Review, damn it!
Disclaimer: We do not own fish...err...or any of this...heheh.
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Late that night, a man by the name of Jonathon Nazbutt climbed into the shaky little sniping tower that he and his son had built in a matter of a few hours. Nobody had asked them to build it, nor to guard the town, but he was determined to get a few shots off at the Horseguy. Not for any reasons along the lines of valor, heroism, or saving lives, mind you, but more because he was just that way.
The little structure shuddered with his weight, and threatened to come down. Not that it was very tall. It only reached three feet above the ground. Nazbutt's son had to go and wedge wood underneath it, before it would stop trying to snap in half. Nazbutt could tell it would serve him well as a fortress.
Suddenly, the horse burst out of the woods, and, out of the saddlebag flew the head of the Horseguy. In its teeth, it held an axe, and it was spinning very fast, like a propeller of death.
Nazbutt fired, hitting the axe, and causing the whole thing to careen off into the woods. Unfortunately, it returned, like a boomerang of...death! It shredded through the tower, and whopped off his head, leaving his body untouched. Then, it jammed the axe into the corpse, and head and body flew off to the horse, and they all disappeared into the woods.
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The next morning, Ickyboo set off after meeting Faltus Van Castle's wife, Lady Van Castle. When Ickyboo had asked what her first name was, she had given him a strange look, and told him that "Lady" really was her first name.
At the house of the midwife, whose name was Betsy Supermitten, Ickyboo borrowed a horse. Betsy's husband, Philip, gave the horse to him and both of them were bothered by her son, Smiley.
Actually, it wasn't a horse. It was really more of an ostrich. Its name was Footpowder, and it was pure evil. When it wasn't spinning in circles and pecking at Ickyboo's face, it was releasing noxious clouds of methane, seemingly from both ends, and maybe the middle, too. Come to think of it, it was doing that even when it was spinning and pecking.
Ickyboo "rode" Footpowder to the clearing where a man named Nazbutt had been killed pointlessly the night before. There, several citizens had pounded a pointed stake into the ground, and were in the process of skewering the remains over it. The remains were, of course, just the head.
"Kill the pig! Drink its blood! Kill the pig!" cried the citizens.
"Did you move the body?" inquired Ickyboo.
"There wasn't any body. It's just a head. We should bring it sacrifices," said one person.
"By body," hissed Ickyboo, "I meant the remains in general, not the actual torso. In other words, did you move the head?"
"Oh, well, that," stammered the still anonymous person. "We, eh, put it on that pointy stick, don't you know. Funny, that."
"YOU MUST NEVER MOVE THE BODY!" shouted Ickyboo. For miles around, birds and animals of all sorts stopped what they were doing and stared in confusion at the noise, and the authors of this story sank slowly into a pit of mud. Let us hope, for the sake of the world, that they stay there.
"Why not?" piped the ever-obnoxious Smiley, who had been worshipping Nazbutt's head with a particular frenzy.
"Because it could be crawling with diseases, like ADD, or leprosy," stated Ickyboo knowledgably. "Now, I must examine it. Take it off that pointy stick."
"But you said not to move-" started one person.
"SHUT UP!" screamed Ickyboo. "Shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up...."
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Five hours later, Ickyboo collapsed from saying "shut up" far too much.
Nervously, the one remaining person, a man by the name of Super Hero Super Cape Dude Super...eh...Phonograph (pretty awful name, huh?), handed Ickyboo the head.
Ickyboo sat up, and got out his tongs and funny glasses. He put on the funny glasses, and used the tongs to start fiddling around with the neck of the severed head. Suddenly, a disgustingly large cockroach crawled from the neck, scaring Ickyboo, who promptly ran up a tree. After Super Hero Super Cape Dude Super Phonograph knocked him out of said tree with a pole, Ickyboo got back to work.
Five more large cockroaches emerged, followed by a family of mice, two crows in their nest, and the Greenbay Packers.
