I sit down, trembling slightly. Is she going to fire me? Maybe I can
persuade her to keep Paul and Polly and just let me go. Or I could become
something else. A knife throwers assistant would be best; it's better if
they can't see what is coming at them isn't it?
"Sienne." Catherine says solemnly. "Why didn't you tell me about your.condition?"
"I don't know." I say softly. "Because I thought you wouldn't give me a chance. If you could just let me explain."
"Oh Trowa explained everything." Catherine says lightly. "So did Polly and Paul. I'm not here to judge you or tell you what to do. Do you enjoy it here?"
I'm slightly taken aback by this. I was expecting her to say 'I'm sorry but you are a liability to us.' "Um, yes I love it." I say hesitantly.
"Do you enjoy being an acrobat?"
"Yes." I say firmly. "I love it."
"Then that is settled. You are happy. I am happy. I think you can go now." Catherine says.
"What?" I ask. "But I thought that you were going to fire me because I'm dangerous."
"Are you?" Catherine asks meekly. "I didn't see that."
"I can't see." I say. "Aren't I a burden?"
"I don't think so. What does it matter if you can't see the trapeze? You proved last night that that doesn't matter. Sienne," she says gently. "An acrobat without sight is just like having a clown without a sense of humour."
"What?" I ask.
"A clown doesn't have to be funny themselves." Catherine explains. "He or she just needs to be able to learn the routine or act and convince the audience that they are funny. You are just the same. As long as you are entertaining the crowd and not putting yourself in danger I see no reason why you can't continue working here."
I can't think of anything to say. I wasn't expecting that. Catherine leans forward and speaks to me softly. "If I'm to be honest, you are the best acrobat I have met in the circuses before. With a bit more practise you could be the best. You show a lot of promise. I want to see improvement in you Sienne." She says firmly. "If there is no improvement I may have to rethink my decision. I can't have your talents going to waste. Now run along and get some breakfast. I think everyone is going down to the river today to relax."
I thank Catherine breathlessly and walk down into the camp. Instead of going back to my caravan I walk straight over to the campfire. By walking around the edge of the ring of people I find Polly and Paul. "Well?" They ask as I sit down.
"She says I can stay!" I say happily. Polly hugs me and I think that Paul is happy too.
I can feel everyone staring at me, but for once I don't care. I sit and talk to Polly and Paul for a while, eating some breakfast that they pass to me.
"Um, excuse me?" Says a little voice beside me. There is a little girl standing next to me.
"Yes?" I ask as gently as possible. It must have taken guts for her to come up and talk to the latest 'freak show' of the circus.
"Is that your monkey?" She asks. I feel her point to Chip, who is sitting on my shoulder.
"It is." I say kindly. "His name is Chip. Would you like to hold him?"
I detect the girl nod, but catch herself doing it in time. "Yes please." She says.
I take Chip gently in one of my hands and reach out for the girl with my other. At first I can't find her, but I feel her little hand find mine to show me where she is. I put my hand on her shoulder and then gently place Chip on her shoulder. The girl giggles as Chip sits on her shoulder obediently and chatters happily. All around the camp people are breaking into applause. I realise that everyone was watching us and that when they saw how normal I am they began to clap. I smile and hear the girl laughing.
"He's lovely." She says. "I'm Marie."
"My name is Sienne." I say.
"So are you really blind?" She asks. I hear some people gasp at her outright question, but I don't mind.
"Yes I am." I say. "I can't see things."
"So how do you know where I am?" The girl asks.
"Because I can hear you. Sometimes I can sense where you are too." I say.
"Oh." She says, and I feel her stroke Chip. "So what can you see?"
"Marie!" I hear her father come up. "Don't be so rude, give back her monkey!"
"It's alright." I say, letting Chip jump back on my shoulder. I indicate for Marie to sit next to me and I talk to her. "In front of my eyes I see blackness. But sometimes images flash into my mind and I can picture them as clear as day. Sometimes bright colours flash in front of my eyes and other times I don't see anything."
