IT
Ch. 2-- THIS
He had been surprised when Murdock called a little after 1am. He had purposefully set their meeting time for morning, knowing how rare it was for the two young lovers to get time alone and knowing Face needed some of that time. The kid had been on edge for days now.
But when his groggy "This better be good." greeting was answered by Murdock's frantic voice announcing "Facey's sick!" his surprise turned to concern.
Now that he stood over the sleeping form of the young man he loved like a son, concern became anger.
Anger at the gooks who screwed up the kid's head in the first place.
Anger at the kid for not coming to him when things got to be too much. Not coming to him before it came to THIS.
But, mostly, anger at himself. How could he not see THIS coming? How could he possibly think that a promise from a frighten child in the middle of a terrifying war, desperate to stay in said war so as not to be separated from the only family he had ever known. stick years later? How could he not know when one of his men was in trouble?
"He's gonna be mad at me."
Hannibal looked at his Captain who stood against the wall next to the door. His arms were wrapped tightly around himself as he softly rocked back and forth. . His soft brown eyes were shiny with unshed tears, red from lack of sleep.
Another victim of Hannibal's lack of attention to his men. Murdock should never have been the one to discover THIS.
"He's gonna be really mad I told." Murdock whimpered.
Hannibal sighed. "You did the right thing, Captain." he assured. He reached up and rubbed the back of his neck. "How long should he sleep?" he wondered.
Murdock shrugged. "Same dose knocks the big guy out for six hours. Probably do Face for eight."
Hannibal glanced at the bed side clock. 7:36am. Murdock gave Face the spike soup a little before 1am. They had a couple hours.
"Too bad he can't talk to my doc." Murdock mumbled.
"Nice idea, Captain." Hannibal answered. He walked over to him, put an arm around the pilot's shoulders, and lead him out of the room. "You and B.A. go pick up the doc and head out to the cabin. As soon as Face wakes up, we'll meet you out there."
Murdock nodded slightly, comforted simply by Hannibal taking control of the situation. "He's gonna be alright, right, Colonel?" he asked before moving away.
Hannibal hesitated. He had thought he was going to be alright last time. He grinned his best and answer "'Course he is. Don't worry about it." He chomped down on his cigar, trying to keep the grin in place.
Murdock watched him for a moment. Then, with a sigh, he started down the stairs.
"One more thing, Captain." Hannibal called to him. When Murdock looked back, he told him "Get everything sharp at the cabin locked up, okay. Out of sight, of mind, right?"
H.M.'s eyes widened slightly as the thought was planted in his mind that THIS might happen again. Swallowing hard, he nodded slightly, then spun about and ran down the stairs.
Hannibal waited until he heard the van leave, before he returned to the bedroom and his sleeping Lieutenant. It was time he found out how far THIS had gone.
Pulling back the blankets, exposing Face's body, he began to count...
One...
He remembered the first time he had seen THIS.
... seven, eight, nine...
Face had been hiding behind a tree. At first, Hannibal thought he was trying to give himself one of those stupid amateur tattoos first-tour virgins tried, nearly losing their arms in the process.
... sixteen, seventeen...
He had caught him by the wrist and yanked him about only to see the true horror of what he had been doing to himself.
... twenty-three, twenty-four...
`What the hell is THIS?' he had demanded. `You don't have enough people trying to kill you that you have to take a couple licks yourself?'
... thirty, thirty-one...
Face had looked at him with those innocent, clear blue eyes of his, doing his best to hold back his tears, to try and be the man he had sworn he was on his enlistment papers. But, when he spoke, it was with a little boy's desperate pleas.
... thirty-seven, thirty-eight, thirty-nine...
`Please, Colonel, please don't send me back!' he had pleaded. `I'll stop. I'll never do it again. But, please don't send me away! I'll die if you send me back!'
... forty-two, forty-three...
Like hanging out in the jungles of Vietnam was a guarantee of life.
... forty-seven, forty-eight...
