"So." He says awkwardly.
"So." I mimic him, not really knowing what to say. I'm immediately extremely conscious of myself. Of how I am sitting. Of my arms and legs and the way they jolt gently every time the van bumps.
"We'll be home soon." He says quietly. I nod wordlessly. I already knew that.
"Are you alright?" We both ask at the same time, then laugh with embarrassment.
"You first." Trowa says.
"Are you alright?" I ask. "And don't lie to me. I know full well that your head is bleeding so don't try to pretend that you are unharmed."
Trowa chuckles appreciatively. "I'm not bad." He says finally. "A little bashed up, but nothing that a good meal and some sleep won't cure."
"And mentally?" I ask. "You haven't told me how you feel yet."
"Fine." Trowa murmurs.
"Fine." I reply. "I doubt that very much. I doubt that the Trowa I know would be fine about killing a man just an hour ago."
"Yeah, well the Trowa in the hospital was not the Trowa you know." Trowa says. "I'm a very different person in battle. I think you would be shocked and appalled if you knew the other me."
"I don't think so." I say quietly, but I speak louder. "So you don't feel guilty that you killed that guy?"
"I only shot him because he would have killed Heero. Some one had to die." Trowa says grimly. "Besides, what difference does one more life make? My hands are already covered in the blood of thousands of other people."
I put out my hand and rest it on his, still on the steering wheel. "One life can make a lot of difference." I say quietly. "Besides, I quite like your hands the way they are."
Trowa smiles and I remove my hand to let him drive. "So anyway, are you alright?" He asks.
"Fine." I say. I guess that this isn't a satisfactory answer to him though. "I mean, I'll be OK. I'm just a little shaken up. I don't know what I would have done if Relena hadn't been there with me." I sigh.
"And how did it go with Doctor Dalzell?" Trowa asks. "Can he cure your blindness?"
For a moment I think about telling him the truth. That for less than five minutes I saw again. That I saw his face and I know what he looks like. I think about confessing that I won't be able to get the treatment because all the data on the computer was lost. But then I remember that the data was lost in the final explosion, and Trowa had caused that explosion. I don't think I want to tell Trowa that he is the reason that I will never see again. He couldn't forgive himself, even though I have already forgiven him.
"They can't do anything." I say quickly. "Irreparable damage and all that sort of thing. There may be a cure in ten years or so."
"I'm sorry." Trowa says, and he sounds like he means it. I take his apology as for the fact that he caused the last explosion, rather than the fact that he is sorry that I won't be able to see. It just makes me feel better that way.
"Don't worry." I say. "To be honest, in a world where there is so much evil and suffering, I think that I am fortunate not to be able to see."
"Is the world really that bad?" Trowa asks, turning a sharp corner and slowing down. I guess that we are nearly home.
"It could have been." I say. "Trowa, when I thought that you were dead.the last words we said to each other were said in anger.I couldn't bear knowing that we never said goodbye."
"Me neither." Trowa turns off the engine but we don't get out of the van. "Sienne, please believe me when I say that I don't have feelings for Quatre. I thought that I did once, but that is in the past."
"I know." I say hollowly. "I'm sorry I never let you explain. I was being stupid."
"We both were." Trowa says.
"Are you calling me stupid?" I ask in mock anger, getting out of the van. I hear Trowa get out too and walk around to me. "Because let me tell you this Trowa Barton. You aren't the brightest smartie in the tube either."
"How so?" Trowa jokes.
"For a start you are." I struggle to find a derogatory fact about him, but I can't. "Too compassionate." I finish. We are walking back towards the campsite slowly. The grass is cool on my feet so I take off my sandals and hold them in my hand.
"That was pretty lame." Trowa laughs. "I thought that you would say idiotic, slow, foolish, brainless, dim-witted."
"But you aren't any of those things!" I exclaim.
"I am." He argues. "Because I let you slip through my fingers."
The joke is over now. I stop walking and Trowa turns to face me. "No you didn't." I say softly. "You just didn't catch me at the first opportunity."
"Do I get a second chance then?" Trowa asks tenderly.
"You have caught me in the safety net." I say saucily. Trowa puts his arms around my waist and pulls me closer.
"So are you going to bounce back to me?" He asks. I could almost laugh at all the imagery we are using in this conversation. It sounds just like I'm bouncing on the safety net after falling off the trapeze.
"I'm like a bad penny." I say. "I'll always come back."
"I wouldn't say that you are a bad penny." Trowa says. "In fact to me, you are worth more than money can buy."
"You couldn't afford me anyway!" I joke, feeling his hot breath on my skin as he pulls me closer, nuzzling into my cheek. He doesn't say anything, but his lips lightly brush mine. Then he kisses me harder and his arms stray to my hair and face, stroking my soft hair and cheek lovingly. Overcome in the moment I put my hands up to his face quickly.
"OUCH!" Trowa pulls away quickly, rubbing his eye. I forgot that I had my sandals in my hand and had whacked him in the eye with them.
