I awake to the smell of bacon sizzling on the large campfire. Paul and
Polly are already moving around in the van. I get up slowly, dislodging
Chip from on top of my head.
"Morning." Paul says brightly. "Breakfast then trapeze rehearsal." I hear him leave the caravan, as always, while Polly picks out my rehearsal clothes and I get dressed.
As she passes me my leotard I say, "Sorry." I feel her pause for a moment. "I didn't mean what I said."
"I know." She says, patting me on the shoulder. "I learnt long ago that you have your father's temper. I didn't take our.disagreement to heart."
I smile and get dresses. Polly helps me down the stairs and into the fresh air. I feel Chip land on my shoulder and wrap his long tail tightly around my neck. I keep my head bowed as Polly guides me to a seat in the ring around the campfire. I can sense that there aren't many people close to me, so I relax slightly. "I'll get us some breakfast." Polly says, walking away towards where the cook must be serving breakfast. I lean back and stroke Chip's fur thoughtfully. I am nervous about our first practise on the new trapeze. I know that it will take me a while to get used to a different trapeze, but I'm worried that someone will notice my blindness.
I stiffen as Chip starts to chatter agitatedly and grab hold of my hair. I feel a shadow fall over me. "Who is there?" I ask quietly when the shadow does not move.
"It's Trowa." I hear Trowa say from behind. "I've brought you some breakfast."
"Thank you, but my Aunt is getting me some." I say. I feel Trowa sit next to me and Chip jumps onto my other shoulder so he has a better view of Trowa.
"She told me to the bring this to you." Trowa says. "She and Paul have gone with my sister to check the trapeze is how they want it. Your aunt asked me to make sure that you eat this and then take you over to the circus tent." He says quietly. "Here." He takes my hand to put a plate in it, but I instantly feel Chip alight from my shoulder and the next second I hear Trowa let out a cry. "Get off!"
"Chip!" I scold, guessing that Chip must have attacked Trowa as punishment for Trowa touching me. Chip often protects me territorially. I think that he sees Trowa as a threat because Trowa's dog attacked him. I feel Chip jumped onto my shoulder. I pick him up and scold him. "You mustn't do that!" I refuse to let him sit on my shoulder as punishment, and he sulks on the ground. "I'm sorry, did he bite you?" I ask Trowa.
"No, he just jumped on my arm." I detect a slight chuckle in Trowa's voice. "He is better than a guard dog."
"He's quite possessive." I agree. "He protects me from harm. He thinks you want to hurt me and I don't think he agreed with you touching my hand."
"Here." Trowa says, holding out the plate. I put my hand out and Trowa places the plate in my hand. "There's three rashes of bacon and a piece of bread on that plate. I'll put your tea by your left foot." He whispers, so I know what is in front of me. Hungrily I munch on the bacon. I missed dinner last night and I'm ravenous. Even the butterflies in my stomach that have hatched as a result of my nerves about the trapeze seem to be hungry!
I finish breakfast and drain my cup, aware that Trowa is still next to me. When I've finished I stand up and Chip grabs onto my leg. I put my hand down and he puts his little paw in it as if to say sorry. I nod at him and he scampers up my arm and takes his place on my shoulder. I feel Trowa stand next to me and Chip gives a little throaty growl.
"Chip!" I say warningly. The little monkey stops growling, but I feel his claws dig into my shoulder, ready to spring at Trowa.
"I'm not going to touch her." Trowa says to Chip. But Chip isn't satisfied with this answer. "Walk forwards." Trowa whispers. "I'll feed you directions if you need them. I do as I am told. I'm nervous of this. I completely trust Uncle Paul to guide me, but I barely know Trowa. But I have to trust that he will lead me in the right direction.