After being knocked out of the tree with the pole again, Ickyboo finished his examination. He had determined that the blade that had cut off the head was extremely hot, and made of space-age plastics.
Upon finishing, Ickyboo had the man with the stupid name (Super-Whatsits, or some dumb shit like that) punt the head off into the woods, where it would no longer be a menace to society.
Incidentally, a beaver found it very soon, and incorporated it into its dam. Sadly, when the head rotted, the dam burst, killed the beaver's entire family, the state of South Dakota, and roughly 50,000 other beavers that had been attending a seminar on why human heads are not proper dam- building materials.
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Ickyboo wandered around Stupid Hollow on his untrusty steed, Footpowder, in search of the local dealer. There must be one, Katrino was evidence of that. To his horror and dismay, he realized that he had no hope of finding the dealer, and that he needed to take a dump. Quickly, he spotted the nearest outhouse, and entered.
Upon sitting down, Ickyboo discovered that the seat of the loo had been coated in syrup, and his rear was now a sweet breakfast treat. For bears, or something. You probably wouldn't be interested.
Quickly, Ickyboo stood up, and tried to clean the mess with toilet paper. However, someone had spread itching powder in the paper, and his ass and hands were soon aflame with itching...ness.
Ickyboo paused and wondered what his next course of action should be. Within seconds, he came to the decision that running screaming from the outhouse would be just the thing. He did so, breaking the door in his haste to carry out his decision.
As he dashed across the field, Ickyboo fell into a cleverly disguised pit that had been covered in leaves. To his disappointment, the bottom was lined with carefully arranged sharpened bamboo poles.
Broom and his seven Oompa Loompa minions strolled over to the pit, and gazed down in satisfaction at the bleeding, twitching Ickyboo.
"That'll teach him to remain anonymous," sneered Broom.
With that, the Oompa Loompas burst into song.
"Oompa Loompa, oompa-dee-da, Telling your name will get you quite far! If you don't you'll be boiled in tar! Oompa Loompa, oompa-dee-dar!"
With that, the Oompa Loompas burst, not into song this time, but into flame.
"Damnit," sighed Broom. "That was really stupid."
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Ickyboo dreamed of his past. In his dream, he was still a little kid, without a fish-shaped scar.
In his dream, Ickyboo approached a field where his mother was. She floated effortlessly around in the pit he found her in. Knowing the game, he pulled back the lever, and let the spring pull it forward again, launching his mother into the game proper. She rebounded off of several cylinders that insisted on going "bing, bing", and, quite happily, flew up the chute that gave Ickyboo one hundred bonus points. She fell downwards to his flipper, and he launched her off again. She scored many more points for him, but, sadly, she fell between the flippers, ending the game.
Ickyboo smiled stupidly in his sleep.
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The next morning, at the funeral of Jonathon Nazbutt, Ickyboo received many cold stares for insisting on having the only remains of the deceased punted. The funeral finally ended, to his relief, and Constable Plush Bottom approached him.
"Using crocodiles as underwear is never wise," advised Constable Bottom, "But you should dig up some corpses, put them in each others' coffins upside-down, piss on them, and re-bury them. I've done it several times, and it is quite fun."
Ickyboo stared in shock and disgust at his fellow constable, who stumbled off drunkenly.
Next, the son of Nazbutt came to Ickyboo.
"Now I'm the one-and-only Nazbutt," he commented glumly.
"Yes, that's nice," said Ickyboo distractedly, staring at yonder Katrino, who was tripped out on acid and making hard-core love to a tree.
"Will you hire me, and feed me?" asked Young Nazbutt. "I was planning on eating my father's remains to survive for the next few days, so you owe it to me."
"Okay, whatever," said Ickyboo. "You'd better have a strong stomach."
"I do! Once, I ate some nails, and I didn't bleed at all!" replied Young Nazbutt, causing Ickyboo to slap him.
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Mmyep, that's it for now, and the tree thing was MBC's idea.
