Well, I managed to survive my Pre-Calculus final…but I've got Regents for both Physics AND American History tomorrow! When will the madness END?!
~~~~~~~~~~
Ryo: Hey, there! Well, I'm glad to see you all like the parody so far. And for the person who mentioned Kurt…don't worry, he'll be showing up soon. Pietro just seemed like a more obvious choice for the character of Professor Plum for whatever reason. Hey, don't look at me; I just direct. And speaking of, it's time for part two of the fic…
She turns her head to the left of camera.
Ryo: *shouts* Hey, Tabbs! Get your tongue outta Ray's mouth so we can start this thing, all right?
Tabby glares at her from her seat on Ray's lap, where she was calming him down about the Pietro-situation from last chapter, but hops off and follows her now-laughing co-actors back onto the screen.
* * * * * *
The guests all cross the hallway to the dining room, where a long table with seven chair await them.
Pyro: You'll find your names beside your places. Please be seated.
Everybody except for Lance begins to file in. Pyro takes Tabby's glass and places it on the table in front of he seat, earning a smile from her.
Lance motions to the seat at the head of the table
Lance: Is this place for you?
Pyro: Oh, indeed, no, sir. I'm merely a humble butler.
Lance: And what exactly do you do?
Pyro: I buttle, sir.
Lance: "Buttle" isn't a real word.
Pyro: Is too. The butler is head of the kitchen and dining room. I keep everything…tidy. That's all.
Lance is about to argue further, but is interrupted by Kitty.
Kitty: Well, what's this all about, butler; this dinner party.
Pyro: "Ours is not to reason why…ours is but to do and die."
Pietro: DIE?!
He gulps.
Todd: Nice foreshadowing, yo.
Ryo: *off-screen* Stop giving away the plot!
Pyro: Merely quoting, sir, from Alfred, Lord Tennyson.
Lance has since taken his seat to the right of Tabby's..
Lance: Hm. I prefer Kipling myself: "The female of the species is more deadly than the male."
All the girls grin amongst themselves, making the guys suddenly nervous.
Lance: Er…do you like Kipling, Miss Scarlet?
He passes her a plate of appetizers, which she accepts.
Tabby: Sure. I'll eat anything.
Rogue: *coughblondecough*
As if on cue, Belladonna enters the room through the kitchen door, carrying a tray. She begins placing a bowl in front of each guest, starting with Kitty.
Belladonna: Sharks' Fin Soup, Madame.
Kitty looks appalled.
Kitty: *to camera* This isn't really made from sharks, is it?
Lance motions towards the head of the table again.
Lance: So, is this for our host.
Pyro: No, sir. For the seventh guest, Mr. Boddy.
Rogue: Ah thought Mr. Boddy was our host.
The other guests all concur. Pyro doesn't appear affected as he pours a drink into everyone's empty glass.
Rogue: So, who is our host, Mr. Wadsworth?
Pyro gives an evil smirk as he chuckles slightly to himself, but doesn't answer.
Pietro speaks up, lifting the tension, as he rubs his hands together.
Pietro: Well, I wanna start while the sharks're still bitin'.
Kitty: *turning slightly green* Oh, now…shouldn't we, um, wait for the other guest?
Belladonna is placing a bowl in front of Tabby when she looks up.
Belladonna: I will keep somezing warm for 'im.
Tabby: What did you have in mind, dear?
Belladonna grins ominously, with a sideways glance towards Rogue.
Belladonna: Wouldn' y' like t' know?
Rogue: *fumes*
As she leaves, the room is left in an uncomfortable silence. Pietro seems the only one unaffected, picking up his spoon and taking a slurp of soup. Rogue stares at him for a moment disapprovingly.
Rogue: …ah, screw it. Ah'm hungry.
She follows suit, slurping at her own bowl. Lance, Tabby, and Toad all stare at the two, mouth open, as they do it again one after the other.
Todd: It's like…a really boring tennis match…
Finally, Kitty places her napkin down, looking more than a little nervous, and addresses the group.
