Day 9 – Control

She's sitting next to me with my head cradled in her lap. I force myself to sit up but it's hard. Images from the previous day flash through my mind like a disjointed movie.

She helps me to stabilize myself against the wall. "Are you ok?" she asks.

Somehow I find my voice. It's raw, like I've been screaming. The only words that I can find are the thoughts that kept running through my mind while they beat me. "They don't want you, they want me. If you play your cards right, Sydney, you can get out of here when we dock."

"What are you talking about? Why do they want you? What happened?"

I can hardly concentrate on my words, but I know that I need something to take my mind off of the pain that is wracking my body. "Did you hear about when I killed Quan Li?"

"I saw the surveillance," she says flatly. Probably unhappy to have my past actions brought back to her attention. "You destroyed the FTL, at the same time that the offices of SD-6 came under attack."

I nod though she can't see me. "It appears that his cousin Jian Xie is less than thrilled with me at the moment."

She is silent for a moment. "Is that what this is about? Revenge?"

"Sometimes it is the simplest reason that is the most deadly." I pause. I should have thought of that two years ago. Perhaps I could have avoided this mess now. "I think that he set us up from the very beginning."

"So there was never any Rambaldi artifact to buy?"

"No. He must have heard that I was working for Arvin Sloane now so he set up the meet to capture me. But that means that they have no interest in you."

I think of what I am trying to tell her, and I feel physically ill. I can remember the cruel look in Jian Xie's eyes. A man with nothing to lose is the very worst kind of man. I remember how his mouth twisted into a malicious smile as he traced a knife across my hand.

No man should ever have to see the whites of his knuckle bones.

But she's strong. If she can play them, then she'll be fine. She'll get out of here alive. I think it's probably the only way.

"As I said, if you play your cards right, you should be able to get out of here relatively unharmed when we dock. If I remember correctly, the FTL doesn't place a lot of stock in women. They just use them to adorn their arms or bedrooms as the case may be. They didn't seem interested in you at all when they had me out there. They don't even realize that you are with SD-6. They probably just think you are my girlfriend or an unlucky passerby."

The silence that fills the room now is loaded. I'm not sure if she really grasps what I'm telling her.

"So when you say to play my cards right you mean…"

No, she understands. She's a smart girl. I force myself to continue, pacing my words and speaking calmly. "Yes. When they see you in the light of day, they may get the idea all on their own. If not, encourage them. If it's just one of them, then I'd suggest going down on him, if he lets you. That puts you in control. Then when the time is right, I'm sure you can find a way to incapacitate him. If there's more than one, do what you have to do to entice the leader. If it's Jian Xie himself, all the better. He won't want to bed you with the other men present; that would put him on the same level as his men. He'll take you to a closet or his office maybe. Then you can take him on when he's sufficiently distracted."

Do I hear what I'm saying? I want her to give herself to a man who laughed when he broke my finger. Maybe I am as horrible as she thinks.

But it's better to live. The ends justify the means; that's what they've always said. Wounds can be healed. Death cannot.

"You want me to let them rape me?" She's angry with me, but I can also tell she's scared. She's drawn a line in the sand somewhere along the way of things she will and will not do.

I think that perhaps it's up to me to erase that line for her.

I answer her with more of an edge to my voice than I intended. "It won't be rape. You can't think of it like that. Rape is about control and you will be in control, not them. You just have to compartmentalize it and deal with it later. At least you will be alive. Trust me. I know the FTL. I studied them intensely before I led the team into their headquarters. You don't want to be going where they will take me."

For all the good that my research did me. I had known about Jian Xie and dismissed him as being irrelevant.

She gets up angrily and leaves me in silence. I lean my head against the wall behind me and nurse my hand. The bleeding has stopped, but I can feel the cut throbbing painfully.

I can't even feel my broken finger.

I have a feeling that I am back to square one with Sydney, and it bothers me more than I think it should. She thinks that I am playing games with her. But I'm just trying to save her life.

I eventually close my eyes and allow my exhaustion to take over.