A/N: I forget disclaimers like I forget homework assignments so don't
expect too many. I don't own anything but my ideas. So there! Have fun and
read.
"That's cheating Ron." Dean scolded, his head pointing out of the Fireplace.
"No it isn't, I remember that contract you made us sign. It said any forms of cheating were, and I quote: 'Using Love potions, unforgivable curses, or any other form of fabricating love and confession.' Sound familiar?" Ron taunted, knowing soon he would get his money.
"Yes, I knew letting Neville draw that up was a bad idea." He said under his breath. "It still isn't above-board."
"How so?" Ron leaned back in his chair with his hands behind his head, grinning.
"You're going to be ordering them."
"Yes, but not in what to say, that's just wrong." Dean rolled his eyes. "So am I getting a cheque or cash?"
"What if this doesn't work?"
"Of course it will work-" Just then the door burst open, it was Harry.
"Ron this won't work. We need to rethink this plan."
"I'll just wait a while before I make any cheques" With that Dean popped out of the fire place.
Ron turned his chair to face Harry. "What's the problem?"
Harry looked and felt harassed. His world was falling down around him and his face showed it. His usual dark coloring went pale at the mere mention of this "date". The boy-who-lived had a case of nerves, and he had them bad.
"Everything's the problem! I can't do this Ron. It just won't work."
Ron almost broke into hysterics. His friend was going insane over one little faux date. The most suave (when not on the dance floor), the most handsome, the most debonair boy in Hogwarts was having a nervous attack at the mere mention of a date with Hermione.
"Just sit down and tell Ron all about it." Ron said patting the edge of the desk in a fatherly manner.
Harry fell into a chair sideways, so he was lying on it, his feet sticking out over the side. He cradled his head in his hands and sighed the sigh of a man knowing he's going to be lead to the gallows. "She's my friend, Ron, my friend. You know, the best mate Hermione that paints my flat, that could care less if I called her after we had dinner, not the girl I don't call in the morning." Harry looked pleadingly into Ron's eyes, willing him to understand.
Ron was having far to much fun toying with him to let him know he knew exactly what he was saying, so he blinked and gave him a confused look.
"You know how I seem to go out on many dates, right?" Ron nodded. "Most I don't even want to go on, but people see that I'm not dating anyone a decide to fix me up with their cousins, it's a vicious circle." Ron nodded again, mentally grinning when he remembered Mad-Eye Moody fixing Harry up with his niece "Crazy Leg" Linda. needless to say it didn't work well. "Do you want to know why I don't do well on dates, why I haven't gone steady with anyone for any amount of time?" Harry's voice was growing with every syllable. "Do want to know why?"
Ron shrugged. "Why?"
"Because I've already found her and I'm too big of a git to just walk up tell her. Because I'm such a coward that I think that if I even touch her the wrong way or say the wrong thing our relationship, friendly and other wise will be over!" He slammed his hand down on the desk, scattering papers and making Ron's picture of Ginny fall down on it's face.
"Well don't take it out on Ginny."
Harry sighed and put his head back into his hands. "Don't you even want to know who it is?" His muffled voice said.
"Well sure, if you think you can say it without doing any damage to my desk."
"Git." Was his reply. Then after a few seconds there was some sort of mumbling came through his hands.
"Excuse me?"
"Mermiomoe"
"What?"
"Mermione."
"Come again?"
"HERMIONE YOU FLAMING ARSE! I'M IN LOVE WITH BLEEDING HERMIONE!" Harry roared.
"Well now that that's out of the way, I'd like to move on to the real problem now." Ron said briskly, stacking papers that had been moved and righting the picture of Ginny.
"What's the real problem then? I happen to have a good a decent problem right here, if you wouldn't mind."
"What's the problem, you love her."
"The problem is I certainly can't tell her and I'm not going to make a complete fool of myself doing the whole date song and dance when I won't be able to go out on another one."
"There's absolutely no problem."
"How can you say that? I can't tell her now because what if she doesn't feel the same, there goes our friendship; if I don't this date will be hell."
"Here is where you let the genius upper management help my naive friend." He diligently ignored the look Harry was giving him. "You go on this date, be the best you can be, date wise, and at the end of it you tell her how you feel. If she doesn't feel the same it was all part of the act. If she responds positively, then more power to you."
Harry looked doubtful (as well he should). "What if I do something wrong?"
"I'll coach you, you'll look dashing and do everything a girl wants you to on a date."