Kitty: Well-someone's-got-to-break-the-ice-and-it-might-as-well-be-me-I-mean-I'm-used-to-being-a-hostess-it's-part-of-my-husband's-work-and-it's-always-difficult-when-a-group-of-new-friends-meet-together-for-the-first-time-to-get-aquainted-so-I'm-perfectly-prepared-to-start-the-ball-rolling-I-mean-I-hae-absolutely-no-idea-what-we're-doing-here-or-what-I'm-doing-here-or-what-this-place-is-about-but-I-am-determined-to-enjoy-myself-and-I'm-very-intrgued-and-oh-my-this-soup's-delicious-isn't-it?
Turning blue from the lack of oxygen intake, she then gasps for air as everybody stares at her, unblinking. Pietro claps, and holds up a sign that reads "8.5"
Pietro: Impressive speed and nice choice of vocabulary, but I'm afraid you lost points for poor breath control.
He is suddenly hit in the head with a cue card.
Ryo: *off-screen* Not funny!
Rogue: You say you are used to being a hostess as part of your husband's work?
Lance: …husband?!
Kitty: *ignores him* Yes, it's an integral part of your life when you are the wife of a…oh, but then again, I forgot we're not supposed to say who we really are, though heavens to Betsy, I don't know why.
Todd speaks up, hunched over his soup.
Todd: I know who you are.
As everyone turns to stare at him, he looks up with a mischievous smirk.
Tabby: …well, aren't you going to tell us?
Kitty: *nervously* H-how do you know who I am?
Todd: I work in Washington, too.
Pietro: *dismissively* Oh, so you're a politician's wife.
Kitty: Um…yeah…
Lance opens his mouth to deliver the next line, when Pyro walks through the door from the kitchen.
Lance: ARGH!!!
Kitty then turns to Rogue.
Kitty: So, what does your husband do?
Rogue: *quickly* Nothing.
Kitty: Nothing?
Rogue: Well, he…just…lies around on his back all day.
Tabby: Sounds like hard work to me.
Pietro snorts into his water glass so that she has to kick him under the table to quiet him.
In the kitchen, Belladonna suddenly opens the partition just as another crash of thunder strikes. Todd, jumpy as ever, spills his drink again. This time, it lands on Tabby.
Todd: I'm sorry. I'm afraid I'm a little accident-prone.
He takes his napkin and starts to wipe her off.
Tabby: Ah—watch it.
Todd: …yes ma'am.
Belladonna reenters the room and begins serving the guests plates of food. The guests start eating, Kitty more enthusiastically than the others. She turns to Pyro.
Kitty: This is one of my favorite recipes!
Pyro: I know, madam.
She blinks, then turns back to the conversation.
Kitty: So, what do you do in Washington, D.C., Mr. Green.
Todd doesn't answer.
Kitty: *smiling* Come on, what do you do? I mean, how are we to get acquainted if we don't say anything about ourselves?
Tabby: *sharply* Perhaps he doesn't want to get acquainted with you.
Kitty: Well, I'm sure I don't know, but if I wasn't trying to keep the conversation going then we'd just be sitting here in an embarrassed silence.
Pietro calmly puts his fork down and turn to face her.
Pietro: Are you afraid of silence, Mrs. Peacock?
Kitty: Yes—what? No! Why?
Pietro: Oh, it just seems to me that you seem to suffer from what we call "pressure of speech.."
Tabby: "We"? Who's "we"? You a schizophrenic or something?
Lance: That's all we need…more Pietros running around.
Ryo: *groans off-stage*
Pietro: Actually, I do know a little bit about psychological medicine.
Rogue: Are ya a doctor?
Pietro: I am, but I don't practice.
Tabby: Practice makes perfect. *snorts* I think most men need a little practice, don't you Mrs. Peacock?
Kitty shrugs, looking very uncomfortable.
Rogue: So what do ya do, Professor? …Ah can't believe Ah just called Pietro Maximoff "Professor."
Pietro: I work for UNO, the United Nations Organization.
Lance: *laughs* Another politician. Jesus!
Pietro: No, I work for a branch of UNO: WHO, the World Health Organization.
Kitty: Well, what is your area of special concern?
