Hey, didja ever wonder what happened to the FF7 characters after you beat the game, and all that stuff? Yah, this is a story of what happened right after Holy got spouted out all over the world and all. By the way, don't take the ending seriously, (if you do, I will eternally consider you an ignoramous). Also, I don't own jack shit. Cool.
Cloud and co. just finished thwarting Sephiroth's evil plan, and now realized that there really wasn't anything to do with their lives anymore. So there at Cloud's house they sat.
Cloud: Uh... we could watch a movie!
Red: No, we've been watching movies non stop ever since we got here a month ago.
Tifa: This is sooo boring. Geez, watching my boobs go up and down as I breath is starting to get exciting.
Cid: I'll say!
Vincent: .......
Yuffie: Gawd, you're so dull!
Vincent: .....
Barret: Dammit, now I'm wishing that Shinra'd come back to life, just so I'd have a reason to go kill somebody.
Cloud: Kill the cripple! He was born defective, he deserves to die!
Vincent: .... I am not a cripple. Furthermore, I was not born this way.
Cloud: You were too born a cripple! You got no arm!
Vincent: I wasn't born without an arm. Hojo cut mine off and attached this wooden one.
Cloud: You're still a cripple!
Vincent: ......
Barret: Okay, let's be prejudice against cripple kids and kill 'im! Let's go Cid!
Cid: Wuzzah? Sorry, I was to busy watching Tifa's heaving chest. Could you repeat it one more time?
Barret: ... nevermind.
Yuffie: Ooooh OOOOOHHHHH!!!!
Cid: Wait a second! Is someone getting action over there and leaving me out?!
Red: No. Yuffie's just making her noises again.
Cid: ... Hot damn...
Yuffie: I'VE GOT AN IDEA!!!
Tifa: Yuffie, we already watched ice melt.
Yuffie: Oh.... Okay, I've got another idea!
Cait Sith: What?
Yuffie: Let's start are own organization of terrorizing towns and becoming a big evil organization like the Shinra did.
Barret: No! I'll never be one of the Shinra!
Red: It would give us something to do, though.
Tifa: Let's do it! *jumps up off of couch*
Cid: Holy shit! They bounce!
Cloud: Yah, but what will we call ourselves?
Yuffie: Well since I came up with it, I get to name the company! Chubby Bunny Inc!
Tifa: OMG! That's so cute!
Valentine: .... Let me guess, we're the TURKS.
Red: No way, due to copyright laws, we could be sued for that.
Clouds: I know!! How about... the SWEDES.
Barret: Yo, the FINNS sounds way better.
Cait Sith: Why not just split up into two factions. Yuffie can be the leader, considering she came up with the idea, and then Cloud, Tifa, Barret, and Red can be the FINNS, and me, Cid and Vincent can be the SWEDES.
Cid: Hey! I wanna be with the FINNS!
Tifa: You just wanna stare at my boobies, don't you?!
Cid: Hell yah!
Yuffie: Okay, let's start the first Chubby Bunny Inc. meeting. I say we raid all of Nibeheim and make it our base. If anyone opposes us we'll force them to eat brownies... without milk!
Everybody except Yuffie and Vincent: *gasp*
Sephiroth: I am here to kill you all, for it is mother's wish.
Cloud: Sephiroth.... you're dead.
Sephiroth: No I'm not!
Cloud: Yah you are. We went and killed you, remember?
Sephiroth: Oh.. oh yah... are you sure?
Cloud: Yah, I'm sure.
Sephiroth: Oh, okay! Toodles! *dies*
Yuffie: Anyway, FINNS, go take over the store, Inn, and the Shinra mansion. SWEDES, get the brownies and whatever food is rich and extra dry and chocolatey. While you're at it, get some milk so that we can wave in front of our victims faces! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
They then went out on their missions.
Cloud: There! Arrest that guy at the hot dog booth!
Reno: Hey, what the hell you think you're doing?
Tifa: We're taking the whole town by force!
Cloud: So, you survived through the whole crisis?
Reno: Yah. The TURKS was over so I decided I would start a new life as a humble weenie monger. It just so happens that you losers are trying to shut my weenie stand down, so I'm afraid I'm going to have to kick your asses.
Barret: You can't beat us!
Reno: What makes you so confident?
Barret: Because... Tifa has big boobs?
Reno: Out of all the stupid- *sees Tifa's chest* Holy shit! Look at them melons!
Cloud: Get him!
FINNS: *tackle Reno*
Meanwhile...
Cait Sith: Well, that's all the candied confections in town.
Vincent: *in the shadows* Let us go back to our dwelling.
Cid: You sure do hang out in some dark areas buddy.
Cait Sith: Yah, it's too bad that you melt in the sun, vampire boy.
Vincent: ...... shut up.
Sephiroth: I am here to become god of this planet!
Cid: Dude, you're dead! Go away!
Sephiroth: B-b-but!
Cid: Go croak in some lonely cave, dammit! Shooh!
