While my first kiss with Nathan was great, the ones that followed were even better. And believe me, there was a lot of kissing after the first one. Every kiss always seemed to be a thousand times better than the one before it. I think that Nathan and I would have been perfectly happy if we could make out with each other forever.

After we became an official couple, Nathan and I started to spend as much time as we could together. We spent the days at one of our houses talking and laughing. We went out to the movies at least one night a week. We found a little ice cream shop near Nathan's house that the best hot fudge sundaes. Nathan spent so much time on the road that I started to travel with him. Not only did I get to spend time with Nathan, but I got to see my best friends, too. However, they soon got a little annoying by making fun of Nathan and me. It was always loads of fun, though.

We went to my house when we finished the Survivor Series road trip. I grilled a couple steaks for our dinner. Nathan baked some chocolate chip cookies for dessert. Well, they were the kind that were already made, so all he had to do was place them in a heated oven. I was pleasantly surprised when the cookies were nice and chewy instead of black and crispy.

The kitchen was clean by 7:00 and we went into the living room where I insisted on watching the Red Wings' hockey game. Nathan agreed, saying that he wanted to see what was so great about the sport. So, we sat there for the next two and a half hours watching the game, and I taught him the rules of the game. Somehow, I managed to make him a fan of the Red Wings, too. Scott had always hated the Detroit team, so it felt nice to have someone on my side. I think it was the first game I really enjoyed since Scott's death.

According to NHL officials, I realized that I loved Nathan at eight minutes and twenty seconds into the third period of the game. That's when the Red Wings scored a goal, giving them a 3-2 lead. When the puck landed in the net, Nathan pumped his fist in the air with a loud At the same moment, something in my chest fluttered and I thought, God, I love that man.'

Immediately, my heart agreed with that thought. However, my brain disagreed. I couldn't possibly love Nathan, because I loved Scott. That was just one of those crazy things that you think, but don't mean. The thought meant nothing, I could not love Nathan. But why did it feel so good when that thought flew across my mind?

I dismissed the argument that was going on inside my head when Nathan asked another question about the game. He and I enjoyed the rest of the game, which the Red Wings won. It was almost 10:00 by then, and time for Nathan to head home.

And yet another fantastic evening with you comes to an end, Nathan said as we stood on my front porch.

I smiled. What do you want to do tomorrow?

I don't care. You wanna come down to my place?

Sure, as long as we can get some ice cream, I said.

Sounds good to me. Is the weather going to be nice? he asked.

Nice and humid, I said, describing the average November day in Florida.

Bring your swim trunks, and I'll make a bigger cannonball splash than you, he challenged me with a grin.

We'll see about that, I said with my own cocky smirk.

Then, Nathan reached up to my lips with his own. And we stood there, making out under the soft glow of the moon and stars. We separated when we ran out of air, and Nathan slowly started walking towards his car.

I'll be at your place around noon, I said.

Okay. Goodnight, Kevin.

I called as he got into his car. We waved to each other as he drove away.

I went back into my house, sat down, and flipped through the channels on TV. I didn't pay any attention to anything, because I was thinking about how I might have fallen in love with Nathan.

The more I thought about it, the more I began to believe that I did indeed love Nathan. I loved his blue eyes and the way they twinkled whenever he smiled or laughed. I loved his Australian accent, and how it made me feel warm and comforted inside when he spoke to me. I loved his sense of humor and how he had made me genuinely laugh more in the last three months than I had in the entire three years after Scott's death. I loved the way he really cared when I was missing Scott and knew whether I wanted a hug or to be left alone. Hell, I even loved how he annoyingly bit the skin around his fingernails.

However, I still loved Scott and refused to believe that I could really love Nathan, too. Nobody can love two people like that--the old can't eat, can't sleep, he consumes my every thought, can see myself growing old with him' feeling. That can happen only once, and it had already happened to me. No, I didn't love Nathan.

*****

I got to Nathan's house an hour late the next day. Shawn, who usually calls and wakes me up at 10:00, forgot about me because Hunter was giving him the best damn blow job ever! So, he didn't call until 11:00, so I had to rush through shaving and all that nice morning stuff while Shawn chattered away about the gory details of his sex life among other things. Somehow, I managed to shut him up, take a five-minutes shower, and be in my car by noon. I called Nathan on my cellphone and told him that I was going to be late.

As soon as I got in his driveway, Nathan jumped in my car and we went to the ice cream shop. Nathan ate a giant banana split, while I had a fantastic hot fudge sundae. There wasn't much talking when we were eating, because our food was so good that we didn't want to delay a bite by speaking. After our bowls were empty, we talked up a storm. Nathan suggested that we go back to his house after an hour of talking about wrestling, the new basketball season, and outrageous family dinners with crazy uncles.