Hannibal couldn't send him away. He knew he should of, but, after the POW camp, he just couldn't. Hannibal needed Faceman, needed Murdock and B.A., as badly as they needed him. He couldn't send him away. So he had made the kid promise him, swear to him, that he would never do THIS again. That if he felt the urge to do some damage he'd come to Hannibal, come at him if need be. But he would never, ever do THIS again!
... fifty-five, fifty-six...
Fifty-six wounds in varies stages of healing scattered over his body. Fifty-six times he had deliberately hurt himself. Fifty-six times he could of come to Hannibal, and fifty-six times he hadn't. Fifty-six times Hannibal could of taken notice and fifty-six times he hadn't. Fucking fifty- six fucking times he had fucking well done THIS!
Hannibal lurched to his feet, spun away, and slammed his fist in and through the wall.
"Personally, I like the wall down stairs." breathed a soft voice. "Plaster is weak. Doesn't hurt as much."
Hannibal looked back sharply to see Faceman rubbing his eyes. He quickly pulled his fist out of the wall. "How ya feelin', kid?" he wanted to know.
Face glanced down at his secret exposed. Slowly, he pushed himself up into a sitting position. Hannibal could see his mind desperately seeking an out, desperately fighting the panic back, desperately trying to remain in control. Picking his usual avenue for dealing with personal problems, Face chose to ignore it all together.
Picking up the clock, he yawned. "Almost 9am?" Face scratched his chest, climbing to his feet and glancing around for his clothes. "Should of been on the road by now, Hannibal." he complained
Hannibal shrugged. "Looked like you could use the sleep." He took a deep breath. Better sooner than later. "Face..."
Face slipped into his pants. "Where's Murdock? You know he's got an egg now?"
"Faceman...."
"Can't wait to see what B.A. does about that." Face chuckled.
"Lieutenant!" Hannibal snapped, grabbing the younger man by the shoulders and shaking him.
Face fell silent, looking away.
Hannibal sighed, calming himself. After a few deep breaths, he asked "Why did you do THIS to yourself?"
No answer.
"Why didn't you come to me?"
No answer.
"Damn it, Face..."
The kid winced. He shook his head, looking up at him with those innocent, clear blue eyes of his. "I'm sorry. I tried. I really tried. It just got so... so..." Again he shook his head. "It won't happen again. I promise, Colonel! I'll never do it again!"
Fifteen years later, but the same old words. Hannible wasn't going to fall for it again. "Not this time, kid. I'm not falling for it twice." he warned.
Face stiffened. As if pulling up a mask, the pleading look was gone, replaced with anger, with mistrust. He jerked away. "It isn't like I'm hurting anyone!" he snapped.
"Except maybe yourself." Hannibal returned.
"Come on!" Face held out his arms. "Scratches! Most of them barely bleed!"
Hannibal grabbed one arm and turned it until he could see the latest. "THIS is not a scratch, damn it!"
Face tried to pull away, but Hannibal wasn't releasing him. "That was an accident!" he protested.
"An accident happens once. Maybe even twice." Hannibal countered, fighting once more for control. "It does not happen three, four, fucking fifty-six times!" He released the arm and shoved him back down onto the bed. "And THIS will not happen again!"
Face stared up at him. It took a moment for him to gather his courage up for one more attack. Seeing as words were getting him no where....
He jumped up and took a swing at the Colonel, who easily stepped back to avoid it. Hannibal caught the out stretched arm, spun the young man around, and pinned his arms behind him. He held the kid close to him, wrapping his free arm around his chest. He could feel Face's heart beating frantically as if it was trying to break free from flesh and bone and mortal coils.
"Done?" Hannibal asked.
Face stopped his struggling. "Who the hell do you think you are to tell me what I can and can't do?" he snarled.
Hannibal held him close, hoping Face couldn't feel his own heart racing. "I'm the closest damn thing to a father you ever had!" was his answer.
Silence. Cold, icy silence.
Hannibal released him. "We'll leave for the cabin as soon as your dressed. Murdock and B.A. will meet us there." He neglected to mention the doctor. He didn't want to have to hog tie the kid to get him to go.
Face stepped away. He glanced back at him. "IT isn't that big of a deal." he whispered, picking up his shirt.
"No, Templeton... THIS is a very big deal."
