Nathan called me the following Thursday to arrange another date with me. We decided on Friday evening, because he had to be on the road again Saturday morning. Neither of us wanted to drive the distance between our homes, so we ate at a place that was somewhere in the middle. The restaurant was definitely more expensive than our fast-food date, but it wasn't too pricey, and Nathan paid again.

The date itself was wonderful again. We talked about various things, and had some good laughs. However, our conversations did cause me to start crying at one point when Nathan asked how Scott and I had met. I told him about Scott's and my first run in WCW, and tears quickly followed. Luckily, I recovered fast. Nathan was very understanding about it, though.

When we said our good-byes at the end of the night, I somehow managed to avoid a kiss again. In fact, I managed to avoid our inevitable first kiss for quite a while. It wasn't until early October, on our seventh date, that it couldn't be avoided any longer.

*****

It was a nice Wednesday evening and I was baking some chicken for my dinner when the doorbell sounded through my house. I wasn't expecting anyone, so I thought that it was some sweet Girl Scout selling cookies. I was ready for some of those peanut butter ones, too.

I opened my door, and instead of a cute little Girl Scout, there was an incredibly tall Nathan Jones. We said our hellos and I invited him into the house. He followed me into the kitchen where I went back to cooking.

Why are you here? I asked as I seasoned the chicken.

My flight landed here instead of Orlando this week. Besides, I wanted to see you, he said and I could almost hear those blue eyes twinkling with his smile.

I just continued to sprinkle the seasoning and tried to ignore the strange feeling that his words caused.

So, what are we having for dinner? he asked.

Chicken, potatoes, green beans, and biscuits.

You cook all of that for yourself?

Just enough for me, but I guess I'll be making more tonight, I said.

My sudden visit isn't a problem? Nathan asked.

No, it's fine. I kind of like having someone to talk to. Can you cook? I asked.

Nathan suddenly started laughing. I guessed that meant he couldn't cook, and I smiled. I'm sure I could pour us something to drink, though, he said when his laughter stopped.

Nathan poured two glasses of soda, then sat down again while I continued to cook. We talked and laughed all through the meal until we were sitting at the table with empty plates. I made no effort to get up and start cleaning, because we were having such a good time.

You know what? Nathan said, moving onto another topic.

I asked.

I think that I like you more than a friend, he said with a smile.

My stomach jumped and hit my heart, but I played it cook by saying, You think? We've had several dates now.

Nathan laughed and said, Don't you think we should make it official or something?

Sure. How? I asked.

He smiled at me. Kevin, will you be my boyfriend? he asked and burst into laughter. His question made it sound like we were in sixth grade, and I couldn't help laughing, either.

I said when we calmed down.

he smiled. So, what'd you think of my match on Monday?

The two of us sat at the table a while longer and talked about other various things. At some point we got up and Nathan helped me clean up the kitchen. By the time that all the dirty dishes were in the dishwasher, it was almost 9:00, and we decided that it was about time for Nathan to get back to his own house.

It was my turn to make the long trip to Orlando and back. We talked and laughed during the entire car ride to Nathan's house. It seemed as though we could never stop talking when we were together. It was like I learned something new about him every minute. He always had very interesting things to say, and he's smarter and funnier than anybody would give him credit for. Besides, we both have big mouths and like to talk a lot.

When I pulled into Nathan's driveway, I turned the engine off, and decided to walk to his front door with him.

Well, another great date comes to an end, I said as Nathan unlocked the door.

Yeah, thanks for dinner and the ride, he said.

No problem, it was a wonderful night.

Okay. I guess I'll call you tomorrow, boyfriend, he said mockingly and we both laughed.

I don't know what came over me, but I leaned in and kissed Nathan. It started out as just a peck on his lips, but I liked it--a lot, and it turned slightly more passionate. We kissed for only several seconds, but it felt like much longer. Maybe that was because I hadn't kissed anybody in three years, or maybe it was because it felt absolutely wonderful.

Our lips parted, and Nathan pulled me into a hug. he said when our embrace ended.

I said and walked back to my car. As I buckled up and started the engine, I saw Nathan watching me with a smile. I waved to him as I pulled away, and he waved back.

While I drove back to my house, I thought about the kiss. It was a great kiss, and I was just so happy about it. Nathan's lips were so soft. When I licked my lips after the kiss, I could taste his lips, and I couldn't help but think that I wanted to taste more of him. I wanted to kiss him again.

I was still beaming with pure happiness when I stepped into my living room. I glanced at the clock and saw that it was a few minutes after 11:30. As I finished reading the time, I saw a picture out of the corner of my eye. It was a picture of Scott that I had taken just a few months before he died. That's when it hit me--I had kissed another man.

How could I have done that? I promised to love Scott forever. How could I possibly love Scott and kiss Nathan? That kiss was so wrong. I remembered my last kiss with Scott on our front porch. That was a simple little peck with absolutely no passion behind it. How could I have let my first kiss with Nathan be more passionate than Scott's last?

I started to panic. I was shaking and crying. I didn't know what to do. I needed someone to tell me how to fix this. I picked up my cordless phone and made a call to San Antonio.

Shawn answered. I could tell that I had waked him up, but I didn't care.

I said in between my crying.

Kevin? What's wrong? I could hear the sleep fading from his voice as he became worried about me.

I kissed Nathan, I said while tears still fell down my face.

What the? Kevin, what's so horrible about that? Shawn asked.

I didn't know how to explain the problem to him, so I simply said,

Oh. Well, it's been three years. I'm sure it's okay to kiss Nathan, he said.

Not when I promised to love Scott forever, I argued. What kind of a person starts kissing other men right after the man he loves dies? I'm such a mean, stupid asshole, I said and started crying again.

No, you're not. Come on, Kev, it's been three years. You're allowed to move on.



Kevin, it was just one kiss.

I feel like I've cheated on Scott, I said.

Believe me, you didn't, Shawn tried to reason with me.

I did, I said as even more tears fell.

Kev, listen to me. Do you still love Scott? he asked.

I thought I did, but

he said, cutting me off. It's a yes or no question. Now, do you love Scott?

I said quietly, yet with confidence.

Okay. Where's the problem? Shawn asked.

It's like cheating on him, I said.

No, it's moving on. Scott died, you grieved, and now it's time to get on with your life. Scott knew that you'll always love him. And everybody else knows that, too. I know that Scott would want you to move on and be happy.

I thought about Shawn's last statement before I said, You're right.

And kissing Nathan is never going to change your love for Scott, okay?

Okay. Thanks, I said. Shawn had calmed me down, and made me think. He helped me realize that I was being completely irrational.

No problem, that's what best friends are for, he said. Oh, and I want every detail of that kiss when I call you tomorrow. Right now I'd like to go back to sleep, though.

I laughed, Okay, but don't call too early. Nathan's supposed to call.

Shawn and I then said our goodnights and hung up. It was well after midnight, so I went upstairs to go to bed.

As I laid there, staring at the ceiling, I thought about the future and what Shawn had said. He said that kissing Nathan doesn't change my love for Scott. But, what if I decided that I loved Nathan? Or what if we went beyond kissing and had sex? Those things would definitely change my love for Scott, right? I thought about calling Shawn and asking him, but instead I decided that those things would never happen. After all, you can only fall in love once, right?

TBC