Typical!
"So." I mimic him, not really knowing what to say. I'm immediately extremely conscious of myself. Of how I am sitting. Of my arms and legs and the way they jolt gently every time the van bumps.
"We'll be home soon." He says quietly. I nod wordlessly. I already knew that.
"Are you alright?" We both ask at the same time, then laugh with embarrassment.
"You first." Trowa says.
"Are you alright?" I ask. "And don't lie to me. I know full well that your head is bleeding so don't try to pretend that you are unharmed."
Trowa chuckles appreciatively. "I'm not bad." He says finally. "A little bashed up, but nothing that a good meal and some sleep won't cure."
"And mentally?" I ask. "You haven't told me how you feel yet."
"Fine." Trowa murmurs.
"Fine." I reply. "I doubt that very much. I doubt that the Trowa I know would be fine about killing a man just an hour ago."
"Yeah, well the Trowa in the hospital was not the Trowa you know." Trowa says. "I'm a very different person in battle. I think you would be shocked and appalled if you knew the other me."
"I don't think so." I say quietly, but I speak louder. "So you don't feel guilty that you killed that guy?"
"I only shot him because he would have killed Heero. Some one had to die." Trowa says grimly. "Besides, what difference does one more life make? My hands are already covered in the blood of thousands of other people."
I put out my hand and rest it on his, still on the steering wheel. "One life can make a lot of difference." I say quietly. "Besides, I quite like your hands the way they are."
Trowa smiles and I remove my hand to let him drive. "So anyway, are you alright?" He asks.
"Fine." I say. I guess that this isn't a satisfactory answer to him though. "I mean, I'll be OK. I'm just a little shaken up. I don't know what I would have done if Relena hadn't been there with me." I sigh.
"And how did it go with Doctor Dalzell?" Trowa asks. "Can he cure your blindness?"
For a moment I think about telling him the truth. That for less than five minutes I saw again. That I saw his face and I know what he looks like. I think about confessing that I won't be able to get the treatment because all the data on the computer was lost. But then I remember that the data was lost in the final explosion, and Trowa had caused that explosion. I don't think I want to tell Trowa that he is the reason that I will never see again. He couldn't forgive himself, even though I have already forgiven him.
"They can't do anything." I say quickly. "Irreparable damage and all that sort of thing. There may be a cure in ten years or so."
"I'm sorry." Trowa says, and he sounds like he means it. I take his apology as for the fact that he caused the last explosion, rather than the fact that he is sorry that I won't be able to see. It just makes me feel better that way.
"Don't worry." I say. "To be honest, in a world where there is so much evil and suffering, I think that I am fortunate not to be able to see."
"Is the world really that bad?" Trowa asks, turning a sharp corner and slowing down. I guess that we are nearly home.
"It could have been." I say. "Trowa, when I thought that you were dead.the last words we said to each other were said in anger.I couldn't bear knowing that we never said goodbye."
"Me neither." Trowa turns off the engine but we don't get out of the van. "Sienne, please believe me when I say that I don't have feelings for Quatre. I thought that I did once, but that is in the past."
"I know." I say hollowly. "I'm sorry I never let you explain. I was being stupid."
"We both were." Trowa says.
"Are you calling me stupid?" I ask in mock anger, getting out of the van. I hear Trowa get out too and walk around to me. "Because let me tell you this Trowa Barton. You aren't the brightest smartie in the tube either."
"How so?" Trowa jokes.
"For a start you are." I struggle to find a derogatory fact about him, but I can't. "Too compassionate." I finish. We are walking back towards the campsite slowly. The grass is cool on my feet so I take off my sandals and hold them in my hand.
"That was pretty lame." Trowa laughs. "I thought that you would say idiotic, slow, foolish, brainless, dim-witted."
"But you aren't any of those things!" I exclaim.
"I am." He argues. "Because I let you slip through my fingers."
The joke is over now. I stop walking and Trowa turns to face me. "No you didn't." I say softly. "You just didn't catch me at the first opportunity."
"Do I get a second chance then?" Trowa asks tenderly.
"You have caught me in the safety net." I say saucily. Trowa puts his arms around my waist and pulls me closer.
"So are you going to bounce back to me?" He asks. I could almost laugh at all the imagery we are using in this conversation. It sounds just like I'm bouncing on the safety net after falling off the trapeze.
"I'm like a bad penny." I say. "I'll always come back."
"I wouldn't say that you are a bad penny." Trowa says. "In fact to me, you are worth more than money can buy."
"You couldn't afford me anyway!" I joke, feeling his hot breath on my skin as he pulls me closer, nuzzling into my cheek. He doesn't say anything, but his lips lightly brush mine. Then he kisses me harder and his arms stray to my hair and face, stroking my soft hair and cheek lovingly. Overcome in the moment I put my hands up to his face quickly.
"OUCH!" Trowa pulls away quickly, rubbing his eye. I forgot that I had my sandals in my hand and had whacked him in the eye with them.
Typical!