I hear a noise behind me and instinctively stop. "It's only Canz." Trowa says. I could have guessed this. Chip is chattering restlessly on my shoulder. I bend down and reach out to the dog near my feet. I feel the soft coat as I stroke the beautiful dog. He feels so silky and licks my hand kindly. Then he glues himself to my right hand side as I begin to walk. Trowa is standing on my left and whispers, "I think that Canz knows you need help."
"I don't need help." I retort. "I can do this on my own."
"Really?" Trowa asks.
"I'm not an invalid you know." I whisper angrily at Trowa. "I don't need your charity. If you are only here because it's your good deed for the day then I suggest you leave." I hate being treated as charity. So many people make the mistake of doing things for me. I don't need them to do everything; I just need guidance in doing things myself.
"I didn't mean to." Trowa begins. I can really hear the sorrow in his voice and I realise that I'm letting my temper get the better of me again.
"Sorry." I say. "I do need your help. I just don't want to be your cause."
"I'm sorry." Trowa says. An awkward hush falls between us, broken only by Chip squawking at Canz.
"So, what does your dog look like?" I ask, trying to change the subject.
"He's a cross breed." Trowa explains. "A collie cross something-or-other. He's only two years old and he adopted me really. He's black and white and has the most beautiful eyes, just like yours." Trowa gushes. He is obviously proud of his dog.
"Are you comparing me to some mongrel dog?" I ask jokingly. But as I say it I can hear Trowa stiffen and know that his comment was meant as a compliment.
"I was just saying that you both have lovely brown eyes." He says. "I didn't mean it as an insult. We are here." We walk inside the cool circus tent and instantly my heart lurches. The tent certainly feels a lot bigger than the one I'm used to.
"Sienne!" Paul rushes over and Trowa and Canz instantly relinquish their positions at my side.
"Thank you." I say to Trowa as Paul guides me to the centre of the arena, whispering as he goes.
"OK, this one is twice the height of the one back at the other circus, at least!" He whispers. My stomach churns as I try to imagine this. "They have a safety net underneath, which is good. The distances between the two trapeze lines in a lot bigger too. You'll have to rely on Polly and I to tell you when to grab and release."
We draw level with Catherine and Polly. Polly feels tense and I can tell that she is worried about me attempting this.
"Well, good luck!" Catherine says brightly. "I'll be watching from the stands."
She walks away and I hear her move into the stands and greet Trowa, who has apparently stayed to watch. I wish that they wouldn't. If I fall I don't want them to see. I move Chip off of my shoulder and place him on the floor. Obediently he scampers off. I expect he'll find some ledge to sit on and watch.
Paul leaves me to go and climb one of the podiums that lead to the platform. Polly leads me over to the other ladder and tells me to begin to climb. Luckily the rungs on the ladder are regular so once I get into a rhythm I can guess where the next rung will be. "Five more to go." Polly whispers from beneath and I find myself standing on the podium. This is a lot higher than I am used to. Polly reaches out and takes hold on the trapeze bar. She guides my hands to it.
I take the bar in my hands. It is metal and I'm used to wood. It's also not as long as the last one was. I take a firm hold of the bar and Polly puts her arm around my waist to hold me in position. "Paul is going to swing out." She says. "We'll do the simple exchange. You let him grab your ankles and then let go of the bar. Then I will come out and take your hands on the next swing. After that I'll drop you onto the platform and go out to Paul. He will catch me and we'll both land on the other side. Then if you want, swing out and do a single somersault before catching the other bar and swinging back to us."
I nod, this is our standard opening display and we always perform it faultlessly because it is so simple. I tighten my grip on the bar. I hear Paul shout, "Go!" And Polly releases her grip on me. I swing through the air with the wind rushing in my ears. I am a lot higher than I am used to, and the swing is taking longer. As I feel Paul grab my ankles I release the bar. We swing back towards Paul's podium and he squeezes my leg to say 'Well done.'
