We're back! Finally! This may or may not be the final chapter, but either
way, we are making a big effort to finish the whole thing tonight! Woohoo!
Disclaimer: As Rumiko Takahashi once said when asked if female Ranma could get pregnant, "I don't think about it, and neither should you."
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The residents of Stupid Hollow gathered at the church. Ickyboo and Nazbutt peeked around the tree they were hiding behind at all of them.
"...What's going on, again?" inquired Ickyboo.
Nazbutt sighed. "They're all going to a meeting to discuss how crappy you are."
"Oh," said Ickyboo, hanging his head.
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Faltus was running late for the meeting, because he had fallen down in the bathtub, and it had taken him longer than he had ever imagined to pry his pear-shaped body back out the small space.
Knowing that his dear wife had gone off to a meadow to pick some cacti, and generally act innocent and unobtrusive to the story line, carrying that big, black, velvet bag of hers, and therefore would need to be reminded of the meeting, he set off to find her on his horse.
Lady Van Castle smiled to herself as she picked through the mud, fingered her big, black, velvet, rattling bag, and muttered in Latin. And...about that bag. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING. Stop paying so much attention to it, you nit.
Faltus smiled upon seeing her and her big, black, velvet, rattling, awkward bag.
[We're warning you! Stop it!]
The Horseguy burst through the tree line, riding atop a ride-on lawn mower, the axe raised in his mannequin hand.
"Honey! Watch out!" yelled Faltus.
Lady Van Castle turned and saw the Horseguy. She let out a cry, and started to run. However, she was significantly slowed by her you-know- what.
Faltus turned his head in disgust and galloped off, just as the Horseguy covered the last few feet to his wife. This was not something he needed to see.
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"The Horseguy is coming! He killed my wife! Seek shelter!" screamed Faltus as he galloped toward the crowd gathered in front of the church. He leapt down, propped the horse up on its kickstand, and ran inside.
The people made "eek" noises, and rushed to enter the church. Ickyboo and Nazbutt followed.
Just as Ickyboo was about to get inside, an entire wall of the church collapsed outward.
A scraggly-looking black-haired man wearing a beret ran out into view, ripped a tree out of the ground, used it to prop the wall back up, and ran back off to his little chair behind the camera.
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Inside the church, panicked townspeople did their best to board up the windows, and those who had rifles broke the glass and aimed their weapons at the Horseguy, who was circling the perimeter menacingly/helpfully, since he was, after all, mowing the lawn as he moved.
Ickyboo observed the Horseguy's movements closely, and came to a conclusion.
"He cannot enter!" cried Ickyboo. "We're safe!"
No one listened.
Dr. Mario approached Faltus.
"If I'm going to die here, there's something I must tell you first!" cried the distraught Italian doctor/plumber. "Pastor Richards has been diverting money from the offerings to his own uses! He has been building a giant rocket-powered statue of himself!"
"Silence, evil doer!" screeched Pastor Richards, crushing Dr. Mario's skull with a handy nearby cross.
Faltus, showing great speed for his age, whipped around, grabbed Ickyboo's gun, and shot Pastor Richards in the face. The entire church went silent.
Faltus shakily climbed the staircase up the pulpit, which was directly in front of a window.
"Whatever's going on here, no one better come near me! You people are scary and horrible!" he yelled.
The Horseguy saw his shadow from outside, and grabbed the scraggly man from earlier out of his chair. Despite mumbled protests about scissors cutting things, he tied the man up, and attached a rope to his feet. He took aim, and....
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Piggly Wiggly was a happy little pink pig, living in the charming little town of Piggleston. One day, he went to go visit his best friend, Gibbly Goat. Together, they went off on a nice walk in the meadow, and picked some pretty flowers. They had a most wonderful day together, and they were both sad to see that the sun was going down.
Just then, Constable Plush Bottom's head zoomed down from the sky, and struck Piggly Wiggly on the top of the head at terminal velocity. Piggly Wiggly's skull was crushed nearly entirely down into his neck, and his twitching body collapsed, as the Constable Bottom's head used its own large fat deposits (as well as those of Piggly Wiggly) as a trampoline, and bounced back off into space to continue on its eternal fight for freedom and justice.