Pietro: Family planning.
Silence. Everybody stares at him.
Pietro: I know. Ironic, isn't it? Anyhow, what about you, Colonel? Are you a real colonel?
Lance: I am, sir.
Tabby: You're not going to mention the coincidence that you also live in Washington, D.C.?
Lance: How did you know that? Have we met before?
Tabby grins.
Tabby: I've certainly seen you before. Although you may not have seen me.
Todd: So, Miss Scarlet, does this mean that you live in Washington, too?
Tabby: Sure do.
She takes another bite of food.
Kitty: Does anyone here not live in Washington. D.C.?
Pietro: I don't.
Todd: Yes, but you work for the United Nations. That's a government job. And the rest of us all live in a government town. Anyone here not ear their living from the government in one way or another?
He looks around the table as Lance stands up angrily, turning to face Pyro.
Lance: Ahh! You've been here the whole time?!
Pyro: You're a quick one, aren't you?
Ryo: *off-screen* Aww, come on. You guys were doing so WELL!
Lance: Wadsworth, where's our host, and why have we been brought here?
The doorbell rings then, and Pyro slips out of the room.
The entire room grows quiet as they hear the sound of the door opening. Pyro's and another voice can be heard.
Pyro: [v/o] Ah, good evening. You are eagerly awaited.
The sound of a door being locked his heard.
Man: [v/o] You locking me in? I'll take the key.
Pyro: [v/o] Over my dead body sir. After all, what would be the point of locking it in the first place? May I take you bag?
Man: [v/o] No. I'll leave it here 'till I need it.
Pyro: [v/o] It contains evidence, I presume?
Man: [v/o] Surprises, my friend. That's what it contains—surprises!
Pyro reenters the dining room.
Pyro: Ladies and gentlemen, may I present…Mr. Boddy.
Remy saunters casually into the room…freezing when he sees Rogue among the guests.
Remy: *pales slightly* Oh…shit…
Rogue: *arms folded and obviously mad* No use sweet-talkin' ya way outta this one, Swamp Rat.
Ryo: *off-screen* Save the lovers' spat for later, you two.
Pyro: Do sit down, Mr. Boddy.
He does so, just as Belladonna brings over a plate of food.
Remy: Nah, you can take that away, honey.
She nods, a little miffed, and does what he asks. Kitty bangs on the table to get his attention.
Kitty: *angrily* Look, I demand to know what's going on. Now why have we all been dragged up to this horrible place?
Remy doesn't say anything, but Pyro steps up to answer for him. He takes a sheet of paper from inside his tuxedo jacket.
Pyro: Well, I believe we all received a letter. My letter says, "It will be to your advantage t be present on this date because a Mr. Boddy will bring to an end a certin long-standing, confidential, and painful financial liability." It is signed, "A friend."
Todd: I received a similar letter.
Tabby: So did we, didn't we?
She looks to Pietro, who nods.
Remy: I also received a letter…
Belladonna tries to serve him the main course.
Remy: No thanks, Yvette. I just ate.
Todd: Now how did you know her name?
Remy: We know each other…don't we, dear?
Belladonna: *smiles* Intimately.
Rogue: Why you—
Her ranting is suddenly cut short as Pietro sticks a roll in her mouth.
Pietro: Try the bread, White…it's delicious!
Remy: Nice save, mon ami.
Pyro: Forgive my curiosity, Mr. Boddy, but did your letter say the same thing?
Remy: No.
Pyro: I see…
He turns to the group.
Pyro: Can I interest any of you in fruit or desert?
Nobody answers. Kitty pushes her place in slightly, signaling that she's finished.
Pyro: In that case, may I guest we adjourn to the study for coffee and brandy, at which point I believe our unknown host will reveal his intentions…
* * * * * *
Ryo: Cut! …finally.
She sits back in her chair as Jamie walks over with a tray containing a bottle of aspirin and glass of water. Behind her, the sounds of arguments and a screeching Rogue—now free of the roll in her mouth—giving Remy an earful can be heard.
Ryo: And just think; this is only chapter two. *sarcastically* Yay…