I'm finding it hard to get used to the bigger trapeze. I feel like we are swinging for far too long. As we return to the centre I hold out my hands helplessly for Polly to grab. I feel her grab me just as Paul lets go. I feel like I'm dropping but Polly has her hands in mine. But her grip isn't very good. My hands are slipping and our podium is too far away. Just as I'm about to slip I feel my feet touch the podium. I jump onto it and turn around. I extend my hand in readiness to receive Polly's bar after she has left it. I'm aware of her swinging back and Paul catching her. The bar hits my hand and I grab hold of it.
I wait for a moment until I'm sure that Paul and Polly are safely across and ready to send out the second trapeze to me. I lift my feet from the platform and swing out. 'Wait. Wait. This gap is bigger.' I warn myself. I feel like I'm delaying for too longer and instinct takes over. I release my hold on the bar and somersault in mid air. But the gasp from Polly and Paul tells me that I have released to soon. Frantically I flail my arms out, hoping to catch the bar, but it isn't there.
I'm falling. The air whistles past my ears. My stomach lurches violently and my heart leaps into my throat. I let out a scream but it is whipped away by the wind. I feel like I'm falling forever. Just as I give up hope of ever hitting the ground I feel a tough rope underneath me, and another. I've landed on the safety net and I'm still falling. I'm slowing. I'm stopping. Now I'm moving upwards again. I fly a few feet into the air before falling again. And bouncing. On the third contact with the net I grab hold of one of the ropes and hold onto it. My body jerks as the constant bouncing stops. I collapse onto the tough net, shaking and trembling. I hear Polly scream and Paul shout out to me.
I lie on the net, unable to move for fear. I don't know where I am on the net. I could be in the middle or at the edge. If I move for the edge that is furthest away from me then Catherine will surely suspect something. I feel movement on the net and know that someone is coming towards me. I'm quivering violently and can feel tears streaming down my face. The person approaching comes up next to me and taps my shoulder. I think that it is Trowa, but I can't be sure.
"Who is there?" I gasp.
"It's Trowa." Trowa whispers. He doesn't ask if I am all right. He doesn't pat my shoulder or stroke my head. Instead I feel him kneel beside me. He pulls my limp body towards him and I find myself resting on his lap. He holds me close and says. "It's OK. You'll be fine. We are in the centre of the net and you are facing the entrance to the tent. Turn to your right to get off the net."
Then he lets go and helps me up. I realise that he has just done what Uncle Paul would do, and explain what is happening so that I can appear to have sight. He just helped me without doing things for me. Most people would have pulled me up and maybe carried me across, but Trowa explained the situation calmly and then let me do things for myself.
I wipe tears from my face as Trowa guides me gently to the edge of the net. He supports me so my feet won't go through the holes in the netting. When we reach the edge Uncle Paul runs over and grabs me by the waist. He hugs me tightly and I feel Polly come over and hug me too.
"Are you alright?" Catherine asks.
"She'll be fine." Polly says. "She's just shaken up. She isn't used to such big equipment. She has only ever worked with one size trapeze."
Catherine doesn't sounds convinced. "I thought you said she was an expert with real talent."
"She is." Paul says angrily. "But you are asking her to work with totally different sized tools. She just has to get used to it and she will be fine."
"You got used to it pretty quickly and you have only been on one piece of equipment." Catherine points out. I can't blame her for being suspicious. I would be it I were her.
"I'm sorry." I say, bowing my head to give the appearance that I am looking down. "I panicked and released too early."
Catherine seems satisfied for now. "Go and get something to drink then have another practise after lunch." She says. "Take a break and get cleaned up. I'll let you practise in peace today, but if I don't see an improvement tomorrow we will have to rethink this whole idea."
She walks away and, shaking, I collapse to the floor in relief. "I'm sorry." Trowa says from above me. "I'll try to make her see that this was only a freak accident. But she's really uptight at the moment because three of our clowns are ill. They ate some old custard pies and have food poisoning."
Trowa walks away and I sense Polly and Paul look at each other. I can only imagine how their faces must look. They'll be worried. MY blindness could cost them their jobs if I don't get this right today.