Sephiroth: sniff But I... sniff
Cait Sith: You really wanted to be part of this fic didn't you?
Sephiroth: *nod*
Cid: Well now that we know for certain that you sniff crack on a regular basis...
Cait Sith: Know what? I know what you could do!
Sephiroth: What?
Cait Sith: You could play the part of Vincent's ex-girlfriend Claire!
Vincent: I don't have an ex-girlfriend named Claire.
Cait Sith: *smile* Now ya do!
Sephiroth: Oh good! This'll be so much fun! *puts on his make up* Oh Vinnie pooh!
Vincent: Ah crap!
---
Yuffie: So, how many have you taken captive?
Cloud: The whole town! All the buildings and all nine residents!
Reno: I'm not a resident! I'm a weenie monger!
Yuffie: Bring me... the brownie. *dramatic music*
Cait Sith: *hands Yuffie brownie*
Yuffie: Now this is what you get for talking when you're not supposed to! *shoves brownie in Reno's mouth*
Reno: Oh no! I'm allergic to chocolate! I'm gonna start breaking out in hives any second now!
Sephiroth: Oh my, what a sore sight you'll be.
Reno: Sephiroth, aren't you dead?
Sephiroth: Don't be quiggly, you silly goose! I'm not Sephiroth, my name's Claire.
Vincent: mumble, mumble
Sephiroth: Now what'd you say there, love muffin?
Vincent: Cloud! Can you make him go away?! He's messing up my cool, mysterious aura thing!
Cloud: No can do, my beastial friend. I would never harm such a beautiful lady.
Sephiroth: *giggle* Oh you flatterer!
Vincent: It's not a girl. It's Sephiroth.
Cloud: No she's not. Sephiroth's dead. That's your girlfriend Claire.
Vincent: No it's not! Besides, I thought he was gonna be my ex girlfriend.
Cait Sith: Well, you see Vincent, things change. You can be-
Cid: TIFA, HOW COULD YOU?!!!
Cloud: What's going on?
Tifa: Oh, he's just mad because I'm wearing an overly modest shirt today.
Cid: I can't believe you'd do this to me! I trusted you!
Sephiroth: Hey honey, should I get some boobies like she has, or would you prefer them in a different size?
Vincent: That's it! I can't take this anymore!! Do you even realize that if it weren't for Hojo that I could have been your daddy?
Sephiroth: Well, I do know that I'd sure like you to be my daddy. My sugar daddy, that is!
Vincent: .... I'm going back to my coffin for a very LONG sleep.
Sephiroth: I'll go with you!
Vincent: NO!
Reno: Ugh! Please! No more brownies!
Yuffie: Oh come on! You only got 256,789,153,764 more to go! Or is it because you want this?! *hold milk in front of his face*
Reno: Gimme! PLEASE!!!
Yuffie: It looks really good doesn't it. *starts drinking some* Mmm, it tastes good too. It just goes down your throat washing away whatever stickiness you have .
Reno: What'd I ever do to you?!
Yuffie: YOU SPOKE! *shoves another brownie down his throat*
Rufus: I will not have you treating my employees that way!
Cloud: Great... another dead guy...
Rufus: What are you talking about? Unlike Sephiroth, my death wasn't official!
Barret: Dude, your office blew up with you in it. I'd think that'd just about kill you.
Rufus: There are ways...
Cloud: Whatever.
Cait Sith: Good, the SWEDES are short one person, so you can be with us.
Sephiroth: What are you talking about?! I'm with the SWEDES!
Cait Sith: No you're not. You're Vincent's girlfriend.
Vincent: HE'S NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!!
Rufus: Hmm... just to make things interesting... *clings onto Vincent* He's right, he's not your girlfriend. I am!
Sephiroth: GET OFF OF MY POOKIE!!!
Rufus: He's MY pookie! Get your own!
Vincent: I don't want to be here right now...
Cid: Why don't we go and kill all the dead guys... they piss me off.
Yuffie: Not now, I'm busy!
Reno: *cries*
Red: We've taken over this town, so shouldn't we go for another one?
Yuffie: ... I guess so. *looks at Reno* Consider yourself fortunate that I'm busy. *walks off*
Rufus: .... Why is Reno's face expanding like a balloon?
Sephiroth: Hives.
Rufus: Oh, okay... HE'S MINE!
Sephiroth: NO, MINE!!
Vincent: Why not go for Cloud? He's the main character and he has that cool, big ass sword!
Sephiroth: Well yah, but he just doesn't have the same dark mannerisms.
Rufus: Yah, and I feel that it's my new goal in life to piss Sephiroth off, so yah.
Sephiroth: MY NAME IS CLAIRE!!!
Rufus: That's not fair! Why does he get a girls name and I don't?!
Cait Sith: To make you happy, you are from now on... Stacia.
Rufus: Sweet!
Yuffie: I have decided! The next town we'll attack is... ROCKET TOWN!
And so this pointless plot continues in Ch. 2, which I can't figure out a name for yet.