Gibbly Goat cried like the little queer he was, and ran off back home.
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The scraggly little mumbling guy sailed through the air, shattered the glass behind the pulpit, and impaled Faltus. The Horseguy then used the rope to drag his prize back to himself, and cut off Faltus's head. The scraggly man waved his arms and yelled incoherently, before tearing off into the woods like a madman.
Katrino, upon seeing her father's death, wailed and fainted. Ickyboo gasped, as he saw the floor beneath her was painted with the same sign he had seen under his bed, only larger. Blood dripped from Katrino's fingertip, where she had pricked herself with a pillow in order to obtain blood to draw with.
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Nazbutt stood by and watched as Ickyboo packed his bags.
"But...you don't seriously think it was Katrino, do you?" he finally asked. "I mean, there's no way she could have done it! You know she's never sober long enough to devise an evil plan!"
"She was in my room the day we found the mark," sighed Ickyboo.
"So you're just going to leave then, with a horrible monster on the loose?"
"For some sick, twisted reason, I love Katrino," moaned Ickyboo. "I could never stand to see her behind bars."
"You suck, man," said Nazbutt. "You really do."
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Ickyboo paused by the carriage as Katrino ran up, completely sober.
"Ickyboo, don't leave!" cried Katrino. "It was not me that killed those people! Sure, it was funny, but I never had a hand in it!"
"All of reason points to you as the killer," sighed Ickyboo. "I have no choice."
"Then you are bewitched by reason!" snapped Katrino.
"I am beaten down by it!" wailed Ickyboo. "See?!"
A large, gruff, stinky man came out of nowhere, and beat Ickyboo to the ground. On his shirt was printed the word "Reason."
"Then may you live by what you have chosen!" barked Katrino, throwing a small book in his face and running back inside the house.
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Ickyboo brooded in the rickety carriage as it made its way along the road that led out of Stupid Hollow. He skimmed through the little book Katrino had given him, curious as to why she had done it.
Inside, he quickly found the same symbol he had seen twice before. Below was a caption, which read:
"A SPELL TO INDUCE GOOD APPETITE."
Below that, in smaller print, was the warning,
"Do not use on babies."
On the next page, he found another symbol. This one was of a scraggly severed head, holding an axe in its mouth. It was labeled:
"A SPELL TO BRING BACK MURDEROUS DECAPITATED LUMBERJACKS TO AID YOU IN YOU QUEST FOR REVENGE."
"Hmm," thought Ickyboo. Something was amiss!
He looked out the left window just in time to see Lady Van Castle's head being hauled the other way in a small wagon. Something was odd about it, though....
Ickyboo leapt from the carriage, fell over, and was run over by one of its rear wheels. He got up, ran over, and picked the head up out of the wagon.
The face wasn't right at all. Sure, it was the face of Lady Van Castle, but it was in black and white, and did not sit on the head in the proper way a face should. The eyes were open, and it was smiling!
Ickyboo grabbed the face, and pulled at it. The black and white photograph of Lady Van Castle's gleaming mug tore away easily, as it had been crudely applied with nothing more than scotch tape. The sudden lack of a picture revealed that it was really the head of none other than Shaggy, a bit rotted from being a day old.
"Aha!" cried Ickyboo, tossing the head over his shoulder and running back toward the house of the Van Castles. "I must save Katrino!"
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"Now that that stupid detective is out of my way," mused Lady Van Castle, at the same time as Ickyboo was making his discovery, "I can finally rid myself of Katrino!"
She grabbed the eerily sober Katrino by the hair, and dragged her to a nearby carriage. Nazbutt, who had, by some luck, still been around, snuck up behind the carriage by hiding under a box, and clung to it.
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You may have noticed a bit of drama in this chapter after the church scene, and you may be wondering about it. Well, we had a hard time writing this chapter, and especially those scenes, and drama is easy to slip back into when you're having trouble writing comedy.
Also, did you notice Tim Burton's little cameos? Huh? Huh? Huh?