"Morning." Paul says brightly. "Breakfast then trapeze rehearsal." I hear him leave the caravan, as always, while Polly picks out my rehearsal clothes and I get dressed.
As she passes me my leotard I say, "Sorry." I feel her pause for a moment. "I didn't mean what I said."
"I know." She says, patting me on the shoulder. "I learnt long ago that you have your father's temper. I didn't take our.disagreement to heart."
I smile and get dresses. Polly helps me down the stairs and into the fresh air. I feel Chip land on my shoulder and wrap his long tail tightly around my neck. I keep my head bowed as Polly guides me to a seat in the ring around the campfire. I can sense that there aren't many people close to me, so I relax slightly. "I'll get us some breakfast." Polly says, walking away towards where the cook must be serving breakfast. I lean back and stroke Chip's fur thoughtfully. I am nervous about our first practise on the new trapeze. I know that it will take me a while to get used to a different trapeze, but I'm worried that someone will notice my blindness.
I stiffen as Chip starts to chatter agitatedly and grab hold of my hair. I feel a shadow fall over me. "Who is there?" I ask quietly when the shadow does not move.
"It's Trowa." I hear Trowa say from behind. "I've brought you some breakfast."
"Thank you, but my Aunt is getting me some." I say. I feel Trowa sit next to me and Chip jumps onto my other shoulder so he has a better view of Trowa.
"She told me to the bring this to you." Trowa says. "She and Paul have gone with my sister to check the trapeze is how they want it. Your aunt asked me to make sure that you eat this and then take you over to the circus tent." He says quietly. "Here." He takes my hand to put a plate in it, but I instantly feel Chip alight from my shoulder and the next second I hear Trowa let out a cry. "Get off!"
"Chip!" I scold, guessing that Chip must have attacked Trowa as punishment for Trowa touching me. Chip often protects me territorially. I think that he sees Trowa as a threat because Trowa's dog attacked him. I feel Chip jumped onto my shoulder. I pick him up and scold him. "You mustn't do that!" I refuse to let him sit on my shoulder as punishment, and he sulks on the ground. "I'm sorry, did he bite you?" I ask Trowa.
"No, he just jumped on my arm." I detect a slight chuckle in Trowa's voice. "He is better than a guard dog."
"He's quite possessive." I agree. "He protects me from harm. He thinks you want to hurt me and I don't think he agreed with you touching my hand."
"Here." Trowa says, holding out the plate. I put my hand out and Trowa places the plate in my hand. "There's three rashes of bacon and a piece of bread on that plate. I'll put your tea by your left foot." He whispers, so I know what is in front of me. Hungrily I munch on the bacon. I missed dinner last night and I'm ravenous. Even the butterflies in my stomach that have hatched as a result of my nerves about the trapeze seem to be hungry!
I finish breakfast and drain my cup, aware that Trowa is still next to me. When I've finished I stand up and Chip grabs onto my leg. I put my hand down and he puts his little paw in it as if to say sorry. I nod at him and he scampers up my arm and takes his place on my shoulder. I feel Trowa stand next to me and Chip gives a little throaty growl.
"Chip!" I say warningly. The little monkey stops growling, but I feel his claws dig into my shoulder, ready to spring at Trowa.
"I'm not going to touch her." Trowa says to Chip. But Chip isn't satisfied with this answer. "Walk forwards." Trowa whispers. "I'll feed you directions if you need them. I do as I am told. I'm nervous of this. I completely trust Uncle Paul to guide me, but I barely know Trowa. But I have to trust that he will lead me in the right direction.
I hear a noise behind me and instinctively stop. "It's only Canz." Trowa says. I could have guessed this. Chip is chattering restlessly on my shoulder. I bend down and reach out to the dog near my feet. I feel the soft coat as I stroke the beautiful dog. He feels so silky and licks my hand kindly. Then he glues himself to my right hand side as I begin to walk. Trowa is standing on my left and whispers, "I think that Canz knows you need help."