"Since when are you Don Juan?"
"Since forever, you've just been too blind to notice my inexplicable sense with women."
"Inexplicable is right." He said under his breath.
Hermione sat motionless, silently cursing people. Ron for making her go on this mission, this sadist behind her, for poking and prodding her hair, Lavender for giving her an outfit (if it can be called that) that amounted to nothing, and Tallulah Skeeter, for trying to ask her baited questions.
Oh and were they baited. "As one of the few female aurors, how do you stay feminine?"
"I don't find I need women around me to know what I am and what I'm not."
"A bit cryptic."
"Not at all. I know I'm a woman, I know my needs, whether I'm with Harry and Ron or with Ginny and Padma."
"Who are Harry and Ron?" She said, with the tone of voice a younger sibling uses when your boyfriend calls.
"Harry Potter and Ron Weasley, my friends."
"Are they just friends?"
Hermione gripped the arms of the seat. "Of course they are. I've been friends with them since I was eleven." Then she remember why she came and was going through all this pain. (Speaking of pain, the woman doing her hair while all this was going on might have been using the cruciatus curse for all it hurt.) She quickly thought of something to say before Skeeter moved on. "Though Harry and I are going to dinner at malterias del amour." She said in her best "flighty tart" voice.
"Really? When? Why?" She took the bait whole heartedly.
"The twentieth, just as friends of course." She lied transparently, forcing a blush.
Tallulah did just what she should and ate it up. "Reeealy?"
"Oh, nothing's going on. We're just friends."
"Oh, of course Miss Granger. I think I have all I need now, why don't we get started on the shoot?"
~~~
The wizard named Andre` began to order people around like he was dictator. "More eyeliner, we want her to look sexy and smoky eyed, Genevieve, not like she has black marker around her eyes! Put that down Mindy, don't you think about another coat of that stuff you call lipstick, she'll look like she got in a fight with a box of crayons. Lavender, after this I'm restricting your right to put pin-stripes on anyone! They are over used and will be out of style by the next issue. What's with the fedoras? Miss Granger take your hands off the jacket! You have the perfect stomach and we're going to use it!"
Hermione took her ands off her jacket as if it were Dumbledore himself telling her to do something. This man was on a rampage. But she felt so bare. She had on an pin striped jacket too small for her, no shirt, matching trousers, and fedora.
Andre` walked up to her and pulled her trousers down. He looked into her eyes and said: "You have an auror's stomach, you have hips; you have the equipment, find the manual." He tugged again so that now her trousers were down to her underwear line.
Hermione nodded dumbly, feeling rather exposed and cold. Just when she thought it couldn't get worse, he came up to her with double sided tape. "Miss Granger, you may find this rather odd, but it will help in the end. This is a muggle trick so sit tight." He did something no man would ever do again. He took a long strip of tape and, well, you'll understand.
All she could think was, "Ron will pay dearly."
"What did you say?"
"I must've missed that sight?" Harry tried.
"Riiight, just remember I'm trying to help you." He got up and moved a chair next to Harry's and sat in it, crossing his legs. "Now pretend I'm Hermione."
Harry stared for a moment. "I'm sorry Ron, I just can't do that."
"Fine." He uncrossed his legs and pulled out his wand. "Sonurus, COLIN, COME INTO MY OFFICE" Ron's spell enhanced voice bellowed.
"Warn me before you do that." Harry whined rubbing his ears.
"SORRY, QUIETUS." Harry just rolled his eyes.
In a matter of seconds Colin was coming through the door. "Yes, Great and Powerful Oz? Anything I can do? Any Witches to be killed?"
"No, but one to be imitated. My poor boy here wants to know how to act on the date and we need a stunt Hermione."
Colin jumped into Harry's lap, he began in a squeaky voice: "Oh you're just so strong I want to hug you and kiss you and-"
"Hush Colin, there's children in the room." Ron chided.
Harry stood up, knocking Colin to the ground. "Someone else, anyone else. Get me Mad-Eye Moody for Merlin sake, just anyone else."
"Anyone?" Ron asked.
"Anyone."
"All right, you just might be sorry about this."
A/N: Kisses and hugs to anyone who reviews. I'm messing around with the story a bit. There will be some fun little things coming up (Lavender will become a fun character.) Like I said before, Harry gets coached, Lavender gets Hermione in trouble, and we get to see what Tallulah wrote. Not to mention the pictures. Fun fun! So review and make me feel good!