Disclaimer: We do not own fish...err...or any of this...heheh.
############################################################ ############################################################
Late that night, a man by the name of Jonathon Nazbutt climbed into the shaky little sniping tower that he and his son had built in a matter of a few hours. Nobody had asked them to build it, nor to guard the town, but he was determined to get a few shots off at the Horseguy. Not for any reasons along the lines of valor, heroism, or saving lives, mind you, but more because he was just that way.
The little structure shuddered with his weight, and threatened to come down. Not that it was very tall. It only reached three feet above the ground. Nazbutt's son had to go and wedge wood underneath it, before it would stop trying to snap in half. Nazbutt could tell it would serve him well as a fortress.
Suddenly, the horse burst out of the woods, and, out of the saddlebag flew the head of the Horseguy. In its teeth, it held an axe, and it was spinning very fast, like a propeller of death.
Nazbutt fired, hitting the axe, and causing the whole thing to careen off into the woods. Unfortunately, it returned, like a boomerang of...death! It shredded through the tower, and whopped off his head, leaving his body untouched. Then, it jammed the axe into the corpse, and head and body flew off to the horse, and they all disappeared into the woods.
##################################################################
The next morning, Ickyboo set off after meeting Faltus Van Castle's wife, Lady Van Castle. When Ickyboo had asked what her first name was, she had given him a strange look, and told him that "Lady" really was her first name.
At the house of the midwife, whose name was Betsy Supermitten, Ickyboo borrowed a horse. Betsy's husband, Philip, gave the horse to him and both of them were bothered by her son, Smiley.
Actually, it wasn't a horse. It was really more of an ostrich. Its name was Footpowder, and it was pure evil. When it wasn't spinning in circles and pecking at Ickyboo's face, it was releasing noxious clouds of methane, seemingly from both ends, and maybe the middle, too. Come to think of it, it was doing that even when it was spinning and pecking.
Ickyboo "rode" Footpowder to the clearing where a man named Nazbutt had been killed pointlessly the night before. There, several citizens had pounded a pointed stake into the ground, and were in the process of skewering the remains over it. The remains were, of course, just the head.
"Kill the pig! Drink its blood! Kill the pig!" cried the citizens.
"Did you move the body?" inquired Ickyboo.
"There wasn't any body. It's just a head. We should bring it sacrifices," said one person.
"By body," hissed Ickyboo, "I meant the remains in general, not the actual torso. In other words, did you move the head?"
"Oh, well, that," stammered the still anonymous person. "We, eh, put it on that pointy stick, don't you know. Funny, that."
"YOU MUST NEVER MOVE THE BODY!" shouted Ickyboo. For miles around, birds and animals of all sorts stopped what they were doing and stared in confusion at the noise, and the authors of this story sank slowly into a pit of mud. Let us hope, for the sake of the world, that they stay there.
"Why not?" piped the ever-obnoxious Smiley, who had been worshipping Nazbutt's head with a particular frenzy.
"Because it could be crawling with diseases, like ADD, or leprosy," stated Ickyboo knowledgably. "Now, I must examine it. Take it off that pointy stick."
"But you said not to move-" started one person.
"SHUT UP!" screamed Ickyboo. "Shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up...."
##################################################################
Five hours later, Ickyboo collapsed from saying "shut up" far too much.
Nervously, the one remaining person, a man by the name of Super Hero Super Cape Dude Super...eh...Phonograph (pretty awful name, huh?), handed Ickyboo the head.
Ickyboo sat up, and got out his tongs and funny glasses. He put on the funny glasses, and used the tongs to start fiddling around with the neck of the severed head. Suddenly, a disgustingly large cockroach crawled from the neck, scaring Ickyboo, who promptly ran up a tree. After Super Hero Super Cape Dude Super Phonograph knocked him out of said tree with a pole, Ickyboo got back to work.
Five more large cockroaches emerged, followed by a family of mice, two crows in their nest, and the Greenbay Packers.