"I don't need help." I retort. "I can do this on my own."
"Really?" Trowa asks.
"I'm not an invalid you know." I whisper angrily at Trowa. "I don't need your charity. If you are only here because it's your good deed for the day then I suggest you leave." I hate being treated as charity. So many people make the mistake of doing things for me. I don't need them to do everything; I just need guidance in doing things myself.
"I didn't mean to." Trowa begins. I can really hear the sorrow in his voice and I realise that I'm letting my temper get the better of me again.
"Sorry." I say. "I do need your help. I just don't want to be your cause."
"I'm sorry." Trowa says. An awkward hush falls between us, broken only by Chip squawking at Canz.
"So, what does your dog look like?" I ask, trying to change the subject.
"He's a cross breed." Trowa explains. "A collie cross something-or-other. He's only two years old and he adopted me really. He's black and white and has the most beautiful eyes, just like yours." Trowa gushes. He is obviously proud of his dog.
"Are you comparing me to some mongrel dog?" I ask jokingly. But as I say it I can hear Trowa stiffen and know that his comment was meant as a compliment.
"I was just saying that you both have lovely brown eyes." He says. "I didn't mean it as an insult. We are here." We walk inside the cool circus tent and instantly my heart lurches. The tent certainly feels a lot bigger than the one I'm used to.
"Sienne!" Paul rushes over and Trowa and Canz instantly relinquish their positions at my side.
"Thank you." I say to Trowa as Paul guides me to the centre of the arena, whispering as he goes.
"OK, this one is twice the height of the one back at the other circus, at least!" He whispers. My stomach churns as I try to imagine this. "They have a safety net underneath, which is good. The distances between the two trapeze lines in a lot bigger too. You'll have to rely on Polly and I to tell you when to grab and release."
We draw level with Catherine and Polly. Polly feels tense and I can tell that she is worried about me attempting this.
"Well, good luck!" Catherine says brightly. "I'll be watching from the stands."
She walks away and I hear her move into the stands and greet Trowa, who has apparently stayed to watch. I wish that they wouldn't. If I fall I don't want them to see. I move Chip off of my shoulder and place him on the floor. Obediently he scampers off. I expect he'll find some ledge to sit on and watch.
Paul leaves me to go and climb one of the podiums that lead to the platform. Polly leads me over to the other ladder and tells me to begin to climb. Luckily the rungs on the ladder are regular so once I get into a rhythm I can guess where the next rung will be. "Five more to go." Polly whispers from beneath and I find myself standing on the podium. This is a lot higher than I am used to. Polly reaches out and takes hold on the trapeze bar. She guides my hands to it.
I take the bar in my hands. It is metal and I'm used to wood. It's also not as long as the last one was. I take a firm hold of the bar and Polly puts her arm around my waist to hold me in position. "Paul is going to swing out." She says. "We'll do the simple exchange. You let him grab your ankles and then let go of the bar. Then I will come out and take your hands on the next swing. After that I'll drop you onto the platform and go out to Paul. He will catch me and we'll both land on the other side. Then if you want, swing out and do a single somersault before catching the other bar and swinging back to us."
I nod, this is our standard opening display and we always perform it faultlessly because it is so simple. I tighten my grip on the bar. I hear Paul shout, "Go!" And Polly releases her grip on me. I swing through the air with the wind rushing in my ears. I am a lot higher than I am used to, and the swing is taking longer. As I feel Paul grab my ankles I release the bar. We swing back towards Paul's podium and he squeezes my leg to say 'Well done.'