"Lead me not into temptation, I can find the way myself." Rita Mae Brown.
"That's cheating Ron." Dean scolded, his head pointing out of the Fireplace.
"No it isn't, I remember that contract you made us sign. It said any forms of cheating were, and I quote: 'Using Love potions, unforgivable curses, or any other form of fabricating love and confession.' Sound familiar?" Ron taunted, knowing soon he would get his money.
"Yes, I knew letting Neville draw that up was a bad idea." He said under his breath. "It still isn't above-board."
"How so?" Ron leaned back in his chair with his hands behind his head, grinning.
"You're going to be ordering them."
"Yes, but not in what to say, that's just wrong." Dean rolled his eyes. "So am I getting a cheque or cash?"
"What if this doesn't work?"
"Of course it will work-" Just then the door burst open, it was Harry.
"Ron this won't work. We need to rethink this plan."
"I'll just wait a while before I make any cheques" With that Dean popped out of the fire place.
Ron turned his chair to face Harry. "What's the problem?"
Harry looked and felt harassed. His world was falling down around him and his face showed it. His usual dark coloring went pale at the mere mention of this "date". The boy-who-lived had a case of nerves, and he had them bad.
"Everything's the problem! I can't do this Ron. It just won't work."
Ron almost broke into hysterics. His friend was going insane over one little faux date. The most suave (when not on the dance floor), the most handsome, the most debonair boy in Hogwarts was having a nervous attack at the mere mention of a date with Hermione.
"Just sit down and tell Ron all about it." Ron said patting the edge of the desk in a fatherly manner.
Harry fell into a chair sideways, so he was lying on it, his feet sticking out over the side. He cradled his head in his hands and sighed the sigh of a man knowing he's going to be lead to the gallows. "She's my friend, Ron, my friend. You know, the best mate Hermione that paints my flat, that could care less if I called her after we had dinner, not the girl I don't call in the morning." Harry looked pleadingly into Ron's eyes, willing him to understand.
Ron was having far to much fun toying with him to let him know he knew exactly what he was saying, so he blinked and gave him a confused look.
"You know how I seem to go out on many dates, right?" Ron nodded. "Most I don't even want to go on, but people see that I'm not dating anyone a decide to fix me up with their cousins, it's a vicious circle." Ron nodded again, mentally grinning when he remembered Mad-Eye Moody fixing Harry up with his niece "Crazy Leg" Linda. needless to say it didn't work well. "Do you want to know why I don't do well on dates, why I haven't gone steady with anyone for any amount of time?" Harry's voice was growing with every syllable. "Do want to know why?"
Ron shrugged. "Why?"
"Because I've already found her and I'm too big of a git to just walk up tell her. Because I'm such a coward that I think that if I even touch her the wrong way or say the wrong thing our relationship, friendly and other wise will be over!" He slammed his hand down on the desk, scattering papers and making Ron's picture of Ginny fall down on it's face.
"Well don't take it out on Ginny."
Harry sighed and put his head back into his hands. "Don't you even want to know who it is?" His muffled voice said.
"Well sure, if you think you can say it without doing any damage to my desk."
"Git." Was his reply. Then after a few seconds there was some sort of mumbling came through his hands.
"Excuse me?"
"Mermiomoe"
"What?"
"Mermione."
"Come again?"
"HERMIONE YOU FLAMING ARSE! I'M IN LOVE WITH BLEEDING HERMIONE!" Harry roared.
"Well now that that's out of the way, I'd like to move on to the real problem now." Ron said briskly, stacking papers that had been moved and righting the picture of Ginny.
"What's the real problem then? I happen to have a good a decent problem right here, if you wouldn't mind."
"What's the problem, you love her."
"The problem is I certainly can't tell her and I'm not going to make a complete fool of myself doing the whole date song and dance when I won't be able to go out on another one."
"There's absolutely no problem."
"How can you say that? I can't tell her now because what if she doesn't feel the same, there goes our friendship; if I don't this date will be hell."
"Here is where you let the genius upper management help my naive friend." He diligently ignored the look Harry was giving him. "You go on this date, be the best you can be, date wise, and at the end of it you tell her how you feel. If she doesn't feel the same it was all part of the act. If she responds positively, then more power to you."
Harry looked doubtful (as well he should). "What if I do something wrong?"
"I'll coach you, you'll look dashing and do everything a girl wants you to on a date."
"Since when are you Don Juan?"