He had been surprised when Murdock called a little after 1am. He had purposefully set their meeting time for morning, knowing how rare it was for the two young lovers to get time alone and knowing Face needed some of that time. The kid had been on edge for days now.
But when his groggy "This better be good." greeting was answered by Murdock's frantic voice announcing "Facey's sick!" his surprise turned to concern.
Now that he stood over the sleeping form of the young man he loved like a son, concern became anger.
Anger at the gooks who screwed up the kid's head in the first place.
Anger at the kid for not coming to him when things got to be too much. Not coming to him before it came to THIS.
But, mostly, anger at himself. How could he not see THIS coming? How could he possibly think that a promise from a frighten child in the middle of a terrifying war, desperate to stay in said war so as not to be separated from the only family he had ever known. stick years later? How could he not know when one of his men was in trouble?
"He's gonna be mad at me."
Hannibal looked at his Captain who stood against the wall next to the door. His arms were wrapped tightly around himself as he softly rocked back and forth. . His soft brown eyes were shiny with unshed tears, red from lack of sleep.
Another victim of Hannibal's lack of attention to his men. Murdock should never have been the one to discover THIS.
"He's gonna be really mad I told." Murdock whimpered.
Hannibal sighed. "You did the right thing, Captain." he assured. He reached up and rubbed the back of his neck. "How long should he sleep?" he wondered.
Murdock shrugged. "Same dose knocks the big guy out for six hours. Probably do Face for eight."
Hannibal glanced at the bed side clock. 7:36am. Murdock gave Face the spike soup a little before 1am. They had a couple hours.
"Too bad he can't talk to my doc." Murdock mumbled.
"Nice idea, Captain." Hannibal answered. He walked over to him, put an arm around the pilot's shoulders, and lead him out of the room. "You and B.A. go pick up the doc and head out to the cabin. As soon as Face wakes up, we'll meet you out there."
Murdock nodded slightly, comforted simply by Hannibal taking control of the situation. "He's gonna be alright, right, Colonel?" he asked before moving away.
Hannibal hesitated. He had thought he was going to be alright last time. He grinned his best and answer "'Course he is. Don't worry about it." He chomped down on his cigar, trying to keep the grin in place.
Murdock watched him for a moment. Then, with a sigh, he started down the stairs.
"One more thing, Captain." Hannibal called to him. When Murdock looked back, he told him "Get everything sharp at the cabin locked up, okay. Out of sight, of mind, right?"
H.M.'s eyes widened slightly as the thought was planted in his mind that THIS might happen again. Swallowing hard, he nodded slightly, then spun about and ran down the stairs.
Hannibal waited until he heard the van leave, before he returned to the bedroom and his sleeping Lieutenant. It was time he found out how far THIS had gone.
Pulling back the blankets, exposing Face's body, he began to count...
One...
He remembered the first time he had seen THIS.
... seven, eight, nine...
Face had been hiding behind a tree. At first, Hannibal thought he was trying to give himself one of those stupid amateur tattoos first-tour virgins tried, nearly losing their arms in the process.
... sixteen, seventeen...
He had caught him by the wrist and yanked him about only to see the true horror of what he had been doing to himself.
... twenty-three, twenty-four...
`What the hell is THIS?' he had demanded. `You don't have enough people trying to kill you that you have to take a couple licks yourself?'
... thirty, thirty-one...
Face had looked at him with those innocent, clear blue eyes of his, doing his best to hold back his tears, to try and be the man he had sworn he was on his enlistment papers. But, when he spoke, it was with a little boy's desperate pleas.
... thirty-seven, thirty-eight, thirty-nine...
`Please, Colonel, please don't send me back!' he had pleaded. `I'll stop. I'll never do it again. But, please don't send me away! I'll die if you send me back!'
... forty-two, forty-three...
Like hanging out in the jungles of Vietnam was a guarantee of life.
... forty-seven, forty-eight...
