender taunted.
"I'm going to apperate out of here. No one is ever going to see me in this."
"No, you're not going to leave, it's not permitted and you know it. Not to mention that once Andre' starts on the shoot everyone is going to see you in it. you'll look ravishing, I know it."
"Miss Granger?"
"Come on Mione, I've see Tallulah rip through a door to get to a guest, it's only a matter of time."
"You're lying."
"Miss Granger, come out now or so help me..."
"All right, all right, you weren't lying." Hermione peeked out of the door.
"MISS GRANGER!" Tallulah screeched.
"Ron, you will pay for this." She muttered as she took her step out into the open.
A/N: Okay, this wasn't quite as funny, but the next chapter should be oodles of fun. Hermione is going to go insane, Harry is coached, and we'll see what our little hero is thinking. Not to mention the insanity that will ensue once we get Lavender and some naughty underwear together. So keep reading, have fun, and review (it gives me warm and fuzzies.)
THANK YOU REVIEWERS!!!! I love you guys!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Hermione walked swiftly through the bent skyscraper that housed the Witch Weekly offices. Even if she was facing imminent doom, there was no reason to be late, that's just rude.
After a small journey she found herself faced with a stained glass set of double doors, the stained parts spelled out 'With Weekly Enterprises". She went for the door knob and started to turn, but it resisted. She tried again, no luck.
"Alohomora." Still nothing.
"Try as you might, my dear, but you're not getting in here with those shoes." A snooty sounding voice said.
"Excuse me?" Hermione was quite offended, she liked those shoes.
"You heard me. Those shoes are atrocious, and who told you gray was your color? They should be A.K'd."
"Harry likes these trousers on me!" She growled. All the other enchanted objects, like the mirrors at Hogwarts, had likes her and her trousers.
"Maybe he didn't like the trousers so much as the panties in the trousers?" The little cheeky voice said.
Hermione was outraged. "Harry isn't like that!"
"That's what they all say lassie." It taunted.
"Sod off Mayble, don't aggravate the guests." A smooth voice said from behind her. "I'm sorry, the door has a horrible sense of humor, Hermione?"
"Lavender?" Lavender Brown stood next to her, wearing a short skirt, trendy blouse, and a lavender fedora covering her blonde curls.
"I haven't seen you in ages! You must be here for an interview."
"Yes, but I can't seem to get in."
"No worries," She turned to the door. "Fedoras." She stated, she turned back to Hermione. "Anyone who works here has to know what's in this week, that's always the password." She said in explanation.
"Oh," After a few seconds of silence Hermione started again. "What do you do here?" Hermione asked.
"I'm a trend spotter and occasionally I do the dating advice column, Trelawny's class had it's uses, my inner eye spots trends." Hermione suppressed a snort. "I know you don't believe in it, but I just get this feeling sometimes and I know what to buy."
"Wouldn't that be fashion sense?"
"Please! That's just muggle folklore, don't be so daft girl." Hermione glared, but Lavender didn't notice. "Anyway, I was very surprised to see you here. I assumed you doing the interview was a rumor, you had a strictly hush hush stance on the whole war and your part in it."
"Well, I honestly was sort of forced into this by Ron."
Lav stopped mid step and paled a little. "R-Ron?" She recovered her color quickly. "What's Ron doing ordering you around?"
Hermione sighed. "He's my Captain and uses full force, even ordering my personal affairs."
Lavender fell back into step. "Right, I'm sure this is just a great idea to publicize some trap and manipulate the media."
It was Hermione's turn to pale. "No, just a public image exercise."
Lavender outright laughed. "You're a horrible liar. You've got to do better than that to get past the woman doing your interview. She'll twist even the best's words around."
"Don't worry about me. I've dealt with worse." Hermione almost visibly shuddered when she thought of the dark days of Rita Skeeter.
"Well, after this why don't we go to lunch? We should catch up."
"Alright. I'm off for the rest of the day to recuperate from this painful experience, so what about three?"
"I'll meet you in the lobby." Lavender said with a nod. "Here's my stop, yours is the next one over. See you in a few."