After being knocked out of the tree with the pole again, Ickyboo finished his examination. He had determined that the blade that had cut off the head was extremely hot, and made of space-age plastics.
Upon finishing, Ickyboo had the man with the stupid name (Super-Whatsits, or some dumb shit like that) punt the head off into the woods, where it would no longer be a menace to society.
Incidentally, a beaver found it very soon, and incorporated it into its dam. Sadly, when the head rotted, the dam burst, killed the beaver's entire family, the state of South Dakota, and roughly 50,000 other beavers that had been attending a seminar on why human heads are not proper dam- building materials.
########################################################################
Ickyboo wandered around Stupid Hollow on his untrusty steed, Footpowder, in search of the local dealer. There must be one, Katrino was evidence of that. To his horror and dismay, he realized that he had no hope of finding the dealer, and that he needed to take a dump. Quickly, he spotted the nearest outhouse, and entered.
Upon sitting down, Ickyboo discovered that the seat of the loo had been coated in syrup, and his rear was now a sweet breakfast treat. For bears, or something. You probably wouldn't be interested.
Quickly, Ickyboo stood up, and tried to clean the mess with toilet paper. However, someone had spread itching powder in the paper, and his ass and hands were soon aflame with itching...ness.
Ickyboo paused and wondered what his next course of action should be. Within seconds, he came to the decision that running screaming from the outhouse would be just the thing. He did so, breaking the door in his haste to carry out his decision.
As he dashed across the field, Ickyboo fell into a cleverly disguised pit that had been covered in leaves. To his disappointment, the bottom was lined with carefully arranged sharpened bamboo poles.
Broom and his seven Oompa Loompa minions strolled over to the pit, and gazed down in satisfaction at the bleeding, twitching Ickyboo.
"That'll teach him to remain anonymous," sneered Broom.
With that, the Oompa Loompas burst into song.
"Oompa Loompa, oompa-dee-da, Telling your name will get you quite far! If you don't you'll be boiled in tar! Oompa Loompa, oompa-dee-dar!"
With that, the Oompa Loompas burst, not into song this time, but into flame.
"Damnit," sighed Broom. "That was really stupid."
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Ickyboo dreamed of his past. In his dream, he was still a little kid, without a fish-shaped scar.
In his dream, Ickyboo approached a field where his mother was. She floated effortlessly around in the pit he found her in. Knowing the game, he pulled back the lever, and let the spring pull it forward again, launching his mother into the game proper. She rebounded off of several cylinders that insisted on going "bing, bing", and, quite happily, flew up the chute that gave Ickyboo one hundred bonus points. She fell downwards to his flipper, and he launched her off again. She scored many more points for him, but, sadly, she fell between the flippers, ending the game.
Ickyboo smiled stupidly in his sleep.
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The next morning, at the funeral of Jonathon Nazbutt, Ickyboo received many cold stares for insisting on having the only remains of the deceased punted. The funeral finally ended, to his relief, and Constable Plush Bottom approached him.
"Using crocodiles as underwear is never wise," advised Constable Bottom, "But you should dig up some corpses, put them in each others' coffins upside-down, piss on them, and re-bury them. I've done it several times, and it is quite fun."
Ickyboo stared in shock and disgust at his fellow constable, who stumbled off drunkenly.
Next, the son of Nazbutt came to Ickyboo.
"Now I'm the one-and-only Nazbutt," he commented glumly.
"Yes, that's nice," said Ickyboo distractedly, staring at yonder Katrino, who was tripped out on acid and making hard-core love to a tree.
"Will you hire me, and feed me?" asked Young Nazbutt. "I was planning on eating my father's remains to survive for the next few days, so you owe it to me."
"Okay, whatever," said Ickyboo. "You'd better have a strong stomach."
"I do! Once, I ate some nails, and I didn't bleed at all!" replied Young Nazbutt, causing Ickyboo to slap him.
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Mmyep, that's it for now, and the tree thing was MBC's idea.