The water felt icy cold when I first jumped into Nathan's pool. He jumped in right after me, and we swam a few laps to get warm. It didn't take Nathan long to remind me of the cannonball challenge he had made the previous day. My competitive side shined as I jumped out of the pool, ready to go. However, Nathan was the first to make a cannonball. He ran off the diving board and jumped high off the end into the eight-foot deep pool. When he climbed back out, I told him how big his splash was. Then, I cannonballed. He told me how big my splash was, but it was smaller than his, so we both jumped again. We did that several more times before I agreed that he won, because he was in better shape.

Maybe we should go to the gym tomorrow, Nathan told me jokingly.

Shut up, I said, pretending to be hurt.

Oh, come on, I haven't seen you all hot and sweaty, pumping the iron.

I burst out laughing at that comment, and so did he. We stood there laughing ourselves to tears for several minutes. I was the first to calm down, so while he was still laughing his ass off, I pushed him into the pool.

Kevin, you are such an asshole, he said when he resurfaced, struggling to get some air.

I know, I said with a laugh. Then, I extended my arm to help him out and he pulled me into the water with him.

We spent the rest of the day acting immature in the pool. I couldn't help thinking that I loved Nathan whenever he stepped out of the pool and the sun glistened off the water that was gliding down his skin. He looked like a very powerful god. But, I would automatically deny that love. It didn't matter that I had the greatest time with Nathan and that he looked so very sexy swimming through the water, because I loved Scott. There was no way that I could love Nathan, too.

*****

A few weeks later we were in Atlanta for the December pay-per-view, Nathan was in the main event, challenging the new Heavyweight Champion, Edge. Nathan had tried to convince me that he was going to win the title, but I didn't fall for it.

Nathan had to spend most of the day preparing for his match, so I spent most of my time hanging out with Shawn. I had to listen to him complain about Hunter, because they had some stupid fight that morning. However, they kissed and made up and then I was forced to listen about what a wonderful person Hunter is--in and out of bed. At some point, Sean rescued me and we actually had a good conversation. Ever since I started dating Nathan, Sean began spending more time with me. I guessed that my new happiness made him more comfortable than my old depression did.

Since Shawn wasn't doing anything on the show that night, he also watched the show with me on a backstage monitor. He had been talking about his relationship with Hunter all day, so I decided that it was my turn to talk about me and Nathan. There was one thing in particular that I wanted to talk about, too.

I think that I love Nathan, I told Shawn.

Really? That's good, he said.

No, it's not.

What? Why not?

Because I love Scott, I said.

Shawn started with a sigh, we've been through this before. Just because you've fallen in love with Nathan doesn't mean that you love Scott any less.

No, last time it was kissing. This is love. It's a bit more important than kissing, it's much more serious. I needed Shawn to give me some good and honest advice.

It is more serious, and I'm telling you the same thing because it's the truth. You love Scott, you'll always love Scott. And now you love Nathan, too. Stop worrying about it, everything's okay.

But what if I'm subconsciously trying to replace Scott with Nathan? I worried.

Nathan is nowhere near the same person that Scott was, so you're not, Shawn assured me.

Are you sure? I asked.

Shawn rolled his eyes at me and said, Yes, I'm sure. Now, tell Nathan you love him, he'll say the same thing to you, and don't forget to invite me to the wedding.

How do you know that he loves me?

I know everything, he said and turned his attention back to the show just as Hunter entered the ring. I love the way his ass looks in those trunks.

Shawn continued to say dirty things like that during Hunter's twenty-minute match. The next match was the main event--Nathan vs. Edge. Nathan's strength against Edge's quickness. It promised to be a good, entertaining match.

Fifteen minutes later, Shawn and I were thoroughly enjoying the main event. There wasn't much talking, just an amazed oh God when either wrestler did something spectacular or a little laugh at one of the King's jokes. At the very beginning of the match, Shawn made a comment about Nathan's ass looking good in wrestling tights. That earned him a glare and a shut up from me, to which he just grinned as if he had won a competition or something.

We were both attentively watching the monitor when Edge climbed up to the top rope. He stood there waiting for Nathan to get up to his feet, and then Edge hit Nathan in the side of the head with a missile dropkick and Nathan fell to the mat like a ton of bricks.

Holy shit, Shawn hissed, acknowledging the stiff dropkick.

I didn't say anything. I was watching Nathan very closely. He took that bump strangely, and he wasn't moving as he laid there. I was scared that he was hurt, Edge had hit him pretty hard and his head hot not hit the mat in a nice way, either.

Shawn was watching closely, too. He confirmed my fear when he said, with the confidence of a great in-ring veteran, Nathan's hurt.

TBC