"Bye."
~~~
Hermione walked into a door with the another set of stained glass, this one read "Interview Salon". She was anticipating an office with a messy desk and poster covered walls, like all the other reporters' offices she'd been in. She was sorely mistaken. She was greeted with a gray room, with a gray chair, and the most colorful woman she'd ever seen. Scratch that, she was slightly more colorful than when she'd seen her last.
"Rita Skeeter, how nice to see you again." Hermione said, every word dripping with sarcasm, though she also raised an eyebrow and colored a bit.
"Oh, you've heard of my sister? I'm Tallulah Skeeter, the younger one." She put a hand to her curls and flicked one behind her. It wasn't stiff, Hermione noted, these were real. Maybe she'd be better? Then she noted the three inch long, lime green nails that adorned her hand. Maybe she'd be worse.
"I'm sure you want this to be as painless as possible, so I'll get you started on the photo shoot and we'll do the interview around it." She got up with a swish of her yellow robes and went to the wall. "Fashion Department."
A strange tingle of bells all colors of the rainbow swirled and turned in the wall. Soon in cleared and the image of racks, desks, and a hodgepodge of papers and accessories. She saw a brunette with a sun dress walk up to the wall and open a rectangle of glass that turned out to be a door. "Follow me, I can tell we'll need a lot of work on you." Hermione glared at the back of her head. "LAVENDER!" She screeched.
Lavender popped up again from behind one of the racks. This time she was wearing pin-stripe pants with a white blouse and a blue pine-stripe fedora.
"Yes Talli? What can I do for my favorite reporter." Lavender said in a sickly sweet voice.
Tallulah turned to the rack of clothes. The moment she turned Lavender caught Hermione's eye and mouthed "I told you I could lie."
"Lavender?" Tallulah said shrilly.
"Yes Talli?"
"Why don't you get Miss Granger into something respectable and get her ready for the photo shoot?"
"I'll be back in a moment, I have something perfect for her. Come on Mione." She grabbed Hermione's hand and dragged her away to a new room. This one was a dressing room filled with cosmetics and every wall was lined with a different color scheme of clothes.
"Hermione, you've got it rough today." She threw something at her, which she deftly caught. "I didn't know they sicked Skeeter on you. She'll turn your words quicker than Fred and George will pull a prank on you. I thought they were going to give you to Marlin, she's at least decent, Skeeter is just cold."
Hermione wasn't quite listening, she was just staring down at the clothes Lavender had handed her. "Where's the rest of it?"
Lavender stopped digging through a closet full of shoes. "What?"
"I said, Where is the rest of it?" Hermione held up the jacket and pants. "I seem to be lacking a shirt and quite a bit of trouser."
"Just put it on and you'll see." Hermione turned to go to the changing stall. "Oh, and don't wear a bra."
"What?"
"Just trust me."
~~~
"Miss Granger?" Tallulah asked harshly through the dressing room door. "Miss Granger we'll need to start soon."
"Hear that Hermione? You'll need to come out." Lavender taunted.
"I'm going to apperate out of here. No one is ever going to see me in this."
"No, you're not going to leave, it's not permitted and you know it. Not to mention that once Andre' starts on the shoot everyone is going to see you in it. you'll look ravishing, I know it."
"Miss Granger?"
"Come on Mione, I've see Tallulah rip through a door to get to a guest, it's only a matter of time."
"You're lying."
"Miss Granger, come out now or so help me..."
"All right, all right, you weren't lying." Hermione peeked out of the door.
"MISS GRANGER!" Tallulah screeched.
"Ron, you will pay for this." She muttered as she took her step out into the open.
A/N: Okay, this wasn't quite as funny, but the next chapter should be oodles of fun. Hermione is going to go insane, Harry is coached, and we'll see what our little hero is thinking. Not to mention the insanity that will ensue once we get Lavender and some naughty underwear together. So keep reading, have fun, and review (it gives me warm and fuzzies.)
THANK YOU REVIEWERS!!!! I love you guys!