I'm finding it hard to get used to the bigger trapeze. I feel like we are swinging for far too long. As we return to the centre I hold out my hands helplessly for Polly to grab. I feel her grab me just as Paul lets go. I feel like I'm dropping but Polly has her hands in mine. But her grip isn't very good. My hands are slipping and our podium is too far away. Just as I'm about to slip I feel my feet touch the podium. I jump onto it and turn around. I extend my hand in readiness to receive Polly's bar after she has left it. I'm aware of her swinging back and Paul catching her. The bar hits my hand and I grab hold of it.
I wait for a moment until I'm sure that Paul and Polly are safely across and ready to send out the second trapeze to me. I lift my feet from the platform and swing out. 'Wait. Wait. This gap is bigger.' I warn myself. I feel like I'm delaying for too longer and instinct takes over. I release my hold on the bar and somersault in mid air. But the gasp from Polly and Paul tells me that I have released to soon. Frantically I flail my arms out, hoping to catch the bar, but it isn't there.
I'm falling. The air whistles past my ears. My stomach lurches violently and my heart leaps into my throat. I let out a scream but it is whipped away by the wind. I feel like I'm falling forever. Just as I give up hope of ever hitting the ground I feel a tough rope underneath me, and another. I've landed on the safety net and I'm still falling. I'm slowing. I'm stopping. Now I'm moving upwards again. I fly a few feet into the air before falling again. And bouncing. On the third contact with the net I grab hold of one of the ropes and hold onto it. My body jerks as the constant bouncing stops. I collapse onto the tough net, shaking and trembling. I hear Polly scream and Paul shout out to me.
I lie on the net, unable to move for fear. I don't know where I am on the net. I could be in the middle or at the edge. If I move for the edge that is furthest away from me then Catherine will surely suspect something. I feel movement on the net and know that someone is coming towards me. I'm quivering violently and can feel tears streaming down my face. The person approaching comes up next to me and taps my shoulder. I think that it is Trowa, but I can't be sure.
"Who is there?" I gasp.
"It's Trowa." Trowa whispers. He doesn't ask if I am all right. He doesn't pat my shoulder or stroke my head. Instead I feel him kneel beside me. He pulls my limp body towards him and I find myself resting on his lap. He holds me close and says. "It's OK. You'll be fine. We are in the centre of the net and you are facing the entrance to the tent. Turn to your right to get off the net."
Then he lets go and helps me up. I realise that he has just done what Uncle Paul would do, and explain what is happening so that I can appear to have sight. He just helped me without doing things for me. Most people would have pulled me up and maybe carried me across, but Trowa explained the situation calmly and then let me do things for myself.
I wipe tears from my face as Trowa guides me gently to the edge of the net. He supports me so my feet won't go through the holes in the netting. When we reach the edge Uncle Paul runs over and grabs me by the waist. He hugs me tightly and I feel Polly come over and hug me too.
"Are you alright?" Catherine asks.
"She'll be fine." Polly says. "She's just shaken up. She isn't used to such big equipment. She has only ever worked with one size trapeze."
Catherine doesn't sounds convinced. "I thought you said she was an expert with real talent."
"She is." Paul says angrily. "But you are asking her to work with totally different sized tools. She just has to get used to it and she will be fine."
"You got used to it pretty quickly and you have only been on one piece of equipment." Catherine points out. I can't blame her for being suspicious. I would be it I were her.
"I'm sorry." I say, bowing my head to give the appearance that I am looking down. "I panicked and released too early."
Catherine seems satisfied for now. "Go and get something to drink then have another practise after lunch." She says. "Take a break and get cleaned up. I'll let you practise in peace today, but if I don't see an improvement tomorrow we will have to rethink this whole idea."
She walks away and, shaking, I collapse to the floor in relief. "I'm sorry." Trowa says from above me. "I'll try to make her see that this was only a freak accident. But she's really uptight at the moment because three of our clowns are ill. They ate some old custard pies and have food poisoning."
Trowa walks away and I sense Polly and Paul look at each other. I can only imagine how their faces must look. They'll be worried. MY blindness could cost them their jobs if I don't get this right today.