"Since forever, you've just been too blind to notice my inexplicable sense with women."
"Inexplicable is right." He said under his breath.
Hermione sat motionless, silently cursing people. Ron for making her go on this mission, this sadist behind her, for poking and prodding her hair, Lavender for giving her an outfit (if it can be called that) that amounted to nothing, and Tallulah Skeeter, for trying to ask her baited questions.
Oh and were they baited. "As one of the few female aurors, how do you stay feminine?"
"I don't find I need women around me to know what I am and what I'm not."
"A bit cryptic."
"Not at all. I know I'm a woman, I know my needs, whether I'm with Harry and Ron or with Ginny and Padma."
"Who are Harry and Ron?" She said, with the tone of voice a younger sibling uses when your boyfriend calls.
"Harry Potter and Ron Weasley, my friends."
"Are they just friends?"
Hermione gripped the arms of the seat. "Of course they are. I've been friends with them since I was eleven." Then she remember why she came and was going through all this pain. (Speaking of pain, the woman doing her hair while all this was going on might have been using the cruciatus curse for all it hurt.) She quickly thought of something to say before Skeeter moved on. "Though Harry and I are going to dinner at malterias del amour." She said in her best "flighty tart" voice.
"Really? When? Why?" She took the bait whole heartedly.
"The twentieth, just as friends of course." She lied transparently, forcing a blush.
Tallulah did just what she should and ate it up. "Reeealy?"
"Oh, nothing's going on. We're just friends."
"Oh, of course Miss Granger. I think I have all I need now, why don't we get started on the shoot?"
~~~
The wizard named Andre` began to order people around like he was dictator. "More eyeliner, we want her to look sexy and smoky eyed, Genevieve, not like she has black marker around her eyes! Put that down Mindy, don't you think about another coat of that stuff you call lipstick, she'll look like she got in a fight with a box of crayons. Lavender, after this I'm restricting your right to put pin-stripes on anyone! They are over used and will be out of style by the next issue. What's with the fedoras? Miss Granger take your hands off the jacket! You have the perfect stomach and we're going to use it!"
Hermione took her ands off her jacket as if it were Dumbledore himself telling her to do something. This man was on a rampage. But she felt so bare. She had on an pin striped jacket too small for her, no shirt, matching trousers, and fedora.
Andre` walked up to her and pulled her trousers down. He looked into her eyes and said: "You have an auror's stomach, you have hips; you have the equipment, find the manual." He tugged again so that now her trousers were down to her underwear line.
Hermione nodded dumbly, feeling rather exposed and cold. Just when she thought it couldn't get worse, he came up to her with double sided tape. "Miss Granger, you may find this rather odd, but it will help in the end. This is a muggle trick so sit tight." He did something no man would ever do again. He took a long strip of tape and, well, you'll understand.
All she could think was, "Ron will pay dearly."
"What did you say?"
"I must've missed that sight?" Harry tried.
"Riiight, just remember I'm trying to help you." He got up and moved a chair next to Harry's and sat in it, crossing his legs. "Now pretend I'm Hermione."
Harry stared for a moment. "I'm sorry Ron, I just can't do that."
"Fine." He uncrossed his legs and pulled out his wand. "Sonurus, COLIN, COME INTO MY OFFICE" Ron's spell enhanced voice bellowed.
"Warn me before you do that." Harry whined rubbing his ears.
"SORRY, QUIETUS." Harry just rolled his eyes.
In a matter of seconds Colin was coming through the door. "Yes, Great and Powerful Oz? Anything I can do? Any Witches to be killed?"
"No, but one to be imitated. My poor boy here wants to know how to act on the date and we need a stunt Hermione."
Colin jumped into Harry's lap, he began in a squeaky voice: "Oh you're just so strong I want to hug you and kiss you and-"
"Hush Colin, there's children in the room." Ron chided.
Harry stood up, knocking Colin to the ground. "Someone else, anyone else. Get me Mad-Eye Moody for Merlin sake, just anyone else."
"Anyone?" Ron asked.
"Anyone."
"All right, you just might be sorry about this."
A/N: Kisses and hugs to anyone who reviews. I'm messing around with the story a bit. There will be some fun little things coming up (Lavender will become a fun character.) Like I said before, Harry gets coached, Lavender gets Hermione in trouble, and we get to see what Tallulah wrote. Not to mention the pictures. Fun fun! So review and make me feel good!
"Lead me not into temptation, I can find the way myself." Rita Mae Brown.