I bet you didn't. Loser.
Disclaimer: As Rumiko Takahashi once said when asked if female Ranma could get pregnant, "I don't think about it, and neither should you."
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The residents of Stupid Hollow gathered at the church. Ickyboo and Nazbutt peeked around the tree they were hiding behind at all of them.
"...What's going on, again?" inquired Ickyboo.
Nazbutt sighed. "They're all going to a meeting to discuss how crappy you are."
"Oh," said Ickyboo, hanging his head.
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Faltus was running late for the meeting, because he had fallen down in the bathtub, and it had taken him longer than he had ever imagined to pry his pear-shaped body back out the small space.
Knowing that his dear wife had gone off to a meadow to pick some cacti, and generally act innocent and unobtrusive to the story line, carrying that big, black, velvet bag of hers, and therefore would need to be reminded of the meeting, he set off to find her on his horse.
Lady Van Castle smiled to herself as she picked through the mud, fingered her big, black, velvet, rattling bag, and muttered in Latin. And...about that bag. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING. Stop paying so much attention to it, you nit.
Faltus smiled upon seeing her and her big, black, velvet, rattling, awkward bag.
[We're warning you! Stop it!]
The Horseguy burst through the tree line, riding atop a ride-on lawn mower, the axe raised in his mannequin hand.
"Honey! Watch out!" yelled Faltus.
Lady Van Castle turned and saw the Horseguy. She let out a cry, and started to run. However, she was significantly slowed by her you-know- what.
Faltus turned his head in disgust and galloped off, just as the Horseguy covered the last few feet to his wife. This was not something he needed to see.
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"The Horseguy is coming! He killed my wife! Seek shelter!" screamed Faltus as he galloped toward the crowd gathered in front of the church. He leapt down, propped the horse up on its kickstand, and ran inside.
The people made "eek" noises, and rushed to enter the church. Ickyboo and Nazbutt followed.
Just as Ickyboo was about to get inside, an entire wall of the church collapsed outward.
A scraggly-looking black-haired man wearing a beret ran out into view, ripped a tree out of the ground, used it to prop the wall back up, and ran back off to his little chair behind the camera.
########################################################################
Inside the church, panicked townspeople did their best to board up the windows, and those who had rifles broke the glass and aimed their weapons at the Horseguy, who was circling the perimeter menacingly/helpfully, since he was, after all, mowing the lawn as he moved.
Ickyboo observed the Horseguy's movements closely, and came to a conclusion.
"He cannot enter!" cried Ickyboo. "We're safe!"
No one listened.
Dr. Mario approached Faltus.
"If I'm going to die here, there's something I must tell you first!" cried the distraught Italian doctor/plumber. "Pastor Richards has been diverting money from the offerings to his own uses! He has been building a giant rocket-powered statue of himself!"
"Silence, evil doer!" screeched Pastor Richards, crushing Dr. Mario's skull with a handy nearby cross.
Faltus, showing great speed for his age, whipped around, grabbed Ickyboo's gun, and shot Pastor Richards in the face. The entire church went silent.
Faltus shakily climbed the staircase up the pulpit, which was directly in front of a window.
"Whatever's going on here, no one better come near me! You people are scary and horrible!" he yelled.
The Horseguy saw his shadow from outside, and grabbed the scraggly man from earlier out of his chair. Despite mumbled protests about scissors cutting things, he tied the man up, and attached a rope to his feet. He took aim, and....
########################################################################
Piggly Wiggly was a happy little pink pig, living in the charming little town of Piggleston. One day, he went to go visit his best friend, Gibbly Goat. Together, they went off on a nice walk in the meadow, and picked some pretty flowers. They had a most wonderful day together, and they were both sad to see that the sun was going down.
Just then, Constable Plush Bottom's head zoomed down from the sky, and struck Piggly Wiggly on the top of the head at terminal velocity. Piggly Wiggly's skull was crushed nearly entirely down into his neck, and his twitching body collapsed, as the Constable Bottom's head used its own large fat deposits (as well as those of Piggly Wiggly) as a trampoline, and bounced back off into space to continue on its eternal fight for freedom and justice.