"It sounds pretty." Marie says.
"Sometimes it is." I say. "And sometimes it is very scary. How old are you Marie?"
"Five." She says.
"Well, when I was five I could see just like you can." I say. "But then I had an accident and I lost my sight. I used to be afraid of the dark, and when I woke up after my accident and found out that I would be in the dark forever I was very frightened. But I got used to it. And Chip looks after me too."
"You're very brave." Marie says. "My Mummy said that it is a shame that you can't see, because she thinks you are very pretty."
I blush. "I think your Mummy is a very nice lady." I say.
"So do I." Marie replies, drawing laughter from some of the people around us. "Do you ever wish that you could see?"
"All the time." I reply sadly. "But it won't happen. Now, I think your Daddy here would like you to go back over to your family." I say as her Dad coughs audibly. "Will you say goodbye to Chip?"
She pats Chip on the head then hesitates before giving me a hug too. "You're a nice lady." She says. "Will you come and play with me one day?"
"As long as we don't play 'I spy'." I say. Marie walks off with her father and I smile. I enjoyed her company. Hearing me talk with one of the children seems to have settled the nerves of the other circus people too, because I don't hear them whispering about me anymore. In fact, when a group of them get up and come over to me, they actually stop and talk to me.
"Hi." Says one boy, a bit younger than me by the sounds of it. "We were all going down to the river to swim today. Would you like to come with us?"
"I will." I promise. "But I'll come down a bit later. I want to have a cup of tea first."
"OK." Says another girl. "See you later!"
They all run off laughing and I sigh happily. A shadow falls over me and I don't have to ask whom it is. "Morning Trowa." I say brightly.
"Oh." He seems shocked that I know who he is without asking. "I heard you wanted some tea." He places a mug of steaming tea in my hands. I thank him and sip it. He sits next to me as Paul and Polly get up.
"We're going to go down to the river too Sienne." Polly says. "Come down and join us."
"Don't be long." Paul says as they walk off.
Trowa and I sit in silence for a while whilst I finish my tea. "Do you want to go down to the river?" He asks as I drain the last drops.
"I suppose." I say. I don't want to admit that I'm terrified of water. I don't have to go in after all. I can let my feet and legs dangle in but sit on a rock and talk to people. We get up and I leave Chip in my caravan, he hates water.
"So how are you?" He asks tentatively. I realise that he is being cautious not to make me loose my temper.
"Fine." I say brightly. "Much better actually. You never told me that your sister would be so understanding."
"I wanted you to prove yourself first." He says in return. "Besides, I knew you could do it."
"Thank you." I say. "For everything. I don't know what happened to me last night. I just got disorientated in that crowd."
"I'm sorry, I should have known that that was a bad idea. Big crowds like that, of course they would confuse you."
"Yes." I say tersely, but controlling my brewing annoyance that he takes my safety upon himself. I keep saying that I can take care of myself but no one listens to me. "Well, you weren't to know."
I can hear that we have reached the river. People are splashing about in it. I walked barefooted forwards, being extremely careful. I feel water on my toes and jump slightly. I edge forwards and find that I'm on a shallow area where the water doesn't flow too fast. I wade in up to my knees and decide that this is as deep as I go.
I hear Trowa dive in a little further away from me. I can hear little Marie laughing nearby and a boy, Jake I think, rushes past me, obviously playing water tag.
I wade around in the shallows and laugh as someone accidentally splashes me. I feel safe in the shallow water. I won't go out any deeper. I discovered long ago that swimming and blindness don't mix for me. I don't like the way the water obscures my hearing, one of the senses that I heavily rely on.
I bend over to feel around for any smooth stones. Chip always loves collecting them. I often find piles of them hoarded in my pillowcase or one of Paul's socks. As I find a nice round one and begin to straighten up someone slips behind me. They ran into the water too fast as slipped on the smooth stones. I hear them yell as they fall, but as I turn around their legs hit mine, knocking them from under me.