Hannibal couldn't send him away. He knew he should of, but, after the POW camp, he just couldn't. Hannibal needed Faceman, needed Murdock and B.A., as badly as they needed him. He couldn't send him away. So he had made the kid promise him, swear to him, that he would never do THIS again. That if he felt the urge to do some damage he'd come to Hannibal, come at him if need be. But he would never, ever do THIS again!
... fifty-five, fifty-six...
Fifty-six wounds in varies stages of healing scattered over his body. Fifty-six times he had deliberately hurt himself. Fifty-six times he could of come to Hannibal, and fifty-six times he hadn't. Fifty-six times Hannibal could of taken notice and fifty-six times he hadn't. Fucking fifty- six fucking times he had fucking well done THIS!
Hannibal lurched to his feet, spun away, and slammed his fist in and through the wall.
"Personally, I like the wall down stairs." breathed a soft voice. "Plaster is weak. Doesn't hurt as much."
Hannibal looked back sharply to see Faceman rubbing his eyes. He quickly pulled his fist out of the wall. "How ya feelin', kid?" he wanted to know.
Face glanced down at his secret exposed. Slowly, he pushed himself up into a sitting position. Hannibal could see his mind desperately seeking an out, desperately fighting the panic back, desperately trying to remain in control. Picking his usual avenue for dealing with personal problems, Face chose to ignore it all together.
Picking up the clock, he yawned. "Almost 9am?" Face scratched his chest, climbing to his feet and glancing around for his clothes. "Should of been on the road by now, Hannibal." he complained
Hannibal shrugged. "Looked like you could use the sleep." He took a deep breath. Better sooner than later. "Face..."
Face slipped into his pants. "Where's Murdock? You know he's got an egg now?"
"Faceman...."
"Can't wait to see what B.A. does about that." Face chuckled.
"Lieutenant!" Hannibal snapped, grabbing the younger man by the shoulders and shaking him.
Face fell silent, looking away.
Hannibal sighed, calming himself. After a few deep breaths, he asked "Why did you do THIS to yourself?"
No answer.
"Why didn't you come to me?"
No answer.
"Damn it, Face..."
The kid winced. He shook his head, looking up at him with those innocent, clear blue eyes of his. "I'm sorry. I tried. I really tried. It just got so... so..." Again he shook his head. "It won't happen again. I promise, Colonel! I'll never do it again!"
Fifteen years later, but the same old words. Hannible wasn't going to fall for it again. "Not this time, kid. I'm not falling for it twice." he warned.
Face stiffened. As if pulling up a mask, the pleading look was gone, replaced with anger, with mistrust. He jerked away. "It isn't like I'm hurting anyone!" he snapped.
"Except maybe yourself." Hannibal returned.
"Come on!" Face held out his arms. "Scratches! Most of them barely bleed!"
Hannibal grabbed one arm and turned it until he could see the latest. "THIS is not a scratch, damn it!"
Face tried to pull away, but Hannibal wasn't releasing him. "That was an accident!" he protested.
"An accident happens once. Maybe even twice." Hannibal countered, fighting once more for control. "It does not happen three, four, fucking fifty-six times!" He released the arm and shoved him back down onto the bed. "And THIS will not happen again!"
Face stared up at him. It took a moment for him to gather his courage up for one more attack. Seeing as words were getting him no where....
He jumped up and took a swing at the Colonel, who easily stepped back to avoid it. Hannibal caught the out stretched arm, spun the young man around, and pinned his arms behind him. He held the kid close to him, wrapping his free arm around his chest. He could feel Face's heart beating frantically as if it was trying to break free from flesh and bone and mortal coils.
"Done?" Hannibal asked.
Face stopped his struggling. "Who the hell do you think you are to tell me what I can and can't do?" he snarled.
Hannibal held him close, hoping Face couldn't feel his own heart racing. "I'm the closest damn thing to a father you ever had!" was his answer.
Silence. Cold, icy silence.
Hannibal released him. "We'll leave for the cabin as soon as your dressed. Murdock and B.A. will meet us there." He neglected to mention the doctor. He didn't want to have to hog tie the kid to get him to go.
Face stepped away. He glanced back at him. "IT isn't that big of a deal." he whispered, picking up his shirt.
"No, Templeton... THIS is a very big deal."