Gibbly Goat cried like the little queer he was, and ran off back home.
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The scraggly little mumbling guy sailed through the air, shattered the glass behind the pulpit, and impaled Faltus. The Horseguy then used the rope to drag his prize back to himself, and cut off Faltus's head. The scraggly man waved his arms and yelled incoherently, before tearing off into the woods like a madman.
Katrino, upon seeing her father's death, wailed and fainted. Ickyboo gasped, as he saw the floor beneath her was painted with the same sign he had seen under his bed, only larger. Blood dripped from Katrino's fingertip, where she had pricked herself with a pillow in order to obtain blood to draw with.
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Nazbutt stood by and watched as Ickyboo packed his bags.
"But...you don't seriously think it was Katrino, do you?" he finally asked. "I mean, there's no way she could have done it! You know she's never sober long enough to devise an evil plan!"
"She was in my room the day we found the mark," sighed Ickyboo.
"So you're just going to leave then, with a horrible monster on the loose?"
"For some sick, twisted reason, I love Katrino," moaned Ickyboo. "I could never stand to see her behind bars."
"You suck, man," said Nazbutt. "You really do."
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Ickyboo paused by the carriage as Katrino ran up, completely sober.
"Ickyboo, don't leave!" cried Katrino. "It was not me that killed those people! Sure, it was funny, but I never had a hand in it!"
"All of reason points to you as the killer," sighed Ickyboo. "I have no choice."
"Then you are bewitched by reason!" snapped Katrino.
"I am beaten down by it!" wailed Ickyboo. "See?!"
A large, gruff, stinky man came out of nowhere, and beat Ickyboo to the ground. On his shirt was printed the word "Reason."
"Then may you live by what you have chosen!" barked Katrino, throwing a small book in his face and running back inside the house.
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Ickyboo brooded in the rickety carriage as it made its way along the road that led out of Stupid Hollow. He skimmed through the little book Katrino had given him, curious as to why she had done it.
Inside, he quickly found the same symbol he had seen twice before. Below was a caption, which read:
"A SPELL TO INDUCE GOOD APPETITE."
Below that, in smaller print, was the warning,
"Do not use on babies."
On the next page, he found another symbol. This one was of a scraggly severed head, holding an axe in its mouth. It was labeled:
"A SPELL TO BRING BACK MURDEROUS DECAPITATED LUMBERJACKS TO AID YOU IN YOU QUEST FOR REVENGE."
"Hmm," thought Ickyboo. Something was amiss!
He looked out the left window just in time to see Lady Van Castle's head being hauled the other way in a small wagon. Something was odd about it, though....
Ickyboo leapt from the carriage, fell over, and was run over by one of its rear wheels. He got up, ran over, and picked the head up out of the wagon.
The face wasn't right at all. Sure, it was the face of Lady Van Castle, but it was in black and white, and did not sit on the head in the proper way a face should. The eyes were open, and it was smiling!
Ickyboo grabbed the face, and pulled at it. The black and white photograph of Lady Van Castle's gleaming mug tore away easily, as it had been crudely applied with nothing more than scotch tape. The sudden lack of a picture revealed that it was really the head of none other than Shaggy, a bit rotted from being a day old.
"Aha!" cried Ickyboo, tossing the head over his shoulder and running back toward the house of the Van Castles. "I must save Katrino!"
########################################################################
"Now that that stupid detective is out of my way," mused Lady Van Castle, at the same time as Ickyboo was making his discovery, "I can finally rid myself of Katrino!"
She grabbed the eerily sober Katrino by the hair, and dragged her to a nearby carriage. Nazbutt, who had, by some luck, still been around, snuck up behind the carriage by hiding under a box, and clung to it.
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You may have noticed a bit of drama in this chapter after the church scene, and you may be wondering about it. Well, we had a hard time writing this chapter, and especially those scenes, and drama is easy to slip back into when you're having trouble writing comedy.
Also, did you notice Tim Burton's little cameos? Huh? Huh? Huh?
I bet you didn't. Loser.