"Sienne." Catherine says solemnly. "Why didn't you tell me about your.condition?"
"I don't know." I say softly. "Because I thought you wouldn't give me a chance. If you could just let me explain."
"Oh Trowa explained everything." Catherine says lightly. "So did Polly and Paul. I'm not here to judge you or tell you what to do. Do you enjoy it here?"
I'm slightly taken aback by this. I was expecting her to say 'I'm sorry but you are a liability to us.' "Um, yes I love it." I say hesitantly.
"Do you enjoy being an acrobat?"
"Yes." I say firmly. "I love it."
"Then that is settled. You are happy. I am happy. I think you can go now." Catherine says.
"What?" I ask. "But I thought that you were going to fire me because I'm dangerous."
"Are you?" Catherine asks meekly. "I didn't see that."
"I can't see." I say. "Aren't I a burden?"
"I don't think so. What does it matter if you can't see the trapeze? You proved last night that that doesn't matter. Sienne," she says gently. "An acrobat without sight is just like having a clown without a sense of humour."
"What?" I ask.
"A clown doesn't have to be funny themselves." Catherine explains. "He or she just needs to be able to learn the routine or act and convince the audience that they are funny. You are just the same. As long as you are entertaining the crowd and not putting yourself in danger I see no reason why you can't continue working here."
I can't think of anything to say. I wasn't expecting that. Catherine leans forward and speaks to me softly. "If I'm to be honest, you are the best acrobat I have met in the circuses before. With a bit more practise you could be the best. You show a lot of promise. I want to see improvement in you Sienne." She says firmly. "If there is no improvement I may have to rethink my decision. I can't have your talents going to waste. Now run along and get some breakfast. I think everyone is going down to the river today to relax."
I thank Catherine breathlessly and walk down into the camp. Instead of going back to my caravan I walk straight over to the campfire. By walking around the edge of the ring of people I find Polly and Paul. "Well?" They ask as I sit down.
"She says I can stay!" I say happily. Polly hugs me and I think that Paul is happy too.
I can feel everyone staring at me, but for once I don't care. I sit and talk to Polly and Paul for a while, eating some breakfast that they pass to me.
"Um, excuse me?" Says a little voice beside me. There is a little girl standing next to me.
"Yes?" I ask as gently as possible. It must have taken guts for her to come up and talk to the latest 'freak show' of the circus.
"Is that your monkey?" She asks. I feel her point to Chip, who is sitting on my shoulder.
"It is." I say kindly. "His name is Chip. Would you like to hold him?"
I detect the girl nod, but catch herself doing it in time. "Yes please." She says.
I take Chip gently in one of my hands and reach out for the girl with my other. At first I can't find her, but I feel her little hand find mine to show me where she is. I put my hand on her shoulder and then gently place Chip on her shoulder. The girl giggles as Chip sits on her shoulder obediently and chatters happily. All around the camp people are breaking into applause. I realise that everyone was watching us and that when they saw how normal I am they began to clap. I smile and hear the girl laughing.
"He's lovely." She says. "I'm Marie."
"My name is Sienne." I say.
"So are you really blind?" She asks. I hear some people gasp at her outright question, but I don't mind.
"Yes I am." I say. "I can't see things."
"So how do you know where I am?" The girl asks.
"Because I can hear you. Sometimes I can sense where you are too." I say.
"Oh." She says, and I feel her stroke Chip. "So what can you see?"
"Marie!" I hear her father come up. "Don't be so rude, give back her monkey!"
"It's alright." I say, letting Chip jump back on my shoulder. I indicate for Marie to sit next to me and I talk to her. "In front of my eyes I see blackness. But sometimes images flash into my mind and I can picture them as clear as day. Sometimes bright colours flash in front of my eyes and other times I don't see anything."
"It sounds pretty." Marie says.
