I haven't posted a fanfic in such a long time, and I haven't written much either. I will try to finish RAD at some point because I loathe unfinished fics. Until then, there's this. Characters belong to JK Rowling. It's het. It's sap. (Incidentally, I know the title sucks, but I couldn't for the life of me think of a better one.)
...
I leaned against you and felt my marrow crack. I was just so sick of being hidden. I knew I had no right to speak what ailed me, because no one cared. I was enough trouble with my mouth shut and I just wanted to stay out of everyone's way. But you. You didn't understand that I had no right. You didn't understand why I was quiet. You didn't understand that stuff was wrong with us, no one wanted to see us, so we should just not bother them and hope they'd forget to take our things and taunt us in the halls every now and then. You never shut up. And when I told you about what I longed for you didn't say I should be grateful for what I had. You didn't shrug, or look away. You said "I'm sorry," and you kissed me. And I knew that I had no right to be loved because I was just a burden, just a target, just a weeping unrecognizable visitor in a white room. Just me. But you didn't see me. You didn't see what everyone else saw because you had never belonged. You saw something else, and you kissed me. You saw something I doubted I had ever been or possessed, but you saw it, and that saved me just a little. I didn't believe it at first. "You don't have to do this," I said, carefully, crossing my arms over my heart and against the cold. I was shorter than you. "It's really okay. I don't need your pity. I'm doing all right on my own."
"I know. What does that have to do with anything?" And because you never understood what others tried to teach you, you transformed me. You were my blank slate and my saving grace because of the fact that you never quite realized it. When they made fun of us for holding hands I tensed, expecting you to turn away, to blush. But you didn't get it. You said "Yes, we're going out," and smiled proudly and crookedly, as if I was desirable. For a long time I was afraid, sure it would someday dawn on you what a loser I was. But I came to realize that I wasn't, never had been, and that you weren't below the rest of them after all. You were just living on a higher plane.
...
I leaned against you and felt my marrow crack. I was just so sick of being hidden. I knew I had no right to speak what ailed me, because no one cared. I was enough trouble with my mouth shut and I just wanted to stay out of everyone's way. But you. You didn't understand that I had no right. You didn't understand why I was quiet. You didn't understand that stuff was wrong with us, no one wanted to see us, so we should just not bother them and hope they'd forget to take our things and taunt us in the halls every now and then. You never shut up. And when I told you about what I longed for you didn't say I should be grateful for what I had. You didn't shrug, or look away. You said "I'm sorry," and you kissed me. And I knew that I had no right to be loved because I was just a burden, just a target, just a weeping unrecognizable visitor in a white room. Just me. But you didn't see me. You didn't see what everyone else saw because you had never belonged. You saw something else, and you kissed me. You saw something I doubted I had ever been or possessed, but you saw it, and that saved me just a little. I didn't believe it at first. "You don't have to do this," I said, carefully, crossing my arms over my heart and against the cold. I was shorter than you. "It's really okay. I don't need your pity. I'm doing all right on my own."
"I know. What does that have to do with anything?" And because you never understood what others tried to teach you, you transformed me. You were my blank slate and my saving grace because of the fact that you never quite realized it. When they made fun of us for holding hands I tensed, expecting you to turn away, to blush. But you didn't get it. You said "Yes, we're going out," and smiled proudly and crookedly, as if I was desirable. For a long time I was afraid, sure it would someday dawn on you what a loser I was. But I came to realize that I wasn't, never had been, and that you weren't below the rest of them after all. You were just living on a higher plane.