"Sometimes it is." I say. "And sometimes it is very scary. How old are you Marie?"
"Five." She says.
"Well, when I was five I could see just like you can." I say. "But then I had an accident and I lost my sight. I used to be afraid of the dark, and when I woke up after my accident and found out that I would be in the dark forever I was very frightened. But I got used to it. And Chip looks after me too."
"You're very brave." Marie says. "My Mummy said that it is a shame that you can't see, because she thinks you are very pretty."
I blush. "I think your Mummy is a very nice lady." I say.
"So do I." Marie replies, drawing laughter from some of the people around us. "Do you ever wish that you could see?"
"All the time." I reply sadly. "But it won't happen. Now, I think your Daddy here would like you to go back over to your family." I say as her Dad coughs audibly. "Will you say goodbye to Chip?"
She pats Chip on the head then hesitates before giving me a hug too. "You're a nice lady." She says. "Will you come and play with me one day?"
"As long as we don't play 'I spy'." I say. Marie walks off with her father and I smile. I enjoyed her company. Hearing me talk with one of the children seems to have settled the nerves of the other circus people too, because I don't hear them whispering about me anymore. In fact, when a group of them get up and come over to me, they actually stop and talk to me.
"Hi." Says one boy, a bit younger than me by the sounds of it. "We were all going down to the river to swim today. Would you like to come with us?"
"I will." I promise. "But I'll come down a bit later. I want to have a cup of tea first."
"OK." Says another girl. "See you later!"
They all run off laughing and I sigh happily. A shadow falls over me and I don't have to ask whom it is. "Morning Trowa." I say brightly.
"Oh." He seems shocked that I know who he is without asking. "I heard you wanted some tea." He places a mug of steaming tea in my hands. I thank him and sip it. He sits next to me as Paul and Polly get up.
"We're going to go down to the river too Sienne." Polly says. "Come down and join us."
"Don't be long." Paul says as they walk off.
Trowa and I sit in silence for a while whilst I finish my tea. "Do you want to go down to the river?" He asks as I drain the last drops.
"I suppose." I say. I don't want to admit that I'm terrified of water. I don't have to go in after all. I can let my feet and legs dangle in but sit on a rock and talk to people. We get up and I leave Chip in my caravan, he hates water.
"So how are you?" He asks tentatively. I realise that he is being cautious not to make me loose my temper.
"Fine." I say brightly. "Much better actually. You never told me that your sister would be so understanding."
"I wanted you to prove yourself first." He says in return. "Besides, I knew you could do it."
"Thank you." I say. "For everything. I don't know what happened to me last night. I just got disorientated in that crowd."
"I'm sorry, I should have known that that was a bad idea. Big crowds like that, of course they would confuse you."
"Yes." I say tersely, but controlling my brewing annoyance that he takes my safety upon himself. I keep saying that I can take care of myself but no one listens to me. "Well, you weren't to know."
I can hear that we have reached the river. People are splashing about in it. I walked barefooted forwards, being extremely careful. I feel water on my toes and jump slightly. I edge forwards and find that I'm on a shallow area where the water doesn't flow too fast. I wade in up to my knees and decide that this is as deep as I go.
I hear Trowa dive in a little further away from me. I can hear little Marie laughing nearby and a boy, Jake I think, rushes past me, obviously playing water tag.
I wade around in the shallows and laugh as someone accidentally splashes me. I feel safe in the shallow water. I won't go out any deeper. I discovered long ago that swimming and blindness don't mix for me. I don't like the way the water obscures my hearing, one of the senses that I heavily rely on.
I bend over to feel around for any smooth stones. Chip always loves collecting them. I often find piles of them hoarded in my pillowcase or one of Paul's socks. As I find a nice round one and begin to straighten up someone slips behind me. They ran into the water too fast as slipped on the smooth stones. I hear them yell as they fall, but as I turn around their legs hit mine, knocking them from under me.